Update:this is going the wrong way - 05/11/00 01:43 PM
It's been some time since my last update now. <BR>My short story is (like my wife told me the other day): "Our marriage didn't work & I (my wife) have met another man".<BR>She's been having an EA (possibly PA) since October/November 1999 with her boss.<P>Things are not looking bright now. It seems a separation is imminent. W has mentioned that "we need to sign some papers" (she can't even say the S or D word to me).<BR>2 days ago we told the oldest son about his new "bright" future. He's 6 years old, but he was furious about this. <BR>W blames everything on my faults prior to her affair (didn't want to pick up the children at kindergarten, didn't help around the house etc. etc. yada yada). While some of it might be partly true it has not been so bad that I deserve what has happened. I changed a lot prior to the affair (about august 1999) by doing more work at home and coming home earlier. At the same time she started to spend more time out and not care that much about what happened at home. I called her "teenage daughter" because of the way she acted. She never told me she was unhappy, and she doesn't want to work on the marriage. She has moved out of the house to stay with her parents. She recently told me that she wants to move back to her hometown where her parents live. <BR>I've told her that I'm not perfect, and that I have my faults. I want to work on the marriage and want to change. But there seem to be no way of making her change her mind.<BR>She is also mad at me because I don't want to move out every other week so that she can be with the children (we take turn having the children a week at the time). She now has to take the children to her parents house on her weeks.<P>I feel like I'm starting to loose faith. I have stopped controlling her and pursuing her . I have sort of "ler her go". But nothing seems to work. I'm trying to PLAN A, but I find it increasingly difficult. The last week has been especially bad because of 2 things:<P>1) We told our son. I was more passive than her when we told our son, and she now seem to blame me for him being furious at her ("Mommy, you are going to live here!!!"). She thought I should have been more active in the process of telling our son. So even if it's not true she seems to think that I'm setting our son up against her.<P>2) We have started to discuss arrangements for life after the big S. Where to live, where son should attend school etc. Since we rent cheaply in an expensive area we have a problem. The area is very nice but it's difficult for my W to find anything cheap in this area. So she is now telling me that she wants to move to where her parents live (50 minutes out of town). Since we want to split 50/50 on custody this means that I have to move to the same area unless I want to spend my days driving my children back and forth to school and kindergarten.<P>Both 1) and 2) has lead to discussions where it has been impossible not to LB. I know I should walk out when I sense them coming, but it's so hard.<P>As I said I have started to loose faith, and would like any feedback that can give me hope for the future. Maybe she's not in a fog after all? Maybe I should have seen it coming (even if I don't think I have been that bad or worse than others as a H)? I'm pretty sure she sees the OM as a soulmate and she feels something she hasn't felt in years (or ever). <P>scandinavian