The good news is I had my first "coaching" session with Jennifer yesterday. I feel like I've always known what I need to do, but I had no direction or plans. Now I do. <P>The bad news - my H was in a nasty mood last night, and I didn't keep my Taker in check at all. We're both sick with colds, and my H expressed that he wasn't in an affectionate mood. He did not say one nice thing to me all day - all he did was complain about little things, like how I used too much cheese in my Macaroni and Cheese (?) Anyway, I did my counseling with Jennifer, and felt great. My H was upset that I was on the phone for so long (HELLO!) <P>Well, he put in Wild Orchid (a movie that makes 9 1/2 Weeks look like a Winnie the Pooh movie). So I started rubbing up on him, and the @$$#)!& practically shoves me off of him and rudely says "leave me alone, I'm not in the mood." See, I don't take rejection well AT ALL, and I'd had enough. (I know, I know, I'm working on the temper.) I jumped up and said, "well, maybe if I gain 150 lbs, age about 20 years, let somebody beat me with the Ugly Stick one good time and start hanging out at sleazy bars, THEN you'll be in the mood." Needless to say, with that comment all hell broke loose.<P>The next thing I knew, I had broken a mirror up against the wall, and I had packed a bag and was ready to leave. He kept telling me to go, I said that he could have his Fatty if he wanted her. He said, "we didn't QUITE sleep together. What are you so upset about?" I said, "yeah, I bet after having to spend so much time digging through all the fat rolls to find her &*((^, you were too exhausted to go through with it." My Taker is a real witch, I know. We did finally calm down and we both apologized to each other, but still. It's like the words are out of my mouth before I could control them. Any advice on how to control the taker?

Hello Carolina Belle,<P>I too have a big taker. I am learning to control it though. I ask myself 3 questions before I speak:<BR>1) Is it true?<BR>2) Is it kind?<BR>3) Is it necessary?<P>If I can't answer yes to all three question, I don't say what I am about to say.<P>Also, when I feel like I am going to "explode", I look at how my body is feeling. For me, I get this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I take a short quick breath in. It is at this point that I really have to put my filter in place, or I will say something hurtful.<P>I know your pain, believe me. It is never fun to have to go through this. I am very sorry for what you are going through and I sincerely hope this helps.<P>

...<p>[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited September 13, 2000).]

I know you're in a lot of pain, and what happened is not funny. But I gotta tell you, you are one witty woman. Never in a million years could I come up with such a description. You had me rolling at my desk!<P>Okay, here's what I do when I want to catch myself before saying something I may regret: My hands go on my hips and I take one DEEP breath and release. My H sees that and he knows I'm trying to be in control and if he doesn't cool it, my wrath my well be on its way.<P>Hope things get better for ya!

Carolina -<P>Oh my . . .now you're talking ugly sticks. . .I don't have any advice right now. I don't know what to say - (so why am I posting?)