Going on exactly 2 years since I filed (next week). I suddenly got hit with a bout of bad deppresion. I have been doing sooo good for so long and bam, it hits me out of the blue. I hate it!!!

I have never had a depression problem in my life until this divorce. I was ALWAYS happy. Now over the past few days, I feel almost like the day she left.

Is this common after 2 years to still deal with the emotions of a divorce? Could it be the anniversary of my filing that is the trigger? Should I be healed by now? Will I ever really heal????

If I may ask, do you drink alcohol occasionally? I found that when I drink the depressed or sad feelings get worse.

No booze and I wake up feeling strong and motivated. Even a couple beers brings me down.....

While your feeling this way, get lots of sleep and stay away from alcohol.......I know this from experience (2nd D)

Hangingtough,

Yes, I am an occasional drinker of beer (very light) but I agree with you. If I am depressed, even one or two bring me way down. If I am not depressed, they don't bother me at all.

I am fighting a bout with the flu and have been sick most of the week so that isn't helping. But, I just have been down of late.

Will give this a few more days... it may be time to go back on anti-d's....

Keith,

Do you feel this depression is interfering with your daily activities? Are you sleeping ok? Eating?

I have had bouts of sadness too but I usually ride them out until I feel better.It can take a few days especially if I have seen my ex or had a blowout,so to speak.But I can still work,sleep ok,eat properly and get things accomplished.I may be a bit more tired than usual.

I have heard of other posters having a really hard time with "anniversary" D-Days.

Take time to pamper yourself and get extra rest.Watch an old movie on the couch and put the recorder on.Hot chocolate helps me too.I would say if the sadness doesn't clear in a couple weeks then talk to your doctor.

Hope you feel better soon!

Sometimes I do better and sometimes I do worse. Don't know why. Maybe other pressures in life.

My D is going on 4 years, and I am still on an AD. Even with being on the AD, I still get down and depressed, but it is SO much better. It takes a LONG time. I am still getting over the D.
Of course, I am raising 3 teenagers on my own, with little to no help, so that is stressful for me. I do find I feel better when I exercise, and get plenty of sleep.
Hang in there...it takes some time. you will be fine!
KK

I was on AntiD for 3 years. During the affair of my exH I was also losing my dad to Ca. I have been off antiD for about 1 year. I get these bouts of crying and why did the marriage fail syndrome. I try to think about all the positive things that have been happening in my life, to bounce the negative off. I find that exercise and walking with my dog during these negative times is very helpful...and to talk to a GOOD friend. I have some friends that will pull me further down...so I try to stay away from them.

It takes time for the healing...and after 3 years post divorce I was starting to feel better about myself. This last year I have done so much that I am feeling better. But just about 2 weeks ago it hit me and I know why. This was the time that the family as a whole would celebrate 3 birthdays all within 7 days of each other. I no longer celebrate any birthdays and that was a trigger point for me. I have to realize these things and eventually that too will heal.

There will be times even 10 years from now that something will trigger a negative response...but if you know what triggered it and do something about it...when the situation comes up again...you will beable to handle it better. I already have thought of things to curtail the depression for next year. And eventually this time of the year will not bother me. I know in time it too will heal...as well as many other situations have healed too.

Take care of yourself and do something special for yourself...you deserve it and God loves you...Blessings.

Yes, this bout is interfering with my eating and sleeping. This one has been bad - just can't shake it. However, it is the 2 year anniversary of my filing. Plus I have been fighting a bad flu bug. But I just have been getting more and more depressed over the last few weeks.

I am leaving now to go talk to some good friends that have helped me through the divorce. I just need someone to talk to ....

BHINWI,

I am definately now an expert in mental health. However, some things I've noticed about myself when facing thoughts of my D (which, by the way, goes before the judge Wed 10/4):

* Fatigue can bring me down (particularly after a long, long day).
* Alcohol. Sometimes just a couple of social drinks can take me to that bad place. Mix a couple of drinks with fatigue, and you get the idea.

* I can only imagine the flu must have you worn down. The flu plus meds (which may bring you down) can spell bad news.

I think you're doing the right thing by reaching out to friends who can support you. Keep searching and best of luck.

HL

BHINWI, Give it a couple more weeks. You need to see how you feel when you’re not sick with the flu or recouping from the flu. If you haven’t had problems with depression until the divorce, you may want to try some talk therapy. All depression is not bad. Some depression can help motivate us to do the hard work and make changes. ADs can mask the real issues/challenges, and allow us to stay mired. Therapy while taking ADs can help you change the situation or dynamics.

You might be reading that saying to yourself, “Yeah, yeah, well, easy for her to say. What does she know?” I’ve got the tee-shirt! Or is that straight-jacket? Anyway, I can remember the first time I was depressed. I was 8. Off and on since then, I’ve done battle with it. Luckily, it’s been less and less. I’ve worked through some issues and developed some coping skills. I also remember thinking at the tail end of my marriage, “I don’t want to spend my life on anti-depressants.” Since I had had to go on ADs the minute I made up my mind to stick to a hopeless marriage, I knew I had to get out of my marriage.

On the flip side, my psychiatrist told me that depression could strike me at any time, for any reason from my dog dying to a puddle in the basement.

In case you haven’t read my list of coping mechanisms, here they are:
(Feel free to skip if you have read them)
1. Call and visit friends and family. Do not let the D monster alienate you from people. Alienation is one of it’s primary tactics.
2. Talk back to the depression when it tells you half-truths and lies. Don’t let it do the thinking for you.
3. Don’t oversleep. Some people sleep too much when depressed. Some studies have found that oversleeping can aggravate the symptoms.
4. Don’t listen to Pink Floyd, watch sappy romantic movies, etc. Manage your stimuli.
5. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling depressed when you have so much going on for you. The D monster wants you to feel badly for the depression. Another of its dastardly tactics.
6. Don’t let the D. trick you into believing everyone else has a happy, glorious life and yours is drab and dull. Who knows what really lies behind those cheerful facades?
7. Celebrate the small victories. Like getting out of bed. “Ha, Beat you there, Depression!”
8. Oh, yeah. Anthropomorphize the beast. I find it helps me be clear that the depression is not me. The depression uses my own brain to think its own drab thoughts. If I think of it as a beast, I can better fight against it.
We’re all here for you if you need us.

Greengables,

What a wonderful post... I have read it a dozen times. From the heart and someone that has been there.

I love number 7 the best! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I went to my therapist today and she helped, I exercise, I eat good, I will fight this beast.

God bless you for such a sweet reply to my problem.

Keith

You're quite welcome, Keith. Any time.And I agree. Number 7 is the best, and maybe the most effective besides exercise.
Hang in there.