Suffer/Hate or Love? - 03/27/08 04:30 PM
Hello everyone,
I’m new to the forum, which I’ve found a fascinating source of information and generous contributions. Two months ago I discovered my husband’s 6-month infidelity with a coworker and I’m devastated. We’ve been married for 8 years and this is the second time that he’s cheated on me –first time was a 3-day thing with an ex girlfriend. He’s broken up with her new lover, she’s moved to another job and he’s very repentant and willing to do anything to save our marriage –for now, we’re doing individual counseling prior to couple’s, to be done at a later time. I love him very much but feel that I cannot and he does not deserve to be forgiven.
However, often, I wish I could just forget everything and continue with our life as if nothing had happened. So, I try not to think and feel the pain, put it aside and enjoy my husband’s company and love while addressing the couple’s problems that created the context for the affair. However, all of a sudden, a day, any day, the anger, resentment and pain emerge and we go through a sudden full-blown crisis that lasts 1-2 days. This leaves us exhausted and we recommence the cycle of love-pain/hate feelings.
My question today is: based on your experience, what is the best way to overcome this suffering and roller coaster mixed feelings? Is it to try to live a harmonic, loving relationship with your spouse while working on the couple’s problems? Or is it to suffer, cry, feel the anger and satisfy your thirst for revenge until you run out of all those nasty feelings so that you can then move on to the harmonic, loving, problem-solving phase?
I hope my question is clear enough… at this point in time, I’m all confusion and I’m sure that gets reflected in my language.
Thank you in advance for your valuable advice,
Juliana
I’m new to the forum, which I’ve found a fascinating source of information and generous contributions. Two months ago I discovered my husband’s 6-month infidelity with a coworker and I’m devastated. We’ve been married for 8 years and this is the second time that he’s cheated on me –first time was a 3-day thing with an ex girlfriend. He’s broken up with her new lover, she’s moved to another job and he’s very repentant and willing to do anything to save our marriage –for now, we’re doing individual counseling prior to couple’s, to be done at a later time. I love him very much but feel that I cannot and he does not deserve to be forgiven.
However, often, I wish I could just forget everything and continue with our life as if nothing had happened. So, I try not to think and feel the pain, put it aside and enjoy my husband’s company and love while addressing the couple’s problems that created the context for the affair. However, all of a sudden, a day, any day, the anger, resentment and pain emerge and we go through a sudden full-blown crisis that lasts 1-2 days. This leaves us exhausted and we recommence the cycle of love-pain/hate feelings.
My question today is: based on your experience, what is the best way to overcome this suffering and roller coaster mixed feelings? Is it to try to live a harmonic, loving relationship with your spouse while working on the couple’s problems? Or is it to suffer, cry, feel the anger and satisfy your thirst for revenge until you run out of all those nasty feelings so that you can then move on to the harmonic, loving, problem-solving phase?
I hope my question is clear enough… at this point in time, I’m all confusion and I’m sure that gets reflected in my language.
Thank you in advance for your valuable advice,
Juliana