Marriage Builders
What Gender Is A Computer?

An English teacher was explaining the concept of gender association in the English language.

He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names, and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she." One of the students raised their hand and asked, "What gender is a computer"?

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in their long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
LH, this not about your funnies, but I would like a male's perspective on co-parenting (and I know you are a far different bird than my X).

Why is it that some X's refuse to co-parent, continue to demand, and won't cooperate with the other parent? I keep my X informed about kids school stuff, I request info on holidays in advance, and expect him to respond to letters and calls, but to no avail. Then I get a fax which demands minor holidays and other dates which fall on my scheduled time with the kids. (note: I fax everything to him to ensure that I have proof of communication, and I've received 2 faxes back in the last 2 years. Minimal, if any, phone calls returned).

I have friends read and edit the letters I send to take out remaining disrepectful judgements (sometimes I write them just to get them out). I try to operate as a "business partner" as has been suggested, and I get no cooperation in coparenting, only continued anger (and he's the one who left).

Your advice?
(((Newly)))

That's the $50,000 question and for the life of me, I wish I knew. Heck, if for no other reason, I'd have the $50,000. My X-Wife, who had her thing with her EMT Instructor, who got the divorce she wanted, who now lives with Mr Instructor, refuses to deal with me. I mean goes out of her way to try and create chaos. Why?

My new wife's X, doesn't co-parent and does crazy stuff too. She like you does a wonderful job keeping him informed. Heck two weeks ago she set up P/T conferences with him in the room and picked a time that would work for him. He ended up not coming. Then I guarantee in the next breath he'll be back to making selfish demands.

In her case, I see that largely as a wrestling for control and power issue. In my X's case, I feel she is absolutely miserable and the only way she knows how to deal with that is to share the wealth. I honestly feel sorry for her. A happy person doesn't do these destructive things.

In your case, well I'll be honest and I don't know a lot of what's went on or how things played out but it does sound like a bit of a power struggle for him. Heck, a challenge if you will. Stand your ground and don't give in. Worst case scenario follow the orders. You can't make him co-parent but you can protect yourself from being walked on and remove yourself from the insanity by realizing it's insanity.

Lastly, my wife and I have a joint e-mail, I won't be around this weekend but if you'd like to chat about it with her or she can relay some info, please feel free to do so it's billyandtara05@yahoo.com
I so understand about the P/T conferences.
I wish I understood why the "power struggle" continues to exist.
I just want a happy life for my kids. I want him to be the best parent he can be (and god knows he will never be the parent I would like him to be).

Thanks for your perspective.
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