Hello,

I'm relatively new to MB, having registered just this year.

When I found Surviving An Affair last fall, I discovered that there might be hope for my crumbling marriage.....after 32 years of detachment I was actually relieved that I finally had a way out when my WH had an EA that was on the verge of PA when DS and DD (20 somethings) discovered it. DS begged us to fight for our M so I agreed to try, knowing I now had a Biblical reason to get out.

The long story is in my sig line. The short story is that around the holidays I discovered these forums....in fact one of the first posts I read was Chrisner congratulating himself for reaching 25 posts and no longer being a 'junior member'.

25 posts????? That seemed like so many. But after I registered and started seeking help (how to rebuild trust?), I was offered help by numerous posters, most of which, I discovered were from recovered marriages and were offering to help us devastated newbies and rookies as volunteers.

I got confused with the terms Pros and Vets, wondering if there were assigned professional counselors helping, and if some were actually military veterans assigned to help those serving overseas. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Speaking of veterans serving overseas, yesterday I received this reply from RIF (Rebuilding in Faith), an active duty soldier serving overseas who suffered through 9 affairs that his WW did not disclose for nearly 10 years. He has recovered their marriage thanks to hard work and help from MB principles. He also posts when he is deployed and his reply (and other events yesterday) inspired me to start this thread:


THANK YOU RIF....

......and THANKS TO ALL OUR MB VETERANS who give of themselves so unselfishly. We may not always agree with what they have to say....well...THEY may not always agree what THEY have to say.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />...but I wanted to express MY appreciation for all the time and typing and tears they contribute for all of us.

MB BETERANS* (AND [b]VETERANS)..... WE APPRECIATE YOU ALL.[/b]

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace

P.S. *It was a typo, but I'm leaving it cuz it fits....you MB Veterans are helping us 'get BETTER'! Thanks again! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Edited to implore seasoned vets to return

Woo Hoo!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I got the first post... so what's my prize Acey??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Semper Fi,

RIF

ooops...

sorry Acey... this is a serious thread... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Semper Fi,

RIF

IT'S OK, RIF....

You can whooo hooooo all you want! YOUR PRIZE?

How 'bout 2 weeks R & R with your family in a little over a week!

....and a prize for all other Veteran Posters? Maybe other newbies and rookies (who registered within the last year) will share their appreciation, too.

Acey

Rookie here. Thanks Acey for starting this thread. Lately I've been thinking about doing something like this too for our vets who continue to offer constructive help (whether it's a 2x4 or advice) day in and day out. Just wanted the vets to know that I personally appreciate them. I've learned so so much from a lot of them. Please keep on keeping on.

PM....hey, I just saw your reg. date. I forget you consider yourself a rookie....well to MB maybe, but you are a Veteran of the "School of doing Recovery the Hardest Way" (pre-MB).

So we have much in common....rookieness, surviving multiple D-Days pre MB, being mistaken for possible trolls...uhhhh, what else? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Like you, I consider 2x4's to be "acts of caring enough to try to keep us from falling off the cliff without a parachute". Some of us still do in spite of the 2x4s....but it's nice to have MB to pick us up after we splatter! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Glad you posted, PM. This thread is for all posters, not just newbies and rookies. Our Veteran Posters deserve far more than this little thread, but it's a start. Especially since so many are expressing thanks to JL after he may not even be around to read it. Hope you're lurking and see this thread JL...if so, please confirm somehow. Know that you're missed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Who else wants to share your gratitude?

Acey

Wow... I can't tell you how much help I've received from the veterans on this board.

I may not have many as regular posters on my thread, and I can understand why.. I'm a handful and a pretty tough nut to crack but I'm trying..

I've come a long way thanks to just -reading- posts made by veterans and pros to other people, to me, or even their stories.. the inspiration provided can't be printed on a price tag.

I went from hopeless, to stubbornly fighting the MB way to save my M... I screwed up a lot of things.. I'm still screwing up from time to time.. but I'm learning. I'm living a little better every day, and I now know that one way or another I'm going to -make it-.. with or without my wife.

That alone.. is worth -so- much... to not have to doubt that anymore is -such- a relief.

I also know what to expect next from reading the wisdom of the oldtimers on this board.. I know I'm going to trigger, more frequently now.. less later.. and end up in the grief and coping stages again from time to time. I know to expect that, and just having that knowledge allows me not to be so suprised when it happens.. and move through it better, more confidently because I also know to expect that it will pass.

There is strength in knowledge.. at first I wanted to know all about what was going on in Affairsville... but that's knowledge in attempt to control the uncontrollable.. now, I'm learning more about me.. a situation I have -total- control over.. I'm learning to use what little I've learned to help others.. I'm learning to walk closer to God and help others find their way too.. and the comfort and peace that comes with that.

Thank God for MB.. these boards.. and the wisdom that can be found here.. if only you seek it.


By the way.. (and not to exclude the many others I've read) if you two ever see this MyWifeILove, Mortarman.. you've never posted on my thread.. but you give me so much hope and encouragement to keep going.

Jamesus,

You said exactly what I wanted to say, only you probably said it better.

I too am grateful for all of the help. I read here frequently, but I don't post too much because I'm not qualified to help anyone. I believe that MB works, but I think that I found it too late for my M. MB has helped me recover me though, if that makes sense.


So thank you to all of the vets who give so much of their time to help those in need. Hopefully I can help someone else someday.

Hugs Ace (((((Ace_in_bucket)))))

I'd hardly call you a "newbie" now, though.

Very glad that things have been getting better in your marriage!

And, no, I haven't forgotten that post I've promised you for a long time. Just been too busy and have used that as an excuse to not sit down and take the time to finish that darn thing. Sorry. I WILL get to it. Thanks for your mountains of patience!

God bless.

I am reluctant to name those who helped me when I arrived. Mainly I fear forgetting to mention someone and I sure don't want to leave anyone out.

My biggest help came from those who posted advice to others, since I was reading and since I had already discovered that all affairs are pretty much not unique but follow the same general patterns, these poster's advice to those they were trying to help resonated with me and I benefited without ever asking the question myself.


A group of things on JFO and GQII really helped a lot even though they had been there for a while. The standard greeting of "Welcome to Marriage Builders. Be sure to read the top four posts pinned to the top of this (JFO) forum" sent me on a search for answers that hasn't ended yet.

Those threads by Longhorn and WAT, the threads I encountered with BP and Larry giving advice to other newbies, the slaps up side the head from Pep, Swords, Weaver...(I know people change their screen names, but it's hard to get used to sometimes); Dorry's thread that I sent the link for in an email to my wife, Orchid's Reverse Babble, Hiker's take on romantic affairs, the posts by LA that I read 50 times and still didn't exhaust the insights,...I know there were many more, but I just can't list them all right now.

To each and every one of you, and to Dr and Mrs Harley, to Steve Harley and to Justuss and the rest of the mods...

Thanks!

That just doesn't seem like enough to me.

Mark

Others have posted more eloquently (sp) than I can but express the thankfullness I feel for all the MBers who have helped me. Your time and advice is so welcomed when you don't where to turn.

Thank you all. And Mark is right, that just doesn't like seem like enough.

The people who regularly blow me away most are the recent joiners who have JUST begun to "get" and apply MB in their own situations, yet DESPITE their own broken hearts and desperate circumstances spend many hours offering this advice and care to their brothers and sisters just a few steps of hope behind them.

I see hurt newbies holding the hands of hurt newbies into the small hours, and their insight in application of care and MB teach me something almost every time.

Such people are the hands and feet of Christ in this wilderness of broken hearts and I offer thanks to them and for them. They have surely helped save marriages, lives and souls in this place.

I salute you all.

Amen to that, BobPure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mel, Bob, FH and RIF,

Thanks for making time to post on this thread. I hope all MB Veterans realize how much we newbies and rookies (and members-soon-to-be-MB Veterans) appreciate you.

It was so kind of you to voice your sentiments towards us, Bob and Mel. We may reach out to help each other, but we are sooooo thankful that you are willing to help guide us when we need it. (That's why I am honored by 2x4s!)

I'm confident that others will join Princessmeggy, James, Chai, mvg, Mark and me in sharing gratitude to our MB Vets here.

Again, thanks,
Ace

HEY!!! I just noticed that this thread was rated with 5 Stars!!! [color:"orange"]***** [/color] Who did dat? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

It is my HUMBLEST hope that all the VETERANS, truly understand that what you are doing for us is G-d given gifts and I SO appreciate each one of you who have taken the time to walk me through this pain.

Mimi - you are amazing and I PROMISE you, that when you tell me, I will carry on your tradition of the hope you inspire and the help you offer unconditionally. I look forward to seeing answer my posts and read them with vigor.

Each one of you have grown in my heart and I thank G-D for you in my life. You don't know how you have save MY LIFE. I am not kidding when I say there were days when I DIDN'T want to live this pain anymore, and it was YOUR stories and your posts that kept me going.

With love,
Barbara

Thanks for posting Barbara/Skinsgal.

I saw your post on JL's farewell thead and I, too and sorry I did not get to know him very well. But his 12K plus posts still remain for us to glean wisdom from as we learn to deal with our devastating situations.

I hope you see this thread before you leave, JL....and know that you are one of the Veterans who most inspired its existence.
Thank you for adding such a classy touch to our challenges. Your wisdom and kindness will be missed.


May God Bless you.....and may God bless all the MB Veterans who move on for one reason or another....or, hopefully, who stay around to help those of us needing them get back on our feet.

Sincerely,
Ace

Ace, some have ocd others may have star addiction! LOL

Interesting .....never seen stars disappear like that. When I noted the 5 stars Saturday night, they then went back to 2. Now I notice it's 1. And it wasn't you, mvg? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Hmmmmmmm.......

Gonna hafta check with Justuss on that.

So who else wants to thank our MB Veterans before any more of them 'retire'?

Ace

P.S. Just to clarify, I consider an "MB Veteran" to be any poster who has what THEY consider to be a recovered marriage and are now posting advice just to help out others..... (and seldom, if ever, seek help for themselves). When/if my DH and I get there, I want to think I'll do the same, but time will tell.

Ace it was me on the 5 Because I think saying THANK YOU is important. I don't know how or why the star rating would go down.

Who's messin' with my stars?

Don't worry about it, mvg. The message is more important than the stars....and I'm not gonna burden Justuss about how stars disappear in the midst of all the important stuff she has to monitor.

Ace

HurtingNCali posted the following on one of JL's farewell threads. It also fits on this thread, mentioning gratitude to veteran posters who give back after their own personal or marital recovery.


So glad you posted this on JL's farewell thread. It fits here, too.

Ace

Interesting point, Mel. And SMB and tst are in the unique position of having MB principles work right before our very screens! (I think he's been here barely a month.)

I think SMB's thread helps raise our awareness but I'd still like to thank you, Mel and other vets who sacrifice often to post here. And if it's fun threads with friends from over the years that keeps you here (like RIF said), then I'm happy for MB fun threads, even though they irritated the heck out of me when I was a frustrated newbie!



Speaking of fun threads, Mel, I know you wanted me to ignore him last night (on the crybabies and complainers fun thread), but BK was playing right into my segue of coaxing an invitation to visit Australia.....and he fell for it!!! Thanks BK and Mrs.K. We appreciate all you do on the international front.....and we're excited to visit down under in a couple years!!!! Fire up that barbee!!!! (or is it barbie?)

Again, thanks!

Ace

P.S. The anticipation of an IRL MB reunion can give us something to aspire to.....that our recoveries will progress so that we can participate together. I saw Top Rope posted a sad face on that thread, but I don't think it was all for naught. (Of course, I'm only a rookie and have much to learn about the hierarchy around here.)

Hey Mel....any chance you and Mr. Mel can crash BK's BBQ?

Ace

Not sure if you saw this, Mel. Do ya remember when I first registered and you thought I was a guy (and I accidentally called you 'Melodyland'). I posted that somewhere recently and you questioned it, but I can't find that post to explain.

So I thought I'd put the reminder in the marquee of this thread in case you didn't see it yesterday.

Thanks, Mel, (sorry gotta post and run)
Ace

LOL that still cracks me up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace, did you know that BigK and his wife visited me earlier this year in Texas and stayed in my guest room!? We did have a get together with several others here in February in Dallas. In May, me, my DH and the Wonderings went to a MB weekend in Orlando. I think Pepperband also had a lunch out on the left coast this summer with some other silly left coasters. I have met many wonderful people from this forum!

Hey Mel!

I guess I'll just have to keep posting on MB to find out about these things!!! We live in the DFW area and I was actually home then!

Semper Fi,

RIF

that is a bummer!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I'd like to add my thanks to the many folks who back in 2005 helped me realize that what I was feeling as a BS was completely normal. I finally felt "understood."

Much more recently, many of the folks here took time to post to my FWH, Skirmisher, who after years was still foggy about his behavior, lack of boundaries and complete refusal to take the responsibility for his poor decisions when it came to friendships with women in general.

MB saved both my sanity and my marriage. There aren't any adequate words to describe just how grateful I am.

Who

In the past couple of days I have seen posts from some of the Oldies that I read advice from when I first arrived here to so many of the current Vets we have come to rely on so much in the last couple of years. I have gone back and read some of their inspirational posts of years gone by and all I can say is, "Wow!"

I'm sure I'm missing someone, but of note have been Heartpain, Trix, K, MissM, Still Seeking, Resilient, Bryanp...I just know I missed someone...

I have also reread some of the advice I got when I first arrived here...

To all those who helped me and to those that helped them when they were newbies and to those whose registration dates seem to predate the site itself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> ... THANK YOU ALL!

We sure do have a lot of heroes here!

Mark

Who said:


That's the sentiment of many and one of the main reasons I started this thread, Who. Thanks.

Then Mark said:


Yeah, we do, Mark.......and in the following exchange, Mel and RIF show why it would be good for some of those heroes to check in with MB occasionally, even if they are recovered in their M's:

Mel said:


Then RIF said:


....to which Mel replied:



YOU'RE RIGHT RIF......you should have been checking in and you'd have known....but at least you're gonna check in from now on....even if you're on R&R....right? (Of course not your night shift now that BK said he'd partially cover for ya on the vacation thread.)

MB Veterans....take note!!!! I'll try to keep bumping this thread if you'll check it occasionally to see if any informal IRL events are being planned somewhere nearby.

Ace

Just a heads up to any veterans interested....or newbies or rookies or V.I.T.s (I just made up a new term for folks like Mark....Veterans In Training!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Big Kahuna invited all of us to Australia for a BBQ in the spring of 2010. (He now has to prove that OZ BBQ is superior to Texan or Californian or any Southern or Midwestern BBQ)

Did ya tell Mrs. K, yet, BK? Remember, on Top Rope's Crybaby/Complainers thread, I specifically suggested that SHE visit the 20-90 Something Recovery Vacation thread as your invitation was being discussed.

Thanks,
Ace

VIT! NICE acronm (sp?????) I like that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Glad you like it, mvg....I've mentioned it on Miss M's "Happy Place" thread, too.

Ace

THANKS to the MB Vets of yesteryear mentioned in the newly edited title who have posted threads recently. And thanks to the many 'ancient old timers' RIF renamed 'seasoned' who have posted to those seemingly 'MB Reunion' threads.

I, however, see them as much more.

Please be a part of the solution to whatever you see may need fixing....yes, the MB forums may be in transition, but if you can help it continue (or return to) positive trackings, I and the many devastated newbies will be grateful forever.

THANK YOU! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ace

K just said he missed this but I want to make sure he and other seasoned vets see our gratitude.

Ace

I prefer to think of my self as 'overbaked' rather than 'seasoned'.

It's good to be back (?!?). I believe that it was WAT who once referred to this place at the Hotel California...

LOL K...if you've been baking since 1969 like Susan, you ARE overbaked.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ...wish I didn't have to go to work, but I cannot post during the day.

Sooo glad you're back. THANK YOU for now and for however long you feel you can stay around this Hotel CA!!!

Ace