I am… I’m just… I can’t express how angry I am.

My youngest daughter has lived with the father of her children for almost five years. We have always been against it and never understood why she stayed. During those five years, I can count on one hand the number of jobs he’s had, and none of those lasted more than two weeks. She works extremely hard and has supported his lazy butt for the whole time. His life is hanging with his buds, sleeping most of the day and playing with the kids when he feels like it. She was always stressed to the max (only makes around $10 hour), always worried about what HE wanted or what HE was going to think. HE came first. Every time.

Now we know why. A couple of Sundays ago my husband and I were at church with our 4-yr. old granddaughter when my husband’s cell phone started ringing. It was HIM asking for directions to the church because he wanted to come and pick up our granddaughter. Knowing him and suspecting something was up, my husband just hung up. My daughter then called crying and hysterical. HE had attacked her that morning and she ran, leaving everything behind, including our 1-yr. old grandson.

As it turns out, this wasn’t the first time. The truth is finally out. The difference this time was that there were people there who saw the whole thing. He chased her to the parking lot but she was able to get away. We met up with her and brought our granddaughter to her, knowing that we couldn’t keep her from him if he showed up. She went to the police department and filed a report and then to the hospital. She’s been hiding from him, staying with friends, until the police pick him up.

He took our grandson. He cleaned out their apartment taking most of the valuables, even took my daughter’s driver’s license out of her pocket, the keys to her car, and what little money she had.

It’s been almost two weeks now. My daughter has met with crisis intervention, and is meeting with CPS today to get their help in getting my grandson back. She has not spoken to or seen HIM in all that time. Her heart is breaking because she wants her son back. Because she has finally gotten away from HIM, she is seeing more clearly how bound she was by that idiot. She “loved” him but sees now how unhealthy it was and is seeing HIM for what he is.

She made the comment to me the other day, “Mom, I never knew I had so many friends. I’ve been afraid for so long. He always threatened to come after my family if I ever tried to leave and take the kids.” People are rallying around her to help. I knew they would. I had told her before if she ever managed to lose the chain around her neck (I had no idea how bad it really was), she’d be amazed at how much help she would get, but until she did, people weren’t willing to help her, knowing that it was helping HIM.

Last night she confessed that HE had choked her until she passed out that day. That hit me like a ton of bricks. HE almost killed my baby girl. I haven’t “hated” anyone in a long time. I don’t know what I’ll do when I see him face-to-face again.

I’m praying that the police find him soon. They’ve issued a warrant for felony assault with a deadly weapon (his hands). I hope they put him away for a long, long time.

No questions, maybe just some advice for any woman who reads this who may be hiding their own HIM. Get out. Now. Today. There is help.

PM,

You willingness to share what happens in your life is something I have always treasured because it helps people so much that may be hiding in their world.

Thank you for your gift to those who may need this and be given the strength to get out.

{{{{{{{{{{{PM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Princess M, I am so very sorry! What a nightmare! Do you know where the baby is? Do you think he is in danger?

Im sorry PrincessM that this is going on. I am happy she finally got out of there. Many thoughts with you and your family.

I hope your grandson is safe and sound and will be reunited soon with you and your daughter.

Oh I can feel her pain and yours. I've BTDT and I know how hard it is to escape. Luckily, things have gotten better for women since my day and there are ways to keep that $#%^^ away from her. But nevertheless, don't take chances. Do everything you can to protect her and don't give him an inch. There is NO EXCUSE for that and the stakes are way too high.

to you and your daughter!!!

Thanks Queenie. If what I’ve written nudges someone to escape then there is good coming from horrible.

KeepItReal- no we’re not sure where they are but suspect he is with his mother in the next town over. We only have a cell phone number for her as they just moved about a month ago. We believe our grandson is safe but God help HIM if he’s not.

APrettyFace- thanks. I’m believing that this is all going to turn out for the best… including having HIM put away. My daughter is also filing for sole custody and possibly trying to have his rights terminated.

I will be praying for all of you. Please keep us updated.

Thanks Tabby. My daughter is an amazing woman who has dealt with a lot in her life. In fact, she is the least likely person you would think would allow this to happen. She is being very strong right now. She called me yesterday morning and said that HE sent her an email over the weekend to her work address. In it he was professing his undying love and reminding her of all their history, blah, blah, blah.

I told her he is trying to manipulate her any way he can. I told her about MB's Plan B and told her that perhaps she should get someone else to screen her emails so she wouldn't have the read that garbage. She knows she can't have any contact with him because he'll just try and sweet talk his way back in. Typical abuser, huh?

She sees it for what it is. Thank God.

Yes, yes and yes!! When I escaped, I actually ran 2000 miles away from home. In those days there were no laws to protect me and even the church turned a blind eye. It was the only way I could escape the manipulation. I'm so glad things have changed. Plan B is perfect for this!

No advice, PM, just thoughts and prayers for you and yours.

And it seems like I've got a shovel around here somewhere. . . .

Believe me. That thought's crossed my mind. My DH has even said maybe he should get some guys together and throw him a blanket party.

Oh, I'm sure. I'm hardly a violent person, but just the thought of someone hurting my daughter brings out all of those impulses.

PM

Have they issued an Amber alert for your grandson? Just because he is the father does not mean he can take him. Get the public in the area keeping an eye out for him.

From your discription of him he can't be too far. Some friend has to be helping him. No job, no money, where else could he go. He is probaly telling everyone how he escaped your daughter and was able to save his son.

Hmmmm....A trip down to BC's hunting camp in the swamp..wouldn't need the shovel even.


My thoughts are with you PM.

PM I'm so sorry to hear whats happened to your daughter,thankfully she has you and hubbie to help her through this....
My thoughts are with you....

No Amber alert. He's the father with rights and all-- believe it or not! It's because he hasn't harmed the children and there are no court orders in effect. Blah, blah, blah.

We suspect he's staying with his mother who I KNOW will get tired of helping him with the baby, paying his way, etc. Once SHE finds out all the details about what went down, I'm hoping she will cooperate with the authorities.

She's a very selfish woman and has her own issues. She has not been willing to help them much before now and I don't see her making any sacrifices. His mother's is the first place the police are going to look for him (if they can find the address) once the warrant is issued (they told my daughter it takes 10 business days to get it issued!?!?!).

Works for me! (Just kidding... for the record)

Thanks Chrisner.

Thanks Hope, prayers are appreciated.

Update: Just talked to my daughter who had meeting with CPS this morning. They interviewed my granddaughter and then my daughter. They CAN'T go take my grandson (if they find him) because the idiot hasn't been arrested yet and hasn't been accused of hurting the children. That's just messed up.

They are going to track him down though and talk to him.

My daughter has to get an order of protection (only for her) and will be monitered by CPS. I understand that because they have to make sure above all that the kids are being taken care of in all this mess. She even has to go to parenting class! She's a great mother! Whatever.

Once he is arrested and charged, my daughter will be able to get her son back, since she's done nothing wrong. She is also filing for sole custody through the court system but as we all know here on MB, the legal wheels are slow, slow, slow.

My prayer is that once CPS contacts him and his family, he will realize that my grandson needs his mother. After all, in a letter he left in the apartment (after he cleaned her out) he goes on and on about what a great mother she is, she's an angel, a good person, deserves better than him, blah, blah, blah.

She should take the child the very first chance she gets. Daycare, out with grandma...etc. The child cannot be taken by the police until there is a court ordered custody...or for danger...but your daughter certainly can take her.

Get an emergency petition...you could probably have one by the end of business tomorrow.

I agree, that's what I've told her too, but we've got to find him first. His mother lives in the next town over but once we figure out that's where he is, believe me, we'll be doing whatever we have to do.

She's coming over tonight to work on the paperwork for custody and an emergency TRO and order for custody. We still can't make that effective until we figure out where he is and get him served.

I sent you an email a little while ago. I think a PI would be your best bet to find him quickly. The PI can also let you know when the child is alone with his mom.

Thanks Medc! I just don't know if I have the funds to do that right now, I KNOW she doesn't. That's a GREAT idea though.

what about counseling for your daughter. Have you contacted some type of womens shelter to get her into a group, or indiviudal counseling, that is geared specifically towards women in her situation?

the stories you hear, it seems like the women can easily get sucked back into that mess. She needs to get help from people with experience, to build up her armor of protection.

He managed to brain wash her for 5 years. Unfortunately, he can suck her back into that mess again if she is not prepared for the possiblity. (and just saying that she is done with him is not enough, I am sure you would agree)

hang in there. I pray God will protect your family with his mighty armor. That as satan tosses his arrows of destruction at you and your daughter, they would fall away without hitting their target.

Counseling's already in the works. My daughter asked me about it the other day and then today CPS also recommended it to her. She KNOWS she could get sucked back in, that's why the no contact.

Thank you so much for your prayers! I truly believe that God is going to intervene in the situation in a big way.

PrincessMeg, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers will be with you all as well.

Oh, I can't imagine. I am so sorry, hopefully this will not drag out too long. That poor baby without his momma, and she must just be beside herself.

Thanks Weaves.

Seems like HE's started calling her job now. He left a message today that the baby just got out of the hospital because the burn on his hand became infected. (Baby touched a hot stove before all this happened.)

I don't know whether to believe him or not or if he's just trying to push her buttons to get her to respond. If it's true, how the heck did it become infected!?

I've been thinking about calling his mom but just didn't want to do anything until we figured out what the authorities were recommending and we didn't want to give away my daughter's location.

Think I should call her?

Praying! Please let us know as soon as your grandchild is safe with his mom!

Oh my goodness, PM. Hugs to you all. I can't imagine what your DD must be feeling right now.


Are you sure? Or is that what broke your DD's silence?

My aunt was married to a very abusive man. I remember going over to spend nights with my cousins and everyone tiptoeing around my cousin's stepdad. We were in the middle of eating dinner one night and out of the blue he asked one of my cousins to go find him a pair of jeans he wanted to wear the next day.

She looked high and low and couldn't find them. He wouldn't let anyone help her look or speak to her.

She had to come back to the table and tell him that she could not find them.

He flipped the table upside down and everything went flying. He forced her to clean it up by herself - making sure the rest of us knew we were not to help her.

I was sworn to secrecy.

He used to call the school and make my cousins come home in the middle of the day to find needles he would "accidently" drop while sewing his Harley Davidson gear. They had to find them with their feet.

My aunt finally escaped him one day - but not before he caused permanent damage to her face from hitting her.

I don't remember what the final breaking point was that made her run to a safe-house. I just remember all the secrecy surrounding her and that my cousins couldn't go to school for awhile.

I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers and hope that your grandson is returned to his mother soon and is safe. DD is going to have to be strong. They will stoop as low as they need to in order to coax them back into their sights.

Fox

I'll call.

Let me talk to DD tonight about it but this sounds like a good plan. Thank you so much MEDC.

(((PM)))

I hope he resists arrest.

Thanks BigK, me and you both.

Update: My DD's job has been screening all her calls. Late yesterday afternoon the main line rang and she answered it not thinking. Guess who. She immediately put him on hold and got one of her coworkers to ask what he wanted. Apparently, he wants to know when she can come and get the baby because he's turning himself in Friday morning. Right. We'll see. I think it's just a ploy to get a chance to sweet talk her or to try and take our granddaughter. DD has no intention of bringing our GD to ANY meeting where he's there.

She does NOT want to see him at all. He thinks he's turning himself in for traffic ticket warrants as he has no idea about the felony warrant that's being issued. She called the investigator's office yesterday and the warrant STILL has not been issued!

If he's telling the truth, it'd be wonderful. But I seriously doubt it.

MEDC, found out from another family member that his mom has been out of town visiting her other son who just started college all this week. I'll try and find out when she'll be back and get back to you if it becomes necessary.

Oh, and the story about the baby in the hospital. Never happened. My DD called around to all the local hospitals and there is no record of him being treated anywhere yesterday.

I thought that when you posted it yesterday. He sounds like a manipulator just like my brother- although my brother is a homeless drug addict. His last lie was that he was in the hospital and on the ventilator but they took him off because he had no insurance. :RollieEyes: Wanted me to come get him. I did not.

For those who have kept up, here's an update.

Last night around 11:00 our doorbell rang. I was asleep but my DH was still up. It was HIS mom and dad and they brought the baby back. They only stayed a second and said, "we're bringing the baby back to ______ (our DD)". They brought all of his clothes and things with him. My husband came up stairs and woke me up. I turned over and saw him standing there with the baby. I thought I was dreaming!! I jumped out of bed and grabbed him dancing for joy. We called our daughter who was staying at a friend's and she flew to our house. She was crying with happiness.



Yesterday afternoon the detective called my daughter and told her that the warrant was finally issued and they would be serving it this morning and arresting HIM my DD's ex). We haven't heard anything about that yet.

I'm thinking that the detective called HIS parents and told them what was going on. Yay!!

Sunday afternoon, after three weeks of waiting for the slower than slow wheels of justice, we asked our daughter again if she could remember where HIS parents lived. She only had a vague recollection since they had recently moved to the next town over. My DH and I drove up there and found the house almost immediately. We got the address and our daughter called the detective to tell him.

What's really cool about this is that Sunday morning our DD went to church with us and at the end of the service she went forward and asked for prayer about this whole situation. The woman who was praying with her specifically prayed, "God, we're asking for a miracle here, for your intervention. What looks impossible is possible for you."

The NEXT day, we had the baby back.

Thank you Lord.

Oh my goodness, PM, I am so thrilled for you and your family!

A miracle, indeed.

Fox

Thanks... I felt like I was in a dream last night. LOL

Update:

HE is still MIA. My DD is doing great! She's had four court appointments now about the protective order but they keep getting reset because they can't find HIM.

My DD has started a relationship with a new guy (who was a friend for a long time before to BOTH of them) and he's a great guy. He actually opens the car door for her, pumps her gas, adores her kiddos, cooks, just an all-around decent guy. She told me she'd never been with a guy who treated her so well.

Even though new guy is a good guy, I told my DD she needs to be careful about bringing other men around them in case it didn't work out. I don't want my grandbabies to suffer any more than they have. But she's an adult and I can't MAKE her do anything.

GKs have not seen their daddy since he's MIA and my GD (who will be 5 next month) is most affected by this. She cries sometimes because she misses him. My DD hasn't told her why her daddy's gone but just says she'll get to see him some day.

It kind of worries me about what will happen when HE discovers she is now dating their friend because he's such a psycho. I just hope he gets caught before that happens.

My DD found HIM. He went back to his home state and turned himself in for ANOTHER warrant that he'd been avoiding for five years. Get this... it's for F-1 Armed Robbery. He's sitting in jail waiting for trial because he can't post bond.

My DD immediately contacted the local detectives to let them know and they are serving him in his home state with the protective order AND with the felony warrant for beating up my DD.

The Armed Robbery carries a sentence of 2-99 years with no possibility of parole until he has served at least 1/2 of his time. So even if he only gets the minimum, he'll be away for at least a year. I can't see them giving him probation either since he was on the run for so long from them and now has a felony warrant out of Texas.

Nice guy, huh?

I asked my DD if she knew about the armed robbery charge and she said yes but not until the last year or so ago. It was when he was much younger. He and a friend robbed a guy at gunpoint!

Now I know why he could never get a job. He was afraid.

My DD is going to sit our GD down and tell her what's going on in an age-appropriate manner. Any suggestions on how to do this? She'll be five next month.

Oh, wow, PM. Thank goodness your DD is able to get away from him.

I don't really have any advice on how to tell your granddaughter, but I'll continue to offer up prayers and throw good thoughts your way.

Fox

Thanks Fox.

She is doing so much better. She's actually smiling and laughing a lot more lately. Getting back to herself.

She just got a new apartment and is moving next Tuesday. Yay!! We're a little crowded in my 2-bdroom townhouse with her and our two grandkids.

I'm so proud of her.

Good for her! It will go a long way in helping her find her self-worth and confidence again to be out on her own.

I was reading on another thread about dreams and looked at the dream dictionary. Throughout my M I had the teeth decaying/falling out dream and the failing brakes dream. Both are indicators a lack of stability in life and that your life is out of control.

I was trying to remember the last time I had one of those dreams. It has been a LONG time.

Your DD will continue to emerge as she moves away from that life and recognizes that she can control her own destiny. It is fantastic that the smiles and laughter are returning. Laughter can be incredibly healing.

Take care, PM. Wrap your arms around that H of yours and share the relief.

Fox

An update for those keeping up.

I found this article today about HIM. I don't care about exposing his identity as this was already printed in the paper and on the Internet.


After he is sentenced in February, Texas has a hold on him and will bring him back here to face the charges for assaulting my daughter.

DD has been going to domestic violence counseling. She has the paperwork ready and is prepared to file for sole custody.

My GD still cries occasionally for her daddy but my GS doesn't seem to remember him. He just turned one in July.

I feel so bad for my GD. But we can't pick our parents.

I'm hoping he gets the maximum up there and then comes down here and gets the maximum. We'll see.

That is great PM!!

Wow, PM! I missed this thread when it all was happening and am just now reading the story.

Praise God your DD and GKs are safe.

Thanks BigK and SMB... it's been quite a ride. My hope is that he will just disappear out of those kids lives until they're grown.

With any luck he will be in the big house until they are grown!

WOW PM, I so missed this! Amazing huh?

I am so proud of your daughter and the way that she has turned her life around!

I understnad that the wheels of justice are slow...it was so ahrd for me, not really the boys they adjusted well, when we had to live in that one room for six and a half months waiting on the judge to kick POWS out!

It's a process, or at least it was for me...I left before he hit me...I honestly felt that was the NEXT step...I'm so happy to hear that your DD is living life and not letting life live her!

You ahve wonderful things to look forward to with her life! AMAZING, SIMPLY AMAZING, as my own as been! I'm still in awe somedays!

FOX:


WOW! I ahd forgotten about this! I use to dream that my teeth were falling out and breaking ALL THE TIME! I can't remember the last time I dreamed that either! Never had the failing brakes dream, but would fly all the time, recently had that one. Guess I need to look that up! LOL, see what that's about!

Update:

I got a call this morning from the presentencing officer up north. He asked me about everything that had happened here and then dropped the bomb.

He said my daughter's xBF is telling him that he was under the impression that my daughter was dropping the charges and that when he went back to Texas, he would either be living with my daughter or his parents.

Oh no, no, no. I told the PO that was just a bald-faced lie. I told him about the two-year protective order in place, the pending felony case, and how my daughter was terrified that he would be released. I suggested he call my daughter and get the scoop from her.

He did and my daughter set him straight and gave him the number of the detectives working the case here.

The nerve of that man... I just wanna smack him!

OMG, PM, in addition to living in Texas like you, the place where the armed robbery took place is literally 5 minutes from the house I grew up in!!! I know EXACTLY where it happened...could drive you there this very second. It is a small, small world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, that is wild. What's that movie about chance enounters? You just never know how people's lives connect.

PM, I will lift your daughter and grandkids up in prayer.

It is amazing how lives connect. I was born in Willoughby and lived in Willoughby Hills for a short time while I was a kid.

It's pretty stunning that that officer would take anything the dirtbag said on face value!! Thankfully he at least contacted you.

Good Grief!

PM, I am so glad your DD got away from this abusive man. Will continue praying for your family!

Update: HE was sentenced today to ONE YEAR with time served. That means he'll be out in 8 months. My daughter is so upset. But at least that gives her 8 months to get the custody motion filed, only now she can't terminate his rights so easily.

He still has to face charges here in Texas, so maybe since he has a felony conviction under his belt, the Texas courts will be a little harder on him when he gets here.

Please pray for my DD's peace. She is so afraid that he'll come back and get her.