Effects on the NON-WS ?? - Marriage Builders® Forums

It's been almost 9 weeks since D-Day for me and i was totally shocked by it all and still am. Since then i have had many problems...can't eat, can't sleep right, sometimes can't even function much at my job, want to burst into tears alot. I have lost 30 #'s in this time and have no energy to do much. It feels like she has ripped my entire body apart and it simply isn't put back together right. I don't see an end to these feelings for me. I am PLAN A all the way, but it's hard not to break down in front of her. I feel so envious and sad when i see a happy couple hand-in-hand. Am i normal or is there more to what i am experiencing ? I was hoping time would take some of this away. But the situation hasn't changed alot since then....so i don't either i guess. HELP !!!!!

Hi Sad Daddy,Your feelings are probably the same as every BS on this site. When I found out 4 1/2 months ago, I was numb. I could not believe it. My W of nine years was having a affair. I lost 16 pounds, could not work, cried at times, but not in front of her. I could not listen to love songs or some TV shows. I also notice couples in love. Never really before, but now it seems they are coming out of the woodwork.All I have to say is get ready for the rollercoaster ride of your life. Up one minute and down the next. I can only speak for myself, but it feels like I have a metal suit on. I can take the hit, but the effects are not as bad.Good luck. Dino

Sad Daddy, Its the pits. I couldn't have continued without help from my counselor and antidepressants. The counselor validates my feelings and lets me work through them although I tend to push them back and away. I realize I can't do that forever and have to get them out. Have you seen an MD about getting antidepressants or something for anxiety? I'm not good at remembering to take pills unless I have symptoms and I defintiely still have symptoms so remember to take them. They don't take the pain away, but can keep you on a more even keel so that you can deal with them. Come here to ventilate often...that also helps. It keeps you from going completely nuts. Mikkey

Thanks for the Reply Dino !! I share those same feelings. How could she have done this to me..i now know how. It's worse for me because i brought this man into our house as my friend and then he became involved in our family life for an entire year. Was at our house doing family things most weekends and sometimes during the week. He was 20 years older than us and loved our kids...so i thought. We did everything with this guy...He was like an "uncle" to the kids. THEN i find out that he was having an affair with my wife all this time...and he was supposed to be my friend. All the memories of the places we went, things we did. It's hard to do anything with my family now that DOESN'T remind me AND her of him !! I cry at movies, I cried when i picked out my Mom's Birthday card. I am just so emotional. I have cried more in the last 2 months of my life than the rest of my entire life. I get depressed thinking that i will have to break up my family. I get scared when i think that i will be a single father of 3...but i know i can do that !! It won't be easy...but i can do it ! My mind races over a million thoughts.....but most of all. I want my wife and my life back !!!

Sad Daddy,I have two kids who I love so much it hurts. I want my wife back, but right now it does not look good. I have learned a lot on this site. You need to look out for yourself. I have and I feel better. Don't get me wrong, I am there for my kids more then ever, but there is a point where you need to go one way or another with WS. It's going to get worse before it gets better. Take care. Dino

Hi Sad Daddy - if you can, get Abrahms book: After the Affair.It has a very accurate explanation for what you are going through.------------------ Pain is a given, misery is optional.

Well it's been 9 months for me and mostly I am doing OK except I still think about it each day. Also each day I want to confront the other guy. So recovery definitely takes a long time. After 9 months you can sleep and eat.

Dear Sad Daddy, Gosh, all I can offer you right now are {{{{HUGS}}}}} and {{{{{MORE HUGS}}}}}I bet I could get you to eat some of my prize-winning oatmeal raisin cookies!?!?

Dear Sad Daddy,I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. What you describe is almost exactly what happened to me when I learned of my H's affair and that he had fathered a child by that affair. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, lost lots of weight (unfortunately it came back). I chose to spend a week in the hospital for depression. I signed myself in. Although I was on antidepressents from Dday, they obviously weren't enough and so I went to the hospital. I stayed there a week and they changed my medications around. I felt better a couple weeks after the medication adjustment.A new person on the pregnancy/child board told us that this wasn't very helpful, but I don't know what else to say except that it will get better with time. If you stay in your marriage or you leave, the shock and the pain will lessen and you will begin to lead a more normal life. I am a year past DDay, we are in solid recovery and I feel very good.I wish you all the best, Mrs. Job