I met up with xh last week, to get some documents signed.

We met for breakfast and chatted for a while. BAD IDEA.

After the meeting, I realised that I am still wanting him to soothe my pain. I don't think it is something that he wants to do, or is able to do.

So I am left here, obsessing again. Aarrgh...
I didn't know that he is still able to bring out the pain.

Why do I still feel that he owes me something for all those years that we were married, where he gave little?

What is it with me? Why do I want him to be the one to apply the salve on the wound? Why? I am just asking for the impossible, when I think he cares little and wants none.

How do you apply salve to yourself? What's your balm? How often do you apply it and for how long?

Is it enough just to stay away from the object that hurts me? How do other people remains friends with an ex spouse?

I am so... ruffled.

I feel your pain. My xww is the same exact way. We had a decent marriage. I was a good husband and father. She's flipped out and gone looking to be single again.

Everytime I see her I want the same thing you described. I want her to reassure me. I want her to apologize for her infidelity. I want some kind of sign that she still cares about me. None of it is forthcoming and instead I get a cold shoulder when I pour my heart out to her. I feel your pain.

Any kids in the equation?

If there are no kids, just move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea. You could miss the man that will truly treasure you if you are hung up on one that doesn't. If there are kids, well, you've got me there. It makes it tough. I want to reconcile to restore my family and have constant access to my kids.

Take care of yourself. Go to the gym, join clubs, take dance lessons, do things for you. Starting to live again is the best thing you can do.

I understand. For awhile, I kept asking why? I wanted an explanation or apology to help me make sense of it. However, I began to realize that required that WH (1) take responsibility for his actions, and (2) care about someone other than himself. I still have those moments where I want some sign of remorse from WH but I don't think he would show me even if he felt it. Besides, the only one that can heal that kind of wound is God.

It's lousy to be abandoned, to let another person make you feel you're unimportant... that you have no value.

Thing is, I don't think he realise he makes me feel this way.

You're right, fbwidow, he sees none other than himself and care for no other than his own needs.

It's just a rough time I am going through (seems like a long, rough patch, this round).

At this point, I have no confidence in finding a man who will treasure me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I don't know what men wants. It's hard to find someone who is mature. And of course, I am very very afraid.

Thank God we have no kids.