I had a great day today celebrating Canada day. Our childcare provider (couple friends first, then started babysitting) called to see if I wanted to join her and her kids, since our kids love each other, and their family is moving next week to the country (1 hour away). No more childcare from her ....what a pain. Have someone else but so far only for summer.<P>Don't worry that her hubby didn't go. They took possession today of new house, so he was there.<P>Anyway, she also worked part time with my wife for the last several months. What twisted tale it all is.<P>She asked how things were, and I told her what I'd done. Here are the things she said in about a 20 minute conversation about it all:<P>- I should have done it long ago<BR>- She was surprised I was amicable for so long<BR>- my wife is not being a good parent<BR>- my wife only cares about her social life<BR>- babysitter has been very upset over this for some time<BR>- my wife refuses to talk to her about anything<BR>- my wife is totally disorganized when it comes to having proper things for the kids when she drops them off<BR>- I was doing the right thing<BR>- my wife is way out in never never land<BR>- wife talks the talk about being a good parent, but comes up empty<BR>- cares only about partying and socializing<BR>- never has quality alone time with the kids<BR>- can't be alone at her place, always has to have someone there<BR>- wife keeps the kids up way too late, and when they go to babysitter on Fridays, they are extremely whiny.<P>That is enough. She said so many nice things to me about my parenting over the past year, that I had a big lump in my throat, and almost lost it right there, but composed myself.<P>I told her I was having a hard time with it today, because for goodness sake, I was feeling guilty that I refused to allow her to see the kids Canada day, but I wasn't going to cave. She said to me, that "my wife can waltz into your life for a few minutes, and then go back to partying", and that "she needs to see that she can't do this".<P>This was a major booster shot for me. I needed that on Day 3. We had a terrific day with the 4 kids.<P>Also, another neighbor brought over 3 cupcakes in red and white, wishing a happy Canada day. This lady is one of the bunch that I always see at the park, since I spend so much time there. I was actually a bit paranoid at this, because I've never met her husband, but she brings cupcakes over from her kids. I started thinking this could be trouble, but hopefully I'm just being paranoid from all I've learned the past year.<P>But what a nice day. I called wife for the kids to say goodnight, no answer, and she called back a minute later. After the call, I hung up. This is the hardest part for me. It is so unusual from the past, and of course she commented on it as though it was dumb.<P>Anyway, thank you all for caring and for the continued posts to me, and the ideas and advice.<P>Just for the record, there is no intermediary, and it is not something that is possible. I'll no doubt see my wife in the driveway at some point, but I'll do my best not to. Kids are 3 and 5, so I've got to get them out the door of their own free will, to get to her car.<P>The schedule I described as being weird, is actually consistent though, just that it ends up involving only part time daycare, and other odd pickup times etc. But it is consistent, so no calendar required for that.<P>Take care.<p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited July 01, 2001).]

Rick:<P>Hurray for your friend! 72 hours and counting (72 is a much bigger number than 3).<P>You mention that your calendar is consistent. Good. Sort of answers your own question about needing to contact your WS or her contacting you, right?<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rick37:<BR><B>She said so many nice things to me about my parenting over the past year, that I had a big lump in my throat, and almost lost it right there, but composed myself.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>She said this because it's so obvious!! Your kid's kids will be lucky because you're their wrinkley old Grandfather, even though you will have to wear Depends.<P>WAT

<P>"This is the hardest part for me. It is so unusual from the past, and of course she commented on it as though it was dumb."<P>Rick-your W is dumb. Nothing else to say about that!<P>And, you have GOT to know that you're an awesome dad!! Why else would a 3 & 5 year old "decorate" your house for Father's Day?? <P>Your neighbor lady, on the other hand, might not be so dumb, and really see what a wonderful H your W is possibly letting go. . .Watch out!! LOL!<P>You're still doing great! And I wouldn't worry about seeing your W when you exchange the kids, can't really be avoided. . .just don't really have any discussions w/her. Business like is how I think it should be.

Dave,<P>Depends, eh? (yes I'm Canadian)<P>bitsy,<P>Thanks.<p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited July 01, 2001).]