As H & I work on rebuilding marriage, we worry about effects on our children, if the A becomes public knowledge before we have an opportunity to relocate. i.e.,hurtful comments by people who aren't paying attention to what they say nor who they discuss it with, etc.<P>We have chosen not to reveal any of this situation to our children, but if rumors start to circulate, and we find ourselves faced with having to divulge the truth to make sure they know what is fact and what is fiction, how do you handle this? Will this damage them permanently? HOW do you explain this to a child? Can a child forgive the offending parent?<P>With the exception of my sister, no other family members know about this; we struggle with whether or not to reveal it to our parents and the effects this situation will have on them, despite the fact that H & I are committed to each other, marriage, family, etc. What if one set or the other or even both reject my H for his actions? He especially fears my parents' reaction; he is so ashamed. He promised to love and protect me and he knows that he broke that promise and is terrified of the moment he must face my parents . . . the disappointment, the anger, the resentment, the lack of trust they will feel towards him. How do I help him through this, in the event that we are forced to share the information with them?<P>I have told him that I married him, I am committed to him and our marriage; no matter how they react, this will not change. Even if it means no more contact with the parents, I will not waver from this. And, it will be their loss if that is the path they choose.

I did not tell my parents. I think it was the right decision. Less humiliation for my H. Less grief for the family. His mother did figure it out though. She confronted him. His father heard it from an aquaintance that the OW blabbed to. They were supportive of our marriage. I wouldn't tell parents unless it was a last resort.

Thanks for your perspective. . . gut instinct has told us it would be better all the way around to keep it to ourselves; my sister felt strongly the same and advised me not to reveal it, unless there were no alternative. And, hopefully, that's how it will remain.

Sadheart,<P>Don't know your situation to well or how old your kids are. For me, I tried to be honest with my kids about what happened. They were 6 and 8 at the time my wife first had her affair. Not sure they completely understood, but I told them that my wife had another boyfriend. Early on in our recover, we both were quite paranoid about other people finding out about the affair. Now that some time has passed, 2 years since her affair first started and one year since contact, it is not that big of a deal for either of us, for people who are important to us to know about it. We don't go around blabbing, but I think in many ways it has had a postive impact on those people that are important to us. As far as your kids knowing, if others know, it will be a heck of lot easier on them and you, if they hear it from you first, rather then waiting for someone else to tell them and then you have to try and cover your tracks. You are right in that the only peoples opinion that matters in this is yours and your husbands. Both our sets of parents found out about the affair early on. It was tough and made for some very akward times, but I personnally think these tough times have made myself and my wife much better people then we used to be. I am still not sure what will happen with us, but I am still hoping that my marriage will work out. If it does, I am hoping that we can share our story with others to help them with problems in their own marriage. I am no longer ashamed of what happened in our marriage, but proud of what we have done to become stronger healthier people. Give it some time and do what you think is best for you, but don't expend a lot of energy trying to cover up what happened. It takes to much work.<P>My thoughts for what they are worth.<P>God's strength and much patience to you.<P>Tim