Here I am back again - divorcing my WH. A few years ago after D-day #1 with OW we went to counseling, followed principles here and I thought we were doing great. D-Day #2 a few weeks ago found he had profiles on dating sites and searching male and females. We're separated in the house. I've met with lawyer and he will be served papers soon. I've been such an idiot. I should have investigated more the first time. I'm glad I'm done. I'm so tired of deception, suspician and lies. It is hard living with him in same house. He's denying the bi part. I mean really - do straight men look online for *edit*. What a joke.

GG

Oh my goodness, gg. I wondered what happened to you. So sorry you are going through this. I am going through a D too (see signature). Hang in there.

{{{{{{{{{gg}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

gg, can you get him out of the house? I can't imagine trying to live with a wayward.

No contact with STBX has saved me. Any type of contact, even indirect (unfortunately very hard to avoid during the D process), gets me all riled up.

gg15, I am so very sorry to hear this. I had often wondered how you were doing.

Thanks everyone. I think God is looking out for me. Good chance WH will be offered a promotion/transfer to another state. He'll take the job and move. For now we're stuck in the same house. In his sick mind he thinks we can work this out. I'm sorry but I don't want to be married to bi man.

My situation proves there is another reason for snooping and getting everything you can to get to the truth. My WH has been a master manipulator/liar.

GG

Sorry to hear this gg615.

So did you stop snooping when you thought you were in recovery?

GG!!!! So great to hear from you even though the circumstances are less than what we all hoped for. You may not remember, but you posted to me back in 2009 soon after my DDay. I can't remember exactly what you said, but I remember it being so helpful and sound. You can read my signature to see how my sitch unfortunately turned out. Your advice was lost in the "great purge of 2009" and I remember being sad that I lost all that great advice.


Sad to hear this, but mine was too. I thought we were in recovery, but I learned in April 2011 that we were FAR from it. I was lied to the ENTIRE time since DDay. It's a LONG story, but like you, I finally had had enough. I can tell you that I am NOW in a much better place than I was at DDay....finally at peace and contentment. It took seemingly forever to get here, but I've come out on the other side a better person than I was prior to DDay.

Him being Bi is just disgusting...... An A is one thing, but a gay A is another.

I do hope he gets the new job and you can move on and begin a new and fulfilling life. Please keep us posted.

((gg))

gg,

I know everyone's story is different but for me (now with my vast experience of being officially divorce for 1 month)it has been a very liberating experience!!! After all the effort to save the marriage and putting up with a WS, finally being free from it has been great for me. I feel I can get my life back after what was a 5 year nightmare.

You know you'll get tons of great support here, I hope you can hold on to the fact that it will get better, and that you know in your heart that you did everything possible to save your marriage. You can walk away with your head high.

This will be a stressful time, no way around that but I found it much easier than dealing with an A.

SC

gg,

I'm sorry. You must be so disappointed.

Sometimes you just have to walk away. --Ben Harper

TE

WH is going crazy. He drained the battery on my car and cut the heat in my bedroom. We argued last night - I heard him go out to garage. I'm waiting to talk to lawyer to find out what I should do. Now I'm scared.

GG

gg, when is WH moving? Can you get him out of the house now? With support from family or friends?

You need to keep yourself safe from this abuse. Don't place yourself in a situation where your safety is at risk.

GG,
If you don't have a DVR (digital voice recorder) get one now, and keep it with you so you can record all the conversations with the WH,

That cuts both ways so you have to watch what you say if he tries to fight with you. but it can be helpful if your trying to so the judge that you feel threatened.

Take pictures of what he has done to the car and house.

Keep a detailed daily journal of what's going on, his actions your actions what you are doing to take care of the kids ect.

GG above all if you think he'll do something stupid and get physical GET OUT OF THERE NOW !!!

It might just be him reacting which we all do to some extent, and if there is no real threat but then he is really just giving you more ammunition for when you go to court. You have got to keep a cool head, stay two steps ahead of him, anticipate what he might do next and know how you will handle that.

Having a plan of how you are going to navagate this mess will help calm you. He is trying to rattle you and draining the battery on the car and cutting off the heat were meant to do just that. So take pictures of how he cut off the heat, if you can't figure it out maybe a friend there can help you with that, the car is a little tougher because alot of things can draw a battery down and would be hard to prove...... But showing how the heat was turned off and now suddenly your car's battery is dead........ now a judge can see a pattern of behavior and that's what the DVR journal and pictures will do for you.

Prayers with you and don't give up, you will find a way through this


SC

Thanks.

My WH STBX never has been abusive. He came home and apologized. Typical wayward - he said he was mad at himself, not me. That doesn't make sense since he took out his frustration on me. I do have a VAR and will use it. I don't think he'll be stupid again - he seems to realize his stupidity but I will take your advice and protect myself. We are using a divorce mediation lawyer and my WH seems to be cooperating. We are legally separating and were able to come up with agreements. Hopefully this will work out for now.

GG

GG,

That sounds great, I had my best friend tell me that you want to build a war chest, that's anything and everything about the A's and your WH behavior, and your journal, The reason for it all is if it gets ugly, you have to be prepared if you go to court, and He/She with the most paper wins..... as my buddy said you don't want to show up at a gun fight with a knife in your hand!

So prepare for the worst and pray for the best. You can be as nice as you can just be prepared to fight if it comes to it. During my divorce when I finally had to give up what I had on my WW during discovery I think it helped soften them from the ridiculous demands they were making.

Having a plan and acting on it will give you some peace through the process..... at least it did for me


SC

Yikes, mediation with a wayward is not a good idea, Dr Harley doesn't recommend this. This may be why you haven't been able to get him out of the house.

Have you considered talking to your own atty? Did you file a police report on him for doing those things?