I am brand new here and need some help. I just don't know what to do anymore. My H was having an EA with women he'd met in chat (Pogo). I caught him one morning chatting with them and before he could close the window I saw what they were typing. At first he denied it then said that he was just joking around with them but I searched the history and found he'd sent them his picture. This same morning I had a Pre-Op appt. for my surgery. So I had to leave and of course he deleted everything, or so he thought. A couple days later I found porn pictures on our computer and called him at work about them. He admitted he's been downloading porn for the last 3 years but the chatting online only started the day after Valentine's Day.

He has since gotten rid of all his computers at home (5 total) and the only one left is my laptop. He is in IC and we are in MC. He really is doing what he can to change and so am I. But what I wrestle with is the question of, "he's done it before, will he do it again?" I can't go through this again. We have two sons together (ages 3 1/2 and 2) who are both autistic. I'm a Stay at Home Mom and take care of them both all day and most of the night too. H works in IT so he's around computers all the time at work. However I know he can't download porn from there but can still chat. He is currently getting a new cell phone so that he can't access the net from that too.

But how do you deal with the pain? I'm so torn up by all this. He mentally had us divorced. Not because he didn't love ME but b/c he thought I didn't love HIM! He made all this up in his head that I was about to leave him and so that is how he justified it. Until I caught him and he saw how devested I was. Now he says he realizes how much I love him. But now I'm not so sure about how I feel anymore.

Like I said, he's doing so much to change but I'm worried that once the newness of this wears off, he'll stop working on it. That is very typical of my H. He'll do something for a short period of time wholeheartedly (sp?) but then lose interest or get "to busy."

I'm sorry if my post makes no sense. I just don't know what to do and I'm becoming depressed. Since my surgery (March 5th) I've been put on two different types of hormones and they are really wacking me out and I think they are making the depression worse.

Thanks for letting me get this stuff out.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances. Read all of the information here, especially about filling his emotional needs. There is a questionnaire here you can use to determine them.

Start in Plan A and do it for several months. You can read all about that here too. It sounds like your H knows that he made a mistake. Stick with us and we will help you through this.

How do you get through the pain, you ask? Just like you're doing. By letting it come out, by talking and being with people who have been through it themselves. Everyone here will help you in some way. Just keep posting.

I also found the information on MB to be the greatest thing ever. Since I found this site (going on 1-1/2 years now), I've read everything I can and practice it every day. I took the questionnaires and discovered things about myself and my WH that I never would have learned otherwise. And I believe I became a much better person because of this.

It's hard to get over the betrayal. It's so very hard to forget. And having those medical side-effects... oh, I know how awfully hard that can be! Talk to your doctor, your IC, your H. And keep coming here to talk all you want.

It's realy important that u sit your man down and tell him how it makes u feel with what he has done. He probley dosent see much wrong because there was no sex. This is where he need to relise that it hurts u.

Thanks for the welcome and I've been reading the site as much as I can. Seems to have been helpful to many on here.

Brokenbob - you are so right when it comes to the whole "well I didn't have sex with someone else" thing. My H saw this as "no big deal" and is only now realizing how badly it's hurting everyone.