Divorcing an abusive man: an update - 10/13/10 04:46 PM
Been reading a lot of threads from some of you in similar circumstances, so sorry for what you are going through. If it helps any, here's where I am now.
First, I finally am starting therapy today. It doesn't matter that he was horrible and I'm better off, or that he left me for another woman and I should be feeling good riddance. The fact is that there is no logic that can erase utter rejection. I'm hurt, stressed and feel less about myself and I want to change that. I should have started therapy over a year ago when he first walked out. But I'm glad I'm making the move now.
Second, been real angry at what I thought was a lousy settlement, and a child support arrangement that means I have to provide receipts and interact with the jerk every month. Anger turned to panic when on the very first month of arrangement (and ever since) he refused to pay all of what he was supposed to. Well I finally went to Child Support Enforcement. Not only are they going to garnish his considerable wages, they are also going to modify the arrangement so there will be one lump sum (no more interacting with him) and a larger one at that. They say he wasn't paying nearly enough for what he was making. Would love to be a fly on the wall when his new boss let's him know that his wages will be garnished due to him being a deadbeat dad.
I have been destitute and terrified, not being able to pay the bills, so learning this was a major relief. Starting to work more too, and just found out I will be getting benefits for my son's disability. Maybe I'll be able to climb out of this financial dark hole. I know many of you feel the same way, just thought I'd share in case it helps you stay positive and take the steps necessary to rectify the situation.
Kids are almost ok with dad being gone (as in 2000 miles away) so that's better. But DD still has some abandonment issues so she is in therapy too. Again, working the problem.
It's a lousy crapload of pain and suffering this affair brought into my life, and I know a lot of you can relate. But some things are looking up (the money). Still, I'm not happy yet, but that's ok too. It will take a while. It's better than it was, anyway.
First, I finally am starting therapy today. It doesn't matter that he was horrible and I'm better off, or that he left me for another woman and I should be feeling good riddance. The fact is that there is no logic that can erase utter rejection. I'm hurt, stressed and feel less about myself and I want to change that. I should have started therapy over a year ago when he first walked out. But I'm glad I'm making the move now.
Second, been real angry at what I thought was a lousy settlement, and a child support arrangement that means I have to provide receipts and interact with the jerk every month. Anger turned to panic when on the very first month of arrangement (and ever since) he refused to pay all of what he was supposed to. Well I finally went to Child Support Enforcement. Not only are they going to garnish his considerable wages, they are also going to modify the arrangement so there will be one lump sum (no more interacting with him) and a larger one at that. They say he wasn't paying nearly enough for what he was making. Would love to be a fly on the wall when his new boss let's him know that his wages will be garnished due to him being a deadbeat dad.
I have been destitute and terrified, not being able to pay the bills, so learning this was a major relief. Starting to work more too, and just found out I will be getting benefits for my son's disability. Maybe I'll be able to climb out of this financial dark hole. I know many of you feel the same way, just thought I'd share in case it helps you stay positive and take the steps necessary to rectify the situation.
Kids are almost ok with dad being gone (as in 2000 miles away) so that's better. But DD still has some abandonment issues so she is in therapy too. Again, working the problem.
It's a lousy crapload of pain and suffering this affair brought into my life, and I know a lot of you can relate. But some things are looking up (the money). Still, I'm not happy yet, but that's ok too. It will take a while. It's better than it was, anyway.