My husband and I have been married for 9 years. He started cheating on me when we were dating. I stayed with him because he was young and inexperienced, and I thought he would grow up eventually. I know now that he has a sexual addiction.. since we've been married he's been with at least 2 women that I know about.. I just found out about the most recent one last week. He never feels emotion for these women, he says it's just sex. He says he is now willing to seek counseling and wants to stop this behavior.
Has anyone else been in this situation ?(he's been with at least 9 other women since the day we started dating).
The two affairs he's had since our marriage occured when we were working seperate shifts and never saw each other. What kind of counseling is best for a sex addict?
Firm counseling. Read Surviving an Affair & His Needs/Her Needs. Both are by Dr Harley. Call Steve H @ MB for immediate phone counseling.
Do it ASAP!
take care,
L.
I just wish I knew other women who have stayed in marriages with a man like this, or if there are any success stories in cases like these.. I've never known a man like him, who keeps having affairs. I guess it would help to know I'm not alone.
my xh is a serial cheater.
he's my xh.
too into himself to consider change...too happy living the fun life to do what was right.
that's why he's my xh.
he instantly remarried after our divorce...
and cheated on ow...repeatedly also.
but he was at least faithful to me for over seven years...go figure!
Here are a few links that you may not have seen. You are definitely not alone. There are quite a few of us married to SAs. Please visit:
Partner's Workshop Partner's forum
Here are a few links that you may not have seen. You are definitely not alone. There are quite a few of us married to SAs. Even Dr. Harley states that if there is an active addiction in place - the concept here won't work. The addicition must be dealt with first. Please! ASAP visit:
Partner's Workshop Partner's forum
Thanks for those links! I believe there is definitely a sexual addiction at work here (among others! he is also a compulsive spender and eater).. He has been caught in the past putting ads on adult websites and sneaking porn into the house.. he seems to think the problem is strictly that he isn't getting enough regular sex or kinky sex to suit him.. he seems to think if he did, he wouldn't cheat.. I know better.. I told him he has a week to find a therapist.
www.recoverynation.com is another website dealing with sexual addiction
www.bethesdaworkshops.org offers initial intense recovery workshops for both the spouse and the addict. They are great for anyone seeking out counseling for SA.
I would also recommend Patrick Carnes book Out of the Shadows and Russell Willingham's Breaking Free books. Both are excellent for explaining sexual addiction.
Just reading the information you posted I would be willing to guess he has a sexual addiction.
I too am currently M to a serial cheat - is he a sex addict - sometimes I believe he is - other times I think that he just enjoys exploiting and detroying women. But, it doesn't matter what I think he is - what matters is what I am and what I want/demand for my own self respect and dignity.
My WH will never stop cheating - heck, he can't even be "true" to his A partners - he cheats on them..Do I want to spend the rest of my life wondering, checking on him, rooting thru the trash for evidence??? NO...It took me a long time and (2) IC to get where I am - to say enough - to say I don't want him anymore. WHY would I want to be with someone who so blatantly will never be happy or feel complete in a exclusive relationship????
My WH told me the other day that "he still cares" then last nite he never came home...Show me don't tell me is what you need your WH to do. If he truly wants to get past this and leave it in the past - it may be worth trying to hold your M together. Mine is way beyond that point, being M to a serial cheat is a constant heart wretching experience, they dont' break it once, they do it over and over again. In my case, it will only stop when I stop it and don't allow the pain of his A's to hurt me anymore..I'm there baby....I'm done....
HUGS