I need some help. I have no where to ask except for here. I feel so alone, ashamed,guilty, confused and am becoming depressed. I am a Christian, of 25 years and am 37 years old.
I have been having an affair for 3 years on and off. The other man is married as well. The option of both of us divorcing our spouses is not an option. I dont know how this happened. I know that I have been isolated from my husband of 17 years for the past 7 years. We go to counseling,weput the effort in- he actually acts like he loves me (short lived) and then here we are again on the cycle. We attend church only if I initiate going. I know I cannot divorce my spouse because of my 10 year old and 7 year old. I feel trapped. I am a mess. I put on a happy face for everyone. I have prayed. I have tried to stop the "alone time" with the other man. I love the other man. He is kind,gentle,compassionate, funny and loves me. How can I be so stupid to engage in this behavior when I know I can never have this man? How can I disobey God? I have good weeks then one bad one that sets me way back. I know better. I am so exhausted of feeling unloved in my own home.I would divorce if I didnt have kids. I would rather be alone. But that is not an option...Ihave always been the one who"plays by the rules" and look at me now? I am a complete disaster. I have no one to confide in.

TB,

I would guess your H does not read this site, but I can tell you that my reading this site did save my marriage, and it cost me nothing.

I would presume you will have to confess and he will need the support.

God Bless
NJ

This man does not love you. He loves having sex with you. If it wasn't you, he would find someone else.

If you are a Christian, you know about forgiveness. The only option you have left is to tell your husband and ask for forgiveness.

Is he abusive in any way?

Read the basic concepts - link on the right - and everything about infidelity on this site.