WH needs help understanding why I feel the way that I do? He has not fully been able to come to terms with the amount of pain and hurt ,the patience required and the time needed to heal that is associated with being the betrayed spouse and having to deal with the A and an OC. It has been 4 1/2 mths and I am wreck . H tries to be supportive but it is in ways that he thinks should be done or what he thinks I should be doing? Pure selfishness on his part that comes across as a lack of empathy or compassion to the severity of this problem. Selfishness is what got him in this mess in the first place.

I have encouraged him to gain some insight in regards to how a BS feels, try to put himself in my shoes and figure out what he can do to help and what he should not do to help. I was also hoping that the MB community could help me point him in the right direction for him to gain this insight.

If he does not find a way to deal with me better my wall will never come tumbling down and my already one foot out the door will turn quickly to turn into two. I already know that I would not be here if I did not have COM (toddlers) and due to my COM and the life we have built together I have been willing to try to reconciale because I know that there is more at stake than just myself but will leave if my needs are not met. I will not travel down this road again.

Any suggestions/recommendations are welcomed. ( Articles, emails, books, tapes, etc...)

Do you have the book "After The Affair" by Janis Abrams Spring? That book does an excellent job of explaining both sides of infidelity.

Spend the $200 and book a session with the Harleys over the phone so that they can talk to your (ex?)WH. They're supposed to be really good at just what you're asking.

Counseling with the Harley's would be ideal. Great advice. Here is the link to the notable posts thread. There is a lot of great information in it. notable posts