Marriage Builders
Posted By: Resilient For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 08:23 PM
Wondering how everyone is feeling.<p>With Christmas approaching I'm sure everyone here has several balls in the air, handling additional stresses on top of dealing with the infidelity in your marriage. So, please let us know ... how are you feeling. We care.<p>Love,
Jo
Posted By: louser Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 08:27 PM
Happy Holidays Jo:<p>Me, I feel like crap (see my post). I bet all my H's OW are having a wonderful Holiday. Me, still miserable...Bah! Hum, Bug!<p>Lisa
Posted By: Resilient Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 08:32 PM
Hi ya, Louser!<p>Happy Holidays back at ya ....<p>Me? I feel like CacaLaca, really do. I plan on sleeping thru Christmas eve and day. Reasons are two fold. Aside from feelng down, I'm coming down with something and having problems breathing. Probably Anthrax ..... Jeeeez! I sure sound positive and upbeat.<p>Signed,
The Grinche
Posted By: Alostwife Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 08:41 PM
Hello! Merry X-Mas and thanks a lot for asking [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I am doing a bit better, baby steps, everyday is a new one and I can try my best to beat the beast and move forward.<p>I am feeling good, I am lucky I don't even feel pregnant, no queasyness no nothing, this promises to be a smooth expecting period.<p>WH is doing good and plan A'ing me like crazy. I still have my downs but I am trying to make it all ups. So far so good.<p>Hugs to everybody!
Posted By: sballplyr Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 08:43 PM
How am I feeling? HMMMM! That's a good question. I am not really sure.<p>I am EXCITED for XMAS for my kids and can't wait to see them open their gifts on Christmas morning.<p>I am EXHAUSTED because all of the kids have been sick this past week and in trying to get them healthy and get ready for Christmas, I don't know how much energy I have left.<p>I am SAD because my H and my goal was for him to be home before Christmas and here it is the 20th and no signs of him moving home. He is, however, staying the night on Christams Eve and I am not real sure how I feel about that one yet.<p>So I guess to summarize how I feel would be OVERWHELMED.<p>Wishing you all the best over the Holidays and I am still hopeful that I will get my Christmas Miracle. I actually asked my husband the other day if I would be getting my Christmas Miracle and his response was "You never know."<p>Take care.<p>Michele
Posted By: Elad Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 08:52 PM
Good question....<p>I don't feel all that great...<p>W (WS) is still somewhere out there emotionally etc...no commitment to us and says she may move out again. Swell.<p>F--just returned from Hospital...
FIL---diagnosed w/cancer two months ago...
Lots of job stress for me.<p>Let's just say there is way too much stress in my life. *Big Sigh*<p>I will make it thru Christmas, though and hope that 2002 is better than 2001. It has to be, right?<p>Thanks for asking...<p>Ask me again this time next year. <p>E
Posted By: notheard Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 08:58 PM
I'm feeling...well...notheard. <p>I'm jumping up and down now trying to get attention. I even changed my subject heading to try and make it sound spicier:<p>HELP!!!Where do you get details about weddings? (OW wedding - I wanna talk to Fiance) <p>If anyone can help I am in/on the recovery board.<p>I may just hijack every thread in a minute here.<p>Sigh...guess I'm just feeling like a cry baby today and I feel like telling... Telling on you guys for no replys, and telling on OW to fiance.
Posted By: Carolina Belle Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 08:59 PM
This year absolutely sucked (for lack of a better term!). I'm ending the year by filing bankruptcy (you know, for counseling, medical bills for S, credit cards, etc, etc, etc). But I feel like I've gone through a spiritual breakthrough over the past couple of months, so I feel like no matter what happens, I'll be okay. I figure I'll just spend Christmas being fat and happy! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>By the way you guys - I've found out I'm definitely having another boy! I have to deal with THREE of them now (counting the H! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )
Posted By: RJB2 Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 09:06 PM
I'm hopeful because W and I are in MC and I have seen some positive steps (coming very slowly).<p>I'm also getting very sad because I am thinking this may be our last Christmas together as a family (we have 2 boys--4 & 2).
I was gonna say sad...but that is not it...not really...then it hit me...<p>I feel fragile...
Posted By: sing Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/20/01 10:18 PM
You know I feel HAPPY. what a surprise, I think this is the 1st time in the last 3 Christmas I do feel this way. I am a big gift person, I want my gifts, & I am happy even knowing there will really not be any for me. I know my kids will have gotten something, my parents sent money, which went to car insurance, bills etc, & so did my in laws <p>But I am happy, looking forward to everything. For me it is such a relief wondering if everything I do will my make STBX mad, <p>now if I only had not inivited him for Christmas morning, what was I thinking, I know I wanted to tick the OW off, never thought he really come, of course he hasn't shown yet. <p>We makeing candy, gingerbread men, cover pretlzles tonight.<p>Wishing all of you the peace that I have found, I am sure I will cry as it will be the 1st time in 22 yrs without STBX but I am going to stop letting him ruin my life.<p>Happy Holidays
Posted By: Resilient Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 03:26 AM
Bump ....
Posted By: pace Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 03:57 AM
It certainly will not be the same with WW not here. I thought about asking her to spend Christmas eve and eat breakfast. I know she will be very lonely but she has been almost impossible to talk to on the phone and sons do not want her here. Ww has gotten meaner each day. If this is fog ... I think she should have melted it away by now. Will spend the day with my family 30 miles away.
Posted By: dadoftheyear Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 04:08 AM
I'm angry. Won't see the kids until the day after christmas. Hav'nt even gone shopping yet.
This was the worst year of my life, hea maybe 2002 will be better!! Things are looking up already
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 04:15 AM
I actually feel pretty good this year but it pains me to see the others heading into thier first Christmas without thier spouse. It is terrifying and heartbreaking and I really feel it with them. <p>My first Christmas - Dec 99 - without my family was like a waking nightmare. I lost my entire family that year. My H of 20 years left me in May, my beautiful 18 yr old son was killed in Oct and my 17 yr old left in Nov to go live with his Dad. I had no family for 1300 miles and thought I was going to die. I have never been so heartbroken in my life. So anything after that hell of 1999 has been a vast improvement. <p>Fast forward to 2001 and I find that I have so much to be grateful for. My marriage to my new hubby is wonderful and getting better every day, despite a rocky start. My 17 year old [now 19!] visits me 3X a year and our relationship is better than ever. It's been a long hellish road but I have experienced some real peace this year and am very grateful for what I have now. <p>I miss my boy alot.
Posted By: Mitzi Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 06:45 AM
Hey Jo!!<p>Well, for once I can say I'm feeling GREAT!! This is actually the first Christmas since God knows when that I can say that! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I think it helps that I'm dating the most truly remarkable man! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hey CB!
Congrats on the baby boy! I know how you're feeling though. I have 3 sons! YIKES!! <p>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
Posted By: Bellea Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 07:14 AM
Understatement: I am HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! <p>lol<p>This has got to be the best Christmas coming upon us in at LEAST 6 years, maybe 7?? (My son will be 8 three days after Christmas)<p>We have been on an emotional rollercoaster, and it's really nice to be on a high for Christmas.<p>I will admit, it does sadden me to see so many in despair, and sadness, not having loved ones with them, and some even angry. I was hesitant about posting how I feel, and read every response before I decided it would be okay. (There were others who are also happy...)<p>I wish a joyous Christmas for everyone, where ever you are [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
Posted By: Twyla Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 08:44 AM
Hmmmmm, well this time last year I had just discovered the A, had barely started bankrupcy proceedings, had a kid using drugs, and my mom was taken to the hospital. If one word sums it up..I was scared.<p>Now, a year later we are making a pretty good progress in recovery, bankrupcy is over and I'm feeling financially relieved, my kid has been clean and sober for over a month, and Mom passed away. None of the things I thought I could get through..I did. I'm thankful.
God Bless Us Everyone.
T
Jo-<p>Thanks for asking. Feels nice when someone cares.<p>Christmas 2000 I felt like my M was not in a good place and that my W was distant from me. She said she had no idea of what I was talking about.<p>Christmas 2001 I know why my WW was distant from me and I'm not sure if she wants to be together when Christmas 2002 rolls around. I'm still working on the Plan!<p>I'm ok and shopping and giving has helped. The gifts of time, advice, and compassion that I find here are on the forum have been a blessing. Thank you everyone.<p>HoFS
Posted By: Myownme Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 01:58 PM
Not sure exactly how to respond to this. My H is back with OW, yet living in our home until it sells; divorce is right around the corner. I love my H. I think somewhere deep, deep down, he still loves me. On the one hand, I'm angry that he wants to come with me and the kids to do all the usual "Christmas" things. On the other hand, to me that is a teenie spark of hope that he's truly not facing what the end of a marriage is? I don't know. I just ask God each and every day to get us all through this in one piece. <p>I know one thing I am truly greatful for this year: I did not lose anyone in the tragedy of 9/11/01. For that, I am truly greatful.<p>Also, I have a better relationship with God than I've ever had in all my 40 years....<p>PEACE!<p>Kari
Surprisingly I feel peaceful and totally stress free. Why, I can't tell you. I think back to '99 when my H told me he didn't 'feel' anything and the less than friendly reception that I got from the secretary when I called his office...I sat out to make christmas perfect and bought him all kinds of things that I knew he would like. I should have known...guess I really did but just didn't want to think about it.<p>Then a year later...he is in a new office away from her, he bought me a new sewing machine! It was the perfect gift and just what I wanted even though I had never told him. At the time I was in limbo as to whether I wanted the marriage to continue.<p> Now for this year...you know I don't really think about things too often. Yes there are unresolved issues and I think that I have finally gotten the courage to talk about them. I don't know why I feel the way I do. I sent my H an email the other day that said 'who do you love?' and nothing else. He replyed 'Who is George Thorogood'! His sense of humor is returning. I told him that was a good answer but that he still hadn't answered my question. Since then though he has been 'showing' me in little ways. Subtle but things that I pick up on.<p> I have 9 people living in my house for the holidays plus 2 dogs (well behaved though they are they are still dogs) and a cat, plus all the kids friends who drop in. I haven't been shopping yet. That alone should stress me out but it doesn't. The house is wrecked, there are people everywhere..but you know, the tree is beautiful, the fire is crackling, we have room to all crash in the livingroom and enjoy TV or board games or cards. We are a family...and it is nice.<p>I guess I have decided to NOT stress about things anymore. It is not because they are perfect, but because I know ME and have chosen to slow myself down and enjoy life instead of whizzing through it. Take time, pay attention and do the things that make you happy...and you will be happy in the end. It may take awhile to get there, but it can happen. Never thought it would, but darned if it didn't. Hope that you all can find that kind of peace in you lives too. You ALL deserve it.
Posted By: az allison Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 03:54 PM
Hi again Jo,<p>Good thread, you just seem to know when MB'ers need to get feelings out. It is good to get updates.<p>Victoria Farrar..ACK!...you haven't shopped yet...you are my Christmas hero, way to enjoy things and not let the crazies get to you. I've shopped like a maniac and I'm still freaking out. I always say "not next year, I'm just going to enjoy it" and then I do it all over again. Board games and a crackling fire -vs- the mall and spending $ I don't have. Am I nuts?<p>Gonna do a little update here...I tend to be wordy so I'll try to keep it short.<p>New Years 2000...the millinium. All I remember is H kissing everyone but me at midnight. I think I knew then. He moved out the following May. You guys know the scoop, most of you have been through the same.<p>I am close to being divorced. It's been almost a year since I filed. STBX is living with OW#2, his co-worker of 20+ years, a woman I've known for years as have my children. I don't know if he's happy, don't really care. I know he misses his children terribly, but he chose to move an hour away from them and live a very different kind of life than we had.<p>My children are my first concern. They will never be the same. They are still asking "why?", they didn't ever see us fight, just witnessed dad coming home less and less over the last few years of our marriage. He has them 2-3 nights a month, they generally refuse to go with him, and as teenagers they have that right. <p>Last January, I was messing around on the computer, looking at a personals page on AOL and ended up meeting the most wonderful man. I hesitate to post much about this as I was not divorced at the time, had not even filed yet. I know all the advice is to spend at least a few years alone and get to know myself again, but whew, when it's right it's right. We have been inseperable. We are truly best friends. He had been terribly hurt also in his marriage, and we helped each other to heal. There are no marriage plans (for many years due to the fact that I am recieving spousal maintenance and I can't re-marry) but he's great, so very different in every way from my STBX. The kids are wild about him, they were starved for attention too, and it feels like a real family.<p>So, life goes on. All I can say to my MB friends here is don't be afraid to try again. There are wonderful people out there. It was such a shock to me that I was loveable, worthy of being loved, and that I could still give love. We, as humans, still have that little spark, no matter how bad things get. Just because we've been rejected by one, does not mean we are not worth being loved.<p>This time last year is a complete fog to me. Even the kids don't remember what they got for presents last yearr. My cat had just died, I had a bad surgery just after Christmas and ended up in an ambulance. I had planned on drinking a bottle of expensive champagne on New Years to toast the horrible year of 2000 away, and ended up recovering on my sister's couch. January 2001, started a wonderful new job, my MB buddies Jo, Lora and Beth came to see me, met my Larry, and learned how to smile and laugh and love all over again. Life is amazing when you jump in and decide it's not to scary to give a shot to living again. <p>I wish happiness to all of you here. I know what it's like to be afraid and alone. More like scared to death and alone. May your new years find you making new beginnings...decide to love yourselves, you are not a reflection of what was done to you...each and every one of us are worthy of living well...it is the best revenge after all.<p>love to all....allison
Posted By: Lor (Lor) Re: For Everyone ... How do you feel? - 12/21/01 04:01 PM
Good, I feel good. 2nd Christmas in recovery. The wretched Christmas parties with the OW in attendance are done, I was smiling & dignified and my H was good to me. I believe we've gotten through the majority of the issues, pain, forgiveness.<p>We're going to visit both set of our families, leaving tomorrow, back Wednesday. For the first time in at least 4 years we've got New Year's Eve plans (he walked out 2 years in a row right after the holidays 1999 & 2000. Bygones!). We're going to a St. Louis Rams game the first weekend in Jan.--just the 2 of us.<p>We've got a good marriage and a great family.
Hey Allison,
Can tell how you are doing know just by the tone of your post. A lot different than ones from a couple years ago (has it really been that long?). Sounds like you are really doing well after all you went through, glad to hear it. You and I have been treading (or trodding) on this path for awhile now...seems like there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Heard anything from Lori (lostva) lately?
Guess I'll jump in here. <p>I'm doing pretty good. W (WS) and I have been seperated for a couple months now. I've been staying with my mom - no I'm not a momma's boy. Moving into an apartment after Christmas and actually looking forward to it. <p>Last christmas I gave W a new ring and never thought we'd be here right now. Finally coming to some acceptance and starting to move on. We still see each other every day and even though it's hard we are pretty good friends. <p>This is kind of odd for me to feel this way about Christmas. I'm not scrooge or anything but both of our parents are divorced so we've always tried to include everyone and not hurt anyones feelings (which is pretty much impossible). We had really good christmas' when I was growing up but after parents divorce (it was bitter) I started disliking it. I actually feel really good about how W and I have put our differences aside and actually worked together to make this good for the kids.<p>Anyways, I wish all of you the best. Every one of you deserve it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
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