Marriage Builders®
At the request of an MB friend who helped me in my previous thread, I'm reposting this here, originally posted on the After Divorce: Dating and Relationships board...

Here I find myself in this forum, after many months on GQII.

My sig line has my timeline. Until recently I'd been trying to work toward reconciliation with XH by working Plan A with a 180, with no success. We're friends at least - I'd hoped for more, but he chose to say no. I kept working the Plan, in the hopes he'd reconsider, but after several months of the same, it appears that our relationship stops at friendship and nothing more. I'm happy about that much at least.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, a gentleman asked me out to dinner last week! We'd met in person once before, and had corresponded by email a few times. We both share a common hobby, Geocaching. After some inner debate as to whether to accept this invitation or not, and with the encouragement of my friends and some of the good folks here at MB, I decided to accept. We had a wonderful time, and since then, have spent some time together, getting to know each other better.

He's a gentleman in every respect - respect being the operative word. It's been a long time since I felt that someone was actually interested in what I had to say, how I feel, and I find him fascinating too.

We've spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other. We're taking things slowly, and one day at a time. I have felt comfortable telling him about the 'place' that I am in, and while he's never been married, no kids, he has had a couple of long-term relationships that ended badly. He's been on his own for just over a year now.

We're both a little cautious, guarded, and we're both fine with taking things slowly and not putting pressure on things.

After our nice dinner last week, we've been on a picnic by the lake, and we went out Geocaching together. I'd say that RC is one of his important EN - and I've discovered that for me it has more importance than I might have thought.

It seems that I'm starting on a new journey, in a totally different direction. I never saw it coming - but now that I'm here, I'm enjoying the ride.

Any advice? There aren't any problems or red flags... I just want to continue working on myself, so that I can be the best dating partner I can be, and learn to listen to myself if I do spot a red flag - I've been known to ignore them in the past...

I have to say, it's really nice to receive a good morning email, or a phone call, or to have a door opened for me... I could get used to all that

Life had been pretty good recently - now that I can look forward to a little accompanied recreation, it just got a bit better!

JinGA
Jin,

I've followed your thread, and know how hard you tried with your XH. Sorry he isn't open to reconcile. But, sounds like you may be ready to move on. Happy to hear that you are open to dating, and I hope it goes well for you. Just take it SLOW.
Glad to see you have a new thread, JinGA. Also good to see it on GQII. Many have lost hope and left after Plan D, but you are a true inspiration in how to seek and start to achieve personal recovery even if the other chooses not to recover the marriage.

You've focused on self recovery and are being rewarded for it. Whether you and H reconcile or someone else sits patiently waiting on the couch (was he jumping up and down on it? ).....you will be better prepared for either.

Thanks for the new thread. (You inspire me and I'm in recovery!)

Ace
Thanks, Ace

He was waiting patiently on the couch, figuratively as well as literally.

We talked and talked again last night - and the more we impart to one another, the more I'm realizing just how much I have learned, and am learning. I've taken lessons from past mistakes, applied the knowledge I've found here, and armed with all that, no matter what is in store for me now, and going forward, I *know* that I will be the best person that I can be.

That's really rather empowering!

I've always known that I'd be OK - that much was a given. I know now that I'm not "just" OK, but regardless of what my own future brings, I'm going to be more than OK.

JinGA
Quote:

Any advice?




Yeah, enjoy yourself. Let it be about you now. You are not in a place of need any longer. You have survived the worst, and have done it virually alone (well with a little help from your friends, your kids, and from above that is )

When I met my new husband, I made a decision that I would never enter into am R again from a place of need.

And that this time around, I would do the choosing, and I would do it very carefully and deliberately. 2 areas I had failed in terribly in the past, and it showed by the failures of those R's.

Jin, I wanted a partner and a friend, someone who I could have a lot of fun with...and someone with a healthy idea of what a marriage is all about, and it's purpose.

This is what worked for me. I told myself if I felt at all anxious re: the guy, I was not going to continue in the relationship. I wanted no part of infatuation. I wanted no part of carrying the R, trying to control it, or of trying to make a man out of a little boy.

Good luck to you, and please just enjoy yourself now. Find joy in your kids, in life, in others, as well as in yourself.

That's my advice. (hey, you asked )
Great words of wisdom, Weaver. Glad you've been around after plan D and onto remarriage.

Also, did ya see that you inspired our "mispelling" theme on today's Friday Fun Thread?

Check it out.

Ace

P.S. JinGA....incoming soon, as promised.
Where is Friday's fun thread, ACee? It is Friday isn't it?

I'm the only one in the office today, so I am definitely going to have some fun.
Quote:

Also, did ya see that you inspired our "mispelling" theme on today's Friday Fun Thread?






Hay, why did I enspire it? Are yiou saynig Im a pour speller?

Kimmy's worst. Arks worser.

I'm deaply greeved ovur ths. Yu whoondith me.
Weaver, JinGA.....I've been gone so I was not aware of the drama surrounding the locked thread issues. I started the fun thread on the Recovery forum but forgot to link it.

You inspired it because you called me a name after I picked up on Mr. W. mispelling of the word 'misspell'...then Kimmy spelled peditrition and Mrs. W helped her and it was just funny... ....so I thought I'd change the 50 Something thread from a Trivia Theme into a Friday Fun Thread (to laugh at funny misspellings here and other places), but I just changed it back.

Sorry I'm a little unsettled today. Somehow I bumped a thread for sexymamabear last week and yesterday, but both posts disappeared....and now her H has revealed he does NOT want to recover his marriage. Actually, I thought they had disappeared but they were on her other thread. My bad.

Plus, I have tons to do today, my last day of vacation and my 'project' is still not done.

Sorry for the threadjack, JinGA.

Ace, Acey, Acie, Acee, (Arsie!)
LOL I duck out for a day or two and you ladies are making mischief!

Weaver - you are SO on the money - that *is* the place where I am at, and I have seen "B" again - we made dinner at his home last night - we both cooked, cleaned up and ate like kings

I'm enjoying things so far, taking it day by day and while it's early yet I can honestly say I've seen no red flags, we get along great, we think a lot alike, and I can see some great potential here. At the same time I'm not putting the cart before the horse - it's one day at a time.

It's so nice to have somebody else to enjoy doing stuff with - we went to DD's football game (she's in the marching band) Friday night.

OH and this is important... XH met B on Friday night - I had told XH about B, and he was positive about it. Well we got in the ticket queue for the game and who turned up right behind us, but XH and DS! We all sat together, XH was videotaping events so he was here and there, but both men hit it off well. I know for many (most?) this might have been a most awkward situation - but it was anything but that. DD was happy to see us all, and she was just great - I'm so proud of her in her uniform, she got all her moves just right... we lost the game badly but I was so darned proud I was nearly busting buttons!

Yesterday at the shop, XH told me he really got a good first impression of B. How do you like that?! He said he seems like a really nice guy, and I said yes he is - and he said he had a better first impression of B than the last man I had a relationship with (heck so did I!).

So he "approves" - not that I would need that, but it certainly makes life more easy when everyone is amicable and gets along. We *all* had a great time at the game!

He likes me, he really really likes me! (And a I really like him!)

JinGA
JinGA,

I got poose gumps reading your post. Good for you!

Sorry we were makin' mischief on your thread....Not sure if Weaver saw my explanation of how she inspired the "Misspelling" theme on the 50 Something thread....but I won't prolong the 'event' to avoid continued TJ's of your new thread.

Did you get my article or did it launch out into cyber-ozone when you were out for a bit makin' merry?

Keep us posted on B.....sounds like a great opportunity!

Ace
LOL on the mischief - I live for it No offense taken whatsoever!

I did get your article - wow! I just haven't had a chance to comment on it yet... but I will. Today I need to catch up on a bunch of stuff.

I spent Monday out playing! B and I went geocaching fairly early, and I got home just after 8, when the kids returned home from XH's place. I had intended to be home before the kids, but there was a huge police checkpoint (DUI checkpoint) that took us about 20 minutes or so to get through. The kids called me to say they were home just as we were waiting for the local constabulary to wave us through.

We found about 15 or so geocaches - B took me to some he'd already found, I took him to some I'd already found, and we both found a bunch that neither of us had visited before. Some were easy, "no-brainers" and a few were quite strenuous hikes. He took me to a park where there's a "Deep Cut" - before the Civil War, a railroad had been run through a deep man-made gorge through a local mountain - very neat, the air in the 'cut' is about 20 degrees cooler than the temperature around it. Living where I do there's a ton of historical landmarks that revolved around Civil War battlefields and such, and I'm rapidly learning about all of that. While the war itself is not of particular interest to me, I do find it fascinating how the armies used the landscape to their advantage and such, and the local topography and geology is really interesting. We took photos, found caches... had a nice lunch to refuel... I'm not sure how far we walked, but I'm surprised I'm not 'feeling the burn' from all the uphill climbing, some of those hikes were pretty steep.

B has told me that he's really happy to have a lady friend to go on these hikes with. There are lots of women in this hobby - but perhaps not all go for the higher degree of difficulty hides? I don't know - but I used to hike and walk a lot as a kid, so it's coming back to me quite easily!

I feel the same, and I really enjoy his telling me about the local landmarks. He grew up around here, so he's much more versed in local history and such - so I'm gaining a lot more from the geocaching than just the thrill of the hunt, and the obvious exercise of getting out there and schlepping through the forest. A T-shirt I saw on another geocacher once sums it up best: "I use multi-billion dollar military satellites to find Tupperware hidden in the woods."

On one of our hikes B found Muscadines - I'd never heard of them, but they are a grape-like fruit that grows wild. He used to eat them as a child, and one of his family used to make wine from the fruit. We went all "Survivor-Man" (LOL!) and ate some! I'd never heard of this fruit, but it was tasty! Guess not every gal will hike into the bush and eat wild berries! Hey - when I was a kid I'd go searching for wild blackberries, blueberries and such - so this was no different!

I think I forgot to mention too, that on Saturday, it was quiet at the shop, and I asked XH if I could leave a bit early since there were 3 of us there... and he was willing to hold down the fort so I could go. That was nice. Between leaving a bit early on Saturday, and having Monday "off" (shop is always closed on Mondays but I didn't have to go in and do *any* work at all!) it was the closest thing to a vacation I've had in over 18 months. Very refreshing, and it was nicer still that I had someone fun to spend some time with!

We also cooked dinner together Saturday night. He bought the steaks, I bought the fixings for tortellini Alfredo. We worked in his kitchen without getting underfoot and we had a great meal together, then cleaned up afterward. We talked and talked long after that.

And I've laughed more in the last week or so, than I have in years. It seems that we have a very similar sense of humour, and once one of us makes a funny, we laugh and laugh til it hurts! Haven't done that in forever. He said he hasn't either.

It's so nice to just relax, be myself, and spend time with someone who appreciates me for who I am. I don't have to put on airs, I don't have to walk on eggshells, I don't have to try to impress.

It sounds kind of corny but I feel like a teenager again, but with about 22 years of life experience to make me a bit smarter! I'm laughing, being silly, doing things I used to do when I was a teenager (hiking and stuff) - yet doing so with the maturity factor that isn't there when you're 17 or 18. I'm loving it!

People are noticing too. Once again I got compliments from a customer on Sunday - a man and his family came in, they haven't been in in a while and at one point he asked me how I was doing, said I looked great! Said last time he was in I looked a bit worn down (ya think?) and tired, and that day I looked rested and rejuvenated. I thanked him and told him that things are going very well, and I was glad he'd noticed!

I guess it's showing that I'm finally relaxing and just having a good time!

Who'd have thunk? I mean - I've been taking better care of myself and losing weight for several months now - that's not 'new' and I've been receiving compliments for some time now as people notice my positive changes. However since B asked me out on a date, things have changed quite a bit for me, and now I have something to look forward to, rather than pining away for something that may never happen, while going through the motions of moving on.

I think at this point I can really say I'm really and truly moving on - and it's FUN!

JinGA
Thanks for sharing. Sorry short on time. What fun it is to hear how well things are going.

Keep it up....keep on being you....keep on sharing and inspiring others who have been bogged down by Plan D.

Ace
There is life after plan D - just took me a while to find that out. The relationship I had after XH was a train wreck - and I knew it but I let it happen anyway.

So far, this is SOOOOOOOOOO much different! I'm having FUN!

JinGA
Post deleted by kingleonidas
King, sorry you're still having grief. I think I may know who you are Hopefully things can get worked out for you. Sucks to have tug-of-war issues with the kids.

I'm very fortunate in that regard. It turned out to be a good weekend all around, as XH's brother was in town and he stayed with XH and the kids (who spent the weekend at XH's), and yesterday they went out to a local landmark that Uncle C had wanted to see for some time.

When the kids and I got home last night we had lots to talk about

I'm taking care of housework and stuff today. I don't open the shop til later, and I'm going out of town on business this coming weekend so I'm trying to prepare for that and get a lot of stuff done around the house. I need this week to be about 3 days longer! LOL! Well, life is never boring, that's for sure!

JinGA
Well last night was uneventful. I spent a good chunk of the day housecleaning - needed it since I've been busy with other stuff the last week or so Went to work at 4 and it was slow - I think people are a day behind after the holiday.

B called last night after I got home - it's funny - DD is usually fast to jump on the phone - it's usually for her. She didn't recognize the number on caller ID so she handed me the phone without answering it, and when I recognized the number and answered, she rolled her eyes. LOL! Sad to have to 'compete' for the phone with your mom! B and I talked for a few minutes, then DD had the phone to call her BF!

I had a quiet, early night and slept fairly well - for the first time in a long time, I'm actually getting a decent night's sleep. I seriously doubt that's a coincidence - my life is smoothing out a bit more, and I'm able to settle down and rest at night.

Tonight is 'pizza night' - once a month I trade store services for pizza with a client who owns a pizza place. I invited B to join us. The client drops off the pizza at the shop before closing, we take it home and heat it up - and it's yummy!

Both my kids really like B - they met him for the first time when I met him for the first time, at a group geocaching social event, so we already have something to talk about all together. B also has 2 younger half-brothers, the younger is the same age as my DS, and the older is a few years older than DD, so while he doesn't have children of his own, he's been there while his brothers were born and raised, and since his father passed, he has sort of assumed a 'father figure' role in his brothers' lives, which is nice because he can relate to teenagers quite well.

That's all the news for now

JinGA
Quote:

I had a quiet, early night and slept fairly well - for the first time in a long time, I'm actually getting a decent night's sleep. I seriously doubt that's a coincidence - my life is smoothing out a bit more, and I'm able to settle down and rest at night.




Good for you, JinGA. Glad your "letting go" of something you thought you wanted for a long time has given you such comfort.

AND......a new phase of your life can now unfold. It would have make me wonder what might have happened if I had let go earlier.

Actually, now that I think of it, I DID let go early....right after D-Day #4....and another upgraded version of my WH entered my life in the form of a dream man I never thought I would ever get to know. Amazing how that happens! And he has been earning the title of FORMER WH for nearly 10 months now!

Thanks for sharing about your 'uneventful' evening.

Ace
Well I'd let go before, latched on to something unhealthy, let go of that, latched back on to XH... now I'm truly letting go of that, and not 'latching on'. I'm free to be ME, but I seem to have found (or he found me) someone who can be himself with me, and I with him. Definitely a much healthier place.

Tonight B came for dinner - once a month I trade services for pizza with a client, so he came and joined us, we watched TV for a while afterward, and he left a little while ago.

A nice quiet evening at home

This is the good stuff!

JinGA
Jin,

Good stuff indeed. You are a true inspiration......fall down, get back up.....fall down again....get back up again.....keep on keepin' on!

There is a light at the enD of the "D" tunnel after all.

Thanks for sharing.

Ace
Yep, there sure is, and it appeared when I wasn't expecting it to, that's for sure - although everybody said it would.

A friend of mine (who won't visit MB despite my suggestion to) just had a divorce finalized yesterday - her WH filed, she fought to keep the marriage alive (but would not use MB principles)... and now she's devastated. I'm doing my best to be supportive of her - her family isn't terribly helpful.

Regardless, her pain is very real, and I'm very sympathetic to her - plan D sucks, particularly if it's not what one wanted at all. Been there, done that.

I've told her that I'm here for her and that she WILL get through this. Hurts to know my friend is in pain, but without sharing too much about my own good situation right now I'm trying to impart to her that life WILL get better. I think yesterday was one of the worst days of her life

My heart breaks for my friend - there's not much I can do to comfort her, except listen and be there for her. It's a lonely journey, Plan D - but she's strong and I think in time she'll be fine too.

JinGA
Jin,

Yes, it is tough when you find something that works for you and others refuse to seek solutions that might help them, too.

Did she say why she won't check out MB? Possibly she has an aversion to "like situations". In other words, maybe her "misery loathes (instead of 'loves') company." That would be too bad but it is her choice.

Keep shining that light.

Ace
Yeah I've told her repeatedly about this place and the help I've received in my *personal* recovery. She didn't want a divorce (who really does?)... she has joined many prayer groups and such, and that's not a bad thing, but I urged her to work on *herself*, and I'm not hearing that she's ready to do that yet.

Her WH left her to live with needy family members and he works with OW - it's a real mess. They have a learning-disabled adult son (who lives with her), and they share a house with other extended family. It's a very complicated situation. My friend is very dependent (co-dependent) and I really feel for her because she does feel that her life is over. I can relate to a point, but I'm more independent than she, so there are some things I can't relate to - but I do my best to offer comfort and support. That's what she needs, not judgments - but at the same time I'm trying to give her a loving push to live for herself, rather than for what her now WXH does. I guess until she's ready to do that, she's going to be stuck, and it's hard to see that happen to a friend. I've been there - sort of, not to the extent that she is.

I pray for her too, that she learns to focus on herself and her son, and let her WXH crash and burn - they always do. Her WXH has been loaded with mixed signals too - when he's in a jam he calls on her and she fixes things - so of course he's been big-time cake-eating and she's OK with it. Can't help her there - I've suggested lovingly that she let him see what life is like without her to fix his messes, but she won't. She feels that she'd rather have crumbs than nothing. IMO she's worth so much more than that, but until *she* decides this for herself... well you know how it is, right?

I haven't told her much about what's going on with me right now - it would just hurt more for me to be insensitive to her pain while reveling in my new found relationship. I wouldn't rub salt in anybody's wounds. Best thing I can do is be a friend, keep trying to point her in the right direction, and be a safe place for her to share her feelings. I've been blessed with an awesome support system during my roller coaster ride - least I can do is pay it forward, right?

I'll say this - revisiting my own pain by hearing of hers, keeps me grounded, keeps me real, and reminds me to appreciate the good stuff that much more. If there's something to be gained from another's pain, I think that's it. Wasn't so long ago I was agonizing too - circumstances were vastly different but I think the pain is very much the same.

JinGA
Well last night we went to my usual restaurant haunt for dinner, the kids, B and me. 2 minutes after we sat down, my friends and their daughter came in. My DD and their DD are best friends and her daughter calls me Mom and my daughter calls her Mom (they're practically twins - 11 days' difference in age!). We sat at 2 tables but played musical chairs - the girls sat with B and me, DS went to sit with my friend's H, and my friend went back and forth from both tables. Good thing they know me and like me there or the wait staff would have had fits!

B hit it off well with my friends (he'd met my friend before, met her DD last week at a football game), and met my friend's H for the first time. We had a good time and an early evening.

This morning B came to get me to take me to the auto shop where I'd had my vehicle in for some work - and he's off today so he came by the shop and helped me with a few things - totally unsolicited, but most welcome

I've got 2 hours left to go at work, then I'm outta here for the weekend - business trip I get to take once a year - it's the closest thing to a vacation that I get... 6:00 can't come fast enough!

Hope everybody has a great weekend!

JinGA


JinGa

Are you back? How was the weekend?

Ace
I'm back - got back late yesterday. Great weekend - as usual, too short!

Back to reality today....... ugh! At least the place is still standing after my absence - there was a bit of an administrative mess to clean up but I should have it in hand today.

I need another week off! LOL - only this time with no "business" attached to it. I did have a productive weekend, I just wish I had some more time to relax. I tend to make the most of my short time off, and overdo it! Catch-22!

JinGA
Hi JinGA,

Can ya sell the store?

Ace

PS Glad you're back....missed ya.
Quote:

Hi JinGA,

Can ya sell the store?

Ace

PS Glad you're back....missed ya.




Wanna buy it?

It's for sale. It's not listed (yet) - having trouble finding a broker who wants to sell it for what it's worth, not less than the sum of the parts... but yeah, once I sell the store I can really get a life

JinGA
I should update too, I guess B and I are spending a fair amount of time together, sometimes in the evening he drops by the shop for a little while. Last night we and the kids went to dinner again, and he came over for a while to watch TV with me. He loves to snuggle - and so do I. We've spent countless hours talking about stuff - and while some of it is serious stuff, I've never laughed so hard, and so often in my life. We have a very similar sense of humour, and once we find something funny, we laugh and laugh - I've had my cheeks hurting, stomach hurting and tears streaming down my face and so has he. I can't tell you when that happened last.

We've done more geocaching and all kinds of outdoors stuff. I've made more recreational time for myself and for us lately than I had in a long time - it's good incentive to manage my work time better so my free time is just that. And B's work schedule jives with mine - that's not easy to do when I'm in retail - I was a bit afraid that my work schedule would be somewhat intimidating to anyone I'd date, but thusfar that's working out just fine too. He does not interfere with my work, but he's fascinated by it and he asks me a lot of questions about what I do, and if he's around the shop while I'm helping someone troubleshoot, he takes it all in, and even asks questions that help shed light on the whys and wherefores.

I was a bit nervous that my nerdy line of work might be boring to him - but it's quite the opposite. Not everybody would be interested in what I do, unless they participated in the hobby that is my livelihood - but B says he's always interested in learning new things, and I can tell by the questions he asks and the interest that he shows, that he's genuinely interested, not just going through the motions or making conversation for the sake of doing so. That's very intoxicating, and after hearing me interact with others in my field, and with clients, he's expressed to me that he feels that I'm quite well versed in what I do (and honestly - I am! It's nice to hear that from somebody else though!).

Again - we're still moving one day at a time - neither of us wants to push the other, which is very nice, and thusfar we seem to be moving at an equal pace.

Little things that are important to me, are important to him too. He's all about details, and so am I, and we've both expressed this - appreciation for little things that we do for each other.

And I'm not forgetting about my other friends either. B has met several of them - I haven't met his "people" yet - haven't had a chance to yet but he's been around when other friends of mine have come in to the shop to visit and such.

This Friday I'm going to girls' Bunco night out. Next weekend he's going to a geocaching camp-out in a neighbouring state - I can't get away for that but I would if I could.. but XH is taking our kids camping so I'll have to mind the shop. That's OK - it's important for us to continue to do our own things too, and it will give us more things to talk about.

There's a couple of other geocaching events on the horizon that are closer to home, and I'm going to attend them if I can get away from work for a few hours when they happen, and B and I will attend them together. We've also talked about other recreational things we'd like to do, if/when we can get the time. All in good time.

For the first time in a long time I'm feeling very peaceful and content with how things are. Not needy, not desperate, just content with today. Not fretting about tomorrow, not worried about "what if"... just being happy within myself and where I am now, and very grateful that there's somebody who seems to really enjoy the here and now along side me.

JinGA
Quote:

For the first time in a long time I'm feeling very peaceful and content with how things are. Not needy, not desperate, just content with today. Not fretting about tomorrow, not worried about "what if"... just being happy within myself and where I am now, and very grateful that there's somebody who seems to really enjoy the here and now along side me.




YOU GO, GIRL!

Ace
LOL! I am going!

It's Bunco night with the girls!!!

JinGA
Hey JinGA,

How was Bunco? Is that a game we could play at our Virtual MB Picnic we're organizing on the 50-Something Thread? Actually it expanded to 30-40-50-60 Something for the weekend at least.....maybe beyond.

Check it out!

Any plans with B during the weekend when he gets back?

Ace
Bunco is a dice game - not sure if it can be played virtually but I'd bet there's probably something on yahoo games or whatnot. I had a blast. Didn't win any prizes but I did well. It's a progressive game so every round you change tables and change partners so it's a great way to socialize and catch up with old friends and meet new ones. There were 16 of us playing last night if you count the "dummy"! We were short one player so the "dummy" traveled with one of us for each round LOL! (I'm with Dummy, Dummy is with me!)

I actually got to leave work a bit early today - 2 1/2 hours. XH has been out sick all week and didn't do any drive-by visits after Tuesday evening. He's still feeling a bit punk but it's slow today and I came home. I'm only a half mile away so if it gets busy I can come back if needed.

I had originally wanted to go to a geocache event this morning with B if I could have managed the time off but with XH sick - he didn't answer my email about the time off and he thought it was another day - no biggie, so instead he was OK with letting me duck out a bit early (funny how POJA can apply to any relationship!)

I also had a chance today to speak with XH about some other matters concerning the store and our financial arrangements and all is good on that front (whew!)...

B will likely call me when he's done the geocaching event today and we'll probably do something tonight. My fave restaurant has live music tonight (I think) so that's a possibility... or just a quiet evening with a movie perhaps. My kids are off school for the next week (bizarre school calendar) and XH is taking them camping next weekend, and DS said he might want to go to his father's tomorrow - so I'm just playing it all by ear. It's nice to 'plan' but it's also nice to just take things as they come too.

JinGA
Quote:

Bunco is a dice game - not sure if it can be played virtually but I'd bet there's probably something on yahoo games or whatnot.




It's a virtual picnic....like 'just pretend'. So we could not actually 'play' bunco....but it would be an idea that could be shared, that's all. I'm fishing for posters so Mark doesn't think I'm a slacking host on the 50 Something thread......except I expanded it to 30-40-50-60 Something so older/younger folks don't feel excluded.

Check it out on the Recovery forum if you have some time.

Glad you had a good time and you'll spend time with B tonight.

Ace
Is it *onday already?

I was able to leave work a bit early Saturday. B and the kids and I went to the Mexican restaurant that I trade with for dinner - they had live music. The restaurant used to have a good band there occasionally - but this time it was another band, and they were so excruciating we left before the end of the first set! No worries - dinner was good and we spent a quiet evening at home watching TV.

Originally I'd hoped to have the morning off on Saturday to attend a geocaching event with B, but XH was out sick all week and never confirmed if I could take the time - so I just went in. He felt badly that he'd misunderstood the date/time - no biggie.

I worked my usual shift on Sunday and DS went to XH's after work, DD was out with her BF and his family to Six Flags. Sunday morning I bought groceries and initially I'd planned for dinner for all of us at home - but since the kids went their separate ways, I fixed dinner for B and me. We had a good dinner and relaxed at my place for a while, before he went home for the night.

Today is my "off" day at work which means the shop is closed, so I went in to check on things and place a couple of orders like I usually do, went to the bank etc. and came home. I seem to have caught the crud that XH has had all last week and DD is coming down with too. Glad to have a slow day here, having a cup of hot tea and just relaxing for a while trying to fight off the pounding in my sinuses... I hate sick!

B is at work of course - he had one job this morning and possibly another this aft - he said he'd give me a call later, and perhaps early this evening we'd go and get a few geocaches that we opted not to do yesterday. We'll see - we both like playing things by ear sometimes - if we're up to it we will - if not - there's always another day.

I need to take DD over to the dry cleaner with her homecoming gown (my friend got it for her at Goodwill) to have it cleaned and fitted for alterations. That's next on the agenda then I'm going to put my feet up for a while - I've been busy the last couple of weeks!

Things are going well - B and I continue to get to know each other - I'm glad that he enjoys conversation - sometimes it's just silliness, sometimes it's quite serious as we get to know each other better - but it's always animated and fun.

Have I mentioned that life is good?

JinGA
Just an update...

Monday (or as I call it, *onday) I was feeling kind of sick... got the cold that has been going around - the one that knocked XH down for 3 days and slowed DD down for a day or so. Took DD to the seamstress to have her gown fitted, so that's in the works. I lounged for the rest of the day and got an early night. I felt like crap.

Tuesday, yesterday, B's job got postponed so he accompanied me to the airport to pick up a shipment, and we found a few geocaches on the way down, and the way back. He helped me put up the new arrivals - he's a quick study I was a bit afraid that my nerdy work would be boring to him but he's genuinely interested and his quick learning shows me this. He went home for a while and after work he came over to the house and I fixed him dinner. The kids are with XH as he got tickets to a baseball game. DS was already at XH's place since Sunday, he picked up DD after work and kept them both overnight.

I am nearly over the cold and feeling more like myself again - I was dragging a bit yesterday but I don't have the luxury of paid time off for sick leave - and my customers wouldn't appreciate my not being open during business hours so I kind of slugged through the day.

I'm up early this morning - going to putter around the house a bit and have another cup of tea with honey (what is it about honey that fixes a cold?)... then head to work - it's my first long day of the week - 10 til 8. B anticipates his work today will be brief so he said he may stop by later to "help". He's always offering to do things around the shop. I appreciate that very much - but at the same time I don't want to 'take advantage' - but I have to say it's nice to pass some time with someone during the long day. The nature of my business is funny - customers are like bananas - they come in bunches. I might go hours without a client, then 4 of them walk in at once, all with questions and wanting things. It's a pretty relaxed atmosphere, so I serve them in 'order of appearance' unless somebody's in a hurry - it's never too stressful, most folks are pretty easygoing.

If B is in the store, he doesn't interfere with my work but he does listen intently as I answer people's technical questions - if he has questions of his own, he will ask them if he feels that the responses may be helpful to the client - or he'll wait til later if he feels that his questions are "too elementary". It's nice that he's interested in what I do.

We talk about his work too, I ask questions and such, and he's always interested in answering.

Last night he brought his laptop over, and he showed me photos of some of his kayaking trips and camping trips. At one point he told me to let him know when I got bored LOL - I wasn't. I looked at all the pictures and asked questions. He's quite a good photographer, and the pictures were really nice to look at. He lights up when he talks about places he's been paddling and camping - and looking at the photos, he's been to some fascinating places - none are too far from here. Hopefully one day I'll get to go camping with him too I haven't been camping in a long time, but it was something that I've loved since I was a kid. Nowadays it's just getting the time away from the shop...

So that's the latest! Things are going very well, and I'm just enjoying each day as it comes.

JinGA
Jin,

So glad you're enjoying your time with the new person. It's exciting, isn't it?

I met a lady here in DC through eHarmony and we've hit it off very well. We're taking things slowly as well and have gone out several times already. Our first date was supposed to be a quick coffee and ended up being 5 hours of chatting. We went out again and had a great time at an Irish bar singing songs. We went to a play as well the next day and had a good time there as well.

I took her home and sat on her balcony talking for hours. It was great. I drove home but wanted to stay and keep talking. That darn *onday and work kept us from continuing to chat.

We're going to the AF-Navy game at the end of the month and seeing each other again on Thursday. I really, really like her.

It's nice to be appreciated and liked, isn't it?
Yep it sure is. For me it's nice to meet someone who likes to talk as much as I do! My last gentleman companion was very quiet and shy - he opened up one-on-one but in a group he was pretty quiet - painfully quiet. B fits in wherever he is - just like I do, and that's nice - and we can always find something to talk about.

Your first date sounds somewhat like mine - dinner out, turned into we were the last ones out of the restaurant and ended up talking for 2 more hours in the parking lot! It's fun getting to know somebody.

This Friday is a home game for my DD's HS and we're going. We went to the last one too. I need to work the concession stand to work off DD's scholarship - last game I arrived too late (late customer at the shop) but B said he'd like to help out too - that's nice.

I think slowly is the key - I rushed into things way too fast last time around, and was in over my head before I knew it, and I knew it was going to be a train wreck and I felt helpless to stop it (I wasn't - but I chose to ignore red flags... my bad!) This time I'm lucky in that B lives nearby - not on my doorstep but not across the city either (or out of state etc.) so nobody's in a hurry. We can go places and do things and it's not a long drive home for either of us.

Being able to "talk" at the same level is important - both quality-wise, as well as quantity-wise. Being intellectually compatible is important - but one person talking and the other always listening gets old too - for both parties. I'm lucky that B and I seem to take equal turns And I'm not being razzed for my 'gift of gab' - something XH always bugged me about. Hey - I like to talk, what can I say? I'd like to think that much of what I have to say has substance, not just babble (although I've been known to ramble on when nervous!).

BD - I'm glad you're moving on too. You've been through plenty yourself, and IMO you deserve some "me time" with someone who appreciates you. Does wonders for the self-esteem. Speaking for myself, more people have complimented me lately - yeah I've lost weight, but many have just said I *look* better - more content, peaceful, not as harried or stressed. It's true - I am those things these days. Nice to see people notice Pretty soon my head won't fit through the door!

JinGA
Yeaaaaa! So fun to read about your progress. I'd like to link your story on the Success Story thread. It there one post/thread that tells most of it?

Thanks,
Ace
I have a problem with gabbing when nervous. It gets much better when I feel more at ease with someone.

She is my intellectual equal, with enough of a difference to throw in some spice. She's also financially independent, never married and no kids. I'm the one nervous since I'm the one with the baggage. She seems really cool about it, though.

I was worried i over played my hand on Sunday and let the conversation get a little heavy, but she wants to get together tonight and Thursday since we won't see each other when I have my kids. We're also going to go to a football game together, so things are looking good.

She also texts me a bunch, which is cool too.

Fires do seem to last longer when they start with a slow burn. I was in over my head in the past as well, but this looks like a thing of the past and I'm much much smarter about how I interact with a woman now.

I posted some more details about my time with an IC on my own thread if you care to read it. I also decided I don't need to hide my name. My ex reads my posts, but they're shifting from getting over the pain she's put me through to really moving forward with my life and exploring new relationships and getting in great shape. She can read all about that if she wishes. I'm not going to hide anymore since it obviously hasn't worked with my 3rd name change!

Heck, I may even go back to Papaof3. Gotta admit that kingleonidas was a cool handle, though.

Hope he stays "normal" and doesn't grow a second head on you. I hate it when that happens!

It's great that you share a common interest too. That's a great thing to have.
I've only got a minute here this evening but I'll try to have a gander at your thread in the morning (that's usually my MB "time"!)

It stinks to go all motor-mouth doesn't it? Especially when you realize it's happening and you're at a loss to stop it! The first time I met B face to face (at a group event - before he ever asked me out) I was mildly interested in meeting him, having emailed with him about geocaching stuff, and having seen the photo on his profile... I didn't know if he was single or available.. and of course if he weren't single or if he already had a GF that would have been the end of that notion... but we chatted for a while with a few others after the event and I could feel myself talking too much and I had to make a concerted effort to stop it. B did the same thing a bit

I'd say B is my intellectual equal too - but yes we're from different places so there are enough differences to keep things interesting. He does a specialized job and so do I - neither one is even remotely close to the other - but we're asking questions and learning about what each other does, and that's good. I'd say our IQ is about equal. I think that is very important or one person ends up talking down to the other, and that's not good. We share a weird sense of humour too - that's also a MUST!

I hear you on conversation getting a bit heavy - B and I have had some pretty intense conversations - but that's OK. Each has asked the other if it was too much - neither of us expressed being uncomfortable - so just go with it - carefully of course. Now is the time to get to know one another, and yep if we've got baggage that's going to come to light - as long as we don't get wrapped up in that, and express it properly, I think it's OK to talk about such things - *when appropriate*. I don't dwell on XH - but he is an almost-daily part of my life. B has met him a couple of times and that's all good. I also went into this with B with all my cards on the table where XH is concerned - ALL of my cards. That didn't frighten him off (*I* didn't grow two heads on him!) so then I feel OK going forward without hiding anything or feeling like I haven't told the whole truth.

Good for you on "staying out" where your XW is concerned. If she reads - she reads. You've got nothing to hide. I think you're doing just fine

I'll take a look at your thread in the morning - it's nearly quitting time at work and I stopped in here to see what was going on before I start to close it up for the night.

Til tomorrow...

JinGA
Another new day

I'm excited because a friend of mine from HI is here in town and he's taking me to lunch today! I almost never close the store during the day, and I rarely eat lunch unless it's on the fly... this gentleman is somewhat of a celebrity in my industry circles - he's a coral researcher and author. I'd been reading his work for some 20-ish years, in books and magazines and we met about 4 years ago when he came to town to give a talk to our local hobby club, and we hit it off like old friends. He's actually from this area originally but he lives in Hawaii now. Anytime he comes to the mainland he makes a trip home to see his parents and he always drops in on me, usually unannounced. It was kind of intimidating the first couple of times... such a "celebrity" landing on my humble little shop that could always use more cleaning and tidying - but nowadays it's like he's stopping to visit family - come as you are, take me as I am. I love it.

About 6 weeks ago a club member (I'm not a member of said club anymore - although I founded it!) called me to give me a heads up that Dana would be in town the week following a North American conference being held in PA, so I could expect to hear from him. The conference was last weekend, so I've sort of "expected" that Dana would come through the door anytime this week. He called me yesterday and we've got a lunch date today! I believe his lady friend Sara is with him today too - she doesn't come on every trip, but someone who was at the conference said she was there, so I'm guessing she'll come too. She's a sweet lady, we've only met a couple of times, but we hit it off well too.

Dana and I are like old friends who have known each other forever, but we only met a few years ago, and we only get together once or twice a year - we rarely communicate in between visits, but when he comes, we catch up on whatever has been going on since the last time we met...it's an interesting friendship.

For a 'celebrity' he's very down to earth, and I'm very proud to call him my friend. That and I have a standing invitation to stay with him and Sara if I ever make it out to Hawaii.... *sigh* - wish I could go! One day...

So I have that to look forward to today, and can you tell I'm excited about it?!

B really helped me out yesterday too. He finished work early and came by the shop. I'd told him that I was 'expecting' Dana sometime this week and my date was set when B came by. He knew I was in a bit of 'panic mode' to get the shop cleaned up - so he asked how he could help I gave him a task to do, and began it with him and I got busy with customers so while I did that, he tidied away and got things looking good. Whew - what a lift! I thanked him very much and his smile told me that he meant it when he said he was happy to help.

During this time, XH came in for his nightly drive-by - he actually had to run out and do a service call at a client's home, when he arrived I was gathering the things he'd need to take to the client's. When he saw B with his hands in a tank, he laughed - smiled, nodded - hard to explain but as he greeted B his expression acknowledged appreciation and sort of a, "you've been sucked into the vortex" of this business/hobby It was good. B laughed back in acknowledgment and the men exchanged relaxed greetings. Nice that everybody's getting along - and I'm sure that's a dynamic that many people won't be able to understand - but hey, it works for us.

During all this busy chaos, another customer came in who'd ordered 1200+ pounds of aquarium salt (big tank!). He used to have a truck but does not anymore, and he wanted to arrange for us to deliver the salt. XH was on his way out, so he couldn't do it then, tonight DD has a football game (marching band) and this weekend XH is gone camping with the kids... so delivery arrangements might not have been able to be made til next week. B stepped up and said, "Yep, we can take that over tonight!" WOW! So after the customer left, and XH went to do his work, B and I loaded up the 1200 or so lbs of salt (in buckets) on the truck. B went home for a while, but came back at closing time and we went to deliver the salt. We went inside at the client's and looked at his system - he's been a client of mine for several years and I've wanted to check out his setup, but had never had an opportunity before. I was a bit afraid that B might find this boring - but no... he was asking questions and oohing and ahing just as I was Yep, B is definitely being drawn to the hobby... in fact he was digging his old tank out of the attic last night.. he used to keep freshwater fish, now he's going to take the plunge into saltwater... with my help

We finished up pretty late as the customer is more chatty than B and I combined (!!!!) so we stopped and got take-out on the way back to my place. Least I could do was feed the man after he did so much for me! *g*

DS is still at XH's and DD was out with her BF and family, we got to the house at the same time as DD was being dropped off. Her BF is such a nice young man.. he walked her to the door and I teased them as I came inside first and told them I'd let them be but I'd be flicking the porch light in a minute LOL! Hey - my kids do the same thing to me! Turnaround is fair play! M gave DD a nice hug as he said good night - they're so cute. Ah young love....

DD had eaten - in fact she brought home leftover Chinese food and we'd picked up Chinese food so there's enough left for lunches today!

The sweetest thing was as DD was saying good night - she was off to bed almost as soon as she got home, she gave me her usual hug good night and she turned to B and said, "Good night, dude!" and she gave him a "Howie Mandel" style hand punch... not sure how to call it but everybody's doing that nowadays. I thought that was nice - she's showing B affection in an appropriate way. He responded in kind. I knew DS liked B from the beginning because DS was the one who encouraged me to contact B in the first place (regarding geocaching/gold panning)... and DS was eager to meet him the first time at the group social we went to, but I wasn't sure how DD was feeling and she's not always very open. This was a big sign to me that she likes B. She's an affectionate person - and that she's showing B some affection is a great thing

Well I guess it's time I got moving - I've got a busy day today! DD has a game tonight too, and B will be coming with us to help work the concession stand.

TGIF!

JinGA
Quote:

Yeaaaaa! So fun to read about your progress. I'd like to link your story on the Success Story thread. It there one post/thread that tells most of it?

Thanks,
Ace




Sorry Ace, I saw this post and forgot to reply to it... duh...

I've had about 3 threads... starting in about April, when XH's GF dropped the initial bomb that she was leaving and I started to revisit the idea of reconciliation...

That thread is here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

Then I started a new one after about a month or so:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

I'd made sort of a bold move at that point... but it fell on deaf ears.

Then around a month after that, I had a talk with XH about the state of things, and started another thread based on that discussion... that one has most of the meaty stuff in it.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

That was where I left off with XH and where I've been at until B asked me out on a date. Then the world turned upside down on me - in a good way.

During all that time I've prayed - prayed for guidance. I've prayed for what I thought I wanted - to reconcile with XH but I also asked God to show me what *HE* wants of me.

I think I've decided that God is hearing and answering my prayers - just that the answers may not be what I thought I wanted... but He has a plan. I'm still just taking things one day at a time.

I still do have intense feelings for XH - I think I always will. However, one person alone can't make it work. I can look myself in the mirror and honestly say I did everything in my power to try to put things back together - in the end, XH did not want that so I have to be OK with that. I'm glad that we are still friends, and I think we always will be. Having gone through the last few months, trying this and that to just see if there was anything left between us beyond friendship, at least I *can* move forward without any lingering doubt about "what if?". I tried, I was clear - there was no miscommunication and I was perfectly clear. He chose no, and I'm OK with that.

I think if I had not given it that one more try, I would always be wondering *what if?* So while the exercise may have appeared futile, it wasn't. It was liberating.

Now I really do feel free to move on.

JinGA

Jinga....soooo much fun to read ~ GOOD FOR YOU! I'll check out your threads and link what I can this weekend...if I can find the buried "Success Story for Newbies" thread.

Again....YOU GO GIRL!!!!

Ace
Whew what a day yesterday!

It was a quiet morning at the shop - only one customer, but luckily he spent a few bucks. Dana (my friend from HI) came in during that and began taking pictures of corals and things as he always does.

We chatted a while and about 12:45 I stuck a sign on the door saying I'd be back at 2:00 and off we went to lunch. Got back in about 45 minutes. XH was at the shop - I'd called him because I had an equipment problem I couldn't fix and he said he'd be in the area because he had a doctor's appointment so he'd come by while we were at lunch. My service technician was also in the shop - her afternoon client had not called to confirm so she was there doing some grunt work

We all chatted about "geek stuff" and other things, and then the customers started coming in - like bananas - in bunches! XH helped for a bit, so did my tech - then XH had to go, and my tech helped me for a while longer. At some point during all that, Dana said his good byes, hugs and handshakes all around... and the customers kept coming... I joked and asked him if he was the Pied Piper!

I was run off my feet for the rest of the day - with about a 20-minute lull toward the end. I didn't end up leaving til half an hour past closing time.

I did twice the sales of a typical *good* day. Sheeze if I could do that more often, I might actually eek out a living!

I was tired but it was a good tired. B came by the shop shortly before closing and we went to the football game together. I had gone there to volunteer at the concession stand (working off a scholarship for DD), but they had enough help so we bought a bite to eat and watched our team blow away the other team 45-7

B came over after the game for a little bit. He'd been a bit 'off' earlier and I had asked him if he was OK and he said he was - but the truth was he's got a toothache. He ended up going home shortly after that and kept apologizing for being 'miserable' (he was anything but miserable - poor guy)... I kept telling him he had nothing to apologize for, he'd done nothing wrong. He felt that he had 'ruined' the evening - absolutely not. I felt bad for him - he'd taken some Aleve, but it wasn't working. He had some topical stuff at his home to use, so he cut his visit short to go home and attend to that. No problems here - I just felt badly because he was hurting. Nobody could be angry with him for that but he kept apologizing as if he expected me to be angry.

He actually thanked me for being compassionate about his situation. He told me he's used to getting grief. He said his XGF was never sympathetic if he had injured himself at work or whatever or was in any kind of pain, or if he was sick... in fact she gave him a hard time about it. How sad. He's such a kind and caring man - that he expects to be treated any way but with the same caring that he gives is just wrong... well I just told him to "get used to it" when he thanked me for being so understanding.

Hopefully he'll feel better today DD goes camping with XH and DS (who are already at the campground) today. B and I don't have plans yet for tonight other than we'll get together... I guess we'll figure things out later. I like spontaneity.

JinGA
Hi JinGA,

Posted the link to your 3rd thread (which has references to the others) and linked your current thread with your new beginnings on the Success Stories for Newbies thread.

Thanks,

Ace
Thanks Ace, I'm tagging along on that thread...

A good weekend overall. XH's brother is here on another long haul truck run. I've had a bit of a frustrating day - I had some work to do this morning and he took my extra vehicle to run an errand - but didn't find what he wanted to buy so I spent most of the afternoon running all over H*** and creation with him trying to find this truck accessory he wanted - burned a 1/4 tank of gas and came up empty-handed.

Then my friend confirmed this morning that I was to pick our girls up after band practice at 6:00. Well I showed up at 6:00 only to find out that practice ends at 7:30. I called my friend to let her know practice was over at 7:30 and she said she knew. ARGH. So why did she tell me 6:00 this morning?! (It's usually 6:00 this is the first time it's 7:30.) So now I need to wait another 45 mins and go back to pick the girls up *again* - more wasted gas... ugh.

OK whine mode over...

Talked to B - he had a long day at work but his work seems to be picking up again so that's a good thing. We'll probably go out to dinner (with the kids and their uncle if he's still here - not sure when he's leaving!) tomorrow night.

I think I need a good night of sleep. I've been fighting a cold for a week+ and I've been burning the candle at both ends a bit... plus having a guest in the house I don't relax much - although I died pretty early last night.

I love my XBIL - but sometimes it's a bit of an inconvenience for him to be here. His own brother (my XH) doesn't seem interested in spending time with him or putting him up. Don't get me wrong - he's always welcome at my home - it's just a bit exhausting at times is all. I'm glad that he does visit when his work brings him through here - he's the only member of XH's family that still treats me like family, so for that I'm grateful.

Anyway - my sorta kinda tired/grumpy mood notwithstanding, life is good, all is well.

B is going to a geocaching camp-out this coming weekend, so we won't see much of each other, but that's OK... I've got plenty to keep me busy around the house and the shop. Too bad I can't go on the camp-out but it's quite a distance from here and getting the time off might be a pain. There's a couple of local daytime/weekend events coming soon and I plan to get a bit of time off for those.

JinGA
Quote:

OK whine mode over...




Isn't that what half of our posts are?

Here's my whine: I have to go to work now!

Hope it gets better for you today!

Ace
LOL well I was at Kmart picking up a few things - I don't open til 4 today and thought I could use the solitude to get some stuff done, well XBIL just called as I was checking out to tell me he's on his way back here - no re-load yet.

ARGH!

On a positive side - I treated myself to 2 new pairs of jeans and a couple of unmentionables today - I'm wearing regular sizes (no "plus" or "w" tagged on) for the first time in probably 15 or more years!!!

B had given me a gift card a couple of weeks ago - and I spent it (and then some!)

I was nearly afraid to try on regular sized jeans - but to my shock and awe - they fit!

So I guess I shouldn't complain...

Just got in the door and I have to put my purchases away - Bro will be calling shortly for me to pick him up (he parks the rig behind my shop - only a half mile away) - there's no point in getting into big housework now.

I don't get any more time off til next week - unless you count Sunday morning...

Oh well...

JinGA
Ahhh I have my house back Bro left this morning for a re-load. He'll be back in a few weeks - or next week - or in a month or so. We never know when he's going to get this way again but it's usually not too long between visits. Usually XH and I share "custody" *g* but the last few times he's stayed with us. At least *nowadays* he calls me to tell me he's coming if he's staying with me - for a while I was the last to know - usually when he just showed up.

Had a nice evening last night. B met us for dinner, he had a long day at work and finished late, and he left us right after supper, but we caught up a bit. He was tired, I could see it on him, but I was happy to see him and glad he came out to eat with us. Things have been a bit hectic for both of us the last few days, but we're both OK with that. We seem to be on the same page with stuff - nobody smothers anybody, and we still do our own thing, but we have lots of commonalities to share too - nice balance.

A friend of mine has a chance to get tickets to a hockey game for half price - my team comes into town in a couple of weeks, so I sent B a text message asking if he wants to go - just awaiting his reply (I don't call him at work - I don't want to disturb him). If he doesn't want to or can't go I may ask a girlfriend to go. My home team only comes into town twice a year so it would be nice to go - I didn't get to a game last year - and my team made it to the finals (lost to Anaheim...boohoo!)

Lots to do here at work - in fact right this minute I'm procrastinating a bit. I've got a load of fish to unpack - they are floating in their little bags right now, waiting for me to release them... I guess I should get to it!

JinGA
Not much new to report - sometimes no news is good news Everything is going very well. Business is slow, which is NOT good news, but that's the way the ball bounces. I'm stressing a bit over that - but I can only do what I can do, and pray that it's 'enough'.

XH hasn't been around the shop much - earlier in the week I had an uber-busy day, and XH got hung up at work so he opted not to come by, but I dealt with it.

B had some time on his hands yesterday so he came by for a while and helped me with some stuff - it was nice because it lightened the load for me a bit. He made dinner for me at his place last night. Love it when a man cooks! We seem to take turns at that, which is nice. Not every night - but usually a couple of times during the week.

We're going out for supper tonight - my treat. DS is home sick with a cold - the same cold I had - it's making the rounds. DD has an away football game to march in, and my friend is picking her and her own DD up - in fact she's going to the game too - her H is a roadie for the band, so I shouldn't have to worry about picking DD up (although last away game there was a communication bugaboo and I ended up going to pick DD up - but I'm OK with that eventuality if it should happen again). Not sure if DS will be up to joining us for dinner but if he's not, I'll bring him his fave food home. Poor kid - when he gets a cold it's brutal to him. Hopefully he'll be feeling better soon.

It's a beautiful day here - wish I could play hookey and take the rest of the day off - but alas, no such luck!

Oh well, no rest for the wicked!

JinGA
I haven't had time to post here for a few days - busy busy. Between marching band with DD, work, playtime... I barely sit still anymore!

Everything is still going *very* well. B and I both had some free time on Monday and Tuesday and we did some geocaching in the afternoons.

Big high school football grudge match tonight, B and I are going. XH is picking up DS from his field trip at his middle school next door, and they are going to the game too.

Tomorrow there's a geocaching event (lunch event) so B and I plan to attend that and DS wants to go. DD has yet another marching band competition...

Then next Wednesday B and I are going to the hockey game. My home team will be in town, and a friend of mine was able to get me half price tickets so we're going! I love hockey!

I told B that I'll try not to embarrass him *g*... seriously I'm an enthusiastic fan of my team but I'm not a nut... at least *I* don't think so! I told him I buy the whole seat but I usually only sit on the edge! Can't wait for that! I never did get to a game last year, and my team is kicking booty and taking names!

So that's the latest... things are humming along nicely.

Life was good before - now it's great!

JinGA
Gooooo JinGA....so ya like hockey, huh? Rock Solid plays hockey and talked about it on the Something thread a few pages back.

If there weren't fights/penalty boxes, would hockey be the same game?

Glad things are going from good to great! Thanks for the update.

Ace
Is it *onday again?? Boy time flies when you're having fun.

B and I worked the concession stand for the band on Friday night. We worked like DOGS! B threw himself into it - I can't explain the feeling I got when I saw him giving 110% into a task for my DD. We were both bushed afterward - it was the busiest game of the year and the visiting team fans ate and ate and ate - we ran out of burgers 3 times, drinks 4 times - we had a shuttle running back and forth to the grocer to get more. I'm sure we went through 200 lbs of meat.

After the game, we took DD home. XH had DS with him and dropped him off at home. I told DD how hard B worked at the concession, and she went up to him and gave him a big hug to thank him That was *so* sweet - first time either of my kids has hugged B and she did that all on her own. *sigh*

Then Saturday there was a geocaching social event. XH gave me some time off (I've been covering extra for him lately so I felt NO guilt in that!) and B and I took DS with us. DD had a band competition hours from here (my friends chaperoned her with their daughter - our DDs are best friends). DD didn't get home til 2:00 AM (dropped off by my friends - oy!). B, DS and I all won door prizes at the geo-event then we went geocaching afterwards. Dropped DS off at XH's after that.

Yesterday after work I went to B's for supper - he cooked DD had gone to her BF's and DS was still at XH's... we all got home between 8:30 and 9:00.

Back to the grind today - today is a short work day for me as the shop is closed - I have a few things to do around the shop. B has the day off, he was going to go visit a friend he hasn't seen in a while this morning, and we'll likely go geocaching this afternoon.

Have I mentioned that life is good? It keeps on getting better!

JinGA
Thursday already - where has the week gone?

Let's see... Monday I got stuck at the shop most of the day but got a bunch of loose ends dealt with. B went to visit his friend and spent longer there than he'd planned. So no geocaching that day. That's OK - I had stuff I had to do and he had stuff he wanted to do, so it was all good. We went out for dinner, with my kids and called it a night early because B had to be on the road at 5:30 AM Tuesday for a job a few hours away.

Didn't see B on Tuesday because of long workday for him, and we chatted online for a few minutes early Tuesday evening and he told me he was tired and grumpy from the day's work and being a passenger in his boss' truck He told me before that his boss drives like a maniac. He was absolutely not grumpy with me - just let me know he was in a crappy mood, and not up to coming back out again after getting home, so we chatted a bit online and then I went home after work. Nice to know somebody can be in a bad mood and not take it out on anybody else XH made everybody unhappy when he was unhappy - so I'm glad that B could simply be OK with telling me he had a bad day, tell me about his bad day, then go on with life without making mine or anybody else's day bad I'm like that - I can be aware that I'm grumpy - and let the people around me know I'm not in a good mood without acting out on it. Left alone, I get over myself and everybody's happy.

Yesterday, B had a more local job, he finished sometime mid-afternoon and stopped by the shop for a few minutes before heading home. I was busy with customers, he chipped in a bit of help for a few minutes when I needed an extra pair of hands - that was much appreciated, then he went home to do a few things and get ready for the hockey game last night.

He came back to the shop to meet me to leave for the game. XH covered the shop - he's been out sick (again) for days, but he hauled himself out of bed to cover for a few hours so I could go out. That was appreciated too. I'm a bit concerned about XH - he's been sick over and over again - I asked if he'd been to the doc and he hadn't - but that's up to him. If it were me, that sick, I'd go - but hey, not my business right? I told him I hoped he was feeling better and thanked him for covering for me.

The game was great - my team won (The visiting team!). B was cheering for the home team. I wasn't sure if he was 'into' hockey - he doesn't follow it like I do, but he really seemed to enjoy the game and he wasn't too embarrassed that I was waving my flag and cheering my team I warned him that I'd be doing that! It was a good game all around, my team won but both teams played well.

I bought the tickets for the game (got a half price deal on some cheap seats - I'm on a budget!), I paid for the gas, B drove my vehicle (I hate driving in downtown/rush hour), he bought us some dinner at a fast food place on the way down, and snacks at the arena, as well as he paid for parking - so cost-wise I think it was probably about even. I don't keep score about who pays for what - we each offer to pay about equally, which is nice. No need for him to foot all of the bill all of the time, and the game was my idea. I like that we're both quietly aware of who has paid, and step up to pay when we feel it's our turn. Nobody's taking advantage and nobody feels obligated. I like that

He stopped by the house for a while before heading home and we watched some TV to wind down from our evening. He's finishing the job he started yesterday, today and expected a short work day. I don't think we have any plans for tonight, but if he wants to he's welcome to come by the house for a while. He usually comes to my place as I've got the kids, I only usually go to his place when the kids are out or with their dad.

Tomorrow night is girls' night out - Bunco. I may ask XH if he'd like to take DS for the evening/overnight - DD has a football game away so DS will be home alone if he doesn't go to XH's. He can spend the weekend if he wishes, and DD has no band competition tomorrow as she has for the last couple of Saturdays so she might want to go to her Dad's too - if/when I see XH later today I'll ask. He had DS last weekend too.

B and I are going to a geocaching event tomorrow late afternoon, another social/dinner gathering, DS wants to come with us, not sure yet about DD, and one of the boys from the neighbourhood asked if he could hitch a ride with us. He older than my kids, actually he's 19, but due to illness he's still in HS and he and my son hang around sometimes. He's a nice kid, and he's welcome to join us also as long as it's OK with his family (seems weird saying that about a 19-year-old LOL!). The event is just a couple of miles from here, and if DS wants to return to his dad's afterwards (and DD if she joins us) then it's all good.

Busy busy - always busy! It's really nice to have a social life again! Between that and shuttling kids for this, that and the other - I'm surprised I have time to sleep!

JinGA
So how'd your geocaching 'date' with B go? Glad to hear you're busy, JinGA.

Ace
We had a blast! B met us there, and I picked up DS at his dad's and another kid from the 'hood. We had a great time, and a few other cachers came to find the geocache that's right near my shop, after the event. Took DS back to XH's, and took the neighbour home. DD was at her boyfriend's. B came over for a while too afterward.

Last night XH's brother is back in town, so XH and the kids and Bro went out to dinner, I went to B's for dinner.

Last evening a new geocache was published in our town square - just a couple of miles from here. I emailed B when I got the notice and he called me LOL! (Great minds!)... both of us were too tired to go looking for it last night, but we arranged to meet *very* early this morning before he went to work, to find it. I got there a few minutes before him and I was just signing the log sheet when he walked up! We were the first to find it (that just gives us bragging rights!)

Today B had a short work day, as did I so we went gold panning for a little while this afternoon. Fun! I'd never been but B likes to do that as one of his other hobbies - and I've wanted to try my hand at it since I was a kid. We found a few flakes in the creek in a park not far from here. The water is very low, as we're in a major drought. We had fun - got muddy! I'm home now, just out of the shower in fact, washing the muck off! I enjoyed it very much, B took the time to show me how it's done and I really had fun with it. We'll do it again and I know DS wants to try it - we'll do it again when DS is not in school.

Bro is here until this evening (he went out with XH but stayed at my place). At least he got some time with his brother this visit. DD went to dinner with them last night too - she has been so busy with band activities that she hasn't had much time for her father lately I suggested she stay there Saturday evening as she had no band obligations this past weekend but she opted instead to have a quiet weekend at home - until her boyfriend called *sigh* - she did go over to her boyfriend's (duly supervised by both his parents!) for a while... instead of going to her father's or to the geocaching event with B, DS, our neighbour and me. Oh well - sign of the times I guess, she's 15 I remember it well... and I was *not* the pleasant kid that DD is... so I can't complain.

Busy week ahead - but I have some time off tomorrow, I might go geocaching solo. I'm going to pick B up in the morning he has to drop his truck off for service, but once he goes to work I'm going to go find a few caches on my own - B has more finds than I do, and I'll take the time to catch up a bit!
Wow I haven't posted in ages...I'm here... just been busy.

My Mom was in town for 4 days, left yesterday. This is her first stay at my place in over 4 years. Last time she came to visit it was miserable. My marriage was crumbling and XH and I were both miserable (Mom wasn't privy to what was going on), Mom had her own junk she was dealing with... but this visit was WONDERFUL. I've seen her in between, 3 years ago and 2 years ago I went to Mexico to see her - she winters there. We also saw her in March as she was passing through town on her way back home, she had an overnight layover here and we got a hotel room near the airport and the kids and I spent the night with Mom and her companion, but that was just a quick "driveby" and she didn't have time to visit us at home.

So today I go back to my regular routine.

XH covered for me at the shop over the weekend so Mom and the kids and I could spend time together, we stopped by the shop at closing time on Sunday so Mom could visit with XH - she did see him in August when he was on vacation back home, Mom socializes with XH's parents from time to time.

B and I are still doing great. It's 2 months today since our first date - time flies. In some ways it's like we've been together for much longer, but in other ways it feels like just yesterday he asked me out to dinner. Weird - but in a good way.

Mom met B, on Saturday morning we all met up to be first to find a geocache. We found it first together, and Mom is intrigued with this odd sport of ours! We also ran into other players with whom we're acquainted, they were hot on our heels, also trying to be first to find! Then Saturday night and Sunday night B joined us for dinner. Mom approves of him Not that it would make or break my R with B if Mom didn't find him instantly charming and likable, but it is reassuring that she and he got along right off the bat.

Tomorrow, B leaves on a family trip himself, until Sunday. He's taking his Mom to their home state to visit with his aunt and grandmother. His Mom lives in this state but quite a distance away. B has been here since he was about 10 but he was born up north and that's where they are going to see their other family members.

Both of us have anticipated our family visits, but we're both eager to return to our "normal" routine. B came over last night - other than dinners a couple of nights we haven't had any time just for us since last week, and he's leaving tomorrow so we took a few hours where we could get it. I'll also be looking after B's dog here at my place while he's gone (she's a sweetie and she's been here before and my dog didn't eat her so all should go fine!), and I'll stop by his place to check on his tank. He gave me a key yesterday for that purpose.

I'll use the time this weekend (when I'm not working) to put my house back in order. My Mom is tidy but one's house always seems to get upside down and messy when people come to visit for a few days. I'll have lots to do while B is gone.

XH is out of town right now on business, trip came up suddenly but he should be back at the end of the week. So I'm solo at the shop (got to 'pay' for a few days off!), and his b'day is this weekend. Need to take the kids shopping for a b'day gift for him, as well DD's BF's birthday is tomorrow - I think I may have to shop tonight after work.

Not sure how I'll swing that - because B's Mom is coming up tonight and he mentioned dinner also, so I can meet his Mom. I'll figure it out - perhaps dinner first then a quick jaunt out to get gifts. I have more time to get XH's gift, but since DD's BF's b'day is tomorrow it would be fitting for her to get him something on time LOL! I'll work it somehow.

DD and DS have Homecoming this weekend too - so I'll have plenty going on to pass the time.

That's about all the news that's fit to print Life is good - busy, but good!

JinGA
I was gonna send out an APB on ya, Jin. Glad all is well and busy. That's a good problem.

Thanks for the update. Hope all goes well with meeting his mom.

Geocaching might be a great topic for our 20-90 Something Recovery Vacation OT thread. I think I'll introduce that topic "Strange but fun adventurous hobbies" sometime. Check it out when you can.

Ace
Gimme a link to the thread and I'll chime in I've got a few threads that I follow but I tend to kind of skim the rest so I might miss it.

No APB needed... but dang I could use a few more days off... funny how time off can be exhausting!

JinGA
I met B's Mom last night. What a nice lady... totally different from B, but nice in a different sort of way.

B loves his Mom and they are close, but at times he can only "take" her in small doses. I'm sure many of us can relate to that (I can!). They have totally different personalities.

We (B, his Mom, my kids and myself) went to dinner last night. B's Mom chattered away about her work (according to B she just returned to the work force recently - to me she presents herself very professionally)...I asked her questions about what type of work she does and etc. B remained pretty quiet. When I spoke, I'd make eye contact with B as well as with his Mom, but for the most part he seemed a bit zoned out while his Mom was talking LOL! I almost felt like I was ignoring B while his Mom chatted... so I made sure to speak "to" B as well as his Mom.

I think I made a good impression. Well I wasn't trying to "impress" per se... but if she came away with a favourable notion of who I am, that's great!

This evening after work I'll go by B's and pick up his doggie... he was going to bring her over last night but I have a feeling he didn't want to part with her just yet! She's such a sweet creature. He's got an aquarium too so I'll tend to that while he's away. Gee it's only 4 days (3 nights)... not a month... LOL!

Well this weekend between this that and the other, I should be kept hopping. It will be Sunday before I know it!

JinGA
I just posted the question regarding unusual adventure activities on the 20 to 90 Something thread on the recovery forum.

Jump on over, JinGA and any others.

Ace
Ace, I just put in my 2 cents over there and I'm watching the topic

Went by B's last night and picked up his doggie. She misses her daddy but she's settled in nicely here. B made it to his Grandma's and he sent me an IM yesterday afternoon when he got there, and we talked on the phone last night between DD's phone calls - dang I feel like her answering service! I don't use the phone much... but lately I have to make an appointment! Ah, teenagers!

Busy day/weekend for me... got work at the shop, then Homecoming football game (I volunteer in the concession stand to pay for DD's band scholarship), DS is in middle school but his band is playing at the game too. XH is still out of town but due back today sometime. I don't know if he'll attend the game or not - likely not. So somehow I have to juggle it all... then tomorrow there's a lot of work at the shop, have to go to the airport to pick up a shipment, XH has a tank to move on Saturday and one on Sunday. Tomorrow is his b'day and I wanted to give him the weekend off but customers had other notions. We have agreed (a la POJA!) that he'll take next weekend off as the work this weekend can't be rescheduled (customers moving, have to be OUT, short notice...and XH is currently out of town). Besides, the kids will be able to spend the weekend with him, I think DD has a football game Friday night, but otherwise she'll be free so they can have some quality and quantity time together.

B will be back before I know it (on Sunday). I don't expect to see him after a long drive back, but he did say he'd see me... I guess he'll want to pick up his pooch anyway I'll play that by ear.

Routine *should* be back to normal on Monday - but I just had email from a client who is selling her tank to someone out of state who's coming to pick it up from her on Monday and they might need somebody to pack up the fish and corals for travel... so I might have an abbreviated half day off.

B has a full work schedule next week too. Often he's finished by 2:00 and on my short days we spend some time together, but that may not happen this week either. That's OK - we'll work out some together time when we can. It's good that we're both somewhat flexible. When he first asked me out I was worried that my weird work schedule may not have been conducive to a relationship, but so far it's all working out nicely. He comes by the shop sometimes - he doesn't interfere with my work, and sometimes he even lends a hand, so it's nice. Finding time and things to do together outside of my wacky schedule hasn't been a problem either. It's all good!

Well I'd best get my kiester into gear - lots for me to do today!

JinGA
Hi JinGA,
This is my first post on these forums. I justed wanted to say that I think you are a really strong woman. I've kept up with your posts as a lurker and am really happy that you've found happiness again. I happened across this site as I was looking for ways to better my own marriage after having a little girl. I felt like things were getting too much about her and not enough about our marriage. So I happened across this site and even though most marriages here are going through really tough times, I've learned a lot of what/what not to do's.

I started visiting your thread often because I believe we are pretty close...I live in the Carpet Capital a little north of you. Anyway, I hope you continue finding happiness with B, and good luck with all your daughter's band activities.

AnginGA
Hi Ang! I know where that Carpet Capital is - yep not far from me at all! Glad you've found some important info on these forums - *before* you needed it, as it were. Foresight is much better than hindsight!

I haven't posted in a few... it was busy around here. B and his Mom stayed an extra day and he returned yesterday afternoon. It was good to see him ... I missed him, and he missed me. It's nice that we have things that we do on our own that we can talk about when we're together again - keeps things interesting. He, his Mom and Aunt did a bunch of geocaching and went to an event cache, and they had a great time.

B's cousin also had surgery to correct an orthopedic problem that she was born with - and he got a chance to visit with her, post-op so that was good too. The extra day gave him time to see more extended family that he may not have had time to visit with. I'm glad that family is important to him - it's important to me too.

I worked the football game concession stand Friday night, DD had Homecoming dance Saturday and both kids spent Sat night at their Dad's. I had some real alone time. I haven't had that in a while - Mondays and Tuesdays notwithstanding - when I am either closed or open the shop late and have some me time at home. I went to bed early Saturday night and Sunday night too. Caught up on some stuff I had on the TIVO... well not caught up but I made a dent in it! I watch a soap and I'm still in August episodes! I may never catch up! LOL

Yesterday I did what I had to do at the shop - my technician fell and hurt herself on Friday so she's taking a couple of days off - she might be back tomorrow but I told her to take all the time she needs - she hurt her wrist and can't lift - and her job involves a lot of lifting. No sense overdoing it too soon, that will only prolong the pain. She's a trooper though. After I did my thing at the shop I came home and did some housework. B came over last night and we ordered pizza and spent a quiet evening - well quiet as it can be with my kids We all sat on my bed and talked about our day/weekend and stuff, kids did their homework, we ate pizza and talked some more...

B is back to work today, I have to go across town to pick up some stuff before I open at 4. I'm not in the mood to work - I haven't been lately. Not sure why.. I take vitamin b12 shots and I missed one (bi-weekly) - I took it yesterday perhaps I'll be a bit more energetic when that kicks in.

XH and our part time help moved 2 tanks over the weekend so a bit of extra money came in - that helps. It's always a struggle when you own your own business... I think I get a bit burned out keeping all the balls in the air. I had last weekend off to be with my Mom - first weekend off in about 2 years... but it wasn't laid back, we went non-stop. I think I need a few days off with nothing in particular to do, so I can do some stuff I need to do - if that makes any sense. Oh well... that's life. I wanted to give XH the weekend off as Sat was his birthday but there was too much work to be done. He's going to take this weekend, but I don't think he wants to take the kids (again) - he said he's going to a party Saturday night. He might do something with them on Friday night. Guess we'll play that by ear.

I just need to snap out of my funk. There's no reason for me to be in a funk - everything is going just fine in my life - perhaps it's the change in weather or something - it's cooler here now - suddenly. Just need to snap out of it, smile and tarry forward! Oh well, if I'm going to be in a funk, it's best that I am consciously aware of it so I can deal with it, without taking it out on anybody (and I haven't...) I need to count my blessings - I have *many*.

JinGA
Another week humming along. I got over my Tuesday funk - I still don't know what was up with that but I got over my grumpy/sad mood without taking it out on anybody I don't usually transfer any negativity I'm feeling, I just am not sure why I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Oh well - I got over myself! I guess we all have a weird/bad day once in a while.

I did get my stuff done on Tuesday - caught up with my buddy the wholesaler across town and had a visit there, and a mutual friend of ours dropped in while I was there - he's the H in a couple I know through my industry. Haven't seen his W in a while since she changed jobs but I got her cell # so I'm going to call her up and catch up with her sometime soon. It was good to see both of my friends.

Had a busy sales night too - that helped boost my mood too.

B and I went to dinner (sans kids... Mom needed just a plain old date night)...kids fixed their own dinner and I went with DD's blessing Was home by 9:30 and I died before 10:00... I was tired after my weird sleepless night the night before.

B stopped by the shop for a little bit yesterday after he finished work. He had a headache and he was tired after a busy day. He said he might come over later, but I knew he was tired - I smiled and told him that if I didn't hear from him I'd know he was tired and went to bed early He did call last evening, but yep he was tired and got an early night - he was leaving for work way across town and beyond at 5:30 this morning, so no worries there. We plan to get together this evening for a while.

Halloween was quiet around here. My kids didn't go trick or treating, they are a bit old for that and since I had to work til 8 (I left a bit early but I had to wait for a delivery that didn't come til 15 mins before closing time), so they got dressed up and scared the little kids coming to our door Not as many kids as in previous years - the format of the event is changing in these parts - less door-to-door stuff in favour of organized activities at churches and community centers and such. Oh well.

XH hasn't been to work at the shop yet this week. Mondays we're closed - Tuesday night he went to a concert at a bar - a band we both like from our home country was in town... dunno why he didn't do a customary driveby at the shop - the concert didn't start til 9:00 PM but hey - any excuse not to show up, right? Then he popped by the shop at 10:20 yesterday morning - I guess he was a bit late for work... he usually starts at 7. Out past his bedtime. He never was good at getting up on his own in the morning. He doesn't hear his alarm. Oh well - not my problem He did stop by to tell me all about the concert and show me pictures/video he took on his phone. I'm glad he had a good time. Nice to see him get out and live a bit.

Because he was late going in, he worked late, so he hasn't come by the shop to work last night either. I've got a few minor repair jobs piling up... hopefully he'll stop in tonight for more than 10 minutes because things need doing and I agreed that he could be off this coming weekend since I had a weekend off with my Mom. The "time off" is still very lopsided but I intend to request some more time off in the weeks to come. I need more of a break, a bit more often. Business ownership isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

So it's business as usual... I'm feeling good, life is good, working on little ways to tweak it and make it better!

JinGA
Wow I haven't posted here in 10 days! Time flies...

Work has been busy - sorta... kids have kept me busy, and spending time with B. Life is good and keeps getting better.

B had some time off this past week and came in and pitched in at the shop. It was his idea.. I didn't ask, he volunteered! Then after doing all kinds of stuff that helped me catch up some, he thanked me for all I taught him! How amazing is that?

Aside from the obvious results of the work that he did in the shop, the boost to my morale was immeasurable. I thanked him profoundly for all that he did - gave me such an emotional lift... XH has been busy and had out calls for customers this week and the kids had this and that going on (XH helps with that stuff) - I was a bit overwhelmed at work, and while I don't "complain" as such, I do talk about it sometimes, and B had the time and he just showed up and pitched in. Even XH was impressed and thanked B so much for all that he did. Not only did he help - but he did an exceptional job at the tasks he took on!

B and I have also been socializing a bit more. Friends/customers of mine have become fast friends of his too, and last Friday night we went out to dinner with the other couple, and then to the coffee house where one works for some live music. Saturday night it was a quiet evening here, then Sunday he did his thing, I did mine. We got together a few times during the week, including his helping me out at work. Friday night we had a quiet evening at his place (one of my kids was with XH, the other at a football game). Last night we went to a Geocaching gathering then stopped at the coffee house on the way home for live music (DS was still at XH's and DD was at a hockey game with her BF). Tonight I'm home procrastinating about doing the mountain of laundry I've got... B is home doing his laundry quite likely LOL!

I think he has a short work day tomorrow, as do I, so we'll probably do a bit of geocaching in the afternoon. Stinks that the daylight evaporates so quickly these days... cuts into caching time!

At least the marching band/football season is done (our team didn't make the playoffs...) and DD's practice schedule has decreased somewhat so that takes a bit of pressure off me. Then the holiday concert season will start - DS had a concert Thursday (XH went to that one) and DD has one this week (I'll go to that one) - unfortunately XH and I can't go at the same time as somebody has to mind the shop - but we are pretty good about sharing responsibilities in that regard.

Other than that, no big plans for this week, although B and I have talked about Thanksgiving. I think he's going to come here for Thanksgiving dinner - although I'm not sure if XH wants to have a Thanksgiving dinner with the kids - I'll have to ask him this week what his plans are, if any. The kids are off all that week and I'm unsure if they'll want to spend it at their father's - I guess I'll sort that out this week.

Hard to believe the year is about 6 weeks away from being over - where did it go???

JinGA
Well I haven't posted in a while... a few folks whose threads I was participating in, have dropped off Hope all is well with them.

As for me - things are great. B and I are enjoying spending time together, we spent Thanksgiving together and the kids went to XH's on the Friday (and for the weekend).

I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year - first time in quite a while.

I'm heading home for a visit this week... 6 days. I haven't been home since I moved to this country, almost 8 years ago. Should be fun. XH had some extra vacation time and agreed to cover the shop and keep the kids, B will drive me to/from the airport and help look after my pets while I'm gone.

Life is good, and it keeps getting better!

JinGA
Jin,

A few of us are still on here. Just lurking and posting a little.

Glad to hear things are going well for you. Things are rolling on my end. There will be lots of activity soon and my kiddos are doing well. We put up our Christmas tree the other night.

Will write more soon!
Glad to hear it Pomdbd3.

JinGA
Been a couple of weeks since I had time to post. I went back home to visit my Mom for a week, for the first time in 8 years. I've seen Mom but haven't been able to "go home" in all that time. Had a blast - never stopped the whole time I was there.

Now I'm caught in the pre-holiday scurry... but I'm still here and all is well. I'm glad I had the opportunity to go home and I'm grateful to XH for being able to cover the shop so I could go.

Things are great between B and me... all is right with the world.

I have a hectic few days ahead of me - but I'll get there

JinGA
Good to hear from you JinGA, hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas!
On a side note... just posted a new thread...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3360307

Our Christmas plans...

JinGA
Well I haven't posted here in forever... but I thought I'd peek in for anyone who remembers my tumultuous saga from last year, and how I finally started getting my junk together.

B and I are still dating. Nearly 7 months now and things are going very well. The "newness" of it all has worn off - as these things do, but we are enjoying each day, one at a time, and I'm very happy with how that is going, and how my life in general is going.

I finally feel like I'm in a healthy relationship. We love each other, enjoy each other's company. He fills my needs without my even needing to tell him what they are - he just seems to know intuitively. From the feedback I receive from him, I think I'm filling his needs too. I can look back *now* and realize that what I thought I wanted a year ago, wasn't sane. It took having some time alone, and working through those issues, with lots of help from the good folks here, to figure out what I really needed was to look after myself and my kids *first*.

That's what I did, and when I wasn't even looking, B came along. We're still taking things slowly, nobody is in a hurry for anything. I like that. We're both on the same page. I do see long-term for us, and he does too, but we aren't rushing to get to the long-term part. We are exclusive - neither of us is the sort to date more than one person at a time. We're both independent - we can get along just find without the other - but we *enjoy* being with one another, and we both feel that our relationship makes a good life even better.

I truly feel that I'm with an equal. Neither one of us has to push, pull or drag the other. In my M I was always the initiator, the organizer, the doer. B and I share those responsibilities. He plans for us to do something, or I do. We're both laid back and easy going. We can plan something ahead, or do something spur of the moment - and we seem to be in sync with each other's moods and such. And we're both flexible. If one or the other feels like going someplace or doing something and the other just isn't into it, that's OK - we adapt and compromise.

We've never had an argument. We've disagreed on a few things, but we're both respectful, and there's always middle ground. That's refreshing - no more "my way or the highway" (and I've been guilty of that in the past).

I can tell him about my day (and vent sometimes!), and he doesn't take it personally. I don't transfer my frustration TO him, I just talk to him about it, and he listens and understands. He does the same - if he's had a rough day, he'll tell me about it, I am sympathetic and understanding, and we'll both feel better to just talk it out and get it off our chest, and move on to something else. When we've had a good day, we'll share our joy about it and each is happy for the other. The good and the bad - we talk about it all.

One of the best and most interesting things, is that even if one of us (or both of us) have had a crappy day, we can laugh about it. The other evening he came over, and he was frazzled from a difficult day - he told me about it, and eventually made a joke about it and before we knew it we both laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face. *That* is so nice - that even when we're grumpy we can find the humor in it. I am that way and I've always tried to be - it's nice to have somebody else that does the same thing, and it turns something negative into something positive.

OK I guess I'm gushing a bit... but after all the junk I have gone through in recent years, I'm just so appreciative to be with someone who understands me, who thinks the same way I do, and whose personality meshes so well with my own.

I know people say that relationships are "hard work" and to some extent that's true - you can't just sit back and put it on autopilot - but when you find somebody who jives well with who you are, and you don't have to pretend to be who you aren't, and you don't have to force things (we know that doesn't work!), it's just so much easier to relax and enjoy life as it happens. It's not "work" as such... it's what I want to do. And B seems to respond in kind.

The other night he came over and fixed supper for us. DD15 was out at an extracurricular activity, and when she got home, she was very impressed at B's culinary skills. She told me she boasted to all her friends about it! DS13 likes joining us for geocaching or gold panning... we have fun outdoors and get some exercise. I still work long hours, but I've learned to make the most of the bit of time off that I do have. Instead of hanging around the house, we get out there and do stuff. Having somebody else that also enjoys doing stuff and helps with the "grunt work" involved is nice. The kids and I do stuff anyway, but having another adult to help with some of the responsibilities from time to time makes it easier to do more, more often.

XH is still around - doing his own thing, still helps in the shop and he and B actually get along quite well when they see each other. B has lent a hand in the shop from time to time, and XH appreciates it. XH has been helping more where the kids are involved too - spending a bit of time helping DS with his homework and such - good for the kids, and I daresay good for him too. I wish XH would do more around the shop - he is half owner, but I try not to get myself too worked up over it anymore. It is what it is, and I just have to deal with it. I'd still like to sell the shop but struck out with brokers I'd tried to enlist to sell it, so for now I just keep on keeping on - hopefully if/when the economy picks up a bit, we'll find a buyer.

That's all the news from me. Life is good, and it keeps on getting better

JinGA
Hi JinGA,

Glad to hear that you are doing well. You sound really happy and at peace and that is good.

Who
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