Polling - Hypothetical Question ..... - Marriage Builders® Forums

Okay....So this couple is married for 6+ years and the H has an E/P A and leaves his wife. While he's out and about, he cheats on the OW (one night stand), but his excuse for cheating on her was she cheated on him first (which she did). The H eventually gets back with his wife. Then 7+ years later the H has another E/P A with another OW, and once again leaves his W but this time D's her.My question is this: Do you think the H will cheat on this new OW?[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]

I'll take cheating for $500, Resilient.belld [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
My question is this: Do you think the H will cheat on his OW?<hr></blockquote>Given the right situation, yes ... one of which you already stated OW cheats (H revengefull).

Cheating H Score Board:YES = 2 votes
NO = 0 votesAnyone else?

Gosh... ya hate to say "Once a cheater, always a cheater"... but... well, after THAT many times... and assuming he never learned how to take care of his relationships... I guess, yeah, I think he'll cheat.

let's make it 3 - 0.Hypothetically, if the WS goes back to sleep with the BS - does this count as cheating on the OP?Things can only get more tangled once things get rolling!

Yes, I believe he most certainly will, unless the cause of the cheating is dealt, with whether it be him or his marriage. Love Sally

Some particulars and clarity:

2 OW
Incumbent OW is a slut as well
Unlikely H will sleep w/BS again

[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]

You mean this is about a REAL person??? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] LOL

I have to agree with the others. He is more likely than not, going to cheat again.. UNLESS he is willing to find a way to deal with the issues in his life that caused him to choose to have the A's to begin with. Without dealing with those issues, then there is little hope for him to stay faithful.Karen

Wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

Speaking from personal experience (my X!!!)
He'll cheat again. and again. and again!!!
uggh.
What's the score now?

Cheating H Score Board:YES votes = 8
NO votes = 0Anyone else?

Where is Gnome De Plume? He is the man with the head for figures and can give you the mathematical version of this equation. If the WS head is still in the fog, then yes the cheating chances run high. OW or no OW what do you call a WS who cheats on an ow? WSOW? Wow? OWWS? Swow? Remove the 2 common letters from these initials and you are left with SO. Stands for: Significant other or So what? Or if you remove just one of the duplicate letters you get SOW, hm..... you got me thinking here. Not a good thing on a Friday night. Brain is usually fried at this time of the week. But since I have to come in and work this weekend I'd better head home now and stop this rambling...... LOL!!!!L.

By my count he's cheated 3 times already. I'll go with the easy money and say he's due again.How's that song go? "Once, twice, three times a loser...."You already know the answer here, right?Jeffers[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: jeffers ][ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: jeffers ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
My question is this: Do you think the H will cheat on this new OW?[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]<hr></blockquote>Yes. Why wouldn't he?

Jo,That's sort of like asking if a serial killer is likely to kill again! I don't know, but I sure as hell wouldn't stay unarmed in the house alone with him, would you?? In other words, I wouldn't bet my life on it.

yes (cheat again), degree of confidence about 99%

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by sad_n_lonely:
yes (cheat again), degree of confidence about 99%<hr></blockquote>SNL, are you sick or something? A ONE SENTENCE response?? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Maybe not right away, because he would get bored with new OW and leave her, convince his ex-wife to take him back, THEN he would go about repeating his pattern of scratching that 7-year itch... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

I have to agree with the others.He will cheat again and again.

looks like your are batting a 1000, I agree with the others, why do I think that this cheater resembles someone? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Cheating Husband Scoreboard:YES votes = 15
NO votes = 0Still polling ....Jo

Cheat again? ... yes, most likelyBecause there is a pattern and because I am assuming that he has not learned how to maintain a relationship.
Z

"Serial" for breakfast...yup.

Jo, Our responses may be striking a raw nerve.
The Ws was known to have good qualities at one time. Right? Why are you asking?L.

That would be one big, fat YES!!!HbH[ November 03, 2001: Message edited by: hurtbyhubby ]

Is the Pope Catholic?
Does the sun rise in the East and set in the West?Unless he's had a serious 'come to Jesus' meeting, I'd bet on it.

I'd say yes, he'd cheat again.
That would be my gut reaction/response
Mikkey

Cheat on OW?If you mean, will he have another tryst with another woman, then yes.But somehow, semantically speaking, I don't think it's possible to "cheat" while you're cheating. What would he be cheating on?For the record, the choice of genders for this scenario should be irrelevant.

So far all votes have come in as YES, he will cheat on new OW.But here's some more Poll info. Lets see if this will change your mind.What if the new OW told the XH that if he cheated on her with anyone (because OW knows his history and that he has the potential), including his XW, that she'd find a BF and have sex with him. Also, new OW has told XH that he has to account for all his time, whereabouts and finances .... and the XH willingly agrees and complies. AND ... what if they have a child together???Will he cheat on new OW still? Hmmmmmm???Jo[ November 03, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]

Odds are, yes he will.

y knot? b cos ws + ows r knot 2 b trusted wile inn da fog (fogese for why not? because ws & OWs are not to be trusted while in the fog) [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] L.

Hmmmm, I think I know this guy!! Just kidding... My answer is....it depends on the person and what they have learned from their previous wayward ways. In my case...I've learned that I'm NOT that type. I get too emotional and confused and it doesnt solve a thing except to screw up my REAL life. So.... hopefully this person realizes that its NOT a game and that there are real lives at stake...and he takes things more seriously.But....with his record, I wouldn't bet on it.

Having a child together is an irrelevant piece of added information. After all, look at how many children from marriages on here are involved because mum or dad has chosen to have an A.The accountability for time and money isn't foolproof either. I speak from experience with the first EA my H had. They mostly met for coffee in the mornings before his workshift (money was allocated for his coffee). We had a fellow living in our basement, who worked at the same place, but started 2 hours prior to H's shift. It was far enough away (a 15 to 20 minute commute each way) to rationalize him going into work early to give the guy a ride. He'd just hang out and talk with those already punched in on the clock, and read the paper. Oh, and he also made sure to call me every now and then because he was 'bored' at work.So, for this (supposedly?? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) fictional scenerio you now have... oh yeah... there's a good chance he'd still find a way to cheat. Again, ONLY if he hasn't dealt with the original issues he has that made him feel that having an A was a way 'out'.Karen

I'm afraid I would have to vote yes too, Jo.Mostly because OW and WS both have a tract record of betrayal...neither one of them can really ever trust the other....and "affairs" "betrayal" or "indelity" are their customary method of either controlling one another or seeking relief from conflict. So yes given enough pressure or unhappiness...I think not only WS but OW will eventually cheat again. Doesn't say much for the future of their relationship does it?Faye

What if the new OW told the XH that if he cheated on her with anyone ...blah, blah, blah...If only his former W had made it clear that an A was not acceptable, he wouldn't have had the A and he'd still be married????With this new, added info, I think I have to change my vote...
NOTHmmmm.... Jo, you aren't considering something nasty here, are you?Jeffers[ November 03, 2001: Message edited by: jeffers ]

I noticed some people mentioned about the person learning from the A. Well sometimes people are just BAD with a BAD beliefe system, so they never change they just try harder NOT to get caught the next time they cheat and they get more creative at it. What ashame!!!!!!!!!!!

Resilient, you are evil. You decrease the chances of affair from 99.9% to 80% by What if the new OW told the XH that if he cheated on her with anyone (because OW knows his history and that he has the potential), including his XW, that she'd find a BF and have sex with him. and to 50% by Also, new OW has told XH that he has to account for all his time, whereabouts and finances .... and the XH willingly agrees and complies. AND ... I don't think C has any bearing on this, I suppose XH cheated before with child in the relation. what if they have a child together??? I say NOT ... OW is what I call "skillfull OW". Unless some other detail/circumstances surface out.

I still vote yes. It does not matter how much he is threatened by OW and how much she keeps tabs on him. If he wants to cheat he will. Outside influences do not seem to work for this guy.The only way I'd change my response is if the changes were within him. There are of course people who cheat for years on everyone. Then one day something hits them on the head, the light bulb goes on and they see the light. Short of that, people tend to behave in patterns.Z

Definitely, a yes he will....know from experience [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Daughter says "NO WAAAAAY" [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

ummmm.... hehe [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] All I can think of during this whole thread is:How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light-bulb?1, but the light-bulb has to WANT to change.I mean, seriously.... we all know people can change. They do it every day. Recover from all kinds of stuff, and never repeat. But based on your description so far of this person, they haven't done anything to "change".So I have to vote YES, he will probably cheat again.

It doesn`t matter what restrictions the new OW puts on him, where there`s a will there`s a way and it definitely sounds like there is a will here.This is a no brainer, of course he`s going to do it again.[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: Daisy37 ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
Okay....
My question is this: Do you think the H will cheat on this new OW?[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]<hr></blockquote>
I don't beleive in "Once a cheater" but twice a cheater is another story. 3 times a cheater is a definite pattern. I say yes.

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Resilient:

But here's some more Poll info. Lets see if this will change your mind. ... what if they have a child together???Will he cheat on new OW still? Hmmmmmm???Jo[ November 03, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]<hr></blockquote>Sure why not. All of those things might discorage him for awhile, but eventually he'll get bored and they won't seem so threatening. Plus he convince himself that he won't get caught anyway, so all of the threats will be irrelevant to him.

OK.....I'm gonna say NO. Somebody here's gotta be hopeful!I don't get this. Alot of you have been involved with people who fit this profile -- and yet you're all still hopeful that your marriages will work, and willing to work on them. So would you all leave your marriages if you thought the propensity to cheat was in your spouse?

Hey Lexxxy,I respectfully disagree with regard to this scenario emulating most MBer's stories.This WS has demonstrated a clear "pattern" of repetitive infidelity and never with the same OP. He cheated on his first "soul mate", who he left his wife for and who he touted to be "in-love" with. Somewhat rare, wouldn't you say? IMVHO, he is the exception, not the rule.I don't want to influence anyone's vote, but I just had to offer my 2 cents.Jo[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Lexxxy:
OK.....I'm gonna say NO. Somebody here's gotta be hopeful!I don't get this. Alot of you have been involved with people who fit this profile -- and yet you're all still hopeful that your marriages will work, and willing to work on them. So would you all leave your marriages if you thought the propensity to cheat was in your spouse?<hr></blockquote>A lot of us have spouses who only had one affair. I know for me I coudl forgive one. No second chances. Once doesn't make a pattern. 2 times is getting questionable. 3 strikes....

I'd just like to say one more thing:My ex-H cheated five times. He said he'd learned.
This same man said to me, about two months ago, that he wasn't going to tell the new woman in his life (who he said was the first person he felt "in love with" since me) that he was going on a week-long, cross-country, vacation with the OW (the church lady he was with at the end of our marriage) because he'd learned that being honest only causes problems.Guess what? They don't necessarily learn, and if they do learn something, no telling what it might be.(Oh, and by the way, by the end of his trip, church lady kicked him on the driveway and hasn't been with him since -- seems he led her to believe they'd stop in Vegas and marry -- ooops. And, the new woman?? Dropped him like a hot potato about two weeks later. Wonder why? I don't think *I'll* ever know the truth, and it's none of my biz... but... one wonders.)

My vote,,Yes, he will. But probably not for long without getting caught. The only major difference between this relationship and any of his past relationships is that this OW is onto him. She KNOWS what he is capable of and hasn't gone into this with "blind trust". It will happen again UNLESS he has done some serious self-evaluations and made personal changes.

Ok Resilient... it's been a couple of days now. It's time to share with us WHY you are asking this 'hypothetical question'? [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] Karen

Okay MBer's,I'll offer some more scraps of info regarding this WS.He is not living with the OW, because it's cost prohibiting. Hmmm..... However, they toggle back and forth from his place to hers. This WS has been reported to say that he's opposed to marrying OW. His reasons are ambiguous.Jo

Geez, he's doing it! That certainly sounds like fog talk.Have you been toying with us?I bet in some strange way this might make you feel better. You saved yourself this extra twist of the knife.I'm sorry he's taking you back through this all again. Jeffers

Surely all the readings suggest that it takes two to make a relationship work and to be sure he will cheat is selling the new wife short. Maybe she will be able to satisfy the EN and PN's of the guy and keep him faithful.

That was always a threat [albeit unspoken] in his previous marriage and it didn't stop him then. He already lost another marriage from his adultery, I don't see why this one would be any different. Especially when he happens onto his next "soulmate."

Most likely.....I sure wouldnt bet against it.
Some people make mistakes, and affairs occur. Other situations are not quite that clear cut. How many other affairs has this man had that we dont know about? What kind of counseling has he gone thru?
Can anyone possibly meet this mans needs?
Hmmmm, I vote with he will continue to cheat, given what has been shared![ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: cl ]

Welcome Ausinfidel,I'll give you a bit more background on this WS. It'll offer you a glimpse into a small window of his character, or lack thereof.When the XW first met this man he was sleeping with his best friend's live-in GF.The wife was a fool not to pay attention to the fact that this man demonstrated such a lack of loyalty, honor and morals, she should have ran for her very life, but sadly didn't.So Ausinfidel, do you really think any woman can meet this WS needs, now knowing a bit more? Jo

Jo,Maybe his first sexual experience was at 13 at the hands of three women who sought to "Teach" him about sex and how to satisfy women... Note the plural.Then maybe his next wife is able to identify this life changing abuse and his Need to satisfy or be with more than one woman at a time could be addressed?

Perhaps, Ausinfidel. What kind of marriage would that be? Sounds more like an orgy to me. Point of order: WS has said he doesn't see himself marrying OW.

Marriage comes with a commitment. Commitment comes with love and loyalty. Being faithful to one's mate is a sign of loyalty. Now can this WS be loving, faithful and loyal? Can this WS ever make a marriage good from his end? Those questions belong to the WS. We can sit and spectulate all we want. It appears not. But this WS (if he truly wants to), can turn around. Will he, is the question and only he knows for sure. People have changed from worse situations and suceeded. Anything is possible, it is a matter of who all of this important to. If it is not important to the WS, then nothing in the entire world will make this work. If it does, nothing can stop a WS from turning around. At this point, is the WS showing any signs of turning around?L.

Has anyone visited the Pregnancy/Child forum lately? There, you will read about 2 & 3 kids that WS has made with OP's. No kid, no threat, no vows, no STD, no nothing will stop someone whose mind is made up to engage other people (emotionally or physically) while they are supposedly committed to a spouse. Of course he'll cheat again. Clearly, he's bent that way.Okay, maybe he won't cheat again?! That is, if one of his girlfriends happens to be Lorena Bobbitt... Hmmm... wait a minute, they sewed that thing back on didn't they?! So then my original answer stands... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]