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Hi Guys,Haven't had as much time to post lately playing ambulance a lot. I see a great deal of Plan B, separation and divorce talk.I wasn't going to post this but, after seeing all of the above I wanted to throw one in for the good feelings. Another reason is that I have felt a disturbance in the force and believe that someone is lurking here and filling her head with bad thoughts of me. Not sure who but twin S and OM have access to internet. Neither are members of my fan club. [ [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

HI! This one's for you. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

] They can't take this feeling away from me.Val called me early this AM. 6:21 to be exact. That's alright, I only need 4 hours of sleep anyway. She said she hoped it was OK to call this early because I did to her last week. She Laughed. [I called the office early last week because of the rumor Brian told me of her moving in with him] Shouldn't tell stories, PAL! Long story short leaving details out. After the mundane taxes stuff, she brought up our relationship. I told her our married life was as simple as three sentences. "I was a rotten H and neglected you. You met someone else. End of story."I told her of my newfound and stronger love for her since D day, MB and medication, but knew it was too late. I felt that her love had dried up for me and I understood. She immediately said "No it hasn't, I still love you, but I'm not sure if I can continue in the relationship" I told her very sincerely I was very sorry for that and everything I had done to her. She started crying and had to leave.OK, that may not seem like a big deal to some, but for me it was. I havn't heard those words so sincere from her in a long, long time. [The I still love you part!]I had a higher step in the old walk, a smile on the face and a small glimpse of hope in the heart. Don't know if anything will come of this. I just made my day brighter and happier. Next Monday will be one year of separation.Is this a baby step or a hallucination in the mind of the village idiot?Who cares, It really made my day and probably tomorrow and the next day.Wishing us all the Best.TimHad to fix smiles![This message has been edited by MEDIC238 (edited March 07, 2000).]

Congrats on your great day!!!Keo

Congrats!!!

Medic, Sounds good. Glad you thought it was genuine....I am sure it was. Gosh...she sounds so confused. A good/great sign. I truly believe she still loves you....and I believe that she wants to try again...but maybe doesn't know how. That is the scary part. Doesn't know where to start or how it might happen or how it might end. Again....trying to avoid conflict and anything that might be unpleasant. With help from you....I think she could get over the fear. Little, little baby steps.Believe it or not....it made me smile too. Nancy

Yup, sounds like a babystep to me! I'm so glad for you! ------------------ terri I believe in miracles...

Medic,It sounds wonderful to me and I am glad it made your... <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>I had a higher step in the old walk, a smile on the face and a small glimpse of hope in the heart.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I am very happy for you! Keep up the good work! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Hi Gang,She sent me a note asking if we could please file jointly this year for 99s return. A tax saving thing the company accountant told her of last year. If we filed separate it would be a couple thousand more for me to pay. I fall into a higher bracket solo. She could easily screw me big time on this.I left a message last night at her parents house to call re her W2s. I believe the MIL was shocked. I was short, sweet and to point. Normally I babble with her for a little. Val had class last PM.I was only intending on making arrangements for picking up her paperwork tonight on the way back from dropping my son off at college. I was not prepared to discuss US at all let alone at this hour. I was happy I figured out it was the phone and not my alarm ringing. I did that once before and messed up the time trying to turn it off.I chose my words carefully with no blame placement or comflict offered. She said it's been a year that we have parted. [She likes using that one] Always drew me into a debate that I stated it doesn't matter how long. Not this time. I agreed, Yes, next week will be one year. That was dropped. I really did well. It was like just talking to a friend of mine. You wouldn't LB a buddy, would you?It must be my library of relationship books in the bathroom. I'm getting good at this H stuff.Keo, Johnnie,Thanks for the Congrats. Might be that angel working early?Nancy,We said those three words to each other many times over the last 11 years. The last few years the words started to lose the meaning, I love You and BTW could you pass the salt. The ones I heard today were from the early days. The Val that I married.I offered that if she ever wanted to go for ice cream [we used to hit this place where they hand make it] sometime with light conversation that she can call. I told her it would probably be nice to see her and that I may miss her just a little bit. She laughed at the little bit part.Hey Terri,I am wishing for the best [where did I hear that before?] but keeping expectations low. If we ever did reconsile and get back together I would have to give up the closet and there would be girl things in the BR again.HEY SAM!A dear friend I met here told me of a good feeling. I don't recall who that was right now. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Some may feel the event this morning insignificant, but, if you knew Val this was something.Keeping my feet on the ground and reaching for the stars.Zippy the Pinhead.

Medic,Wondered where you have been. I'm glad that you're feeling better, I guess the marriage break worked for you!Have any advice for me?

Zippy.Sounds like progress.Hi Tims SIL. He's a changed man...Hi Brian...not much nice to say to you but hi.Hang in there Tim, oportunity only knocks a few times...I'm praying for you guys.Bill------------------ BB

Medic - I've been following you even though I haven't been posting. This all sounds good to me - a lot like OUR first steps back.Hang in there, ok? You're doing just fine.Lori

Hey Tim!Congratulations! Baby steps are in order, but it sounds like they're in the right direction!I hope you two get to go for that ice cream, and soon!Hang in there! Keep us posted! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

--purplemag

MEDIC238,Baby steps?!? I hate to rip off Neil Armstrong, but here goes:"This is one small step for MEDIC238, one giant leap for MEDIC238's marriage!" [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Hey, your profile indicates that you're in Pennsylvania. Why not use the record setting warm temperatures we're enjoying in the eastern US to take that lovely wife of yours out for an ice cream, eh?BystanderPS: To the SIL: If it looks like a changed man, acts like a changed man, then it stands to reason that it IS a changed man.To Brian: I'm old enough to know that love doesn't conquer all, but young enough to believe that good still triumphs over evil.

Sounds great to me!!! Anyway, how could she resist someone with your sense of humor? Hope this baby step leads to more...

SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S BREAKING!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!

Hey MedicSounds like great news. Hey, Can I borrow your shoes? Mine keep wanting to take these big steps. Dang, big feet!! You sound really grounded and focused on the task at hand. Thanks for the inspiration! It's a good feeling for me to finally set some goals in my life again, and be resolved and committed to something good.Last week I had what I thought, was some positive time with Lor. We had lunch together (her invitation) at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants. Very nice, positive conversation. Then she invited me out for a beer after work at our favorite sports bar where we watched all of the "Rams" football games this year. Had a couple of beers, some good laughs, and a little bit of serious discussion. She let me know that she had seen a lawyer, just to ask some questions about separation. That was fine, kind of expected that. Saturday night we all went to church together, great sermon on forgiveness and committment. Then we went out for supper together, and all of us joked and laughed and had a great time. I am sky high by now, thinking that this is just so right and positive, and thanking the Lord. Monday comes, and she tells me she's pretty certain that she wants the divorce. POP! There goes the balloon. Set back city. Oh well, it ain't over 'till God says it's over, right?There was a great message given this morning at my bible study. The guy teaching the lesson (who is also my prayer partner), was relating the story of the Tenboom sisters who went thru the NAZI concentration camps during WWII. They had incredible faith in God and forgiveness for there captors and also the man who had turned them in. The book is called "The Hiding Place", and it's also a movie. But they never lost their faith, even when one of them was put to death. Her message to everyone else was always "There is no pit deep enough, that God's love is not deeper than". Anyways Tim, throwing a lot of good vibes your direction today. Hope things continue to get better for you.Take care, Guard

Tim,I too feel that congratulations are in order......but unlike everyone else (gee... I hate myself for this)... but I'd say keep to Plan B. Don't have contact with her... (no matter how good it makes you feel)I see her stringing you along... raising your hopes/expectations and then dropping you... ...and not even intentionally... ...there may be some love from her!But... to get her to really recognize that it is going to take a serious shift in her life (leaving Brian)... these short messages will do you more harm than good.Boy... I feel so bad for saying this to you... ... when I really don't want you to be in such pain... I'm sorry...Strength to you in however you decide to approach this... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim

Hey Gang,Thanks for the "atta boys". I really didn't do much other than treat her as any friend who would have called. Ok, that was hard. No LBs, conflicts offered or blame to be had. I was not going to bring up the marriage or divorce at all. I just wanted to pick up her paperwork.I don't call unless there is a perfectly good reason to make contact with her. I needed her W2s. I can't fake them, well I could, I have a bunch left over from the company.Personal replies to follow. I did want to address Jims message now. I was thinking about this the last few weeks. Yes, I am in Plan B. If she doesn't hear or see from me will she wonder or care what is going on in my life? Being out of sight and out of mind carry on with Brian full steam ahead seeing as though the H is out of the way?Then, there was this idea. Treat her as a friend. Do things that friends do and don't bring up the relationship issue. By spending time together hopefully and slowly gain the love and respect that she once had for me. Gee, that sounds like Plan A.Remember that she is a conflict avoider. Both she and I are thick headed. We have hurt each other in the past with the spoken word. I figure if she sees that I can use my tongue for something else it might help the situation. That didn't sound right, but, if given the opportunity, heh? Val is a tough cookie to crack. I was going to go with the idea that if she calls I will be nice. If I get a card or letter, I will send one in return. She knows the phone number here so she can call if she would like to get together for the day. If she forgot I know Brian probably remembers. Oooppps that was nasty. I'm trying.I'll be back.Tim

Tim,Sounds great, good luck! It sure seems sincere to me.God Bless

Medic, Not only did you get I love you, you got TEARS to along with I love you still. All the feelings are still there. It is okay to revel in those little steps. However, compared to me those are BIG steps.MONDO HUG!!!!!!!!!------------------ God Bless, Rob regilmor@swbell.net

Tim...I guess my skin must have thickened in the hospital... ...I really don't mean to put a damper on your spirits. ...they always raise everyone's! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>If she doesn't hear or see from me will she wonder or care what is going on in my life?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... it doesn't mattter... maybe she will... maybe she won't. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Being out of sight and out of mind carry on with Brian full steam ahead seeing as though the H is out of the way?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...it's the only way to make Brian meet ALL of Val's needs... and if he can do it(unlikely)... but if he can... there is nothing you can do about it... <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Then, there was this idea. Treat her as a friend. Do things that friends do and don't bring up the relationship issue. By spending time together hopefully and slowly gain the love and respect that she once had for me. Gee, that sounds like Plan A.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...there is absolutely nothing wrong with this...showing that your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A> isn't empty isn't a bad thing... but letting her know that too often is bending the idea of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>.<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... is the greatest of tools for "conflict avoider(s)"... but it is so hard (because of the love reserve you still have.)No contact is the basis of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> Tim... ...ask for help... No cards Tim... Cut back on those return phone calls... No chit-chat (if possible)...I know I'm coming down hard here... ...but like so many of our spouses... ...rock bottom coesn't come easy.I really am saying all of this with love... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim

Hey Medic!Sounds like good news to me, go ahead be happy. I think a few, well maybe a lot, of second thoughts are creeping in. Keep up the good work, but be careful.Take care always.

Medic238:I'm so glad that you had an encouraging day. It's nice to think of you walking with a smile on your face and a spring in your step! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Hang in there!Jill

Hey Medic,that's great. I'm really happy for you, and imagining that spring in your step.. It's great to see people who are happy, it make's everyone else happy too. How I long to hear those 3 little words from my H, said with meaning and love.I've just read what Jim had to say, and gee he makes sense. It's so hard to do, but when you read why we do plan b, and the results we hope to achieve, we have to believe that it is worth it. Don't we ?????It certainly seems that Val is thawing a little, not too long ago you were despairing of ever hearing anything like this from her again.Keep being strong, and believe that it will all work out for us in the end, one way or another. And we will have learnt so much along the way.You're a fabulous guy, one that I admire. I hope the good feelings stay with you, and give you the strength to keep going with Plan B.big hugs to youJo

Hey Jim,This is exactly what I'm looking for. Give me the perspective that I am so blind to see. Yes, I did very good yesterday not injecting any LBs or disrespecful judgements into the conversation with my lovely W. I should have been doing that the entire 11 years we were together. I appreciate the "atta boys" from all my friends here because I am making so much personal progress. I see it spilling into my relationship and want to show others that it can happen. Val may not want to reconsile with me and I will be saddened. I am a better person because of what I have learned here from you and many others. I have tunnel vision as far as my situation is concerned. Can readily admit that. I can offer advice to others on theirs because I see it from afar with no personal connection.As Johnny 5 once said "Need input"Thanks to all.Tim

Medic, I read what Jim said also.......I kind of agree. That is why I mentioned baby steps.....I still believe that she doesn't know the way....doesn't know how to turn this all back to good.....is just too afraid and to her Brian is much more simple. She knows where she stands with him. She thought she knew where she stood with you too.....but then you slipped her good and switched to plan B. And I really think in this case it is working. Just don't go for that open heart surgery real fast......(DO NOT LAY YOUR HEART ON THE TABLE) Keep it simple and short and sweet. Make her think about you....quiver at the sound of YOUR voice....make her work.....then the efforts will be hers now and in the long run will make her want more.You Go....I think it is workingPS We will be fighting over those shoes......mine are drenched in the deep sh*t that is being thrown my way. Nancy

Tim...Baby steps in Plan B are good... Don't let my words discourage you... Don't let them push you down...Revel in life and the good things that come your way... and for those words "I love you"...I smiled too... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

It warmed my heart...But more than those words... ...your words "I am a better person"... means so much more.Your patience has grown tremendously!Yes... we're all to close to our own situations... me included! That's why we're here. Blindness doesn't have to last forever... even my eyesight is starting to improve! Light that candle once in a while... instead of cursing the darkness. Val could sometime down the road a little be guided by that light!I love you guy... I love Val too... ...and you know I'm praying for you and her... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim

Okay Tim,You gotta forgive me for like being so late [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I haven't been posting much lately. I am so happy for you. I think that it says a whole lot. Continue to do what you have been. Keep expectations to a minimum, and continue to work on you. You are doing wonderful. Prayers and hug to you!!------------------ "If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hey Jamie-Lee,Better late than never!Quick Update Friends,Thursday I made arrangements with Val to pick up the tax paperwork on Friday at 1100 AM. She was to have said documents in the enclosed porch at her parents house prior to my going up to get my son for the weekend. Easy pick up and escape without seeing her. Plan B remember? She wondered if I had off and/or wanted to chat and could pick the stuff up later. She works until noon. I told her we had been thru this a million times and nothing was new. No need to talk.She calls me at 845 AM Friday to tell me she forgot what we arranged and has the paperwork at the dental office that I should stop by there instead. OK. I know she is confused but within 24 hours?So I get there at 1100 and chat with the staff. They all know me. Like anyone could deny it! I won't allow it! I sent the receptionist a have a nice day fax last week because she always gives Val my messages in a timely fashion. She thought it was great. Don't get any ideas!!! The hygenist ragged me because I am a baby and HATE cleanings. I give pain, I don't receive it well! I saw Vals twin S and was nice as well.We had a nice brief chat and she has questions for the accountant. I told her I will look into them. I say good by and left. No, kiss, no hug, no I Love You I just go. She comes running outside to the truck to chat some more.Talk about mixed signals. The worst part of it is I was within 18" of my W and felt absolutely nothing for her. I thought it was just the moment. It's still the same today.No new questions, just to let you know I may have turned into a Vulcan again.Tim

Okay Tim, It is a well known fact that Vulcan's control their emotions. So to turn into one is good. Especially when you are in plan B and have to have contact. Actually it isn't to bad to be one when you are in plan A. Keeps you from LBing. You did good. It will make Val think or something. Don't give up hope even when you least expect it a glimmer of light comes through but it takes a long time to bring them back into reality.Now I want you to remember these words so that you can throw them in my face. Because I am sure I will be complaining that things aren't moving fast enough.I am an example for you two days, I would have told you that I din't think there was a snowballs chance in you know where for My H to even look like he might even be thinking of anything but the OW. Now look. and if you haven't, read my latest post.There is always hope. Again you did good my friend. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}------------------ di

Tim...Great Job!The force be with you.... ahh... erhhh.. wrong movie/show I guess.I think you've got it.And yes... it seems to getting to Val. Keep those expecations low... and you'll do fine! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim

good lord, Tim, you've gone and corrupted Jim !!!!!the poor man's eyesight has gone and now he's seeing 'spocks' !!!!!!HEY!!!! maybe you can do that vulcan mind-meld on Val now...see what she's really thinking.... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

live long and prosper..Dylan

hey medic, Nice to read that the two of you are talking, and she seems interested. Don't get crazy...but don't get too vulvan either!!! Can I drop off my taxes for you too? (((hugs)))cl

Hey Mr. Spock,Hang in there bud. I wish I could. I'm inches away from throwing in the towle. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. My love and respect for her are about nil. R doesn't give a crap about anytyhing. I know shes in her fantacy world, but with each passing day I want her less and less. I am disgusted by her behavior. And besides, there are other fish in the sea and fishings good. Didn't mean to take over your thread.Bill------------------ BB

Tim,From one of those going through divorce, just wanted to say I am glad you had a good day, and hopefully by the time you get my "late" reply, you are still doing great. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Baby steps forward are better than none at all! Keep positive and be strong. I wish you the best! Dana