WS says she is in "Turmoil"!!! - Marriage Builders® Forums

Ok, I didn't call her, took the kids to a friends whom I have been meanign to reach out to. She called @ 2:30 left a message on Home answering machine. Wanting to talk to daughter (5) and wish her a Happy New Year. Said she was in real 'Turmoil ", so I guess that means she didn't want to talk to me. Eitehr was feeling guilty because she ended up with OM last night , I didn't answer the phone but i don't know who called, or this is really hitting her. Or both. I called both her #'s and daighter left messages.[ January 01, 2002: Message edited by: dadoftheyear ]

Back to the top w/ new title.

Some Turmoil, FIL just called, Earlier this evening I suggested he call her and give her support because she is struggling, anyway he asked me if I had heard from her she because is not answering any of her phones. Hmmm, its 11:00 PM on Tuesday night, I have the kids, Wonder where she might be???? Some Turmoil.

Dadoftheyear.... Not sure what to say to help you....perhaps she is out talking to a gf about her turmoil??? I don't know.........sigh...((((((( dadoftheyear ))))))) hope things work out...hang in there......

Confusedmom,My guess is that if she were with a GF she proable would have answered her cell phone, when either one of us called. Waddaya think?

Hi dadoftheyear,
OMG! Something just occurred to me while reading your post. Infidelity causes turmoil for everyone involved... well, maybe?BS turmoil could be feeling total devastation and trying to figure out how much of the marriage was true or a lie, confused about whether to leave or stay while WS waffles--or if WS returns, how to forgive and heal or move forward...If an OC is in the picture, we've got major turmoil for the BS as no contact with OP means BS must step up to the plate... yikes...WS in love with OP turmoil could be feelings of confusion while trying to figure out the definition of love and commitment and whether or not they married the right person to begin with.WS wanting to save their marriage turmoil could be feelings of shame and unforgiveness toward themselves, lost about what exactly will prove they are trustworthy, how to regain mate's confidence and belief in them... (?)Single OM turmoil--Hmmm... IS there any? Doubt it... unless they believe they are in love with the married person or married person is their "soulmate"... *cough*gag*Single OW turmoil--Hmmm... (see Single OM turmoil--UNLESS she is pregnant!)Pregnant OW/WS turmoil--Keep the baby, kill the baby, what will people/family think and/or say? Whose baby IS this anyway? What to do about CS? File or not to file? Tell MM or not tell? and on and on and on...OC turmoil is major identity crises that hit them throughout life, as babies, teenagers, and certainly as adults, as infidelity never goes away--it's the gift of pain that just keeps on giving to everyone for years and years. There are always constant reminders and triggers to overcome for EVERYONE involved.Family members' turmoil is feeling hurt because the ones you love are hurting. This includes parents, grandparents, children and in-laws of those involved in affairs. That is, if they even know what's going on... Sometimes I imagine some of my family members view my OC through eyes that are screaming, "[censored]!" If that is not a tormenting thought to overcome I don't know what the heck IS!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I can't say for sure what is really what, only for certain about the pregnant OW & OC category, as I fell into that one and dragged my firstborn along for the entire ride. Just some thoughts from an xOW who is now a married MBer in affair-proof mode...[ January 04, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]

I wouldn't jump to conclusions quite yet. Often times people call my cell phone...and i don't hear it (even if its ON and in my purse!).... or I forget to turn it on...or I leave it out in my car...etc...etc....I would just see how she acts in the next few days.....and not dwell upon that one night...ya know? It can make you nuts!Ummmmmmmm, also, as a former WS.... if my H was constantly worrying and asking me where I was, etc.... it would aggravate me... And.........YESSSSSSSSS< there IS a great deal of turmoil that most WS go through.... it includes...guilt, shame, confusion, and also.....questions about what the future holds...My advice to you as a WS???? Hang in there....prove to her that you can be a good listener... and that you want to be there for her....

I used to hear something similar from my WW. It usually was an inner conflict she was having with herself. During these times, it was kinda like watching a bad horror movie as the forces of good try to overcome evil and vice versa all within her head. Remember the 3 steps of intimacy, conflict doesn't necessarily have to be with your spouse. Hang in there.HI

Hi Infedilty; "Remember the 3 steps of intimacy, " What are they?
" conflict doesn't necessarily have to be with your spouse. " Not sure what you mean? Her conflect with me or my with her or hers w/ being w/OM??Thanks for teh encouragement<ireally need it today. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Check this out for the 3 states http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3605_state.html