Happy New Year!!!<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Happy New Year to you to Rob!!<P>Bill

Back at ya, how are things with you?

Happy New Year to you too, Rob!

We are doing well. I am still convinced that she is bipolar. She brought it up one day when she decided to discuss things they had talked about.<P>We are getting closer. She comes home and wants to talk about her day. She doesn't want to discuss my feelings about what has happened between us. She is still a control freak: this is the result of not having her emotional security needs being met when she was raped as a child. I can understand why she would go to the extreme to want to control what happens to her. Yet, she doesn't understand that the hurt she experienced with him was the result of her disobeying God.<P>Am I okay? Yes, because God continually lets me know that I am doing what He wants me to do. I pray regularly for everyone here and those who have not yet come here. <P>I am upbeat about us because I am serving her as God wants me to serve her. I have yet to have her in 15+ years of marriage to honestly love me the way God wants her to love me. She does not have the servant attitude. SHe has never had the servant attitude.<P>I forget what we were watching last night. But she told our oldest son that he needed to be weary of who he marries. Her statement made me think that if I had known what I know about her now when we first met and I were unsaved that I would never have married her. What she described to our son was really about herself. I am venting a little because she is not with me on our date night. She is getting her hair done because she won't be able ot get it done tomorrow.<P><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

And an unforgettable 2001 to everybody.<P>Rob;<BR>I guess it's good news that your W is there, but somehow it doesn't sound too great for either of you???<P>And I have to ask--- are you implying that, had you married before you were saved, you would have made a better choice of marriage partner???

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cheerleader:<BR><B>And an unforgettable 2001 to everybody.<P>Rob;<BR>I guess it's good news that your W is there, but somehow it doesn't sound too great for either of you???<P>And I have to ask--- are you implying that, had you married before you were saved, you would have made a better choice of marriage partner??? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I was saved when I asked my W to marry me. I married her because God asked me to marry her. My life mirrors that of Hosea. Hosea married Gomer who was a harlot. As I get closer to God I understand more and more what He wants me to do for my W. I am to show her the love she has only experienced through me. I know I didn't state that well but it is the love that she is looking for.<P>I'm sure you are probably saying that I am stuck on my self for thinking so highly of myself. The love I am showing her is His love with all my love which is a tiny portion of all the love she is receiving from me. I also am setting the example for our boys. Besides what I have learned from this I am teaching them how to choose a mate that God wants for them. I'm not saying that my W is not who He wanted me to marry. She is. I have grown very close to Him as the result of her indiscretions.<P>I know I am making headway with her because periodically she will say what a servant would do because it is what I have lived before her. As a matter of fact she even uses me when she makes such statements.<P>I periodically go through my down stages where I need to vent. I don't like the distance that is important to me (saying I love you) but in every other aspect I feel like she is being extra cautious in getting close to me because so many have hurt her. It took me almost 3 years to get inside her shell at the beginning of our marriage. We probably had two really good years before it started going down hill at a rapid pace.<P>When I look back over the past 15+ years, she has never really been as close to me as I have been to her. The closest person to her diedat the 5.5 year mark in our marriage. That person was her maternal grandmother. It really went down hill fast then because we were under extraordinary financial pressure that was not good for our marriage from her perspective. I clamped down on what was spent and she became more distant though I did not realize it at the time. This was a major no no for her controlling behavior. She thought I was trying to run her life. I was not.<P>She really has a lot of issues to resolve that have wreaked havoc on our marriage. Because God has been directing my steps, I have understood where she is coming from. She and our pastor think I am psychoanalzing her. I contend that we all psychoanalyze each other: how else can be communicate. In doing so, I attempt to change my behavior so that I stay away from things until she is ready to discuss it. I don't stay away from them completely because she needs to discuss those issues in order to get over them.<P>She doesn't agree with that because she doesn't understand it. She will when she finally understands that to be a child of God means taking on the servant attitude that Jesus lived for us to follow. She needs to develop the relationship she thinks she has with Him.<P>I hope that gives more insight into what I wrote earlier. As Paul said (paraphrase): I count it all joy the trials and tribulations that endure because it draws me closer to the One who will never leave me in my time of need.<P><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Happy New Year Rob......and all of you!<BR>