This is one of those "is it just me?" posts...

Through this incredibly devastating time I've been constantly staving off those feelings of self doubt like:

...what's wrong w/ ME?
...am I really that unloveable?
...was she right to cheat on me?

etc., etc.

Working hard on the MB principles and focusing on Plan A, etc., gives me something to work on keeping me busy and usually avoiding such thoughts.

WW's recent move closer to D has caused a flood of the above feelings of self doubt.

Is it just me...?

um, no.

It's not just you. With me it isn't creeping self doubt, it is rampaging self doubt.

Ditto what Chrysalis said.

For me it's a strange feeling of utter confusion, tremendous self-doubt, but countered by my ego constantly refraining "she's the crazy one here"....

SDNY

i think you hit the nail on the head for this one.... i have a feeling all BS feel this a majority of the time until they are in recovery....but that is IMHO

and it comes and goes... as the roller coaster continues on the tracks... and it sucks... somedays worse than others... ICK!!!!

And somedays better than others. The self doubt is a killer for us, because that's what the enemy wants us to do, doubt that we are being prepared for much blessings.

IMHO

Hey L2F - EVERYONE has self doubt... YOU have a plan...

Stick to your plan and drive on!

Semper Fi,

RIF

For me self esteem was at an all time low after DDay and a bit prior. I had felt something was wrong so I had tried to improve myself. So come DDay I was in full braces! It was bad. Felt ugly already and then to go through that!

Well I survived and so will you. You will come out of this a stronger person. You'll have a better understanding of your strengths and what you can handle (which is alot). You will really know who YOU ARE.

I don't question ME anymore. I know me better than ever. You will get there too.

L2F,

I think we all experience self doubt in some form. My situation is different in that I never saw OW as a threat to me in the sense that my FWH would have ever left me for her.

My self doubt came more in the form of my questioning whether or not I could actually tell truth from lies. I questioned whether I had made a huge mistake in believing that FWH was any of the things I thought he was, I doubted that he was worthy of me or my love.

Even now, if I take the time to mentally compare myself with the OW that he allowed to nearly destroy us, well,

She's fat, I'm not

She, before and during the affair was a professional failure, I have never been.

She was needy and demanding, I'm not

She had severe financial problems and debts, I never have

She makes no effort to maintain her personal appearance, I do.

I am a Christian, she is not



When I look at all of the above and add to it that my FWH and I share most of our interests and dreams and always have, well I still wonder what he was thinking.

I don't get it and so, I still wonder what it is that I am missing, what I don't know, or what I am misunderstanding.

Who

L2F,
Not to get overly religious here, so take this with a grain of salt. When I spoke with my priest, I asked about terrible thoughts I was having, wanting to hurt OM, WW, self doubt about myself, etc. He just said, where do you think those thoughts are coming from, who put them there? God didn't put them there. I know you, and those aren't the kind of thoughts you normally have. Push those thoughts out, someone else is putting them there, someone who wants to see you marriage and family destroyed. Recognize that, and those thoughts have no power over you, let them go.

I know for me, it was kind of creepy thinking that Satan could plant a thought and I wasn't sure if I really believed my priest or not. But whenever those thoughts would pop up, I would remember what he said, and think to myself "These aren't my thoughts, this isn't what I really believe" and I learned to let them go. It did help.

Just my 2 cents. Hang in there.

Wow, Lino. My catholic chaplain has said similar things. We both laugh at the "hey, gotta draw the line at killing the POS"...

He was the one that gave me the final thumbs up on the letter I sent to OM's family and friends.

Yes, belief in God, goodness, light all play a role. It's our frailty and vulnerability that lead us to despair.

I will find OM's response as in it he takes issue with my assertion that he is not pursuing "goodness"...

He is truly Rat S#it!

Thanks for the support, man.

Who...you're so right. I share the limbo of what is true, what is not.

As for comparison to OM...I sometimes fall into that, but in reality, there's no comparison. Even if he were some hunk (which he's so not), he is not the slightest fraction of a Man as I am, so I can dismiss it out of hand.



In a nutshell...yep! Don't know if I'll EVER understand. Our MC said I was too much "in my head" when I tried to "understand" the behavior. Sorry, that's who I am...

Queenie, SS, Michele...thanks for the words of support. It comes and goes. There are good days and bad, highs and lows

Doubt is a KILLER...it must be quashed!