Learning to communicate. - 11/22/00 12:12 AM
Is the hardest thing to achieve...<BR>I tried to tell my husband of how I feel like I am slipping into a depressed state here. I explained that I had felt this long before this "crisis" had occured.That I am really bored with my life and want to make changes but don't know how.<BR>I tried to tell him how the only goals we have right now are long term ones....me learning how to drive, us moving out of this house to a better neighbourhood where there are more facilities etc.<BR>I was hoping he would just put his arm around me and give me some encouragement...try to make some suggestions, just SHOW that he cared.<BR>And what did he do?<BR>I felt like Alice in Wonderland down the rabbit hole...Suddenly he was angry, almost shouting at me saying that it's not his fault I feel this way and what can HE do...I would only tear down his suggestions anyway, blah blah blah...<BR>He just got SO defensive...I could see that suddenly he was acting the victim ..."Im to blame...I'm to blame...Can't do anything right by her."<BR>I started crying and tried to explain that I didn't intend on making him feel like he was to blame. I just wanted him to LISTEN to me.<BR>Then he started saying how I backed him into a corner....<BR>God. I felt like I was talking to an insane person...or that *I* was going insane.<BR>How could a casual conversation suddenly turn so mean and full of hurt and anger?<BR>In the end I just told him I needed to leave the room because I couldn't deal with the way he was acting.<BR>"It won't help running away!" He said/shouted as I went into our bedroom.<BR>A bit later he came in, calmer and kept talking about how I make his opinions feel worthless...I ignore them. I make him feel rejected when he tries to tell me how he feels.<BR>The conversation STILL felt insane.<BR>There I had been trying to tell him something about ME and the next minute he is raving on about HIM.<BR>It felt unfair and I felt like I hadn't been heard at all.<BR>He ended up storming out of the room again and went and laid down on the couch.<BR>After a while, even though I didn't feel like it I went out and just sat next to him and we held hands.<BR>He said how hard this was to learn to communicate and that he was really trying but felt frustrated with his attempts.<BR>I didn't say I felt the same way.<BR>I just felt exhausted and thought to myself that next time I wouldn't even bother because I don't want a repeat of this.<BR>I just don't understand.<BR>Seems so crazy.<BR>I feel like the tables have completely turned in our relationship.<BR>Now *I* am the one hurt and vulnerable and feeling guilty for how *I* have made him feel over the past ten years.<BR>I don't know....maybe he has been bottling up all these feelings for so long now and they need to come out.<BR>I just wish that it didn't feel like he is somehow now trying to punish ME.<BR>I feel overwhelmed.<BR>I am letting go of my pain and anger...not being a cold hard unemotional person.<BR>Trying to feel good about intimacy and sex...trying not to focus on the kids too much..trying to satisfy HIS needs...Rediscovering who I AM.<BR>To be honest I feel like crawling back into that cold hard space because it was SO much safer there.