We were driving today in the car and he said, your car really sticks with the accelerator - and I said yeah, I know I am going to buy a new car next year - but I want to pay some bills off first. He owns a 2000 black jetta - and he said, hey you should buy a german car... I said (lb?) if we are still together next year I could buy a white jetta and we could get license plates that say yin and yang, wouldn't that be a coolness factor? He was quiet a moment and then said, yeah... and then we talked about cars for a little bit. I think bringing up the possibility of us not being together was a slip, I didn't mean to say that - but it wasn't malicious or mean, it was stated matter of factly, and he keeps telling me he doesn't know if he's leaving or staying, so, I don't know. I can't keep pretending the possibility doesn't exist that he may leave! We kept on with the conversation, and he told me loved me as he dropped me off at work. Feedback?
I don't really know what MB principles would say here, but my therapist told me just yesterday (and he is very helpful and supportive of my wanting to try to save my marriage) that I should avoid making any statements that hint at not being together. While I had previously thought it was ok to say factually, when if or we are together x will happen, my therapist thought it was best to just avoid those statements altogether and always sound positive about our future in any statements about it. This is not to say that one should bring up the future, but in a situation where you and WH are talking about things like buying a car, etc, assume you will be married then/the future and make statements as you did before the A (in other words do not alter how you would talk about the future to reflect WH's uncertainty).
I hope I didn't ramble too much there, but I think you get the idea and I think it is consistent with what the Harley/MB principles would indicate.
KS
While I maintain that a LB is in the eye of the beholder, as someone who has heard those words several times I would have to say that they are a LB at the most. Just very hurtful, at the least.
I cannot say that I know your story but I am presuming that you are the BS and your WS is trying to work on your relationship. If that presumption is correct, then it probably was a LB, I am sorry to say. It hurts to hear something like that. Although it is something that is very true and could possibly be reality. I didn't like hearing my H say things like that and I still don't, but I also know that it was and could be a real possiblity. That doesn't mean it doesn't stab a bit.
However, if you didn't do it intentially and you didn't mean to be hurtful, then just try not to do it again in that context. It is something that has to be talked about every once in a while as you reevaluate where you are in the rebuilding. Just don't throw it out there in general conversation, if you can help it.
Regretting