Help - 01/03/09 08:32 PM
A lot of you may know the story of my marriage by my wife’s post on the site. For those of you that don’t here is our story written by my wife:
"Ok, I'm just going to jump in with my story. I have been cheated on physically before I married my dh.
When dh and I met he was getting over a relationship with his ex fiancé. We lived in different states. He came to visit, while being intimate he called me her name ok, I'm Tracie she is Stacy. To this day he still denies doing it. I know what I heard. When I would visit him there was never really evidence of her around. She didn’t call etc. While visiting, we talked about getting married etc.
After he left I found conversations between the two of them on my comp. He was calling her MRs (his last name) how she was the love of his life etc. He lied to her about where he was and what was going on in his life. His explanation was he was trying to get his engagement rings back. I guess I was to caught up, low self esteem to even run the other way without passing go. My fault I know. So I married him.
While married at first we didn't live together. He said he was going somewhere and would be home in a couple of hours. I called all night long he never came home. Said he got drunk fell asleep at a friends house. I know he wasn't with her because she lives in a different country. Doesn't mean he wasn't with someone else.
SO I move there, when I get there and we are moving his stuff into our house, I find old phone bills of him calling me, calling her etc on and on even after we were married. What am I to do now right? Here I am a military wife just moved my 2 year old daughter to be with my husband. FOund more conversations on his computer after we were married calling her by his last name. Then when she would make him mad he would tell her about me but she didn't believe him.
Fast forward to me being pregnant and severly depressed during the pregnancy. Have the baby, we are distant. We have some problems and I said things I probably shouldn’t have. Told him every time I put my trust in a man I get let down and he just proved it. So, we are even more distant. He leaves for a drive I call he says he is on the phone with his mom. The next day I get into one of his e-mail accounts and check the phone bill. He has been calling his ex again. They were e-mailing back and forth talking how they are soul mates and he was making plans to go see her. I know it wasn't possible for him to go see her, he had no money, but still it’s the point. He had been talking to her for over a week. She is married and has a baby the same age as ours. So I get her on the phone. She tells me they have never stopped communicating. He stays in contact with her calls her or e-mails her for every holiday she has pictures of our daughter. She says that she truly believes she made a mistake and my husband is her soul mate. But she said she would never leave her husband.
I was devastated at that point. I just felt like my whole life came crashing in on me. Yet its my fault. I saw the signs and kept going. This all happened about 8 months ago. We are now living yet again in another state, thank goodness I refused to go anywhere but where my family is. It doesn't appear that there is any contact with this woman, but how do I know for sure. He has his own email at work that I will never have access to. I can't trust him at all. I wonder constantly if he is cheating on me with someone else. I have always told him I could have dealt better with him having sex with a random stranger than to see the written words of how he loves this other woman more than anything and he misses her and will do anything to be with her. I have never felt like I was enough for him. This woman is absolutely beautiful, a model. I am almost 100lbs overweight. To this day I think he married me just to not be alone because she had moved on. I found out he sent a pic of someone else to her and his friends saying that person was his wife. I still don't know if or how to get over any of this. He shows remorse, we tried counseling. I just can't get past it. I am angry at him.
TO make matters worse after I had our daughter who is now 1, I have problems having sex. SO of course, if I cant have sex with him, that adds one more worry. He loves looking at porn. It used to not bother me but because of everythign else became a huge issue. I have asked him to stop he agreed. Last week I found an email account of his that I had no idea about, an amatuer porn website he had been visiting and posting comments to other woman on. Now he gets upset when I question him. Says, I don't respect him by always questioning him. I really don't even know where to begin to make things better. Wow, if you are still reading this, I am grateful. I am sitting here crying trying to at least make some sense, I just have so many emotions going on, and they won't stop. One day is ok the next is awful. I can't keep living like this, but don't know how to end it
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The above story is a bit of back ground of the relationship between my wife and I. All true and I did get into this relationship not completely over the last. One thing that was not covered is that I did and still do love my wife.
Why am I posting today? My wife completed her Master’s degree in education on 12/16 and on 12/17 my life started to crumble in around me. Three weeks ago my wife located an old friend who she wanted a relationship with on a social networking website unknown to me. I just found out the true extent of her talking to him this past Monday.
In the past my wife had spoke of a person she met while visiting Hawaii 12 years ago. She told me this man changed her life and helped her to put her life on the right track. After spending a week with him on the island a relationship started to develop. My wife returned to California and made plans to return to the island to start a relationship with him. However when all was in order the man contacted her and told her not to, that he was trying work thing out with his child’s mother. From my understanding, my wife was hurt by this man but held on to feeling for him.
On the day my wife picked up her diploma 12/16, I took the opportunity to talk to her about going to school full time and being a stay at home parent. These talk did not go over well and ended with hard feelings about the subject. On the 12/17 my wife located her male friend and started talking with him on the phone without my knowledge. Between that Wednesday and Friday out relationship had fell apart to the point where she told me she need space to think and was going out of town for the weekend. I had a problem with her going out of town for the weekend since she is a home body that does not travel much. She went away the weekend before the holiday and returned worse off than she was when she left. She returned and stated that our marriage was over and she was moving in with a friend. I was taken back by this since things were not great but ok I could see that we were making some progress from where we were.
From the point of her return home she started to cry uncontrollably and lash out at me for anything. In my heart I knew something was wrong but had no idea how big the problem was. Last week end after all the strange behavior I started to wander if something was going on when each time I used the laptop the history was deleted. Sunday night my law enforcement mind took over, I conducted a check of our cell phone record, found that she has been talking with him since 12/17, and made almost two hundred calls to him. I confronted her about what I had found and she explained who he was and told me a bit about him. When she told me who he was, it felt like she ripped my heart out of my chest. I was on fire and pissed off. On Monday I started to think about the events of the pass few weeks and the stories just did not add up to me. I stared to review credit card billings online and found a credit conducted in Knoxville the weekend she was away.
I asked her what happen over the weekend and she told me that they only kissed and caught up on old time. I don’t really believe that with all the crap I have heard over the past few weeks.
Now what do I do? I find myself checking the cell records daily and looking at credit cards statement. I feel sick when she visits the social network web site. Each time I see his photo I feel rage. My wife told me she is tired and doesn't want too work on the marriage and more. She has also told me that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants to do. She has also been told getting help is ok but she will not take the lead on repairing our marriage.
Now the tables have been turned and I can experience what I put her thru. I am so deeply in love with her that I am willing to get over this incident just as she did my incident. This incident made me respect the openness that had developed. I just want my family back!
"Ok, I'm just going to jump in with my story. I have been cheated on physically before I married my dh.
When dh and I met he was getting over a relationship with his ex fiancé. We lived in different states. He came to visit, while being intimate he called me her name ok, I'm Tracie she is Stacy. To this day he still denies doing it. I know what I heard. When I would visit him there was never really evidence of her around. She didn’t call etc. While visiting, we talked about getting married etc.
After he left I found conversations between the two of them on my comp. He was calling her MRs (his last name) how she was the love of his life etc. He lied to her about where he was and what was going on in his life. His explanation was he was trying to get his engagement rings back. I guess I was to caught up, low self esteem to even run the other way without passing go. My fault I know. So I married him.
While married at first we didn't live together. He said he was going somewhere and would be home in a couple of hours. I called all night long he never came home. Said he got drunk fell asleep at a friends house. I know he wasn't with her because she lives in a different country. Doesn't mean he wasn't with someone else.
SO I move there, when I get there and we are moving his stuff into our house, I find old phone bills of him calling me, calling her etc on and on even after we were married. What am I to do now right? Here I am a military wife just moved my 2 year old daughter to be with my husband. FOund more conversations on his computer after we were married calling her by his last name. Then when she would make him mad he would tell her about me but she didn't believe him.
Fast forward to me being pregnant and severly depressed during the pregnancy. Have the baby, we are distant. We have some problems and I said things I probably shouldn’t have. Told him every time I put my trust in a man I get let down and he just proved it. So, we are even more distant. He leaves for a drive I call he says he is on the phone with his mom. The next day I get into one of his e-mail accounts and check the phone bill. He has been calling his ex again. They were e-mailing back and forth talking how they are soul mates and he was making plans to go see her. I know it wasn't possible for him to go see her, he had no money, but still it’s the point. He had been talking to her for over a week. She is married and has a baby the same age as ours. So I get her on the phone. She tells me they have never stopped communicating. He stays in contact with her calls her or e-mails her for every holiday she has pictures of our daughter. She says that she truly believes she made a mistake and my husband is her soul mate. But she said she would never leave her husband.
I was devastated at that point. I just felt like my whole life came crashing in on me. Yet its my fault. I saw the signs and kept going. This all happened about 8 months ago. We are now living yet again in another state, thank goodness I refused to go anywhere but where my family is. It doesn't appear that there is any contact with this woman, but how do I know for sure. He has his own email at work that I will never have access to. I can't trust him at all. I wonder constantly if he is cheating on me with someone else. I have always told him I could have dealt better with him having sex with a random stranger than to see the written words of how he loves this other woman more than anything and he misses her and will do anything to be with her. I have never felt like I was enough for him. This woman is absolutely beautiful, a model. I am almost 100lbs overweight. To this day I think he married me just to not be alone because she had moved on. I found out he sent a pic of someone else to her and his friends saying that person was his wife. I still don't know if or how to get over any of this. He shows remorse, we tried counseling. I just can't get past it. I am angry at him.
TO make matters worse after I had our daughter who is now 1, I have problems having sex. SO of course, if I cant have sex with him, that adds one more worry. He loves looking at porn. It used to not bother me but because of everythign else became a huge issue. I have asked him to stop he agreed. Last week I found an email account of his that I had no idea about, an amatuer porn website he had been visiting and posting comments to other woman on. Now he gets upset when I question him. Says, I don't respect him by always questioning him. I really don't even know where to begin to make things better. Wow, if you are still reading this, I am grateful. I am sitting here crying trying to at least make some sense, I just have so many emotions going on, and they won't stop. One day is ok the next is awful. I can't keep living like this, but don't know how to end it
________________________________________________________________
The above story is a bit of back ground of the relationship between my wife and I. All true and I did get into this relationship not completely over the last. One thing that was not covered is that I did and still do love my wife.
Why am I posting today? My wife completed her Master’s degree in education on 12/16 and on 12/17 my life started to crumble in around me. Three weeks ago my wife located an old friend who she wanted a relationship with on a social networking website unknown to me. I just found out the true extent of her talking to him this past Monday.
In the past my wife had spoke of a person she met while visiting Hawaii 12 years ago. She told me this man changed her life and helped her to put her life on the right track. After spending a week with him on the island a relationship started to develop. My wife returned to California and made plans to return to the island to start a relationship with him. However when all was in order the man contacted her and told her not to, that he was trying work thing out with his child’s mother. From my understanding, my wife was hurt by this man but held on to feeling for him.
On the day my wife picked up her diploma 12/16, I took the opportunity to talk to her about going to school full time and being a stay at home parent. These talk did not go over well and ended with hard feelings about the subject. On the 12/17 my wife located her male friend and started talking with him on the phone without my knowledge. Between that Wednesday and Friday out relationship had fell apart to the point where she told me she need space to think and was going out of town for the weekend. I had a problem with her going out of town for the weekend since she is a home body that does not travel much. She went away the weekend before the holiday and returned worse off than she was when she left. She returned and stated that our marriage was over and she was moving in with a friend. I was taken back by this since things were not great but ok I could see that we were making some progress from where we were.
From the point of her return home she started to cry uncontrollably and lash out at me for anything. In my heart I knew something was wrong but had no idea how big the problem was. Last week end after all the strange behavior I started to wander if something was going on when each time I used the laptop the history was deleted. Sunday night my law enforcement mind took over, I conducted a check of our cell phone record, found that she has been talking with him since 12/17, and made almost two hundred calls to him. I confronted her about what I had found and she explained who he was and told me a bit about him. When she told me who he was, it felt like she ripped my heart out of my chest. I was on fire and pissed off. On Monday I started to think about the events of the pass few weeks and the stories just did not add up to me. I stared to review credit card billings online and found a credit conducted in Knoxville the weekend she was away.
I asked her what happen over the weekend and she told me that they only kissed and caught up on old time. I don’t really believe that with all the crap I have heard over the past few weeks.
Now what do I do? I find myself checking the cell records daily and looking at credit cards statement. I feel sick when she visits the social network web site. Each time I see his photo I feel rage. My wife told me she is tired and doesn't want too work on the marriage and more. She has also told me that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants to do. She has also been told getting help is ok but she will not take the lead on repairing our marriage.
Now the tables have been turned and I can experience what I put her thru. I am so deeply in love with her that I am willing to get over this incident just as she did my incident. This incident made me respect the openness that had developed. I just want my family back!