My H's A started 2 years ago. He moved out in Feb./00. A ended in the spring of this year and I have been seeing him ever since. He says he wants to move back in with me the first of Dec. Does it seem strange that he doesn't want to move back in right away? He says he loves me but I find my fears creeping up on me and imagine all kinds of stuff. I'm not suspecting that he's seeing her but I wonder about his feelings for her.
I sometimes think I should talk to him about this but I'm afraid to appear like some kind of paranoid wife. I want to be strong. Any suggestions?

MAEZY---

My WW moved out twice...March 01 (returned for 5 months August 01) and then moved out a second time on 12/31/01...

She remains out of the house and her A was over this past spring...

In her case there appears to be more issues than the A, although there are many times issues related to the A that the WS need to resolve before making a commitment to the BS.

I would say if your H is talking about coming home after being away for a long time like he has that that may be a very positive sign that he has worked thru his issues.

I am pretty sure that if my WW asked to come back tomorrow that we would have to go thru some period of adjustment before that could happen.

I would suggest a couple of things for you...

1. If you are not in counseling you may want to consider working with some neutral third party who may be able to help you thru the time ahead before things can get back to some sense of normalcy...

2. In the interim before Dec 1. work thru some of the things for yourself that may become issues...set some boundaries that you can live with....make sure your H understand this.

I don't know your whole story but if your H is talking at all about coming home after a long separation I think that is good but there will have to be some period of adjustment that will be difficult. However, if you have made it this far it tells me that you are strong enough to deal with anything that may lay ahead...

Good luck to you and your H

E

Hi Maezy. I don't think that is weird. It sounds to me like he proably wants to be absolutely positive that when he comes home it will be for good.

Thanks Elad and fairydust, for your reassurrances. I know that my fears are somewhat irrational at times. I am in counselling but my H doesn't feel it would help him.I guess I will try to be strong awhile longer.