I am very sorry for you. I have no advise. Your wife and best friend has constantly played you for a total fool. It is clear that you cannot believe anything your wife says and she would still be having sex with the OM if she had not been caught. My guess is that it will probably happen again in the future. Her actions indicate that she has no respect for you and your marriage. On the other hand, your permissiveness allowing her to continue to have a threesome with this man made this inevitable. I don't see how you could ever trust your wife again or really want to. I wish you luck because you are going to need it.
THAT IS WHY YOU DONT SHARE YOUR WIFE WITH ANYONE.
Things like this can happen. As far as advise goes??? DO NOT SHARE YOURSELVES WITH ANYONE ELSE AGAIN!!! Marriage is sacred and intercourse should only be shared between man and wife.
Thank you StartinOver,
Believe me, I've learned my lesson. I guarantee that will NEVER happen again.
~MrStrype
You are welcome.......I wasnt trying to be harsh. Hey, I love sex.....and the thought of a 3some has crossed my mind in years past. But, I realized that what happened to your marriage was a reality, and I wasnt willing to chance it. If you and your wife need some spark in bed.....explore other options. Rent adult videos, or try some toys or something of that nature. Anything, but introducing a 3rd party. God Bless and I hope it all works out.
OM has been my best friend for over 20 years, and whenever we had him over and he was to stay the night, he usually slept in our bed with us, (yes, I trusted him and WW that much).
Knowing how devious WWs can be, I suspect that the A between your WW and the OM started before, perhaps long before, you decided to engage in the threesome. In fact, your comments suggest that you were manipulated into it by your WW. This doesn't make the choice to do so any better, of course, but I think that was all part of being manipulated by your WW into thinking that somehow YOU were responsible for her A.
Don't EVER take responsibility for someone else's poor choices.
Keep reading the stuff on this website. It sounds like your wife is going through withdrawal. It will get better...I am glad you are willing to work it out, and it is a long process, but have faith!
dang that was a long story!
four hours worth of typing when all we really need to know was the last few paragraphs
For now, don't tell your WW that you have posted here. You may want to be completely open and honest with her, but a WW generally doesn't appreciate that while they're in the fog.
As far as Exposure goes, usually there are two reasons why you should do so: 1) if the OP is married or has a significant other, it is important they are told. 2) To put pressure on the OP to end the A.
I don't think your situation currently meets either of those two conditions. Note that I said 'currently.' If OM were to contact your WW again, thus breaking the vow of NC, I would contact OM's family to expose the A and ask for their assistance in pressuring OM to never contact your WW again.
This type of situation always seems to be the result of threesomes, swinging, open marriages, polyamory, etc. People think they can set logical rules on emotions ('It wouldn't be fair of me to feel jealous, so I guess I shouldn't feel that way,' or 'I promise not to fall in love with the other person') and that's not how humans work.
ManInMotion,
Thank you, I seriously don't think it started back then. I hope I'm not being naive, but my FWW has been pretty darned honest and open with me since D-Day and I think I can trust that it started the way she says it did.
I believe OM was working on her for quite a long while, he also came over while I was at work before it started and poured out his feelings to her (which appealed to her low self-esteem), and after all the sweet nothings that he'd been working on for so long, that was the straw that broke the camel's back...so to speak.
MrStrype, the A didn't start when your WW started having sex with the OM. It started when she started doing things, or started allowing him to do things (like "pour out his feelings"), that she wouldn't have normally down or allowed if you were standing there by her side.
From the moment she decided to keep from you what was happening between herself and the OM, she started down that wayward path.
It's important to recognize how these As start up, so both yourself and your WW can protect each other from further infidelity.
oh I know what letter your talking about,,,joseph something or another,,,someone will help you with that
I just want to say good luck to you and I will be thinking about you guys
And Charliethree I think it is,,,yes its a long one,,,but we all think of it as therapy for some,,,it was good for him to write it out,,,and sometimes we need to know all that to SEE the dynamics of the marriage and the people involved in order to help.
At this point, you need to be in Plan A. And in Plan A, you cannot expect any of your ENs to be met by WW. Thus you should not show her your ENs QA unless she asks to see it. Also, do not push WW into talks about the Relationship/Marriage. Limit those talks to a couple of hours per week. Yes, it's natural for you to be obsessive at this point in time, but not necessarily helpful. WW will have to go through withdrawal before you can start real recovery. Keep an eye out for any contact and if it happens, expose.