A poll for all you husbands out there - Marriage Builders® Forums

"Oh My Marie" wrote the following on 7/4 on Humblefish's thread: "When your married man returns home to his wife-- ...she greets him at the door with a kiss as she grabs his hand and gently pulls him against her. She whispers in his ear that she missed him and was thinking naughty thoughts about him all afternoon. She nibbles at his ear as she guides his hand under her blouse to her bare breast. With her free hand she loosens his tie. He whispers back that he missed her to. He tells her that she's the only woman for him. He whispers in her ear that they need to be mindful of the children-- that they need to move things upstairs before they get too caught up with each other. They giggle together as they bound up the stairs hand-in-hand. They close the bedroom door and fall together onto the rumpled sheets, kissing and caressing each other. They look into each others eyes and say, "I love you," and just as he climaxes he places both of his hands beneath her and pulls her in just a little bit closer..." NOW, this is just a poll. HOW MANY OF YOU MARRIED MEN OUT THERE GET THIS KIND OF GREETING FROM YOUR WIFE WHEN YOU GET HOME?????????

Not a husband...but this is what my husband always fantazised about....infact that is what he supposedly has with OW. At our house when he walks in, the kids, the dogs, trying to get dinner, do homework, do baths, counsel with kids, figure out schedules for next day, bedtime.....reality kicks in when you have a family. Creating special time with Hubby comes in time....but there are other responsibilities too. Life is tough....don't you think the W would like love and romance also? How incredibly self-centered.

HOW MANY OF YOU MARRIED MEN OUT THERE GET THIS KIND OF GREETING FROM YOUR WIFE WHEN YOU GET HOME????????? [/B][/QUOTE]WOW!!! If that happened to me I would be stunned beyond any words my enthusiasm could convey!!!! I am the BS and while we do make love (sex for her?) occassionally it is not near as often as before and not near as fulfilling for either. She pretty much rolls over afterwards and will not even allow me to cuddle. Think I will go find some incense now and do a chant while jumping up and down to the gods for this to happen! BTW.. I HAVE very recently done MANY romantic things for her similiar to this. All rebuffed.

rc:[You do Marie a great disservice and cite her out of context. She posted that as something she had posted on the gloryb Website. Her post goes on to place that in its proper context. In the future, please endeavor to cite posts here within the proper context.]This isn't a poll, it is a Hollywood fantasy. Before the rest of my response, I would like to thank you for beaming down from the Mothership and sharing your alien points of view. (As an aside, have you spoken to Elvis and Dennis Rodman lately?) By the way, July 3 was the anniversary of the crash of one of your scout ships in Roswell, NM. Did you go and place a wreath (or the alien equivalent)?But, in essence ... that type of loving response from my wife is what snapped me out of my fog and keeps me addicted to her. As far as children and the other realities of life: they are given their time; and then we have our time (we strive for at least the 15 hours per week that Dr. Harley recommends).It is the fairytale you have concocted that keeps WS in an affair: it is a state beyond the reality of what a married life entails. The daily tasks of running a household combined with having needs as an individual and couple.There is room for both in a married couple's life. Does it require work? Sure it does. That is what the MarriageBuilder principles are ultimately all about, beyond the recovery of the marriage from an affair. How long, do you think, do affairs survive once the realities of everyday life intrude? Something like 70 percent or more of them do not. Pretty encouraging odds for marital recovery. A telling statistic to the other-world-reality of the situation that OP and WS find themselves in.Godspeed, STL[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 05, 2001).]

I think the statement by Marie has real potential. In the realities of life it is not going to happen on a regular basis, but IMHO an event such as that should happen ever so often. I do believe that the husband as the leader of the family (In my house, I want my husband to lead our family) should set the tone by supplying me with plenty of romance. Is this kind of behavior that answer in preventing an affair? It is absolutely an ingredient, one of many.....[This message has been edited by BrokenDreamsX (edited July 05, 2001).]

Realitycheck,I suggest that to get an accurate poling sample you do two things. The first is to ask this question of both the men and the women. Many of the members on this site are women. The second is to ask this question on other sites and forums where there are couples not struggling with affairs and marital troubles. Though such sites might be hard to find because those couples may be bounding up the stairs hand-in-hand right now in passion.So I’m going to ask it. How many of you married women get this kind of greeting from your husband when you get home? (Pst… RealityCheck .. let’s remember that most women work outside the home now. So we come home at the end of a workday too.)And raise my hand and jump up and down, enthusiastically saying, “I do! I do!” I also get this from him when he returns home from a trip. I await those returns with great anticipation. Actually I think we are equally enthused about the rendezvous after a five-day separation.The fun and passion in a marriage must be kindled by both parties. Lovemaking and passion does not happen only at times like the scene you describe here. It starts first thing in the morning when the alarm goes off and we cuddle in each other’s arms for a while before reluctantly tearing ourselves away to face the day. It is a shared moment when we are playing a game with the children and the deep satisfaction of our joint efforts are realized … we look at each other, sign ILY, and smile. It comes when I watch STL working so intently on his current writing project, or the deck he is building.. I watch the man I love doing something that will add to the richness of our lives. It boils during the day when he takes my hand, smiles at me naughtily and leads me to the bedroom (blush) to sneak some time away from life’s cares. And it settles at night when we snuggle in each other’s arms sometimes just to sleep and some times more.Passion, excitement, love, tenderness, and so on do not only happen at the doorway when one’s spouse returns home. It happens all day long with each glance, each touch, each stolen kiss, and each thing we do to maintain and improve our lives and our children’s lives. You see, that’s what makes marriage so much more fulfilling and so much richer than an affair. RealityCheck, it seems that your purpose here it to point out to us poor miserable married people that affairs are the preferred state, or that there is something intrinsically wrong, boring, miserable about marriage. I don’t know why you have arrived at this state of mind or why you feel a need to be here to give us a “RealityCheck” of your reality. I am so sorry for you, that here is so much misery in your life that you feel a need to do this.I pray that some day you will find happiness and contentment.Zorweb ------------------ He loves not who does not show love. ----William Shakespeare[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited July 05, 2001).]

Well, Here is a reality for you.. that did happen....before the kids got bigger and required time and attention, esp at dinner time.BUT, here is another reality check (no pun intended)..a colleage of my H's left his wife for the OW. They are now married 3-4 years? and what the reality is now..what it was with his first wife ( the routine of life set in ), and he actually NOW loves and misses wife #1.. My WH never wavered, he wanted to be home...but when all the S*** hit the fan...that colleage was telling my H what a horrible mistake he made, and he wishes he could do it all over again...he sees himself grow older with wife #1...not wife #2...I guess she naggs more than wife #2..but did do it until AFTER I DO!!!...you reap what you sew [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Zorweb: If you and your silly cheating husband STL are so passionate and romantic, and, ahem, - "naughty,(blush)", [in your words], why do you both spend so much time at your computers instead of making love to each other? Over 500 posts from Mr. STL and over 700 posts from you since MAY!!! (You do the math) God only knows what other boards you are posting on! Don't you two have better, (i.e., - more romantic) things to do????)

Back off, realitycheck.Besides the fact this this "poll" is worthless and has absolutely no redeeming value for anyone one the boards, you've now insulted (poorly, I might add) two of this forum's most insightful and compassionate members. STL and zorweb have done nothinng but HELP people with those 700+ posts... God knows they've made me feel better like a best friend can and I haven't even been here long.I don't know how many posts YOU'VE made, but I bet 700 of yours could not do the good of just ONE of theirs.And besides, could they not BOTH be at the SAME computer? You only really need one free hand to type...-zen

rc:My Viagra prescription ran out. But, I must admit, typing during intercourse is a very invigorating experience.Focus, focus, focus.Give my regards to Elvis and Dennis Rodman when you beam back up to the Mothership.(Acerbic response aside: when you receive help, you repay it by contributing in kind. A precept of human interaction that seems to have eluded you. [Besides, I type over 100 wpm: you do the math.])Godspeed, STL[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 05, 2001).]

I would have been happy with a peck on the cheek!!JK

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by zen: Back off, realitycheck.Besides the fact this this "poll" is worthless and has absolutely no redeeming value for anyone one the boards -zen<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Please do not speak for me.thanks reality......holy cow.....nope, my beloved H does not come home to that at all......but you have certainly put the idea into my head now!! (I have not read much of the thread where this stems from)and I'm sure my H will thank you too......we all get caught up in the day to day grind...and it is necessary sometimes to be reminded of what else we could be doing.....I am answering your Poll because you asked a decent, thought-provoking question...at least to me...and to me, as a straight out question, the way you stated it, it's context is not important....the question was Is my H greeted in this manner.....no he is not..but he will be....had this been poll been posted to another forum on this board, it might have been taken seriously, and you probably would have received less insulting and childish responses, which in turn, would have led you to not react in the same manner...I am sick and tired of these recent 'confrontational' and downright insulting postings here....dammit....I feel like my safe place has been invaded .... can everybody back off?!?!?!?!?!?!!?! Dylan------------------ "The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it." ~ A Course in Miracles

To JK and Neverending: Thanks for your honest replies. Personally, I've never come home from work with the kind of reception that "Oh My Marie" describes. HELLO! Has she been reading too many of those paper-back books with Fabio on the cover? How absurd is Marie's scenario????? I was just responding to the utter ABSURDITY of it. That stuff just never happens, at least not in MY life! What, you walk in the door, your wife takes your hand and puts it on her breast ----- YEAH! That happens! Neverending: Your wife doesn't deserve you. You sound like a romantic guy. JK: I'd send you a peck on the cheek, but you might get the wrong idea. RC

soul loss/Dylan:Perhaps your understanding would be better based on historical reference to where reality check is coming from. In the six posts made, only one approaches understanding of MB philosophy, and even in that regard, it devalued everyone else's contributions over the years.For your reference and edification, these are the postings in GQII to which I refer (this being the sixth): <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009984.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009984.html</A> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010152.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010152.html</A> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010170.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010170.html</A> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010211.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010211.html</A> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010348.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010348.html</A> To RC:Your last response here has been your most revealing as to YOU:"Personally, I've never come home from work with the kind of reception that "Oh My Marie" describes."Yet you offset this with denigrating references to the [valuable] opinions of others.To restate the question that has been put to you on several occasions: What is it you seek? What part do you wish MB to play in your marital recovery and/or improvement?Those who post merely to belittle members do more harm than good: people here are dealing with traumatic issues in their lives, and approaches like those of reality check do them harm and serve to undermine the precepts of MarrigeBuilders.Godspeed, STL[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 05, 2001).]

Soulloss,Re: “I am answering your Poll because you asked a decent, thought-provoking question”You are right that on the surface RealityCheck’s post would seem a “decent, through-provoking question”. If my post seemed “insulting and childish” please let me explain… What I wrote is an honest description of my life with my husband. Yes we have been though some hard time here recently but that is a mere bump in the road. We are very happy and passionately in love. We are passionate about all aspects of our lives. Perhaps that seems silly to some but I am very happy and wanted to share the woven fabric of our life.There is some history to the rest of my response to RealityCheck. I believe that his post was to prove that married life is not like the quote. That it never is. I base this on the following.1. This quote comes from a threat in which a married woman said she posted it on the gloryb.com site. Apparently it caused quite a fuss other there and they eventually removed it because they found it so distasteful that a married woman would say such things to on an OP site. Note that they are not tolerant of BS’s on gloryb.com2. My comment about “miserable married people” came from one of RealityCheck’s early posts here. Here’s the quote where he blasted you and all the others on this site. RC: “You've heard the phrase: "Misery Loves Company". The people on this site are not out to help you, Cascade. They have but one goal, and that is to perpetuate losing, miserable marriages, at ALL costs. "True Love" is not in their vocabulary. KEEP IT IN YOURS!!!”Here’s the link to that post …… <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009984.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009984.html</A> This is actually part of an on-going dialogue. At least I see it that way.Z------------------ He loves not who does not show love. ----William Shakespeare[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited July 05, 2001).]

Sorry, but this has been taken out of context of the thread it was originally posted on. I don't think it is fair to Marie at all and the post was never intended as a poll.

Concur with Alberta.RC: You would be better received, I think, if you sought answers to issues in your marriage; that, after all, is what this community is all about. Mutual support in pursuit of a common goalGodspeed, STL

RE: "My Viagra prescription ran out." OH. How sad. I'm so sorry for you. Is there a support group out there for that?

RealityCheck...Get real. It was a JOKE. If you have such distain for support groups what are you doing here?

rc:In addition to being MB-philosophy impaired, your perception of humor is marred as well.Keep posting however, I enjoy seeing someone so truly happy. Proof, as ever, that ignorance is bliss.Again I reiterate: what are your issues? From whence does your pain, confusion and anger eminate?Godspeed, STL

RealityCheck,My, oh my, did I hit a nerve? Seems like I did. Interesting, you don’t like it when married people are not miserable do you? It’s funny, because when I posted, I expected you to say something like “your silly cheating husband STL”. You did not disappoint me. Your attempt at a “below the belt” hit does not bother me because we have arrived at peace with what happened in our lives. It did amuse me, however.RE: “God only knows what other boards you are posting on!”Sorry to disappoint you, but this is the only board we post on. As a rule I am not into chat or boards. I only use them as a tool when needed. We are here to improve our marriage. This website has given us more than we will ever be able to give back. We are not people living vicariously through the Internet.RE: “over 700 posts from you since MAY!!! (You do the math)”OK, I did the math. This is my 750th post. So… 750 posts, at 5 minutes each (this is high as I am a fast typist), over approximately 70 daysSolving for hours spent per day (HSPD)HSPD = (750*5)/70/60 HSPD = .89 hours or 53.4 minutesRE: “why do you both spend so much time at your computers instead of making love to each other?”Since my first posting here approximately 70 days ago, 1680 hours have clicked away. I’ve spent approximately 63, or 3.75 %, of those hours online. So that has left us the 1617 to do other things, including making love to each other.We spend approximately 12.5% of our time in lovemaking (this is actually a low estimate). RE: “Don't you two have better, (i.e., - more romantic) things to do????)”RE: "To JK and Neverending: Thanks for your honest replies."I get the impression from this that you think that STL & my replies were not honest. They may no fit your reality but they are honest replies. When doing research, the researcher does not get to cull out the replies they do not like, the ones that do not fit their theory. We do many things. But building our marriage is our primary focus. That, in itself, is romantic and rewarding. Wouldn’t you agree?Z------------------ He loves not who does not show love. ----William Shakespeare[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited July 06, 2001).]

RealityCheck,Why do you think that Marie’s scenario is utter ABSURDITY?Simply because you have never come home to a greeting like this does not mean that other do not. And have you ever greeted your wife this way?I can feel your pain. What is its source? ML

Boy, did I try to make this a reality with my ex-H. The reality for us was the "life" which included; working opposite shifts, three small children, chores, homework, baths, blah, blah, blah (the life stuff)... it did get in the way sometimes, and more often than not. However, we did do crazy wild things when we could. It didn't stop him from having affairs though.Since I am a newlywed (with no children living with us) as I write this, I certaiinly am able to live this kind of scenerio quite often with my new H.I am ever mindful that emotional needs (EN's) do need to be met on a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis, or the marriage begins to crumble. So, it is my desire to keep the flame burning HOT for my H and me. I learned my lessons, and for that I am thankful.[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited July 06, 2001).]

N:Romance is the physical expression of love. Indeed, a minute-by-minute meeting of emotional needs, combined with the rules of honesty, care, protection and time, ensures that the potential for marital misunderstanding is minimized.Wishing you the bliss of an MB-based marriage, Godspeed, STL

Reality CheckNormally... I do not and will not take part in a thread that is nothing but an endless argument and perpetual flame. However since you’ve chosen to attack two people [Zorweb / STL] whom I feel have done nothing but positive and good things for MB.com.I’ll take this opportunity to stand up for two friends here on the boards. Personally I don’t know either of them, and I haven’t read their entire story. However every post I’ve read thus far from either of them has been a positive influence.Why is it you seek to destroy anything positive, and belittle two people who have done nothing but help everyone here at MB.com. I’m not saying, that you need to form a like-minded opinion with that of Zorweb, or STL. However you can be more mature in your comments when it comes to addressing some points in an argument. What I see is someone who doesn’t take criticism very well so he / she lashes out in a destructive manor.This destructive and childish behavior appears to have followed you in every thread you’ve posted on. I’ve seen and read your posts before. I find your negative, cynical, and apathetical views appalling. Why are you blatantly choosing this path here at MB.com with “disillusioned advice” masked as “reality check”?Is it too much to ask, that you form a constructive post with something helpful for the reader? Rather then something you find amusing, and hurtful?My only hope at this point is you truly seek out the help you need to get well. To turn some of that hostility you have into something positive.Playtime is over.[H]

Yea, I get that kind of welcome. Not every day, but often enough. Most days, I get the warm greeting before dinner & kids homewrok, and the "lets go upstairs" afterwards, but I am not complaining. It was not always like this. But I found that when I put as much enrgy into making her happy & feeling lovd as I did into my hobbies and other interests, things got much hottre at home.

CAVEAT: BIG VENT AHEAD!!!!This post only adds salt to the wounds of us "wives and husbands" who are struggling to save marriages that may have been understandably lacking in the romance department. It hit me to the very core, made me feel inadequate as a working wife.It also made me think of how this is where my H and his OW are, in the "Honeymoon (aka fantasy)" stage of their relationship, as opposed to the "Reality (real life)" of being married X years, which I'm sure most of us here know what that means.I take offense to the idea you are polling H's (or even wives) for their feedback on this. This is NOT the arena for your type of poll. Pls take it elsewhere.Jo

First off, I don't know why I should feel ashamed, but I do. The love between a husband and a wife is a very beautiful thing. I believe that this type of love and passion is, and should only be, shared between two people who are bonded in marriage. That being said, I wish with all my heart and soul that I never posted such an intimate portrayal of my love for my H (prior to his A), in my previous post to Fish.And, although it is very much a true *picture* of how I enjoyed greeting my H, I AGREE THAT MY POSTING WAS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT. IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE A POLL.NOTE: For those who didn't see my original post to Fish, the description outlined in this original post is just one small piece of what I had written.BTW, if anyone has been searching for the original thread, it is now erased, as I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I tried to hurt another person (a single OW involved with a married man) with my true story of what some married men (even those who choose to have affairs) return home to.This entire post just brings more pain and turmoil to me. Isn't it funny how our very own words can hurt us? What really hurts is the assumption that if a married man was receiving this type of affection from his wife, then he'd never have had an affair in the first place. Yes, I know it's hard to comprehend. I live it/rehash it every day. And, honestly, I will NEVER understand my H's decision to have an affair.I loved him very much...perhaps too much, if there is such a thing. And, I've learned that I shouldn't have shared such an intimate moment between my H and myself with this forum.However, my love was like this BEFORE my H had his affair. Yes, I greeted him like I described...and frequently (not always directly at the door, not always the same exact time)-- and, yes, even when his affair was in full gear (unbeknownst to me). Yes, it breaks my heart to know that even though he was receiving all my love--all my heart and soul--as much I had to give him, HE STILL CHOSE TO SLEEP WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.If it makes any body feel any better, I honestly find it next to impossible to greet him like this anymore [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

.I want to. I want to be his happy go-lucky, "glad to have him home" honey....but his affair very nearly killed all the love I ever had for him. To say that it ripped my heart out is very much an understatement.This is a very hard post for me. If I had a way to erase this original post I would-- unfortunately I can't because someone cut and pasted my words. It's hard for me to remember such tender, passionate moments between my H and myself.Yes, we still make love. I would never dream of punishing him for his A by withholding lovemaking. But, I feel empty. And, I feel used. And, although my H is now very much with me, I still feel mocked by the two of them (H and OW).......and now, I pretty much feel mocked by whoever posted this tread in the first place.Yes, some husbands do receive the attention I posted about. I know it can happen. It was my life.And, I will fight til doomsday attempting to get it back again.Peace, ~Marie As an afterthought: If whoever posted this in the first place could erase it for me, I would be forever grateful. ------------------ I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. The Bible Matthew 17:20[This message has been edited by ohmy_marie (edited July 06, 2001).]

Hi Marie,While it's good to see your name here, I wish it wasn't on a post like this! I also used to greet my husband like this quite often before I knew about the affair, and while I still occasionally try it, it's just not "there" yet.I have many of the feelings you expressed on your post. Most especially about continuing the fight to get it back!Best wishes,Peppermint

Thanks for posting, Peppermint.You're a sweetheart! Love, ~Marie

Hi Marie and Peppermint,I too use to greet my H this way, but before his first A. Then just like Marie, I felt numb and used. It tore my heart into a million pieces. Innocence lost.Marie ... I'm sorry this poster used your very intimate and well meaning thread out of context. Don't fret it Honey. We all know you here, and love you.Best, Jo[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 06, 2001).]

Are you CRAZY....not a chance...don't even fantasize about it. Let us get real here.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>By Realitycheck: Personally, I've never come home from work with the kind of reception that "Oh My Marie" describes. HELLO! Has she been reading too many of those paper-back books with Fabio on the cover?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Nawww...those books just don't do it for me [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

.Personally, I'm into spy/espionage books. Ever read "The Bourne Identity," by Ludlum???? One of my all time favorites.Peace, ~Marie ------------------ I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. The Bible Matthew 17:20

Marie:Are you kidding, RC thinks Bourne Identity's first name is Mel, some actor from Australia.I am sorry this (im)poster did that, too. Which is why I took exception in the first place. It was not his place to use your words in such a manner, Marie.Godspeed, STL

First off, (((((((((((((((((((marie))))))))))))))))))))I'm crying reading this post, because I felt I was giving everything I had in me to show my H how much I loved and cherished him. And he chose to be with someone else.It kills me that I have to live with this knowledge for the rest of my life.I gave him something that I hardly ever give anyone- my trust. I have huge issues surrounding trust-even before the A- that my H knew about. Yet he took that trust, my life, my love and threw it away. I don't think you can get any more hurtful or disrespectful than that, huh? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by ohmy_marie: If it makes any body feel any better, I honestly find it next to impossible to greet him like this anymore [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

.I want to. I want to be his happy go-lucky, "glad to have him home" honey....but his affair very nearly killed all the love I ever had for him. To say that it ripped my heart out is very much an understatement.Yes, we still make love. I would never dream of punishing him for his A by withholding lovemaking. But, I feel empty. And, I feel used. And, although my H is now very much with me, I still feel mocked by the two of them (H and OW)... [/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I can SO relate to this! I don't even recognize myself anymore. He's killed a part of me that I valued so much. I no longer am optimistic, hopeful. I no longer look at the future with anticipation or happiness. I live out each day just trying to get through it- and that's on a good day. When I make love to him, I feel cheap and used, and I can't deal with thr thoughts that go through my head about them together.I too will never understand why he felt he had to have an affair.H2M

When I was in the military, my W used to talk about picking me up after an alert ( I was a missile launch officer) in a tranch coat with nothing on. She surprised me in the early portion of our relationship. But as I think back on it, it was a desparate plea for help concerning things that had occurred in childhood. I found this out after trying to get to the root of the problem.Though I am no expert, I have concluded that MOST of those who commit adultery, I hate the softening associated with affair, do so because they never really learned how to deal with probbles in their lives that started as a child. THey didn't have the support to deal with the problem appropriately. THen there are those who repeat what they saw there parents do. Seeing it happen with their parents legitimized such behavior subconsciously which decided to manifest itself in adulthood. This is intensified when what you see on televsion and in the movies supports the behavior as well.We have to stop doing what feels good only because we want to feel good. THat is the lie that Satan wants us to believe is true. I've found that there is a feeling associated with something that is eternal that transcends any feeling of pleasure we feel when we do wrong things: it is joy which feels good in the midst of the pain. This joy comes from doing what Godwants you to do. ------------------ God Bless, Rob regilmor@swbell.net