Nothing like bolstering my own thread with lots of posts from myself. Sorry about that.
Jerry,
I am not trying to paint you into a corner, but perhaps EN's are overrated when it comes to pa. Ther are times, that I believe, that it was rather about frolicking in the persuit and excitement of the A. That can strike anyone at any age. In fact, age has no boundary for this to occur. Dr Harley admits this when he states, "We are all wired to have an A."
I do not feel at all painted into a corner.
I do not believe that ALL women have sex with an OP merely because they want the attention. I wanted to point out that there ARE women who will do this.
I, for one, do NOT believe that men OR women have affairs merely because ENs are not met. As I said, in my H's case, even HE admits his needs were being met. He wanted to feel COOL, like a macho man who could have multiple women. He wanted some
"strange". He was not wanting for sex from me in any way. I gave and give him his fill.(Sorry if TMI)
But sometimes, especially(I believe) with women, it IS about attention. A woman whose H never tells her she is attractive or that he loves her or that she is the most precious thing in the world to him MIGHT seek ATTENTION elsewhere. And an EA is born.
This is, of course, a HUGE mistake. It shows a lack of boundaries and a refusal to protect the marriage. It is NEVER an excuse for adultery. N.E.V.E.R.
THEN, when the man who has been providing her with the much coveted attention decides that he wants to take things to the next step(PA), the woman MIGHT go along, even if she doesn't really want the sex, JUST to continue to have the attention. And sometimes the woman really does NOT want the sex, despite what Krazy might think.
It might sound stupid(all affairs ARE)but I know women who have done this. And so does my daughter. She has a friend who is not having an affair, but has regular sex with a guy BECAUSE she feels that it is the ONLY way she can keep his attention focused on HER. This is not to say she doesn't like the sex, but it is the attention she is after.(And it is not working very well.)
I absolutely DO believe that we are ALL hard-wired to have an affair. I believed this long before I heard of MB. I know that when I married my H, I made a conscious decision NOT to have any ENs met by ANY other man. This was before I even knew the term EN. I decided to protect myself, my H and my marriage. And I believe that as long as I do this, I won't have an affair. But if I let my guard down I might.
I know that my personal weak spot would actually be attention. Not a craving for fun and excitement and sex. But one thing DOES lead to another.
Unfortunately for me my H did not make the same decision.
I believe that is what MB is all about. Both spouses protecting their own boundaries AND each other's.
As we BOTH know, it doesn't always work out that way and we end up here, in the nicest club that no one wants to join.
My Q thus becomes, what caused a WW to enter an A, unmet EN's or the thrill of the chase?
I think it depends on the woman.
Either way, it is a case of poor boundaries and a sense of entitlement. For men and women both.
What do you think?
Blessings,