I have only lurked on your postings and not commented . . . but you and your wife have been greatly on my mind . . . I have hoped beyond hope that you and she are making positive progress . . .

I'm struggling a bit, and so is she. Withdrawal is hard on both of us. But making it worse, in the book "Relationship Rescue" there's a test on your intimacy relationship. There are ten questions, and any score above three indicates a serious problem. My score was 10. Yes, 10 out of 10. So, you can see that there is a very serious wall. It is blocking our healing at the moment.<P>I have settled on a counselor and will be calling Monday morning for a first appointment; not sure when that will be but hopefully within the week. <P>Thanks for your concern. It is appreciated.<P>Ivory

Ivory,<P>I'm not in a recovery situation, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt, but I've got Relationship Rescue, and am wondering if you are referring to the Chemistry test?<P>I just wanted to say that scoring high on that is probably something many of us would do, because there are reasons we all got into this mess we are in. I think the goal of reconciliation, and following concepts like MB, is to be able to write that test again in a couple of years and score much lower. So, personally I think it is just quantifying what you already knew....that there were problems.<P>Maybe I'm simplifying it too much, but I hope you don't place too much emphasis on your score, other than to know that it means you have to work hard at restoring your marriage....but who doesn't when it gets bad.<P>Good luck.<P>