can't believe my life... - 10/31/00 05:10 AM
I hope you can all bear this long, sad story..I need to say it all and stop trying to hold it in..hold it together. <P>My H and I have been married 15 years. We have 3 children, 13, 10 years and 7 mos. Like all marriages, we had our ups and downs, and when I found out I was pregnant, it basically shoved my husband into a full mid life crisis. He had been struggling since the death of a friend, loss of a job, and some other events, and this was the last straw. He wanted and of course loves our baby, but the idea of being "strapped" seemed more than he could handle. Many reasons, I guess. <P>In the midst of all this, there was a conniving little (*&*(&#!. She new exactly what to do...He resisted anything but friendship for quite awhile, but she persisted (sounds like I am not blaming my husband, but I do, it just makes me sick to know that there are women who would knowingly try to go out with a married man, especially one with children...). Before the relationship got physical, he had been coming to counseling with me...basically lying about what the problem was. He moved out, stating he needed some space..it would only be a couple of weeks. Weeks turned into mos, and every time it was time to move back in there was another excuse, a blowup, ready to divorce, and him coming back and saying he didn't want that at all. He consistently said he loved me. He wrote me BEAUTIFUL letters of love. All the while, having an affair...coming back to me, making love to me and pretending he was working on us. <P>We live in a small town, and this OW, really enjoyed the whole thing. She made some obvious gestures for others to find out. Her employee had heard she was having an affair, and told her if she ever found out, she would fire her. <P>Needless to say, she does not have a job. The minute I found out, I called her at work, at which time she left for an hour, came back , told them she and my husband were happy, there was nothing wrong with it and nobody was going to get hurt. It is a small town. <P>My husband and I are going through some good and tough times. I am fairly sure I can forgive him...I do understand most of it. After about a week of tears and pain, though, I seem to be on automatic pilot. He lets me ask all sorts of questions, seems to understand my constant questioning, and tries to reassure me. <P>I have been reading many of the responses hear, and would be thrilled to have some insight. Are we on the right track?<P>I know he will be moving back in soon. He has dropped contact with her, at least as much as I can know, until he moves in. <P>I am also afraid, as I write this, that I seem to have no feelings. I feel numb, and can't believe there are no tears...is this typical?<P>Thank you for listening<BR>ljt