Hi there, <BR>Tonight I found a "hidden" word document on my H's computer (have our own comp). It was dated after he promised me to stop all contact with OW from internet EA. (he had PA with one and EA with a friend of mine on internet). They were missing each other and wanted to be in their arms, etc.<BR>My question is, Should I confront him with this or not?<BR>(d-day was 27 nov, had good talks and honesty after that and we are going to counseling, are both reading SAA , I do not have his password for email or his voicemail # where both OW's left messages)<BR>anybody any advice before midnight eastern time? (that's when he gets off work)<BR>K

Gee...<P>I'm sorry you're not getting any responses...<P>IMHO... yes... you can tell your H that you've found correspondence that show there is still contact between he and the OW.<P>Don't bring up the details...<P>Don't be judgmental...<P>Don't dwell on it long...<P>Express to him... only your feelings and your hurt.<BR>Nothing else!<P>Let him know you are doing this for the growth you've understood in the principle of "honesty"...<BR>...and that means more to you than dishonesty... because dishonesy destroys the marriage... regardless of who is dishonest.<P>Plan A... is showing your spouse... <B>your</B> growth.<P> <P>Jim

Yes you can tell him. It's the whole honesty thing. We want it and should offer it in return. Just remember to try and not be accusitory. If you've been making progress you don't want to set it back.<P>Remember Plan A, If you feel you can't do it tonight with out blowing up then wait til tomorrow after a night of rest when you have had tome to digest it.

Thanks you both for the reply !<BR>I do think I'm gonna wait till later b/c if I tell him now I don't think I can be not judgemental. I'm too upset about it right now.<BR>Thanks again!<BR>K

How did it go?<P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*

Well.... I took some time to look things over. And after I looked them over and over and over, i realised that I made a VERY stupid mistake. :-(<BR>I realised that the date that I found it under was from BEFORE I knew about all this mess. And since i had decided to let the affair(s) not make me feel angry and upset anymore, I just tore up the printed letter and went to sleep before he came home.<BR>I feel so stupid.<BR>I decided that it was not fair to him and myself to get more upset about it.<BR>I did brought it up in counseling this morning and it was a surprise for him, but I also told them (counselor and H ) why I didn't told him about it and that I had let it go. He accepted that and we have not spoken about it since. I do have his email password now and I feel a lot more at ease. (Eventhough he can very simply take a new email account)(but I refuse to think or look for it)<BR>K

Baloe,<BR>Don't feel stupid. Many times my mind has made me see things that were not there. Sometimes when you look at something like this the terror, just takes over. You did the right thing in relooking at he information and waiting until you calmed down.<P>

I found numerous, definite proof my wife is still having cybersex and contact with OM (ohter MEN). She lies to my face telling me I am the only one for her and she chats with no men (actually sending and recieving) nude pics. Has one online lover she describes our sex to him as if those two were doing it. I am Plan A ing but do I let her know I know what she is doing?<BR>MrB

mrbean,<BR>I think you should tell her what you know and how it makes you feel. If at all possible do so in a non LBing way. You may not want to divuldge how you know.

Just watch what you believe and dont believe, i trusted too much and kept on gettting burned.