Well despite my best efforts my wife created a situation where divorce was the only option.

My question is how does one walk away from someone you have loved with all your heart for 26 years and is the mother of your 5 children? How do you move on and say "I am going my own way and you yours, you are just too toxic"?

We have been apart a little over 2 months. I am standing fairly strong on my own. It is just hard to leave a person that I care deeply about. Not that there is a choice, it is the emotional departure that I'm speaking of.

Can anyone share the process they went through dealing with this massive life change?

I haven't been very active posting on this site other than my SAA thread, but I have studied all the principles of this site and have spent some time every day for months reading threads (many many hours) on this forum. I feel as though I "know" many of you. This site and forum has been an immeasurable help to me in getting through this failed marriage.

pdc, I am so sorry this happened to you. The truth is, you will heal at your own pace, and unfortunately you will never heal completely from this. How could you? Things will never be as they were before you were together.

Two months is virtually nothing in the grand scheme of things. You will be years finding a place to put this, and that's okay. Try to focus on the good things you do still have (5 kids!), your work, your home, your friends, and whatever else you like to do.

And it's okay if you still love her. You cannot allow her to hurt you anymore, but don't waste energy trying to stop loving her. That is part of who you are and it will only fade in its own good time, if it ever really fades at all.

Just take one day at a time and feel free to talk to us here. I am going on three years alone and I do understand what you are saying.

Thanks for the response Mulan. I know that 2 months is nothing. Although where I am emotionally today compared to 2 months ago, evn 2 weeks ago is remarkable. I am finding joy in life again. I am spending less and less time preoccupied with thoughts about this whole mess.

I really relate to the below song. The author wrote this when his marriage failed. I am finding love within my family and light in my life. I have a long way to go but I'm ok.


Fascist Architecture

Fascist architecture of my own design
Too long been keeping my love confined
You tore me out of myself alive

Those fingers drawing out blood like sweat
While the magnificent facades crumble and burn
The billion facets of brilliant love
The billion facets of freedom turning in the light

Bloody nose and burning eyes
Raised in laughter to the skies
I've been in trouble but I'm ok
Been through the wringer but I'm ok
Walls are falling and I'm ok
Under the mercy and I'm ok

Gonna tell my old lady
Gonna tell my little girls (and boy)
There isn't anything in the world
That can lock up my love again

"That was when my marriage broke up. And that fact broke a lot of things in me. The image 'fascist architecture' came from Italy. It was stuff that was built during Mussolini's period that was a particular style where the buildings are really larger that life and what is supposed to celebrate the greatness of humanity actually dwarfs humanity. And it makes you feel tiny and helpless next to it. And everybody hates this stuff. It seemed to me a suitable image for the things in ourselves; the structures we build that are built on false expectations or pretenses. The things we pretend to ourselves. And then when some catastrophe comes your way, like a marriage breaking up or some other thing, those things crack and you get glimpses through them, the light comes through them. It's not a comfortable thing."
-Bruce Cockburn

pdc, welcome to Plan D land. I'm so sorry you have to be here.

Mulan is right. Two months of separation is practically nothing. If you calculate it as a percentage of your life and as a percentage of your marriage, you'll see why it seems to fresh and so painful. What you need is time. Lots and lots of time.

I recently saw your thread on SAA and I have to tell you that it really resonated with me. I've been married to my WS for 26 years, too. I've got the five kids, too.

I've been separated from my husband since August of '09. Now that we've been apart for over 19 months, I'm beginning to approach a place of peace. But I'm not healed from the brokenness of my marriage or from the emotional and verbal abuse that my husband heaped on me. Neither are the children.

While my circumstances are different, the result has been that my husband has almost nothing to do with our children, and I know that's what you and your children will be facing as well. It hurts, and I hurt for my kids. Don't be surprised at the level of pain you face when you see your children grieving.

I would suggest that you give yourself and your children time to grieve. Don't put a timeline on it. People grieve differently and what y'all have been through is huge and horrible.

Lots of books and articles have been written about the stages of grief. What I didn't know beforehand is that you bounce around through the stages. There is not a simple progression from denial to anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. I spent a lot of time in depression and sadness. I finally found anger, but then it wore me out and I retreated to depression again. Now, I spend most of my days in acceptance, but there are days when anger jumps out or sadness creeps in. Grief is kind of like birthing a baby. It's hard work.

On a practical level, please go to the DivorceCare website and sign up for their daily emails. I did that recently, and I really wish I had found it sooner.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

pdc, i've read thru your entire SAA post since seeing this today. Wow. Kirby's description of grief is so on target, and it's a roller coaster ride of emotions without a doubt. The road is long. Lots of hills and valleys, but knowing that is half the battle.

I know what you mean about not really having any choices but to try to move on- same thing happened to me.

The only thing that got me through the heartbreak of it all was my trust in God....I KNEW He had not abandoned me (tho my WH had) and I KNEW He would work it all out for my good and the good of my children.

He has stayed true to His promise, too. Over one year later my life is pretty darned good (and ex-WH just got out of psych ward after considering suicide over the mess me made of his life).

I don't know how people get through this without God? I know I couldn't have.

Kirby (sorry I can only think of my vaccuum ( ),NSZ and Sydney,

You are awesome for taking the time to read through my long sad story, thank you. That is one of the things I so appreciate about this forum. People take significant amounts of time to understand and help others. I have wanted to be more a part of this community, but felt I should remain silent until my wife was convicted.

Kirby, thanks so much for the tip about DivorceCare. I took your advice and signed up for the daily email. I also put in a call to see about joining one of their local groups, it's only on the third week.

I am so fortunate for my grown daughters (23,22,19). They are incredibly strong and loving. They came home every weekend in the beginning and bore me up. One of them expressed the wisdom; "mom put a burden too great for any one of us to bear, but together we can bear it".

We had a family spring party this past weekend. We had a huge bonfire on Saturday night, the night of the beautiful full moon. We all stayed around the fire having a great time till 3:30 am. I haven't done that in forever. We declared the new season to be a turning point, the start of healing and new life. On Sunday we had a picnic and planted seedlings for a garden. The girls then took us on a tour of all the places that they used to play as little kids on our property (we have 20 acres adjoining the national forest).

This week has been the best week by far for me emotionally. I am looking forward to joining the DivorceCare group and beginning some new friendships. My wife and I were socially isolated, mostly due to some of her always finding "problems" with potential friends. I have always been a very social person.

Again I say thank you and a formal hello to this community.

-pdc

I'm glad I could be of some help.

Your children and mine are almost exactly the same ages. I don't see that very often.

I am currently doing Divorcecare and it has been such a great healing experience for me. I have been in it since January and I am so thankful that I signed up for it. I hope you find it as beneficial as I have. Good luck! It is a very hard journey to be on. I have been dealing with it for 5 months now since I filed and I am getting stronger every day. You will also. bless those daughters of yours!

Check your local churches to see if they have a Divorce Care program. It really helps deal with the issues surrounding Divorce.

I'm going to a meeting tommorrow night.

Hey PDC,

Sorry I'm late in welcoming you to this side of the street. There are some wonderful people here as you mentioned.

I read your thread in SAA. I'm so very sorry.



Well, since you didn't have a choice it is harder to get through it I believe.

You'll hear over and over again that time is the biggest factor in healing, and it's true. BUT, what you do with that time will determine how fast you can heal. This is not going to happen fast either. I've heard it can take a year for every 4 years you've been married. But don't let that depress you too much, the healing comes in bits and pieces all along the way and gets easier over time. You've probably already heard that too.

I see you're going to start the Divorce Care meetings. That's great. That has been helpful to me so far. I just started a few weeks ago.

I also recommend a good diet, sleep, counseling for you and your children, family outings, getting a sitter so you can hang out with your friends to recharge, and exercise.

I've learned a ton about relationships here, but also, there are some "personal development" forums you can find online that can help with things like grief, detachment, emotional mastery, setting personal goals, etc. It's actually kinda nice to have those forums too.

If you have any more specific questions, I'm sure we'll do our best to help.

Well I went to my first DC meeting last night. There we only 3 women there. One was the the councilor and two are on their third go-around through this course.

I was hoping for a little more diversity in the group. However the curriculum seems very good. They said there is usually two other women there. I'll give it another go next week and see what happens.

Not that I'm anywhere near ready for dating, but the assertion that one is not ready for as long as five years is a little disconcerting. I cannot imagine going five years without intimacy and physical love.

I guess time will tell.

It takes time to heal. �as long as� five years could mean anything from a day to five years. Each one of us is different, and will take differing amounts of time.

Don't rush the healing. You'll know the healing has taken place when you wake up one day and realize, I'm perfectly happy alone, I have a good life, I do NOT NEED anyone to make me feel fulfilled.

It took me just over six years to reach that point after my first marriage ended. Does that mean there were no physical/emotional relationships? Heck no, I'm not a saint. But thankfully we both knew it was nothing more than a rebound relationship. Even though it felt so much more, it wasn't. So be very wary of that.

I did snicker a bit over your post to be honest. I thought at first, someone should say hey, DC is Divorce Care NOT Dating Central lol. Then the comments about the women, with the curriculum seeming to be more of an afterthought....all I could think was, oh you are so setting yourself up for a bad memory. Then the last part where you say you are not anywhere near dating yet, and the thought it would be so long....made me realize just how differently men and women look at the future after a marriage ends.

For you, the thought of the possibility is already there and you can already think about a future and moving on to a new relationship.

For me, I still don't care if every man falls off the face of the earth.

I can make that comment above, even now and it's been 17 months since my STBX and I separated.

Again, give yourself time. Know what you want when you do start a new relationship, then you can at least know if it is a rebound relationship. And there is nothing wrong with a rebound...IF you both know that is what it is.

PDC,

I wanted to say I thought the advice the Kirby and Mulan gave were spot on and I can't say I have much to add to it.

I am still a work in progress like you, and the one thing I have over you is the initial event for me in my marriage was now just over 4 years ago, and even though a great deal of the time between then and now was spent trying to restore the marriage I believe it was also the start of the emotional recovery.

When I think back to that 1st event and how devastated I was then and how I am coping today I know I'm light years from where I was. As you have suffered this abuse from your WW, you have had no choice but start to protect your heart, and as you reflect back to where you were just a year ago I think you will see that you have made progress as well.

I have no illusions that I am over this mess yet, I believe others when they say it will take years, and as depressing as that is, I believe that the recovery is obviously worse at the beginning and gets better over time. That we can move on with our lives and have a life after this.

You are blessed to have the relationship you do with your kids, You know the man you are, that you have done everything in your power to honor your wife, kids and marriage. No matter what the WW has done nothing will change that.

The recovery will come but like so many things in life we will have to wait for it.

I re-read my post. It could be taken as though I were woman shopping at the used womens department .

I actually was hoping that there would be some other men there.

I know I am not ready for dating now, but yes I am thinking about the time when I will be.

To be completely honest, I wondered if there would be any attractive women there. (there wasn't....rats)

LOL... This is why the written word can be taken wrong...the same words can mean two totally different things.

for instance I read:

"There we only 3 women there. One was the the councilor and two are on their third go-around through this course."

as:

"rats, only three women there, wish there were more to at least look at"

instead of

"there were only three people there, all women, the counselor and two on their 3rd trip through the course. I had hoped there would be some men in the group"

Glad we got that cleared up (mainly cause it is what I refer to as a comical relief from the stress we are under).

So many of you all here have had quite long marriages. I can't imagine the difference in how you feel, especially if you count it as a 'good' marriage until the end. Its just not something I will ever know.

pdc, different DC classes have different mixes- the one I took (which was very helpful) had about 10-12 people, even mix of women and men.

Wish you the best!

DTC

Lol.....

pdc:

If you'll bear with me giving you a little clinical perspective, it might offer you some direction in your time of personal crisis and grieving.

Depression is the feeling that your losses are irretrievable and catastrophic. People in an acute state of emotion often feel as if they will never be happy again. In some cases the feeling is supported by fact (untreatable cancer, etc.), but in most cases the emotional reaction is based on an illusion. In your case, the illusion is that your wife was what you have needed in life, when the truth was that her totally selfish and radically misguided approach to self-gratification made her your worst nightmare. In reality, the loss is and will be hers not yours. She should be feeling catastrophic loss, not you.

Your wife's irresponsible behavior has been a crushing blow to you, but you can recover if you separate yourself from her as much as possible. Try not to see her, talk to her, or have any pictures of her in the house. I understand how difficult that may be with five children, but just about every time you see her or talk to her, your grieving will return.

If you have not already done so, I suggest you take antidepressant medication until your life settles down. I've suggested antidepressant medication to literally thousands of those like you, and they have experienced amazing results when they have found the right medication and dosage level. It helps take away the illusions that create irrational feeling of hopelessness, and replaces it with realistic optimism. That optimism gives them the motivation to get their lives back on track and getting their lives back on track eliminates the need for medication.

One of the advantages to antidepressant medication is that it helps people make use of opportunities that arrive regularly. Instead of feeling that nothing will work, and then doing nothing, it encourages them to try, and trying helps overcome obstacles.

Forgive me if my approach to your problems sounds insensitive and over-the-top clinical, but I've worked with enough depressed individuals to know that it's foolish to avoid antidepressant medication when the effects are so positive. It works.

If you are already taking anti-depressant medication, remember what I said about the right brand and the right dosage: I've witnessed "amazing results when they have found the right medication and dosage level." You should see those results in about a week, so if you're still depressed after that amount of time, try something different. And whenever taking any psychotropic medication, it should be under the supervision of a qualified clinical therapist. With the tremendous gains made recently in the treatment of emotional conditions, you should not ignore it.

My advice to take effective antidepressant medication is in no way a substitute for the support you have been seeking, and getting, on the forum. The advice and encouragement given to you is also important in recovery. You are in our prayers.

Best wishes,
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Dr. Harley,

Thank you for taking your time to respond to my situation personally.

I thank you for pointing out that I need to wrap my head around the fact that my "losing" my wife is not truly a loss but under the circumstances of what she has chosen, a gain. The true loss for me is loss of the dream of a whole family. That dream now is not something achievable or healthy for anyone.

I will take your advice and separate myself from her. I have until recently tried to communicate with her about all this, mostly in the form of letters. You are correct that contact with her is injurious to me emotionally.

I am by nature resilient and mostly positive. I have emerged from the early "darkness" and depression without medication, prescribed or other. My wonderful, sensible and (a new discovery through this) wise older children came to my aid and bore me up in those first days and weeks. I am now where I can be a strength and support for them. Together we are a great strength. The new and intense bonding of our family is one of the blossoms that has grown up through the ashes of this situation.

I am now in a place wher I am finding increasingly more peace and joy in life. I am pursuing some personal interests that have been neglected for years such as woodworking and the building of friendships.

Thank you again Dr. Harley and you others that have taken time from your lives to speak life and hope to me.

Great reply by Dr. Harley. I have to leave now, but will be back later to talk about it. Good stuff in there.

PDC,

As bad as I feel my situation is I am one of the "normal" ones here, and when I saw Dr. Harley weigh in one your thread I was impressed. We all are suffering on some level, and I know yours is worse than most. I am encouraged that you are able to see beyond where you are now and are starting to see a life you can make for your family.

The character that you brought to your marriage and family are still there and will be the foundation of your recovery.

That's awesome PDC. I have been doing that too.

Btw...instead of highjacking your thread regarding Dr. Harley's post, I took one of his paragraphs to my thread. I hope you don't mind. If you do, I shall delete it.

Hang in there PDC. I have faith you will make it through this, and be truly happy again one day.

MJ,
I don't mind a bit, in fact I hope you don't mind my jumping in on your thread.

Thanks PDC, and no, I do not mind at all that you jumped in on my thread. I welcome it.

For what it's worth from someone also just in the divorce process . . .

I have been able to emotionally separate from my wife even though we're still in the same house because I no longer see her as the woman I married. She's not. She's become a total stranger to me since she had the emotional affair that started us on the path of separation.

We were married 20 years, we have 2 fantastic children (19 and 17), and we had many wonderful times. But that was all with 'that other lady'. My current, and temporary, roommate, doesn't resemble the woman I married.

I am not sad about the end of my marriage. I see it as an opportunity to move on and be a better man.

God Bless and best of luck.

QFT.

And if "truth" is too much for someone fresh in the process to digest, let me just say that I think this is a "promise" someone can hold onto.

Of course, it's the mindset that I have, even though the divorce is now almost a year ago, and I have not had one sight or peep from WxW. Still, I know in my mind that the woman she was, the woman I fell in love with, and the woman I married hoping to spend the rest of my life with, disappeared in a wisp of smoke, to be replaced by a deceptive, hateful person I would no longer want to be seen in public with, much less married to.

I think you're right Fred.

Thanks Guys,

I have recently come to the same place you are speaking of. The person I married or even the person I knew a year ago, is not the same person who is now inhabiting the body (and a nice body it is rats ).

I am now having any communication between us be handled by my lawyer.

It has helped me tremdousley to come to this realization because I love the person who my wife was. I do not love the person she has become.

I think I will always "love" her and care about her in some sense, but the feelings of love are gone. This gives me much emotional freedom.

I understand this totally. I will always love my stbx in a way also, and will certainly always care about what becomes of her. But the feelings and emotions are very different than when I truly loved her as my wife. It's a different kind of love. Tough to describe.

Is it "Caring Love" as opposed to "Romantic Love?"

I spoke with Steve Harley at length about this when I did a few phone sessions with him trying to save my marriage. It's just what it sounds like and basically is how you feel about your spouse when you are below the Romantic Threshold with your $LB balance. It's like being married to your to your sister or a roommate [and happens to describe the vast majority of my marriage unfortunately].

opt

I think "caring love" is a good description for how I feel about her. I think I will always want good things for the woman who I spent so many years and memories with and raised 5 children with.

What a tragedy it is, to gain the knowledge and the tools to bring a marriage in to fullness and be helpless to implement them because another just wont be reached.

I'm not sure which is more difficult, losing the love of my life or the reality of a family forever changed. There will now be parents dating, step-parents, step-children, 2 families....what a mess.

Well put. As I read the books such as HNHN, and learned so much from the material on this site, I wished that we had found all this knowledge years ago, and had been able to practice the MB concepts before it was too late.


I am experiencing more pain due to the breakup of the family. Although our kids are older, 19 and 17, the impact is still awful. They are both much happier when the 4 of us are together enjoying each other's company (and this still happens from time to time). They both understand the reasons that Mom and Dad aren't going to be together anymore, but both wish the story had a better ending.

That's exactly it,opt. I still care about her, and in a way I believe she still cares about me to some degree. But the romantic aspect is dead.

Thank you for saying the above, because it's what I am living right now. My husband blindsided me with the intent to divorce 3 months ago. We have four fairly young children and this is a huge shock to our family. I can adjust to the fact that he needs to be separate from me, but the loss of our family's wholeness feels far more significant. It was validating to hear you say this, too, because I never guessed it would be a factor.

I never wanted a divorce, believed our marital issues were totally workable, have always been against divorce except under extenuating circumstances.

How are you doing, and how are your kids?

Good Morning,

With divorce at a 50% rate you would think these feelings would effect people so greatly that they wouldn't want to experience the pain. I am also facing a pending divorce (I am filing with adultery charges), and my four small kids (7,5,3,1) are forced to redefine our family. These are our times. We are raising a generation of quitters, entitlers, it is too tough to fix, and the "grass is greener on the other side" If my WH came today and was fully repentant, willing to EP, and really wants me and our family, my arms of forgiveness are wide open.

We didn't want to redefine our family. My WH has many issues and I think a large portion stem from him having an absentee father. I tried to explain to him he is repeating the cycle his parents provided him. Nothing was getting through. His walls are up and he and only he can undo what he created.

Today my four children and I did what Dr. H suggested; we moved to a different state and for me, I am staying in Plan B. It hasn't been easy, but my sanity is finally coming back.

Today I grieve the loss of this family unit that was destroyed in a blink of an eye. I empathize for my WH today because of all the joy, happiness, memories, and life he is missing from raising our babies. I grieve my home, my old career, my friends, and everything else lost because he had an affair.

Throughout my ordeal my relationship with God had deepened greatly. I know what I failed to do to meet my WH EN's. Today I prepare myself for a new husband, a new life, a new marriage, and everything else that may or may not come in my life.

I hope to be remarried someday, but today I am okay with just being a mom to my four amazing babies. I am working on my health, my spirit, my knitting, and my peace. Life is good today!!

Yesterday is history ... Tomorrow is a Mystery ... and today is a Gift ... that is why it is called "The Present" by Po

Great post, itistoughlove. The two statements that I quoted jumped out at me because I agree so strongly with both. My wife quit on me, and by extension she quit on our family because of her sense on entitlement. It's all about her wants and needs, no one else matters.

Luckily, our kids are older and are handling the situation well, but we all miss the times when we were a true family. Your ex is going to miss out on a lot of wonderful times not being around to participate in the development of his children. His loss.

God Bless you in your recovery. You will find a better man, and you and your children will be better for it.

Linus.

I am doing pretty well. I'll have several "good" days and am still surprised when I find myself experienceing hurt and sorrow again.

I guess each time it isn't as deep. I'm thinking that "it" is something that i will carry in some form forever.

My pain and saddness has 2 sides. One is the pain of loss humiliation and rejection. The other is empathy for the pain that my stbxw must be carrying.

My kids are mostly doing pretty well considering. Thanks for asking.

So true the devastation infidelity can cause. In my wifes case there are mental health issues, but I think when a spouse goes wayward it is a form of mental un-health.

I called my girlfriend today because I cannot quite figure out what part of the grieving process I am in today. I moved home after a 15 year absence in order to get away from WH, OW, and actually get myself put back together.

It is tough because I gave up a $100k salary, my TS/SCI clearance, my homes, my new Tahoe,my friends, and everything else my WH and I built. What I am finding is where I am at today (jobless, single mom to four kids, a 2bed/2bath apt, my used 2005 van) I am so much happier.

The city I am living near my family offers my children and I parks, family, pools, bike trails, friends, safety, community, and heritage, and actually that is what I was seeking all these years. For the first time in my adult life I am actually living my dream life, only I don't have my husband next to me.

As I talked to my friend about this I was so sad and deeply pained with empathy because the life I just stumbled upon due to his waywardness is the life my WH and I dreamed of having our entire 15 years together.

I thought it would be so nice to sit and tell my WH all about this new life and how wonderful it is for me and our children, but then I realized I am in Plan B. He will never experience this. I no longer have that best friend who I can speak to about the joys of this new life. I was so sad because what I discovered is my grief is painful today because I miss my best friend.

Before this deployment and my WH affair we were still best friends. We may not have been on the same page as husband and wife, but we just welcomed our fourth baby and we were talking about all we planned to do when he returned.

Today I think the grief comes from knowing our dreams as a family unit are no longer realistic. The only realistic part is to either do it on our own or find a replacement.

As much as I want to grab ahold of my WH and shake the crap out of his dung fog; it isn't possible. Nothing I do, say, our children do or say gets to him. He is gone probably due to some type of narssistic mental illness, but the spade is he is just gone.

You are correct the pain and sorrow of this wayward person is so tragic. The more I learn about myself and what I have to do to live by God's rules, the more I realize my wayward cannot be part of my life.

I miss everything about this man, but nothing we do can save them. We have to sit back and let them self-destuct (taking part of us down with them). Just remember we may have lost everything, but we have not lost our souls. Within a soul lies hope, faith, and forgiveness.

Beautiful post IITL.

I'm not as far into the process as you but I have been spending time with my kids and creating great experiences and have a longing to share it with my former best friend but this is not really an option.

I am working on being complete in myself, a very hard mindset to wrap my head around. So much of my life was so closely interwoven with my wife.

Watching the self destruction is one of the hardest things I've had to face.

I have lost much, but much more is to be gained in personal health and a future beautiful relationship.

In my growing healing/healed moments I look forward to the adventure of building a healthier, happier life than ever.

-pdc

IITL and PDC,
I feel your pain! I think that�s the worst part about all this� everyone says �marry your best friend.� Well, I did. And here I still am. Divorced and alone. Looking toward the future is much easier now than it was two years ago. But still there are those moments when I wish I had a friend of that closeness to share life with.

As part of the process of my moving out of the house, I am in the midst of a project where I'm scanning all of the old pictures we have from when the kids were little, before digital cameras. It's been a fun project because I get to relive all the fun times we had as a family at Christmas, birthdays, vacations, etc. We really had a lot of good times as a family, and I happy remembering them.

The other side of the coin is, of course, that those days have ended. I have been sharing the fun I'm having remembering those times with the kids, but cannot with my former best friend because she's not around anymore. We will no longer have good times as a family, and that saddens me. I am doing my best to replace those times with new 'good times' with my kids. It's still not the same. I miss my life partner - my best friend. But she, too, has been lost to some narcissistic life change.

I'm dealing with the loss by reminding myself that the wonderful woman I married is gone, replaced by the 'alien'. My new life will be without her.

This plain sucks! As a problem solver type it is very frustating to be in a place where the situation is beyond solving. We only can control ourselves. So we are left with your last sentence.

Hi pdc,

I have read your story and I'm so sorry for it. I understand how you feel atm and I really appreciate how people in here help with their own stories and wisdom. You still have your children despite what happened with you and your wife. You have my prayers in all your actions. May God bless you always.


Jullie