It hurts...It hurts...It suxs...It's sad.......

The man that I married and love doesn't love me anymore and does not want to spend time with me anymore, this hurts, but I am moving on and am ok.But it so hurts to know that he is in FL with OW, and that he choose to go there instead of spending time with his kids, they need him so much right now for that reassurance.My WH just called from OW's house, and we spoke for a few minutes as the kids weren't home. It suxs to know that he is spending time with her and sharing those little moments that were ours at one time, he replaced me and that suxs big time.Estes wrote something the other day to MnM that I found to be so profound that I believe that it needs to be shared, I hope that she doesn't mind........"The eternal "How could he....?" The answer to that has to be that there is a weakness, deficiency, and/or neediness in a person that is so great that he will abandon his character, his honor, his family responsibility, to pacify this weakness. When there is a failing of character this profound, there is nothing anyone ELSE can do to save that person from himself. So desperately and frighten sad. IMVHO, the unrepentant adulterer is a lost soul."Her words sum up how I have been trying to understand the why in all of this.I guess I just needed to vent, must do that every once and again.Through all of this, I still have a love for my husband, the man that I married. Aand that is sad.Dawn [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img][ June 02, 2002: Message edited by: daybreak ]

dawn,I agree, I agree, I agree !!!!!!We are in the same boat & it does suck. I agree with what Estes said - how could they????? How dare they????? I've had a rough few days. I went to Wh's apartment & he has pics on the fridge of him & his friends but not me or the kids. (he has been living out of state) then I find.....he's been heavy into drugs & cocaine queen (OW2) I had no idea, that one caught me off guard.So, it's moving on for me too. We have to sort out our business dealings.What part of Fl did your WH go to? If it's near me, I'll....who knows think of something!God Bless,
D. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Dawn,I think I can say me too to everything you wrote.Funny even after 3 yrs, & a yr of STBX living with OW I still have a hard time believing it all has happened. I admit I look forward to the day when he is no longer such a daily part of my life but our YS will be in 4th grade in the fall so we have 8 more yrs. Unless I move back home which I may next summer after OS graduates from HS.Hold your head up. okay?

WGTT,Miami, North Miami I think!! Is that close?Sing,Where is home? I came home, it's been hard. I live across the street from my parents. There is no real town or community where I live. It's more of an outcropping around an Air Force base. I have made a few friends and have renewed some old friendships, my YD had a friend here that she has been playing with when she would come to visit my parents, the other two have had a hard time making friends.Divorce, it is so unfair, I did not want or intend to bring my children up as a single parent, I did not want them to have to concern themselves with splitting their holdidays between their parents, parents are meant to be one made from two. I look at the future, I have a graduation next year and probably a wedding in the not so distant future, another graduation in 6 years, I have the whole teen thing to do again with the youngest. The college, the weddings, the grandchildren, his retirement, those are things that are meant to be shared as parents, not x's, I don't even want to think about bringing that equation into things in the future. We made a commitment and we honored our commitment, it's not fair!! I don't want to be divorced!!! I don't want to be divorced!!! I don't!! I don't!!!Childish I know but just kind of the way I am feeling today!!!It's all so unfair, I am not getting anything that I want, and they seem to be getting everything!!!Dawn
<img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

{{{{{Dawn}}}}}}I know how you feel hun. I have those days too. Most of the time, I feel great... movin on and all that. I know God is working on me, and has a plan... but it's so hard sometimes. I'm reading your posts with tears in my eyes today, becuase I know how you feel. This is one of those days for me. Today, I'm feeling the emptiness I feel sometimes. Realizing that I still feel that he completed me. And even though I'm learning and growing, and I KNOW I'll be fine without him, that SOME DAYS, I'm just empty - missing that part of me that he filled. THEN comes the "how could he do this?" dialogue with myself.You can do this. We can do this. It's NOT fair. But you are a great lady, and you can do this.Crying some tears with you...... <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> But then we'll feel better and keep moving forward, k?

Dawn-I know how you are feeling. I am kind of feeling that way myself today. It was my son's graduation from HS. I saved a seat for my H. How could I have not sat with him on this special day for our wonderful son?? We had decided that we would go back to working on the divorce again after graduation. I feel the same way as you.....I DON'T WANT TO BE DIVORCED!!!!! But you know what??? I also don't know if I want him anymore. I used to pray everday about a wall building between him and the tramp (today she is just that).....I don't do that anymore. This is just such a confusing time. I need to start getting some sleep at night. I am very restless! I am also very tired!!! In Aug it will be one year that he left. How can all of this have happened so quickly? I hate what he has done to my life. I worry about myself financially.....not right now...but when the support stops.You need to keep hanging in there. You will get through this. He is the one that is losing out. He is just too stupid to know it yet. I thnk that I can speak about both of our H's at the same time.Take care!Di

((((LADIES))) [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I think once we get to the point where we can say, "It's not fair!" followed by, "But that's the way it is." then shed a tear or two and carry on, we know we have made progress.IT'S NOT FAIR!! <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> Today one year ago, I got a call at 6 AM on a Sunday morning. I heard my son say in a peculiar, hushed voice, "MOM, go check your email. I've got to go now." D-day.I got up, checked the mail and got to see a photo of my grandson and some man together captioned
"My two favorite guys! Love, DIL." The struggle that changed my son's life had begun in earnest. (Ours, too. If a family loves one another, infidelity and divorce scar them all.) A year later I realize that the A was a symptom of a deeper problem for my DIL. She has severe issues from her past that are crippling her emotionally. They are in counseling. I pray that God gives my son wisdom so that he will know how to resolve his situation before he suffers too much more emotional damage. I pray for my DIL also because she is so lost. I pray for my GS who spends half his time at Daddy's house and half at Mommy's house but does not have a "my house."It's not fair. It's so sad. It's so cruel.God bless you and the other MBs as we carry on.Estes

Man,I really didn't want to start a pity party here to night!!!! Sorry!!!But so many of us seem to be in about the same place, and I have found that only those here at MB truly understand how it is I feel.I even had a pretty good day. Went bowling with the YD she rolled her all time high of 158 and wanted to call and tell dad, she asked if he was home and I said no he is in FL, then he called. So I guess that is what started me thinking along these line.Do you think if I stomp my feet and scream and holler I'll get my way?Waiting to see if the DV papers come this week, WH wants to move OW to UT and has to be back at work on the 10th. UGH!!!! I guess that too has been playing on my mind alot this week.Must run across the street and get directions as my parents are leaving for a week. Will be back for more of the pity party.Estes, I am sorry for the anniversary per say. Your son is so lucky to have you to lean on through all of this. And because of DIL we have all gotten to meet you!!C ya in a few
Dawn [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
I'm working back to my smiley face!!

Boy, I too know those feelings. I never wanted this for my family. I never wanted this for me. It was hard watching him in court...It was strange because I didn't feel anything towards him. I sure didn't feel married anymore. He seemed like a different person...and he is.This really is such an emotional process. I am amazed at the range of feelings I have gone through. Even these last few weeks, there were days that I felt back in control, and then the next day would turn around and feel hopeless. Daybreak, I hope your more empty, hopeless
feeling days become less and less. Life is still beautiful...we just need to be looking for the possibilities!!! Take Care Pat

daybreak, you said:
<blockquote>quote:<hr>Through all of this, I still have a love for my husband, the man that I married. Aand that is sad.<hr></blockquote>NO IT'S NOT. If you let it hold you back, or keep you down, maybe......but we have all seen so much growth this year! That is God's wonder.There can be no sadness in loving someone. Hugs, Cali

MnM,
It is rough, at least I wont have to go to court like you unless I choose to sue the OW, which I can here, am still contemplating this as we didn't have problems til she re surfaced. It could only be for personal staisfaction no monetary gain.Cali,
I guess that no matter what there will always be a love for the man that I married and a longing for the marriage and family that I had. Yes I still have the kids and that is great, but this is not the family I had invisioned.I don't let my love for that man get in the way of what this man has done to my family and myself. Does that make sense at all? There are somedays that I would just love to sit down with WH and try to explain all of this to him, how we let this happen to our family, the things that we should've done to gain our marriage back, the things that we can do. Nothing that he wants to hear or have any part of. Just sometimes I think "if only"Take care all,
Dawn [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Dawn,Miami is at the other end of the state from me.I like what you said "I don't let my love for that man get in the way of what this man has done to my family and myself. Does that make sense at all? "This makes perfect sense & when I read it, realized that it is exactly where I need to be. I will be filing for DV shortly & my mind is playing all kinds of tricks on me. All these reasons come up not to because I'm just looking at the love part. But there is this horrible stuff that I just cant forget. I never thought I would be in this position. In reality, WH left the M 3 years ago & didnt tell me. He's had all this time to "get on with his life" Sometimes we need pity parties, just can't stay in them too lond.
[img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

WGTT,You are so right the pity parties are needed from time to time, we just can't allow them to be all nighters!!!I've worked hard finding ways to deal with what this man has done to our family. He definately is not the man that I married and I too have to remember this.My WH too probably left the marriage about three years ago, his has been an EA with a former GF from HS, they typically have lived 1500 miles apart or better, they started communicating again while he was on a remote assignment in Korea for the AF. He allowed himself to be tempted, we had discussed this so many times as he traveled constantly for his job. I was very dissappointed that he allowed this to happen, have been angry some too. My thought has always been that he is ill (like Estes says) and that he needs love and support to get through this. I have given that, and have tried not to beat him up constantly about this.The end is very near am waiting for the call or e mail from my Lawyer to come sign the DV papers, I did not file, this is not what I want, if he wants this he must do all of the work for this, he didn't get all the things done in the alloted times, so now the OW has to wait to move, Ah shucky darn!!! I still have hope and I want to say Faith in my Lord that this will not happen, but also have to be realastic, that I can't stop this from happening.Through all of this I have become a stronger person and even more independent then I was before. I have learned to let a lot of the crap that is said to me or about me to roll off my back, I've learned not to go off at the handle, to take my time to respond to someone. I feel pretty good about myself and have not let this define me as a person, yes I am going to be labled a divorce single mom, that's there label for describing who I am to them, doesn't have to be my desrciption.Stay strong in yourself, as to when it comes down to it you are what you have in this life.Dawn [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Yet another twist,WH did not move OW to UT with him he is headed home on his own.Received DV papers today, he signed them on the 24th of May, his lawyer mailed them to mine on the 4th and mine sent them out yesterday. I am sure that I will get blamed for dragging my feet and it wasn't me.WH did not call his mom for her birthday, not usual for him, she was upset when I spoke to her tonight, so called the number WH had left, spoke to OW, she did not identify herself immediately, said that I was looking for GB is he still there this is his wife, she said no that he was not, I asked if he was going to be back tonight and she said no, (I was very pleasent, my 2 oldest kids are cracking up in my face)she said have you tried his cell, said no that I tried the number that he had left. Asked if she would talk to him tonight and she said no and so I said that if she talked to him have him call his parents that they were concerned.Am not sure how I am feeling about all of this, have been waiting for the papers, and now they are finally here. Will take a day or two to process the feelings that I am having.Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hugs... dawn...Hope you are doing okay. I am thinking about you.Cali

Dawn,Sorry.

Oh, wow!!!
I have read all the messages in the thread, and I am sat here crying my eyes out for all of you and for me too.
My husband has been left 9 months, and he has met another woman on the net, she is from the US. She has been over to see him and aparantly she is paying for him to move over there (we live in the UK). We have two children and my husband tried to set it court proceeding to take just my son with him, but now my solicitor informs me he has decided not to purse that. My husband always wanted children, now he seems quite happy to leave the country his children live in, I don't understand. I even don't understand why I want him back this is the second affair he has had, although he never wanted a divorse before, this time he does. He says he will never come back to me. Why do I still love this man who, has cheated, lied, hit and broken his marriage vows? <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

Daybreak,
I recognise what you describe in your inital post and am struggling with similar. It has been such a long and hard and tortuous road i am hoping for some stability myself now that WH has, hopefully, moved out but contact because of our child really throws me back.
Best wishes, crimson

Have thought some.........still don't want a divorce, would like to be able to talk to WH face to face, am not sure what it is I want to say or would say, gues I just want to see his face a smile. So silly!!!I will do what needs to be done, as that is what is expected, probably. I just don't want to be divorced!!Oh well, Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dawn
I know how you are feeling....I am waiting for the papers....we should be divorced by the end of the month. I am sorry that you are going through this. It just stinks. My H is on a trip...he didn't feel the need to tell me or the boys where he was going. So....we can only assume that it is NOT business. If it was business he would have told us. He doesn't realize the way it makes them feel. He is so stupid.I can't believe that you talked to the OW and you were so calm. My kids would have been making faces at me too. My oldest said to me the other day...."Mom, you and her really need to get along" I kind of looked at him weird and he said just kidding! I have never met her....seen her....I don't even know her name. Just know that I am thinking of you. You can do this!!!MAX

FSA,Our WH are so narrow minded that they are only capable of seeing what they want and need, nothing else.My WH would've never done anything to hurt any of those that he loves, his kids knew that he had 2 weeks off that he could have spent with them and he chose her instead, that hurt them big time, specially the little one. Then not to have called his mother or sent her a card, that is just so not like my WH. He is being so very selfish right now!!The other strange thing in all of this is when I called the number he left, it had been changed with a different area code, so when I got off the phone I looked up the area code it's Ft Lauderdale, not to far up the road, don't know if the whole clan moved too or not. She has lived in the same complex next door actually to her parents for 20+ years.Lots to digest, would really like to talk with WH still, am not sure why just have this very strong feeling that I need to talk with him. Wierd!!!I am sorry that your WH took off without saying anything, It hurts to think that they are together 24/7, I don't think of it much until he is there with her.Kids are so smart anyways they know what is going on. I loved (Chris) story this morning.What is your son doing this summer before heading off to school?IT's hard, so very hard, I've been so strong so far and must remain so, but somedays I hate being this strong I just want to crawl up into a ball and bawl my heart out and have someone else take my place in this mess. But guess that wont happen, so keep coming here to gain strength from my friends, and growing as a person.C ya, Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img][ June 08, 2002: Message edited by: daybreak ]