My WH said that his only affair lasted just over 2 months (I don't believe this - I have new proof that it has been going on for at least a year with someone). He said that she meant nothing to him. Just a friend. Just sex. Didn't respect someone that would do that to her husband (ironic yes). Didn't know what he was thinking. So sorry. After the initial shock wore off, I was so relieved to finally know that I wasn't crazy for imagining everything. I felt better knowing the truth (thought I knew the truth anyway) and wanted to save my marriage. If it was just sex, I could handle it. Now, the only time that I don't feel panicked or anxious is during SF. We have been having hysterically good SF nearly everyday, everywhere. I am trying to be enough. I am trying to not leave him with anything to share with OW. Is this normal? Has anyone else gone through this?
No, never went through this because my ex refused to do anything of any physical nature with me after he became smitten with the OW in his EA.
But, I've heard that it is normal for couples who are recovering from an affair. That they reconnect in a hypersexual way to re-establish the bond that was threatened.
My H and I have had more SF since my confession 4 months ago than we had in the last 4 years. Hysterical bonding does indeed happen.
Yes, we had the same experience and I think it is quite common...reestablishing the marital bond...establishing territory...something like that. It will most likely level off in time....this is the honeymoon period. Enjoy it while it lasts.
SS2,
Put me in the hysterical bonding camp.
D-Day for me was two weeks after having joint replacement surgery. I was supposed to wait six weeks before resuming activity. Instead, we engaged in SF three times in the next four days.
What made it especially noteworthy was the fact that I had been dependent on Cialis for about two years after being prescribed some heavy duty blood pressure meds. In fact, the side effects of first Viagara and then Cialis, the fact that completion for me took so long that it became uncomfortable for her was one of the factors that led to our issues.
The three times in four days? All natural, as has been the case ever since. And at my age, and after my medical problems, 3-4 times a week at minimum without RX help is pretty amazing.
I supposed the Great BH Weight Loss plan (25 pounds in four weeks) didn't hurt much either. I took vitamins and kept lifting weights and I'm better shape than I've been in for over a decade.
A good part of it had to be re-marking my territory. As in, stay away, this is mine.... especially THIS part is MINE!!!!
She's enjoyed it, too, by the way.
---
BH 49
FWW 47
S23, S22
EA 4/07?-1/09
PA 6/07-10/08
NC Broken 8 times
NC finally firmly established 1/23/09
Making baby steps in Recovery, with a long way to go.
We definitely went through a period of hysterical bonding, and it started 3 days after D-Day when I was virtually incoherent with sadness/shock etc. At the time, I could not understand the compulsion I felt about engaging in SF with my FWH. It was extremely disturbing to me, as I couldn't rationalise wanting to enjoy SF with him whilst coming to terms with what he had done. I would literally be hysterically sobbing one minute and rolling around in the bed with him the next.
We really were at it like rabbits for several weeks and the SF was amazing, I can't adequately describe it other than it felt so very very emotional and that emotion seemed to heighten everything.
Looking back, it feels as though for us it was a vital stage in us re-bonding and we certainly felt a lot closer as a result of that period, especially when you think of the pain of what you are learning at the time.
Things did settle down after a couple of months, but SF is still great and we both put effort into this part of our relationship.
We definitely went through a period of hysterical bonding, and it started 3 days after D-Day when I was virtually incoherent with sadness/shock etc. At the time, I could not understand the compulsion I felt about engaging in SF with my FWH. It was extremely disturbing to me, as I couldn't rationalise wanting to enjoy SF with him whilst coming to terms with what he had done. I would literally be hysterically sobbing one minute and rolling around in the bed with him the next.
That sounds very familiar. It is the only time that I can't think about the betrayal. It seems to block all the hurt for that period of time. I am definitely marking my territory too!
This happened with WH and I, as well. Then it started to decline again, but I did not know that he had seen OW at that point and had continued contact the entire time. I don't know if it helped us re-connect, since she was still in the picture, but its nice to know that others experienced this.