This is very difficult to post because I know h will probably read it and I don't want to cause more trouble between us, but I have to get feedback on the current situation.

After finding out about A with OW at work, I confronted h and we are working on repairing things. A couple things still trouble me tho...

first, h does not see need to quit job where ow still works at church because he loves job and loves people there and they love him...ow and h have about 6-8 hours week contact at work which involves playing in band together for enjoyment.

second, happily h has agreed to begin counseling but feels needs to see counselor on his own to work out his own issues before addressing our marital problems...

third, h has doubts about our relationship being able to work...says he wants to try but cannot meet any of my emotional needs at this time....and cannot say whether he will ever get feelings back for me...

fourth, h wants to stay together while he works it out what he wants or needs to do.

has anyone been in this situation before?

fallingapart-

In my opinion, your first concern should be the most pressing out of the 4 you listed. Most people on this forum recommend that there be NO CONTACT between WS and OP. I happen to agree with this and have fought the same battle with my WW. In fact, I'm convinced that her daily contact has severely hampered our ability to R. Good luck...

Litch,

H says he never had feelings for OW and even though they professed love for each other, they never went as far as actual sex. But from her emails, I can see that she loves him even if he's telling me it was all a lie on his part.

SO...assuming that's true, is it possible for them to work together is HE really has NO feelings for her, but she is in love with him? Something had to be there in the beginning for them to make the connection!

He says she was somebody who listened and cared for him. He didn't want to lose her friendship and the attention so he went along with it and allowed it to get out of control. They started spending alot of time together. As I told him, filling each other's love buckets so full that I looked like nothing to him. ANd since she's divorcing her husband, this makes it all even harder for me to indure!

But just like that he can shut it off? I am afraid to believe that is true mostly because I couldn't believe someone can love somebody one day and the feelings are gone the next.

Does this make sense????

I understand completely where you are coming from.
I don't think it is possible to just "turn off" feelings that continued contact will only be detrimental. Even worse is the problem of you knowing that he will be seeing her, daily.

My wife spends more time with OM then she does with me some weeks <mainly due to conflicting work schedules keeping us apart, or I am working/awake during the day while she sleeps to go to work at night>, and I don't know how she can expect that they wouldn't fall back into the pit they fell into the first time.

I may not be the best person to give advice right now, but I hope that something I said helps in some way.

God Bless

Tim