Emergency, only 1 month into EA. What's next? - 12/03/05 10:33 PM
I feel like a failure.
I've read the basic concepts, LB & HNHN and many posts. I'm trying to implement Plan A, but it's difficult.
Here's the background info. I'm 34 & divorced, she's 29 - never married. We're not married & been dating for about 2 years. We have a son together. We are both Christians. I'm committed to her, very much in love and want to be married to her. I want to provide for our "family" and care for her for the rest of my life. She enjoys being around me and we laugh together & have many similar interest. Some of her best memories was my care for her during pregnancy.
In the past she's told me that we are "spouses" but that she's just not ready to get married because we have a child together. I feel like we are married already but she says I'm not the one for her and has been insisting that we are now "broken up". After snooping around I found out that she's recently interested in another man from work. It's a classic affair. I don't think they've had sex but OM is romancing her. She says he's not a Christian and has trouble with that about him and what kind of relationship they could possibly have "unequally yoked".
I know that I've been neglecting her b/c I've been working on repairing my house (flooded by Katrina). I also have been making selfish demands and been critical. However, since reading LB she says my behavior has improved dramatically, but says it's too late and wants me to move out. (I've been staying/living on her couch). I am very attentive to her and meet many of her needs. She isn't willing to read any of Harley's stuff.
Just today she is out with OM. She took our baby along too. Before she left this morning she got mad & insisted that they are just friends and will be meeting another friend too. I tried to use logic with her about him and asked to go along too since there will be others there.
She said she's been trying to break up with me for a long time and that she can see whomever she wants. This is true, but it is also her excuse. SHe's told me that she wants an idea marriage and wants very badly to be married. She knows the benifits to having me there helping her and also the benefits of me there for our son. However, she feels like it's all for naught with me. The breakup was just before Thanksgiving; D-day was shortly thereafter. She met the OM in October and became interested toward the end of the month. The OM is 35 & never married.
I love her. I'm working on me to overcome LBs and meet her ENs.
I feel depressed and helpless though b/c she doesn't want to have anything to do with me or date me any longer. She says she needs space and wants me to move out. I'm trying to get my house livable again. Isn't giving her space the opposite of creating love by not allowing time together for affection, conversation, etc.?
What can I do to do Plan A before she gets too involved with OM - even thought she says he's not right for her? I don't want to drive her further away. I hust don't know how to do Plan A in a "dating" relationship. I have some ideas, but I really need advice. This feels just like a marriage for me where she's having an A or at least a EA. She's feeling some guilt but not nearly enough to stop the A. I've told her how much I love her, that I want to meet her needs, avoid being the cause of her unhappiness, and that I'm committed to her, our son, and us come ****** or "high water". She laughed at my play on words due to the major flood. I can always get her to laugh like this and smile. She's BENT on the idea that I'm not the right man though.
She says too late for trying to work on us. She says "if only you'd told me this sooner" when I tell her my plans to overcome LBs and not neglect her.
Please offer advice. How do I do Plan A? In the meantime I'll be looking over the PLan A & affair posts on this forum. Please pray for us.
Thanks.
I've read the basic concepts, LB & HNHN and many posts. I'm trying to implement Plan A, but it's difficult.
Here's the background info. I'm 34 & divorced, she's 29 - never married. We're not married & been dating for about 2 years. We have a son together. We are both Christians. I'm committed to her, very much in love and want to be married to her. I want to provide for our "family" and care for her for the rest of my life. She enjoys being around me and we laugh together & have many similar interest. Some of her best memories was my care for her during pregnancy.
In the past she's told me that we are "spouses" but that she's just not ready to get married because we have a child together. I feel like we are married already but she says I'm not the one for her and has been insisting that we are now "broken up". After snooping around I found out that she's recently interested in another man from work. It's a classic affair. I don't think they've had sex but OM is romancing her. She says he's not a Christian and has trouble with that about him and what kind of relationship they could possibly have "unequally yoked".
I know that I've been neglecting her b/c I've been working on repairing my house (flooded by Katrina). I also have been making selfish demands and been critical. However, since reading LB she says my behavior has improved dramatically, but says it's too late and wants me to move out. (I've been staying/living on her couch). I am very attentive to her and meet many of her needs. She isn't willing to read any of Harley's stuff.
Just today she is out with OM. She took our baby along too. Before she left this morning she got mad & insisted that they are just friends and will be meeting another friend too. I tried to use logic with her about him and asked to go along too since there will be others there.
She said she's been trying to break up with me for a long time and that she can see whomever she wants. This is true, but it is also her excuse. SHe's told me that she wants an idea marriage and wants very badly to be married. She knows the benifits to having me there helping her and also the benefits of me there for our son. However, she feels like it's all for naught with me. The breakup was just before Thanksgiving; D-day was shortly thereafter. She met the OM in October and became interested toward the end of the month. The OM is 35 & never married.
I love her. I'm working on me to overcome LBs and meet her ENs.
I feel depressed and helpless though b/c she doesn't want to have anything to do with me or date me any longer. She says she needs space and wants me to move out. I'm trying to get my house livable again. Isn't giving her space the opposite of creating love by not allowing time together for affection, conversation, etc.?
What can I do to do Plan A before she gets too involved with OM - even thought she says he's not right for her? I don't want to drive her further away. I hust don't know how to do Plan A in a "dating" relationship. I have some ideas, but I really need advice. This feels just like a marriage for me where she's having an A or at least a EA. She's feeling some guilt but not nearly enough to stop the A. I've told her how much I love her, that I want to meet her needs, avoid being the cause of her unhappiness, and that I'm committed to her, our son, and us come ****** or "high water". She laughed at my play on words due to the major flood. I can always get her to laugh like this and smile. She's BENT on the idea that I'm not the right man though.
She says too late for trying to work on us. She says "if only you'd told me this sooner" when I tell her my plans to overcome LBs and not neglect her.
Please offer advice. How do I do Plan A? In the meantime I'll be looking over the PLan A & affair posts on this forum. Please pray for us.
Thanks.