Please help with uncontested post-affair Plan D - 10/18/13 11:46 PM
Hi all,
My STBXW and I have been separated since I discovered her year-long affair 15 months ago. She moved in with OMPOS, but has since broken up with him and is now lodging with a friend (of hers and OMPOS) - along with her son/my (ex?)stepson, DSS13. WW now claims she is sorry, and is broke, and would like to have a "reasonable" settlement with me, especially in respect of our daughter, DD8, who has remained living with me.
(DD8 has been great - a lovely chatterbox of a trooper :-) - but I have since had a cancer scare and major surgery, and am working hard at winning new business for my modest consultancy.)
I invited WW (aka STBXW) to name a sum, and she replied tonight with a figure that I believe I can handle. However, I don't want to reply with acceptance until we have also agreed the non-financial aspects. And that is where I need your guidance/perspective/wisdom: what are ALL the angles and aspects that need to be covered? I can think of Residence, Term-time Day-to-Day Contact, Term-time Weekend Contact, Holiday Day-to-Day Contact, Holiday Weekend Contact, Special Contact, Major Decisions. As you might guess, I cobbled that list together. Is there anything (else) I should add or remove from the list?
For the record:
1. Residence (done: STBXW is happy for our daughter, DD8, to live with me)
2. Term-time Day-to-Day Contact (almost done: DD8 will continue at school local to us. STBXW lives 90 mins away from us, but occasionally works at a client 45mins away from us)
3. Term-time Weekend Contact (almost done: when STBXW gets a place of her own large enough to accommodate that, DD8 will spend alternate weekends with STBXW)
4. Holiday Day-to-Day Contact (not done/help needed: STBXW is a habitual all-night raver, borderline alcoholic and consumer of so-called "soft-drugs")
5. Holiday Weekend Contact (not done/help needed: STBXW is a habitual all-night raver, borderline alcoholic and consumer of so-called "soft-drugs")
6. Special Contact (not done/help needed re eg Father's Day, Mother's Day, parents' birthdays)
7. Major Decisions/"Moral clauses" (not done/help needed)
8. Maintenance (almost done/help welcome: I won't be asking her for maintenance for DD8. I did not legally adopt DSS13, so am not obliged to pay maintenance on him)
The plan is for us to agree all necessary points, set them down on paper, then for me to have them captured into legal format and file an uncontested divorce petition. We really want to minimise legal fees - especially as we are in broad agreement so far. I just want to nail this so we set everything down on paper all in one go.
I originally posted this on the Surviving an Affair space/forum: please reply here if most appropriate. Many thanks,
Igi
My STBXW and I have been separated since I discovered her year-long affair 15 months ago. She moved in with OMPOS, but has since broken up with him and is now lodging with a friend (of hers and OMPOS) - along with her son/my (ex?)stepson, DSS13. WW now claims she is sorry, and is broke, and would like to have a "reasonable" settlement with me, especially in respect of our daughter, DD8, who has remained living with me.
(DD8 has been great - a lovely chatterbox of a trooper :-) - but I have since had a cancer scare and major surgery, and am working hard at winning new business for my modest consultancy.)
I invited WW (aka STBXW) to name a sum, and she replied tonight with a figure that I believe I can handle. However, I don't want to reply with acceptance until we have also agreed the non-financial aspects. And that is where I need your guidance/perspective/wisdom: what are ALL the angles and aspects that need to be covered? I can think of Residence, Term-time Day-to-Day Contact, Term-time Weekend Contact, Holiday Day-to-Day Contact, Holiday Weekend Contact, Special Contact, Major Decisions. As you might guess, I cobbled that list together. Is there anything (else) I should add or remove from the list?
For the record:
1. Residence (done: STBXW is happy for our daughter, DD8, to live with me)
2. Term-time Day-to-Day Contact (almost done: DD8 will continue at school local to us. STBXW lives 90 mins away from us, but occasionally works at a client 45mins away from us)
3. Term-time Weekend Contact (almost done: when STBXW gets a place of her own large enough to accommodate that, DD8 will spend alternate weekends with STBXW)
4. Holiday Day-to-Day Contact (not done/help needed: STBXW is a habitual all-night raver, borderline alcoholic and consumer of so-called "soft-drugs")
5. Holiday Weekend Contact (not done/help needed: STBXW is a habitual all-night raver, borderline alcoholic and consumer of so-called "soft-drugs")
6. Special Contact (not done/help needed re eg Father's Day, Mother's Day, parents' birthdays)
7. Major Decisions/"Moral clauses" (not done/help needed)
8. Maintenance (almost done/help welcome: I won't be asking her for maintenance for DD8. I did not legally adopt DSS13, so am not obliged to pay maintenance on him)
The plan is for us to agree all necessary points, set them down on paper, then for me to have them captured into legal format and file an uncontested divorce petition. We really want to minimise legal fees - especially as we are in broad agreement so far. I just want to nail this so we set everything down on paper all in one go.
I originally posted this on the Surviving an Affair space/forum: please reply here if most appropriate. Many thanks,
Igi