I was just wondering, is it more common for an affair to be discovered by the BS or is it not until the WS confesses?

In my case, I busted his [censored]. I suspect that describes the majority.

DD27 discovered emails and confronted WH who then confessed to me the first D Day. I busted the other 3.

Ace

Like a WS will willingly lay down the crack pipe in the middle of an affair. LOL.

********************edit****************

So SSB, do you have a problem with your PC or Mac? Seems to be copying and pasting the same confusing stuff on different posts.

Care to explain why? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

I busted my FWH every single frickin' time... its why I'm still alert. Oh, well my oldest busted him the final time... walked in on him making out with the OW on our couch.
My oldest was 15 at the time.

Nice touch. She must have been destroyed. How could he do that. WOW.

Busted my WH after 6 months of telling him I was worried about our relationship. He kept telling me everything would be alright. Yeah right.

He continued insisting there was no affair until I caught them in bed. Then he switched it to they were not living together. That went on for 3 more years until I lost interest.

In my time here, there have been very few WS's who confessed. I always look at owning up as a positive sign.

I busted him. He confessed and all heck then broke loose.

My WS confessed.

I had suspected something a year ago. It was a ONS and my WS confessed in the end when the ONS resulted in pregnancy.

Busted. I found old chat logs on our home computer when XH took work in another country and I was preparing to move us. The Internet was still new, and I learned how to use it when XH moved, so we could email and such. Once I got comfortable using the computer I started looking in files stored on it.

What I found curled my hair (and turned my stomach)... he had an online EA for 2 1/2 YEARS right under my nose. And here I thought he was working on the computer for 'work stuff' all those nights <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Of course nowadays everybody knows about chat rooms and stuff - I had no idea 12 years ago.

By the time I found those old logs, it was allegedly "over" for 6 months or so but they were "still friends" (gag). I told him at the time that wasn't going to fly with me. I had no knowledge of MB or its principles but I figured out a lot on my own - exposure, NC...

Oh and the kicker was that he and I had been going to marriage counseling for 18 months. I don't know if the EA started before or during the MC... but I know it went on all throughout. So he sat there in MC making like he was the perfect husband and the problems were all about me. After 18 months of weekly sessions the MC cut us loose.

I left MC feeling like there was something wrong with me. There wasn't - it was the fact that he was carrying on with a college student (she was 17 when it started!) He was 14 years older than she.

I confronted her by email too - didn't accomplish much but I felt better afterward.

If I hadn't explored the home computer I'd have never been the wiser. I became a world class snoop after that. It wasn't the first or the last lie I busted him in - but it was definitely the biggest.

OH and he denied it all at first too, until I read back some of his filthy chat transcripts - he couldn't lie his way out of those.

My mother busted my father too - twice. After the second time, she heaved him out for the last time. He cheated on the next wife too - and she heaved his [censored] out the door also.

Most people won't admit anything until they are busted - and even then they'll lie.

JinGA

Neither really. She left our home computer on with her/OM explicit text messages and pics on the screen.She always was a weenie in facing up to her responsibilities.This was an obvious "I hate you, I want to humiliate you" but I don't have the cojones to tell you face-to-face.

She disappeared for over a week and then rushed home so she could tell her parents that I had left her and she didn't know why.

She also ran home to find out why all her checks were bouncing and our joint credit cards were being refused. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Busted her while she was out of town. Cell phone records first, then Internet traffic and emails etc. I discussed what I had dug up with her twin sister while formulating my plan for lowering the boom.

When I confronted her I had so much information it took a couple hours just for me to present my evidence.

Funny that she still tried to weasel out of it...

If I had found this site by then I might have exposed to more people and more quickly. Her sister knew from the start, a few friends and family members heard over the next week or so. If I was to do it now, everybody would hear about it before she got home and I confronted her. While she was driving home would have been perfect..."You know this trip she is on? Well let me tell you about this trip..."

Mark

In my case it was a little of both i think. My FWH had never ever stayed out late (in 24 years). The night i found out he did not come home until midnight and when i asked him where he was he told me.

Busted. It took undeniable proof shoved in her face to get her to confess.

Busted a few months after it ended. Full confession followed. I had some papers in my hand that he assumed was "evidence". It was some MB stuff and a phone bill.

I busted my wife.

The OM just couldn't resist calling her cell during supper time and SS handed me her phone.

Her only confession, even after all of the evidence shoved in her face was "yeah, I effed him!, so what".

Busted..

still hasn't confessed..

they were 'just friends' before she left me.

Riiiiiiiiiight.

For what it's worth (or turned out to be worth), I confessed, unprompted.

COnfused,



""my WS confessed in the end when the ONS resulted in pregnancy.""

Wouldn't that lean more towards the busted side?

BTW, my serial adulterer WXH was busted 7 times, so does that count as 7 votes?

One time after an OW had sent him something via snail mail I met him at the door with a pad of paper and pencil and told him I had foudn out about an adultery and challenged him to write down who it was, to confess all.

He laughed and said he wouldn't know where to begin!

Seriously I should be studied by medical professionals for soem sort of natural immunity to STD's! I was lucky to get no diseases from his philandering phoolishness. No seriously, I thank God - literally - for HIS protection over me. Sometimes I wonder if my WXH will enjoy the same protection from STD's now that I am no longer involved with him...

Busted her with their emails.

Just think how many affairs went undiscovered prior to the advent of the internet and email?

kirk

How true!!!

H's A in 1990-91 was mostly long-distance (military), and I have no doubt they would've enhanced it with mushy e-mails had the technology been available back then. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Sure would've made it easier to catch them!

As it was, it went on for a year before he was busted. He denied it all until I tricked him into admitting PA....I told him I tracked her down and SHE had fessed up to everything. She hadn't, but he sure thought he was busted! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

As for my A, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />, I was busted when a friend of H's told him he saw me out walking with some guy. Ick. Shameful memories.

Busted,

After months of suspicions and repeated denials, I decided to follow her. Needless to say she did not go where she said she was going.

One night FWH stayed out REALLY late, didn't call. When I called and was HOT, he didn't care. When he got home, I knew and he spilled it. He was just matter of fact and said that he wanted to fall in love with her, didn't love me anymore and hadn't for some time. I was floored, literally, sobbing and fearful. How attractive that must have been... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Dday 2 was me again. No sobbing on the floor that time though, I was just done.

Unprompted confession. I knew within hours.

Well the internet may make it easier to bust them, but I think it also makes it easier for people to hook up in the first place.

Some folks are just lousy at covering their tracks also. My XH lied about all kinds of things - he was a good liar, but not a good sneaker. He could look me in the eye and tell me a lie and was very convincing, but he always left some sort of evidence for me to find.

Of course without hard evidence it becomes his word against mine... so if I suspected a lie, before I'd out him on it, I'd make sure I had the sloppy evidence IN MY HANDS before I'd confront him on it. Even with evidence in hand he'd still continue to deny.

The last time I busted him in a lie, with hard evidence, and he continued to deny, I simply told him that he could keep denying it til the cows came home, I knew the truth and if he didn't quit what he was doing, I'd take the evidence I had to the authorities. What he was doing was cause for legal action on my part.

What do you know - about an hour later he fessed up.

JinGA

Short version:
Day after Christmas [While using her vehicle to take our sick daughter to the Dr]
found my favorite sexy nighty (for her) in her work bag.

She lied. Radar up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Frantic trying to find proof.
VERY Difficult when ALLLLL sex taking place behind locked doors of a hospital.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Soooo,
stop having sex with her (Which at that time, she'd become kinda nympho ....& before I knew why was kinda fun) .....waited 2-3 weeks and then tested her undies with a semen detection kit.

Kinda hard to refute DNA .....which sure wasn't mine.
Busted!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Although
When I started my confrontation (at HER insistence....as she caught me with a paper from her purse)
she thought I'd simply found some of their naughty text messages on her phone ....which of course she tried to play off as just fun and joking .
Funny part is,
At that time I couldn't find anything on those type of gadgets {never used them}...............that was her work stuff.
Believe me I tried ......but didn't know what I was doing or which buttons/prompts to use.
That was how she knew I was looking.
So I never saw anything ....(but NEVER let them Know exactly what you Do or Do not Know) ....you'll find out Much More that way!

However,
You can bet I can find my way around techie stuff now!
In fact,
we didn't even own a computer UNTIL she just went out and bought one (so she could have email contact with her CLB ).
Now I use it more than her by a long shot. Strange how things turn out.

Seems more people are busted by their cellphone or PC than any other means. But I would be willing to bet, more affairs are carried on via those two methods than any other way. I'd be interested to know the percentages of how much adultery increased with the invention of those two communication methods.