Need advise - 12/03/17 08:41 PM
Hello!
I have been reviewing this website for a while. My husband and I have two little kids, 2.5 year old and 1 month old (today). 15 days ago my husband threw table tops from the deck and said he was moving out. He got angry when I asked him to pick up after himself. My mother was visiting for a month and he was not happy with the quality of her help. He complained and called her a burden. she is 71 and doesn't speak English. I stood up for her but it was just pushing his buttons. Because we have kids I don't want divorce. He says almost every day that he hates me, I give him a headache and I ruined the marriage. I am a meek person most of the time but every now and then I cry mostly because his words are cruel. He always interrupts when I talk and I can't express when I am angry (even if it is done respectfully). I am also not allowed to touch him. He never liked touch. He gets sexual fulfillment thru porn only. We had sex 2 this year, I got pregnant the first time. In June I went to the police after an argument resulted in physical altercation. I was pregnant at the time. I touched his face and said - honey we don't have to be like this, trying to get his attention. He got mad and hit my hands and face. The police arrested him for a few hours. He attends an anger mgmt class but says it is me who has anger problem. He says he can't ever forgive me calling the cops. He says he will never let go of resentment. In 2016 he added Xanax to my food (I didn't know and was nursing the older child at the time). I didn't report it because I didn't want his career ruined. I still love him and want nothing more than to be loved and respected by him. When he is frustrated he expresses it freely and in ways that are hurtful to me but I am now allowed to complain about it. In 2016 in the spring I had a mental breakdown. He would say very mean things to me after we had a child - walk away when I talked "because you are boring", don't give me any affection, called me names. I begged him for a hug that day and he would laugh and shove me across the room. In despair I took a knife and hurt my stomach. I didn't hurt him. He called the police they took me for a psychiatric assessment and released a few hours later. i saw a doctor After that and was diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency from chronic stress. We attended a Retrouville weekend (to save marriage) but we're never able to achieve closeness. He wants a divorce and says I was the biggest mistake. I am desperately wanting to save the family but also worry about the girls watching his treatment of me and learning that this is okay. What to do? He also started spreading lies about my spending habits and mental health. I hardly spend anything as I am.on maternity leave - he just started looking into buying expensive art. Also his behavior changes when he is at work - he sends loving emails . But at home he tends to be very mean. I suffer from insomnia but am not mentally ill, I have a responsible job and lots of friends. My self esteem has been lower and lower because of name calling. He says my low self esteem is why the marriage doesn't work. He works at a jail and says I am as crazy as his inmates. Please advise. I don't want to break a family apart. I was raised Catholic and I am committed to make things work. Thank you for reading.
I have been reviewing this website for a while. My husband and I have two little kids, 2.5 year old and 1 month old (today). 15 days ago my husband threw table tops from the deck and said he was moving out. He got angry when I asked him to pick up after himself. My mother was visiting for a month and he was not happy with the quality of her help. He complained and called her a burden. she is 71 and doesn't speak English. I stood up for her but it was just pushing his buttons. Because we have kids I don't want divorce. He says almost every day that he hates me, I give him a headache and I ruined the marriage. I am a meek person most of the time but every now and then I cry mostly because his words are cruel. He always interrupts when I talk and I can't express when I am angry (even if it is done respectfully). I am also not allowed to touch him. He never liked touch. He gets sexual fulfillment thru porn only. We had sex 2 this year, I got pregnant the first time. In June I went to the police after an argument resulted in physical altercation. I was pregnant at the time. I touched his face and said - honey we don't have to be like this, trying to get his attention. He got mad and hit my hands and face. The police arrested him for a few hours. He attends an anger mgmt class but says it is me who has anger problem. He says he can't ever forgive me calling the cops. He says he will never let go of resentment. In 2016 he added Xanax to my food (I didn't know and was nursing the older child at the time). I didn't report it because I didn't want his career ruined. I still love him and want nothing more than to be loved and respected by him. When he is frustrated he expresses it freely and in ways that are hurtful to me but I am now allowed to complain about it. In 2016 in the spring I had a mental breakdown. He would say very mean things to me after we had a child - walk away when I talked "because you are boring", don't give me any affection, called me names. I begged him for a hug that day and he would laugh and shove me across the room. In despair I took a knife and hurt my stomach. I didn't hurt him. He called the police they took me for a psychiatric assessment and released a few hours later. i saw a doctor After that and was diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency from chronic stress. We attended a Retrouville weekend (to save marriage) but we're never able to achieve closeness. He wants a divorce and says I was the biggest mistake. I am desperately wanting to save the family but also worry about the girls watching his treatment of me and learning that this is okay. What to do? He also started spreading lies about my spending habits and mental health. I hardly spend anything as I am.on maternity leave - he just started looking into buying expensive art. Also his behavior changes when he is at work - he sends loving emails . But at home he tends to be very mean. I suffer from insomnia but am not mentally ill, I have a responsible job and lots of friends. My self esteem has been lower and lower because of name calling. He says my low self esteem is why the marriage doesn't work. He works at a jail and says I am as crazy as his inmates. Please advise. I don't want to break a family apart. I was raised Catholic and I am committed to make things work. Thank you for reading.