and he was the first one to inform me that there were some court papers I may wish to have. <BR>NOT.<BR>So what now?<BR>Is this really what Hell is like?<BR>There is never a runaway train when you really need one. <BR>Why go on?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.<P>Never take trust for granted.

{{{rrunrr}}}...<P>In general you have 30 days to respond...<BR>...if you don't ...you'll forfiet <I>everything</I>.<P>Yes... she is LB-ing you to the hilt...<BR>...try not to follow doing the same.<P>You're the bigger one!<P>You'll have to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... and I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/<B>your concerns</B>etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"(if appropriate)... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P>...yes you can for short periods of time, postpone the divorce...<BR>...but if your W is hell-bent on it...<BR>...the <I>divorce</I> becomes the "runaway train".<P>"Is this really what Hell is like?"...<BR>...I imagine it's not far off...<BR>...although I'm trying to avoid it(Hell) as much as possible.<P>"Why go on?"...<BR>...for you to keep your sanity... and grow...<BR>...<B>YOU CAN GO ON</B>...<BR>...I know you can!<P>Hang around and ask for more advice!<P> <P>Jim

rrunrr,<P>Havent seen you around for awhile, I'm sorry its come to this for you. Did you see you and Jo are on the same timetable? She found out in the paper.. nice huh?<P>Please hang in there. Do you have some support?<BR>Lora

Support??<BR>Not from anybody whose opinion can really count.<BR>Either they were left and still are angry, or they were happy to be left.<P>I needed time to digest this c**p today so only one newlywed coworker and the rec/accounting person know.<BR>In the AM I may have to e-mail my pastor.<P>A young lady who is employed at one of our clients did manage to make me laugh. I sent a message thanking her for that. Someday, I guess, I might manage to cry.<P>Still, my MIL is supportive.<P>None of my five siblings have gone through this, but my big sister (widowed at 45, just turning 50) was the first one there for me. I showed up on that front step manyatime unexpectedly.<BR>Until today, I had been sitting back waiting for the fog to leave. Ironically, the deputy called because they never found me at home. He assumed I was aware what the papers were. For a month now I kept telling others I was going to plug my TV back in and become a homebody. <BR>I am not certain, but it may have been a couple months since she filed. I still am trying to become that homebody.<BR> When I was pleasant and civil, telling her I love her even as recently as two days ago, I wondered today, what had she thought I was up to assuming all this time that I had been served?? She never hinted or made any reference to filing.<BR>I wondered if she will ever come to terms with denial. I also wonder how much control or influence the OM really has over her? <BR>It may not be a good Christmas when her mother will finally go down to their place for the first time. When my MIL and I went to lunch together last weekend, she repeated what has been the case for a year...that the brothers are still angry with their sis.<P>Time for me to let things go the course. I doubt they will let her come home. But that is moot if she wants to come back.<P>i gotta get out of here. A rare snowfall kept me stuck out there for over two hours among the idiots of the city who can't drive in it.<BR>And the kitties are hungry.<P>Thanks for the reply.<BR>rrunrr<BR>ps I feel another diet setting in.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by rrunrr (edited December 14, 2000).]

Snow? <BR>Hey I thought you were in the south sound. Where were you that you had real snow? Just a few flurries here in Gig Harbor.<P>I'm glad your MIL is still talking to you. Mine too, but I wonder if I will need to distance myself from them once this procedes further.<P>Sounds like your wife could join our conflict avoiders thread. Boy, seems like they don't have much sensitivity when it comes to those papers, you can read about it or have them asssume you know... Obviosly they dont know how far our silient spouses will go to not tell us they are filing.<P>Lora<BR>

I just scanned the conflict avoidance discussion. Yeah, that would be her family, too. <BR>However, in my conversations with the MIL, I sense that it may be the spouse and girl friend to break the jam since she told me the brothers do not like what my W has done. Also to their credit , at least I never felt it, they never really "took" sides. I sensed their pain but, not being communicaters, I think they felt too confused to express any feelings except in angry conversations over the phone to the OM or their sister.<BR>I wish they would hear me but just my visiting the MIL is the bridge I am settling for today.<BR> <BR>I don't know...I feel anger overcoming the love and wouldn't avoid letting her brothers know how I feel. Vindictive could discribe it.<P>Snow...down here shuts the city down if there is more than a quarter inch. It's all those d*** Calinfornia transplants. But let me tell you...<BR>when I was a kid back in Minnesota...,<BR>and up hill both ways!!<P>rrunrr