The Birthday Party... - 02/08/09 08:31 PM
Well, it happened. Here's the good, the bad and the ugly.
Let me first say that it might have been better if it never happened... things would have stayed the status quo. At least now the dynamic has changed and everyone knows where I stand. I'll bide my time, but there will be a confrontation.
My wife's friend, the other man and his brother were all at the bar when we showed up.
There was a somewhat tense sizing up of each other as all the players were recognized. I figured out who the OM and his brother were and they obviously knew right away who I was. I knew my wife's friend from year's ago.
My wife and I obviously did not sit at the same table as "the crew". We set up shop on the other side of the room. Eventually all of my wife's family and friends made there way in.
So the party proceeded pretty much with two segregated groups.
I knew that I was going to have to take some kind of role to get my mind off of things, so I decided that I would just take pictures and mingle with our friends in that way.
As the evening progressed, the OM sensing that I was just going to ignore him, finally made his move over to my wife. You know, the "I just want to wish you a happy birthday" thing.
Well, I lost it. I charged into him like a raging bull. I'm not exactly sure what expletives I let out but I had my finger firmly planted into his chest as I walked him backwards and told him to get away from my wife. It didn't really go any further than that as someone was in my ear telling me not to do this. So I thought better of it and stood down.
So things were a bit rocky after that. But, I had enough people there who were my friends to cool me down.
Later in the night the OM actually came over to me to smooth things over. It was a shaky truce to get through the rest of the evening. I'll give him "big man props" for coming over to me.
I know that is all alpha male stuff and I never envisioned things shaking out that way... but that's how it happened and I just reacted.
Okay, all that is over. It was a surreal experience.
Here are the benefits of last night.
Although a couple of family members knew about my wife's OM, the knowledge of her affair was generally not known. Now everyone in her family and her work friends know. This is going to force my wife to face the reality and not run from this anymore.
I'm very tight with my wife's siblings and cousins so they are all concerned that my wife and I move forward and make things work. Of course, they are primarily concerned about my wife's happiness, but I'm sure that they want to see us stay together, past history and all. I believe I have some allies there. I think some of her family was suprised to see some passion out of me as I'm generally easy going. It was a good learning experience for all.
Going forward, my wife absolutely knows that she can not go out for drinks with her long time friend. She knows where I stand. I'm going to have to vigilantly steer my wife away from her as time goes on. If we have to argue over it, that's the way it's going to be. In the reality of things, when we were together in the past, there was very little contact with the friend... I expect things to move into that direction, now that the birthday bash is over. My wife does understands that she has to keep me informed of what's going on and I will be watching.
I've learned that I can't completely trust my wife to make the right decisions all the time... she actually went out of her way to make me confortable at the party but I know she could very easily be drawn back into that crowd. It's her character flaw. She's weak.
Hopefully, I can convince her that she can't control other people and putting herself in these situations could have negative outcomes. I think she see's that but not clearly yet.
One more thing... After seeing this guy, I think I will have less images of the OM with my wife... the unknown shadowy figure is much worse.
Let me first say that it might have been better if it never happened... things would have stayed the status quo. At least now the dynamic has changed and everyone knows where I stand. I'll bide my time, but there will be a confrontation.
My wife's friend, the other man and his brother were all at the bar when we showed up.
There was a somewhat tense sizing up of each other as all the players were recognized. I figured out who the OM and his brother were and they obviously knew right away who I was. I knew my wife's friend from year's ago.
My wife and I obviously did not sit at the same table as "the crew". We set up shop on the other side of the room. Eventually all of my wife's family and friends made there way in.
So the party proceeded pretty much with two segregated groups.
I knew that I was going to have to take some kind of role to get my mind off of things, so I decided that I would just take pictures and mingle with our friends in that way.
As the evening progressed, the OM sensing that I was just going to ignore him, finally made his move over to my wife. You know, the "I just want to wish you a happy birthday" thing.
Well, I lost it. I charged into him like a raging bull. I'm not exactly sure what expletives I let out but I had my finger firmly planted into his chest as I walked him backwards and told him to get away from my wife. It didn't really go any further than that as someone was in my ear telling me not to do this. So I thought better of it and stood down.
So things were a bit rocky after that. But, I had enough people there who were my friends to cool me down.
Later in the night the OM actually came over to me to smooth things over. It was a shaky truce to get through the rest of the evening. I'll give him "big man props" for coming over to me.
I know that is all alpha male stuff and I never envisioned things shaking out that way... but that's how it happened and I just reacted.
Okay, all that is over. It was a surreal experience.
Here are the benefits of last night.
Although a couple of family members knew about my wife's OM, the knowledge of her affair was generally not known. Now everyone in her family and her work friends know. This is going to force my wife to face the reality and not run from this anymore.
I'm very tight with my wife's siblings and cousins so they are all concerned that my wife and I move forward and make things work. Of course, they are primarily concerned about my wife's happiness, but I'm sure that they want to see us stay together, past history and all. I believe I have some allies there. I think some of her family was suprised to see some passion out of me as I'm generally easy going. It was a good learning experience for all.
Going forward, my wife absolutely knows that she can not go out for drinks with her long time friend. She knows where I stand. I'm going to have to vigilantly steer my wife away from her as time goes on. If we have to argue over it, that's the way it's going to be. In the reality of things, when we were together in the past, there was very little contact with the friend... I expect things to move into that direction, now that the birthday bash is over. My wife does understands that she has to keep me informed of what's going on and I will be watching.
I've learned that I can't completely trust my wife to make the right decisions all the time... she actually went out of her way to make me confortable at the party but I know she could very easily be drawn back into that crowd. It's her character flaw. She's weak.
Hopefully, I can convince her that she can't control other people and putting herself in these situations could have negative outcomes. I think she see's that but not clearly yet.
One more thing... After seeing this guy, I think I will have less images of the OM with my wife... the unknown shadowy figure is much worse.