About 3 months ago, in response to seeing a picture of some blood on the cover of a DVD, my youngest daughter tells me that her mom and pediatrician have told her that her blood type is AB. This was completely out of the blue, unsolicited.
I should preface this by saying that my cheating wife is my second wife and I have kids from the first marriage. Often, my second wife, incredibly insensitive as she is, would make comments wondering if my boys from my first marriage were really mine biologically(my first wife serially cheated). My second wife brought this up frquently(I should also mention she is probably BPD and did not like my boys, although she disguised this well during courtship).
In any case, my daughter is 6 and a half. I had no idea she was aware of blood types or where she might have heard about them if not from her mom or doctor.
Now, I am O negative. Regardless of my wife's blood type, there is no way a child of mine could be AB.
I love my daughter. I would not feel any differently about her no matter what.
But, how could a 6 year old know about AB blood? Should I even consider opening this Pandora's box? IS it significant that my second wife(now X) would raise this issue with my boys(was she projecting?).
I gues my question is twofold. First, would you investigate further? Second, how to go about it without letting my XWW know or running the risk of it getting back to my daughter.
Is it usual that kids are blood typed? She has had no surgeries although she once broke her arm? But, I know I never had my blood typed as a kid.

This is rough...

She is still your daughter in spirit, but you have to pay your XW to keep her.

I guess you could quietly check with a doctor on any pretext. Try swine flu check. Confirm that you will make no further payments for the child. Reclaim past payments if she continues to argue. Make her sign it.

I hate to waste money, but I do appreciate your problem.

Some pediatricians do a blood sample and complete lab work as part of a routine physical. It depends on the doctor.

You have a ton of different threads and no signature. So I have no context in which to respond. I would ask though:
What difference will it make if your DD6 is biologically yours or not?

If it will make no difference then do not pursue this.

Because you are D'd from DD6's bio-mom then you might lose custody/visitation if you pursue this. Consult a lawyer.

If you have legal custody and plan to ask for child support from XWW2 and/or bio-dad then you might want to pursue it. Again, ask a lawyer.

Pandora's Box indeed. What a horrible situation to find yourself in.

How to investigate further without arousing suspicion? Hair off her pillow case or out of her hair brush. Or get her a new toothbrush.
EDIT: Arrange the test with a lab, they will probably give you swabs for a saliva sample. Swab your daughter while she is asleep.

Waywards suck.

Hopefully you are rid of the second wife?

I don't know.
But I do know that in my state if you do go through the legal channels of proving you are not the genetic father, you will no longer be responsible for any child support, and may be able to win some of what you have given back.

The down side is that you also completley loose your parental rights.

The answer to this is easy.
http://www.dnacenter.com/paternity/legal-testing.html

http://www.medindia.net/patients/calculators/bloodgroup.asp

Add yours and the mother blood type in this calculator and it will show you the range of blood types the two can produce.

Hon, some things don't matter.

It doesn't matter to me where my kids came from...only that they're here.

What matters is your wayward's cheating...not the genetics of YOUR child.

Thanks, InFlynn, I was a biology major and had tons of genetics classes. I did use the calculator just to ensure, and an O parent can only have A, B, or O kids.
I will check with my lawyer before making a decision. I think I may just let it rest.
But, isn't it strange how my second wife would bring this issue up all the time re my boys from the first marriage? It's like she had this on her mind re our own kids.
And, yes, she is my XW, now.

Zelmo,
Why do you say that your DD could not possibly be AB blood type?

My mother's blood type is A negative. My Father's blood type was O positive. MY blood type is AB positive. There is NO question that my father was actually MY father. If you could see the strong family resemblance you would understand. I look SO much like my paternal grandmother as to be her twin.

Also, my sister's blood type is A positive and my brother's is B positive. Again, the strong family resemblance of my brother to my father's side of the family would make any question of paternity laughable.

I understand your qualms here, but the possibility of you fathering an AB child is not unlikely.

Zelmo,

As an OC I wanted to know about my parentage, and found out. We do owe our children that most fundamental truth about their existence. No one should go through life without that knowledge.

In a sense your ex-wife is lying to your child every day if she is an OC, my adoptive Mom did.

NJ

DNA test for all of your kids.

My mother's blood type is A negative. My Father's blood type was O positive. MY blood type is AB positive.

Sorry, but this is not possible. For a combination of A & O, only A or O offspring are possible. For you to be AB and siblings A and B respectively, your father would have to be B if your mother is truly A; both would have to be heterozygous. Think of it this way:

Mom = AO, Dad = BO
Possible combinations are:
Mom's A + Dad's B = AB child
Mom's O + Dad's B = B child
Mom's A + Dad's O = A child
Mom's O + Dad's O = O child

I think you may be working with faulty info, you would be surprised at the number of people who don't really know their blood type.

For Zelmo - unfortunately what the others have said is true. The likely outcome of doing a DNA test would be to lose visitation rights with your daughter while still having to pay child support. Before you decide on anything, I think a consultation with a lawyer would be in order. Perhaps there is a legal way for you to have access to her health record information, and can determine if the blood type info is indeed correct.
As a guy I understand the fury you must feel if this is indeed true, however, if you truly love this child think about the effect it would have upon her to find this out. It's not the child's fault her mother is a (fill in the blank). But if this does in fact change your perception of the child, then do what you feel you must do. There's no right or wrong on your part in that situation.
I personally think the laws ought to be changed where a man that finds out his exwife lied about paternity should be allowed to continue to have a relationship with the child but not have to pay support. But that's probably never going to happen, the court only cares that someone other than the government pay financially for the child's upbringing, they don't much care about right or wrong.

Edited to add: If a person has the Bombay phenotype (exceedingly rare), they lack the H substance necessary to express the red cell antigens for A and B, and so would type as O during a type and screen while geneticaly being A, B or AB. So, yes, this would be a possibility. Exceptionally rare, but yes possible. So I should not have said it was impossible.

Why don't you just make a visit to your daughter's pediatrican to see if any of this is true. No pediatrician has ever typed either of my child. I don't even think they did when they were born.

Maybe your wife is just being a B and sticking crap in your D's head. Given that you have loved this child for almost 7 yrs, biology only counts if you make it an issue.

I am sure americajin is right. Genetics was one of my favorite subjects in college.
The leaglities seem to vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. As I recall from my family law classes in law school, in our jurisdiction, one is responsible for supporting any child a wife conceives during the marriage, whichis just fine with me. I love my daughter so much, the biology makes no difference to me.
I guess it is just another aspect of this whole mess that confuses me. If it is true, the extent of the betrayl in terms of duration is increased and the amount of lying more than I discovered.
I talke to a friend with some knowledge of the routine practices re blood typing here in our area. SHe tells me that a high percentage of docs do type at birth,when they test for other things, like maybe bilurbin.
And, apparently, I can simply ask to see her records at the pediatrician office, as I am her father.I guess I will check to resolve this. I will do it clandestinely.

One thing I did not mention is that my wife has lied about many things in her life. We were married for 10 years and the entire time she claimed to have graduated from colleg. It turns out that was not true. Her dad now tells me she quit, sent home fake transcripts for a year. Her frind tells me during this year she was missing, she was having anaffair with a married guy in her college town and living over a bar.

http://www.biology.arizona.edu/Human_Bio/problem_sets/blood_types/btcalcFlashTest.html

This actually shows if you know the child and only one parent to find the blood type of the other parent. Also the two parents to get possible children.

http://www.dnatesting.com/resources/aboBloodTypes.php
This is more detailed!!!


P.S. I hope we haven't opened a pandoras box to hurt people who thought they were full blooded, adopted or other!!!

Hey Zelmo, why don't you take her in and get her blood type done. She is only 6 - even adults get this stuff mixed up. She could simply be mistaken.

I think I will just get a look at her records. Bringing her in would cause all types of questions from her and I don't think she should be aware of any of this. And, she is scared of needles.
Are these DNA tests expensive?

DNA tests are typically done with saliva. You could swab her mouth while she slept.

Gack1 provided this link earlier in this thread. Has cost and procedure info... http://www.dnacenter.com/paternity/legal-testing.html

Blood tests are not worth the time, or the lab equipment used.

DNA is the only way to go.

Why?

For the same reason courts assumed that the husband was the dad. The blood test can only show who is not the dad. Not who is the dad.

The OM or any potential OM can have the same blood type as the husband.

And as americajin said: "If a person has the Bombay phenotype (exceedingly rare), they lack the H substance necessary to express the red cell antigens for A and B, and so would type as O during a type and screen while geneticaly being A, B or AB. So, yes, this would be a possibility."

This shows that blood tests are not acurate 100% of the time.

This is why DNA tests need to be done with all of the children. There have been too many stories here where the WW was found out to have an affair that was longer duration then admitted to, other affairs and OM that were denied.

Speaking only for myself ... If there was ANY question of paternity, I would DNA asap.

I have no desire to raise or support some other man's child.

So any child not yours by DNA is SEP? (somebody else's problem)

Exactly ... it's (somebody else's CHILD).

Also, I'd like to point out that I made it very clear in my first post ... "Speaking only for myself" ... if somebody else wants to raise &/or support someone else's child, it doesn't affect me in the least.

Even if you thought for the last 6-1/2 years the child was yours and raised her as such? I think that is the situation is here. That would be quite a dilemma.

If she failed the DNA test what would you do with the child MyRev? Just curious.

>That would be quite a dilemma.


I agree.

As a mom to an OC that we don't even know is my HUSBAND's, I'd like to know would it change your LOVE for the child in any way.

We opted NOT to DNA test OC5yo b/c 1} I don't think I could live through another DNA testing again - no matter what the answer is, it hurts and 2}because the little munchkin holds our hearts in his little hands and damitol we could give him a wonderful life - and a better life than he'd have had being raised by VD.

Folks, don't get all wrapped around the axle over someone having a differing opinion on a subject.

However, to answer your question ... since failing the DNA test would mean that she would be the D of the OM, AND my WW would have been LYING to me about it for 6+ years ... the child could live with her mother after the divorce, and I would not be paying CS or seeking any type of visitation.

Obviously, others have chosen different options. I simply don't think this is an issue you can judge someone on that has different boundaries and beliefs.

It was simple and I believe respectfully asked question. I was just curious.

True, my statement was precautionary, I "sensed" I was about to get a "How could you?" lecture type of post. Instead though, it appears that Dealan-de has started her own thread using some of my words from this thread out of context, and that's OK too. These are my honest thoughts of the subject, but its not a mountain I'm willing to die defending.

Have a good weekend.

No, no, no no!

Never ever "how could you" on this issue, Rev. Tryin' to understand is all.

There are those who "can't..." Not, won't, but CAN'T. KWIM?

They just couldn't...and I am trying to understand that, too.

Fudgemonkeys.

> Dealan-de has started her own thread using some of my words from this thread out of context

Apologies.

I guess it's about how one makes the choices...the steps involved in the decisions.

Unh.

I don't think I'm choosing MY words write/right. I know what I want to say, but am not getting it out correctly.

You calling me a fudgemonkey?

Oh, fudgemonkeys is my multipurpose cuss word...I use it when I'm particuarly exasperated with myself.

If it's really bad, I say "CATS & DOGS!"

I'm just messin with ya. Although I have never heard that exact phrase before. One I can use around the kids...

Dealan-de,

An apology is unnecessary, but accepted anyway.

I know a lot of people say "you never know what you would do until faced with this situation", and that may be true for some, but I've done quite a bit of introspection over the past 2 years, and I know how hard its been to R from FogFree's A, and it was almost "tame" compared to what others have experienced.

There are just certain things that I know my pride, ego, self-respect wouldn't allow me to tolerate ... and an OC would be at the top of that list.

FogFree and I have even discussed some of the MB situations involving OC's, and we BOTH agree that the ONLY reponse that we would consider ... if it were us in those shoes ... would be to terminate the pregnancy immediately.

The situation at hand is even "potentially" worse than finding your WW pregnant, since the child has now been born, and a series of lies have followed to keep the BH in the dark. In that situation, my only option would be an immediate D, and since the child would represent the ultimate TRIGGER to what would then be the worst time in my life ... I would have to go NC with the child also.

Others might not agree or understand ... but it feels "right" to ME.

>Others might not agree or understand ... but it feels "right" to ME.


I think I CAN understand this.

It's the mirror of MY decision to keep the Wookie and the Wookettes ... it feels "right".

Yes.

That's it exactly.

To dump the WW and OC is ok.

To keep the WW and OC is OK.

It's what the BH wants and can handle.

Theire is nothing wrong being stuck with paying to raise the OC or dump and not pay for the OC.

If the BH divorces. It is the WW's problem because of her lies and infidelity. The BH suffers. The OC suffers. The WW gets what she deserves and is responsible and the cause for her deceit. The OM most likely gets away free.

Some states will make the non-bio dad continue to pay CS even after a DNA if the kid is beyond 2 years old. They claim best interest of the child. Especially when the real bio-dad can't be found.

Feeling are all you have when you don't live by moral values.

**********EDIT**********

*****************EDIT**************

Exactly what is MORAL about raising someone elses child. It may be GRACIOUS, or UNSELFISH, or HUMANITARIAN, but just where is there a MORAL component to do so???

To answer my own question ... THERE IS NONE.
**********************EDIT******************