I'm so disgusted with movies such as "Bridges of Madison County." Can't believe that so many people love this movie. Pre-A, I have to honestly say, that I didn't think much about the content of this movie. Now, that I am in R after my FWH's infidelities, anything that promotes A, hits me to a core. It totally disgusts me, and I won't bother to watch it.

I am also disgusted with the media, in how they portray Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie as this "perfect couple".....GAG! They paint Jennifer Aniston in an unattractive light, when she is the victim! What has happenned with our society's morals?

I have a couple former friends who are adulterers. They ended up leaving their spouses for OP. I dumped them and won't have anything to do with them. Obviously, they are not truly remorseful since they are with OP. I don't want to surround myself with people who are unremorseful and of poor character. How can I be a friend to someone whom I can't even trust?

Am I just too sensitive? Anyone else sensitive to watching movies that promote adultery or disgusted with celebrities who are idiolized, yet they are adulterers?

M4,

You're perfectly normal. It's one of the first things I noticed after Dday. We are completely surrounded by infidelity in every form of media. You are very early in your process but with time your sensitivity will fade some. Hang in there and keep the faith...

Want2Stay

It is amazing to me how a movie about 2 pigs rutting in the pig pen once seemed romantic? Enlightenment can be shocking, huh?

You are not too sensitive, but you are intolerant. If more people were intolerant, affairs would not be as accepted as they are. Generally our society just turns their head.

want2stay, I hope that my ultra-sensitivity will fade some. I can't believe how A's can be so glamorized by the media. It's no wonder that A's run so rampant!

Melody, if I had to choose one word for my rude awakening of A's, I think that the word you used, "enlightenment" is perfect.

Hurt, I don't exactly think that I am intolerant. Maybe I'm semi-intolerant? I think that if a WS is truly remorseful and works to R their M, then I would be able to associate with them. However, I would be cautious and not fully trust them.

In my case, I have former friends who were not remorseful. They left their S for the OP. Being around these former friends would make me uncomfortable.

I agree with your last sentence, "If more people were intolerant, affairs would not be as accepted as they are."

Too bad, a lot of times, A's are glamorized, despite how ugly they are.

I am still ultrasensative too those kinds of movies. I end up balling my eyes out while im watching. and this is over a year after D day.


talk about not being able to be friends with alduterers who continue to have their affairs. It brings to mind my WH. Now I dont know if all WH say this but He said something to the effect of "I care about you and I think I could be a good friend to you.I wish you didnt resent me so much."

HA,to which my reply was "how could i be friends with someone who lied and betrayed me for years. I could never trust you. What U did to me I would not wish on my worst enemy. Not even you."

The shows or movies that have infidelity don't really bother me in general. What I find more disturbing is that their popularity indicates that so many people want to or actually do buy into the version of "love" that these movies promote.

They push the concept that "love" is just a matter of keep "pairing up" with people until you find your "soulmate". I find it ironic that so many people want to believe this.

stillhere - what was your WH's response when you said that to him?

My WH says (said) the same things and I did not get a chance to respond as you did (probably because I'm not so quick with responses or that it takes me days to process some of the fog he says). THis has to be classic fog guilt speak, because again, why would I stay friends with someone who betrayed me and then abandoned me??!!!
BF439

rprynne -

It is definitely disturbing that some people love these certain types of movies and believe that you can find love thru an A, with disregard of how the BS feels. It's all about, "But they're so in love!!!" (makes me want to puke!)

It's sad to know that some people treat marriages as if they are "disposable."

bestfriend -

EXACTLY!!!

Waywards say the dumbest things, without realizing what they are saying. MY FWH said so many dumb things. Now that he is out of his fog, he doesn't remember even saying them.

What I also notice, is that when most waywards wake up from their fog, they realize that the OP was not someone whom they would've been normally been with. They usually trade down, I suppose to correspond with the low-self esteem they must have, for having the A in the first place.

OOO,OOO i kinda love this stuff now, Its pretty funny. He didnt know what too say at that moment. BUT I got a text (I have some doozies,this is before I found MB)I can Quote his exact response.

"U call me a liar bit i feel weve finally stopped lying about our relationship. WE lived a lie. I never wanted to hurt you. Ur not alone and i will always be there to help u if u want to."

to which my response was "I NEVER LIED 2 U. U WERE LIVIN THE LIE NOT ME!"

What makes you think there was ever a time when adultery wasn't prevalent in our society...or any other society, for that matter?

It disgusts me, too, but don't kid yourself into thinking there was some "golden era" when Americans led more moral lifestyles, and cheated less. It never happened.

Krazy, maybe it's not that adultery hasn't "been around," because it has. But it does seem to be more "out there, in your face" than in the past, perhaps even MORE actual adultery than in the past when society didn't think it was "socially acceptable" to do whatever you feel like doing. The "standards" of society in general have changed, and a LOT of things that were once thought of as "wrong" are now considered to be "right." In general it's a product of the idea that moral behavior does NOT have any "absolute standards" by which to "judge" such behavior.

Maybe one way to look at it is the "dumbing down" of standards so as to not "hurt" anyone's feelings by calling what they want to do "wrong."

If someone does "dare" to call such behavior "wrong," they are most often attacked as being "intolerant" or "judgmental" because they are "trying to impose THEIR moral standards on someone else." And that IS a problem if one "buys into" the notion of "relative morality."

Ultimately it does come down to "who has the authority to determine what IS right and wrong." And a whole lot of people don't want to have anyone telling them what they "should or should not" be doing.

Agreed. I don't want to get too philosophical, but what I find even more unusual is how much people want it to be this way.

What I mean is that if I told 10 people that I thought if a person just meets someone, determines what their EN's are, then consistently went about meeting those EN's for a period of time, that person would fall in love with them, I bet 8 of the 10 would be put off by that statement. They would claim that is a cold way to look at something as magical as "love." They would probably say something like "if that is true, then I don't want to be in love."

Most want to believe its love at first sight and the rest blissfully takes care of itself, and if that doesn't happen its because you are with the wrong person. And because people want to believe that, that is exactly the theme these movies show. Someone married the wrong person, falls instantly in love with someone else after one introduction, they run off together and the movie stops so that the viewer assumes life was great thereafter. People just seem to want to believe that "love" is just the product of random chance.

What I find a bit ironic about this is that in almost any other aspect of a person's life, they would absoultely refuse to accept that it is just the product of random chance. For example, if someone wants a great career, people are fine with accepting the model of well you have to figure out what you want to do, get trained and educated, start at the bottom, work hard, move up, etc. etc. If I were to tell those same 10 people, you just got lucky with your career, 8 of the 10 would be PO'ed.

Careers, accomplishments, success, etc, all the product of hard work, but great relationships just happen. Perplexes me as to why people want to believe this.

And I definitely believe that the media and celebs have something to do with it. They have money so they can just get married, get divorced over and over. marriage means nothing so why do they even do it.Why do it if the vows mean "until something better comes along" or "until you are not happy anymore"

and look at a lot of celeb kids they are on drugs and screwed up. Dont people see how it effects the children.

I hate these kind of movies too - one thing I noticed when my WH and I were still together, but he was having an affair, was that he would frequently be attracted to, and buy, this type of movie - I guess to 'justify' what he was doing. He never understood why I didn't like watching them - but that was because at that time I just had suspicions, not facts about his affair.

I don't really see it as lowering the standards, but as more of accepting a larger and larger pile of reasons why violating the standards is acceptable. No doubt, the net effect is the same, but it just gets there a different way.

50 years ago, I think the average person would say their are no reasons to commit adultery. Today, the average person will still say adultery is wrong, but here are 10 reasons why you can break that standard.

I think "Bridges" set the new "record" for this. As I recall, it was basically a happily married woman who was bored while her husband was out of town.

Nowadays, A's are now in-your-face. Seems like some people treat their marriages as disposable. Let's get another partner when we're bored....puke! So many people think that marriage is "just a piece of paper." sigh.....

When the movie, "Bridges of Madison County" came out, I remember how so many people loved this movie. I watched it, and couldn't understand why people loved watching some woman having an A with a stranger. People were just enamored by this concept. Really sickening.

ITA! Took the words right outta my fingertips!

Charlotte

You know even commericals have adultery under linings like the Circuit City ad where the husband is upstairs on the phone, the wife calls him down for dinner and he's on the phone to a smooth, sexy voice telling him to come pick her up and he says it's complicated , yeah it a tv he's picking up, but come on.

Or the Burger King ads where the man is either parked in a secluded area or in a seedy hotel and the "cow" (cute huh?) busts in while he's eating a chicken sandwich and he's like "I never said we were exclusive" pleeeese come on I think both commericals are in very poor taste...

Anyway thanks for letting me rant...F-26