Marriage Builders
Posted By: FaithfulWifeCJ Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 06:02 PM
Following the great example of Nyneve on the Emotional Needs forum, I think it would be a good idea to do a roll call and introduce ourselves to each other. Here are the questions:<P>What is your gender?<P>How old are you?<P>How long were you married?<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P><BR>After a little while, I will jump in with my answers, okay?<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Posted By: cjack Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 06:37 PM
Okay, here we go...in order:<P>Male.<P>35.<P>Married 3 years, 6 months.<P>BS.<P>Just one OM was all it took!<P>One child, her D from a previous relationship. 12 years old.<P>I used to post in GQ, but I only post here now, since the divorce became final.<P>What did I learn about myself? I could make a list! I learned I have a lot more emotional strength than I thought I had. I believed that divorce would destroy me, but it has made me stronger as a person.<P>I learned that marriage is a journey, not an end in itself.<P>I was divorced on 2/15/01.<P>One word of advice: Honesty.<P>
Posted By: Quiet_Goodbye Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 06:47 PM
<B><BR>What is your gender?<BR></B><BR>peri-menopausal female - and I'm surly today, so back off! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P><B>How old are you?<BR></B><P>I said peri-menopausal, didn't I? I'm somewhere between 35 and dead.<P>Actually, I'm 42<P><B>How long were you married?<BR></B><P>20 years<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR></B><P>Both (former)<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR></B><P>Yes, in my previous marriage -- my ex-H had at least five affairs that I know of... a few daliances too (pool lady, PTA lady, see the cute names I give them?).<P>I had an affair in year 18, right before my 19th anniversary, one hop in the sack (1999)<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR></B><P>Three children, 2 daughters 20 and 19, one son, 16 1/2<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? </B><P>Okay, I post all over the place, but mostly here.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? </B><P>Off the top of my head today (and it changes daily I've noticed) I have learned to respect EVERYONE'S situation and offer compassion, not judgement. That's not to say I don't judge some situations and say how I feel, but I always try to say what I need to say bathed in compassion.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? </B><P>Re: my ex-marriage, that my ex-H was a lot like many other H's. In my up-coming marriage, that love comes easy, but a good marriage needs work right from the beginning, and continuing until the end (hopefully a natural death, like, um, death -- no infidelity).<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B><P>I am divorced from my first H and engaged to be married to my second (and LAST) Husband.<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? </B><P>TIME -- that word we all hate. <P>By the by CJ, thanks for the compliment!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited June 07, 2001).]
Posted By: REJECTED Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 06:56 PM
Here are my answers! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Female<BR>32yrs. young!<BR>married for 6 1/2 yrs.<BR>I was the deeply wounded spouse (I always confused the abbreviations, he cheated on me)<P>no multiple infidelities, just one big one<P>No children [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>In addition to this section of the forum, I also post in the prayer request section.<P>Since I have been here at MB, I have learned that I was deeply & totally committed to my marriage, and that I have a truly forgiving heart. <P>What have I learned about marriage? lots and lots, but I think it is more re-affirming what I already knew.<P>The divorce was final 4/30/01. Reconciliation is now a big possibility. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Advise to give someone who is new here......<BR>I look back on when I first came here and how desperately low I was and just didn't think I could see myself through it. <BR>You DO make it, and I think there is something to be said about the person you become when you see yourself through the storm.<P><BR> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>[This message has been edited by REJECTED (edited June 07, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by REJECTED (edited June 07, 2001).]
Posted By: BrambleRose Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 06:57 PM
What is your gender? <B>I'm a GIRL!</B><P>How old are you? <B>I'll be 33 in 11 days! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]</B><P>How long were you married? <B>10 years</B><P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? <B>Betrayed</B><P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <B>Yes - only one physical affair that I have proof of, but numerous emotional and probably physical affairs.</B><P>Do you have children? How old are they? <B>2 sons 10 and 8, 1 daughter 7 months</B><P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <B>I consider this my home forum, with occasional forays into General Questions.</B><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <B>That I am capable of being a good spouse. That I am OK by myself. Aloneness is not awful. That I have the right to have my own needs met, and that they are not unreasonable needs.</B><P><BR>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <B>I've learned what a good relationship looks like. I know that I never had one - I didn't know that before I came here. I know how to be a spouse. Unfortunately, I have no one to be a spouse to...but maybe one day that will change! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]</B><P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? <B>separated and filed</B><P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P><B>Take what you like, and leave the rest.</B><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I><p>[This message has been edited by BrambleRose (edited June 07, 2001).]
Posted By: On*My*Own Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 07:45 PM
<BR><B>What is your gender?</B> Girlie girl<P><B>How old are you?</B> 35...I have no idea how I got to be this old...<P><B>How long were you married?</B> 15 2/3 years<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> Betrayed<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> 2 that I know of...the second one was the final one.<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they?</B> 2 - 14 and 10<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum?</B> If not, where else do you post? Only here.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself?</B> Marriage was about us...affairs were about him. <P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?</B> Needs... <P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> Divorced 5/4/01<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> Beware the rollercoaster... <P><BR>Lisa<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>I am woman...hear me roar...okay - meow...okay - purr? Hey, I'm working on it.
Posted By: rosestar Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 07:56 PM
What is your gender? female<P>How old are you? 37<P>How long were you married? 8 yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? betrayer<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? just 1<P>Do you have children? How old are they? no children<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? yes<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I am able to put others needs before my own.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? 1. alot of men betray their wife 2. an affair can happen to anyone 3. lettings things go and not addressing them early is the biggest mistake you can make.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? in limbo, just ended my affair, not sure I want to stay married.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Be open minded and listen to everyone's advice - it can help. It made me end my affair - in fact I did it this morning [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>
Posted By: INDY_357 Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 08:26 PM
1. What is your gender? Male<P>2. How old are you? 24<P>3. How long were you married? 6 1/2 yrs<P>4. Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>5. Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Not sure. Know all about this one.<P>6. Do you have children? How old are they? Three, 7, 6, & 3<BR> <BR>7. Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? This one as well in the Infedelity and PlanA/B Forums <P>8. In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? How good of a father I can be. <P>9. In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? How marriage is really suppose to work. <P>10. Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? I am seperated and filed. My wife filed in Feb and in May I filed for PL custody of our kids. The D stuff as been left alone for almost three weeks.<P>10. What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Honesty.<P>Indy<BR>
Posted By: Mrs.O Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 08:42 PM
<B>What is your gender?</B> Female.<P><B>How old are you?</B> Sneaking up on 45.<P><B>How long were you married?</B> Still am...D-day was at 11 years.<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> Betrayed Spouse<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> No, not that I know of.<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they? </B> No kids.<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? </B> Mostly here; sometimes in General.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? </B> That I wasn't too good at meeting my H's needs (or even know what they were!).<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? </B> That it takes two to make it work.<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> In between....separated for 1-1/2 years, no divorce filed.<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> You <B><I>WILL</I></B> get better. Hard to believe when you first start out here....but eventually, you can heal.<P><B>Other:</B> I have a whacky sense of humor, red hair and love my doggies, kitties, et. al.<P>PS. Somewhere else there is a very complete Roll Call list....just don't know where it is right now....NSR would know....<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited June 07, 2001).]
Posted By: out of the fog Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 08:59 PM
What is your gender? <BR>Female.<P>How old are you? <BR>32 (Scorpio)<P>How long were you married? <BR>June 4th marked our 7th year.<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>Oh, where to start. While dating, he had a one-nighter with my best friend. After marriage and when we began having problems, I had an affair with his permission and participation. During that I found out that he had previously had an affair with a married woman, that he hadn't told me about before we married. And now I'm the BS, and he's off with a woman that used to be a friend (and was in love with the man that was involved in my affair).<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>See above.<P>Do you have children? How old are they?<BR>Yes. One little girl, age 3, and beginning to behave like age 4.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>No -- various places.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself?<BR>I'm stronger than I thought. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?<BR>Your spouse should come before your friends, work, etc. <P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Separated and filed. Tentitive court date for the week of Sept. 10th.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>- It's not just one person's fault. Each spouse contributed something. <BR>- Be honest with yourself first and foremost.<BR>- If you need help (counselling, medicine, etc.), go and get it. <P>~Amy
Posted By: SoTired2000 Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 09:39 PM
What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 30<P>How long were you married? 5 yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? No proof of any Physical Affairs, but there may have been some EA<P>Do you have children? How old are they? NONE<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? ONLY HERE<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That having true faith can really bring you through the worst times.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That it is something that should never, ever be taken for granted - not one day.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Divorce going on 2 months<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Don't post as if you have all the answers. Realize that your marital problems may be in fact as much your fault as your spouse's. Treat everyone here with respect, but don't coddle them - If you disagree then do so. Don't just attack them, tell them what you think AND why. Keep an open mind - BS and WS alike... [a little more than one word!] <BR>BTW: Been here at MB for just under a year...<P><P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.
Posted By: GnomeDePlume Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 09:49 PM
What is your gender? <B>Male</B><P>How old are you? <B>36</B><P>How long were you married? <B>12 years</B><P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? <B>BS</B><P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <B>No known infidelity except that inherent in desertion</B><P>Do you have children? How old are they? <B>No children</B><P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <B>Emotional Needs</B><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <B>My happiness doesn't have to depend on my circumstances: I can be happy even in the midst of intense and unremitting emotional pain. I'm not sure how much of that I learned from the MB forums, though. But from MB I learned that I was a d***** good husband.</B><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <B>Whatever the cause of marital breakdown, the "fog" always looks the same.</B><P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? <B>My wife filed for divorce. The process proceeds...</B><P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <B>Depending on the newcomer, probably one of 1. Drop the expectations, but keep the hope. 2. Feelings are to be taken seriously, but not literally.</B><BR>
Posted By: WilliamJ Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 10:00 PM
M<P>32<P>5.5 years<P>BS<P>I found out about 2 others after the seperation [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>4YO daughter [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I post all over these boards<P>I learned I was a taker and hardly a giver<P>The most important thing I have learned about marriage is...NEVER take your spouce for granted.<P>Divorced 16 February 2001<P>Advice: Never make decisions based on emotions, There is no right way to do the wrong thing, and never <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bust</A><P>Bill<P><p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited June 07, 2001).]
Posted By: FaithfulWifeCJ Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 10:38 PM
See? I told you I'd jump in!!<P><BR>What is your gender? Hopelessly romantic girl who can still enjoy a football game<P>How old are you? 39 yo--is that a proper thing to ask a lady?<P>How long were you married? I'm still married--12 years married and 15 years together<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? betrayed spouse<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Yup--nine total spread out thoughout all the years of our marriage.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? Two children: a boy who's 14yo and a girl who's 11yo<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I post mostly here and on the EN forum, but now and then on the GQII and In Recovery<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? Before I came here, I felt like a lumpy, ugly, unloveable 39yo pile, and now I know that I am funny and smart, that I have great faith and a deep spiritual life, that I am more emotional and intuitive (INFP) and that I am not crazy--other people "out there" can understand me and talk to me and find me fun to be with and interesting. I'm very supportive and I am a wonderful person that it is a priviledge to know. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? OMG!! Are you kidding? That we have a love bank, and that neither one of us had any balances left. A "name" for his needs and my needs, even if he won't discuss them with me. A way to identify the things that take love away. A map for recovering from infidelity. And just a TON more--way too much to write here!<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Married<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? It may seem unbelievable now, but you will survive and even grow to become a better person. Be honest with yourself, be responsible for yourself, and DO what you know you ought to do. <P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Posted By: Mitzi Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/07/01 11:39 PM
Here I go:<P>I'm an all-American Farm GIRL! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I'm 32, ex is 34.<P>1 physical affair that I know of. (I am the BS)<P>We were together from 86-99. married 10 1/2 of those years.<P>I have 3 sons (11, 9, & 4)<P>I've learned that I was a textbook case battered wife. I've also learned that I can get a job and be damn good at it. I can be independent and only I can make me completely happy.<P>My advice: Don't jump into a divorce just because you're unhappy. Learn how to meet needs and do your best to keep your marriage.<P>Mitzi [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]
Posted By: JJ71197 Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 12:09 AM
What is your gender? Female last time I looked.<P>What is your age? 27<P>How long were you married? From 1993-1996 and 1997-2001<P>Are you Bs or Ws or both? I was a wounded spouse that <P>finally woke up.<P>Are there multiple infidelities? none<P>Do you have children? yes His name is Chantz and he is what <P>keeps me going. He will be four in july.<P>Do you only post on this section of the forum? No Where else<P>do you post?Just about everywhere where there is a topic <P>that interest me.<P>In the time that you have been on MB what is the most <P>important thing that you have learned? The most important <P>thing for me is that happiness comes from within. And that <P>I am a strong person and can make it. That it is okay to <P>exspress my feelings.<P>In the time that you have been at MB what is the most<P>important thing that you have learned about marriage?<P>Well the thing I have learned the most would have to be:<P>Marriage needs to be a partnership and not one person <P>should carry everything on themselves (like I did). To let <P>your partner know your feelings and be honest and open.<P>Are you married, in limbo,legally seperated, seperated, etc.<P>Well I am legally seperated and papers in the works just <P>waiting for the final signature.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone new here?<P>That your not alone.<P>Great Idea CJ<P>Wishing us all Well<BR>.........JJ..........<P>
Posted By: Griz Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 12:12 AM
Male<P>28<P>Married for almost 5 years<P>BS<P>Yes, at least two (Could be more, who knows)<P>I have an 11 y.o, she has an 8 y.o.(who I raised for his entire life), and we have a 2.5 y.o.<P>I used to post in 'Emotional Needs', now I mainly hang out here.<P>I have learned that I am not a bad person. I was caught in an unfortunate situation, and I was strong enough to pull through.<P>It takes two people to make a successful marriage. As long as both people work on the needs of each other, then there is nothing that can topple that marriage.<P>Currently seperated, STBX filed, just waiting for things to get finalized.<P>Time, it does get better with time [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Griz<P>------------------<BR>Sometimes the hardest journeys in life are not the ones you embark on alone, but those that you choose to travel together.
Posted By: dumbdumb Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 12:24 AM
<B>What is your gender?</B> male<P><B>How old are you?</B> 33<P><B>How long were you married?</B> 6 y<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> Neither..but consider myself the major dummy.<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> none<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they?</B> 2b@5...1g@3<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?</B> General, EN<P><B>Most important thing you've learned about yourself?</B> I was a short term thinker. <P><B>What is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?</B> Complete honesty...way to go...nothing short.<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> Legally Separated<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> Absorb<P>
Posted By: SEF Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 01:42 AM
What is your gender? FEMALE<BR> <BR>How old are you? 47<P>How long were you married? 19 YEARS<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? NOT THAT I KNOW OF!<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 2 SONS, 15 & 18<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? GENERAL QUESTIONS<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? THAT THERE ARE OTHERS EXPERIENCING THE SAME EXACT THINGS THAT I AM GOING THROUGH AND THEY UNDERSTAND IT FEELS.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? THAT IS A JOB IN CONSTANT PROCESS AND YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD ON IT EVERY SINGLE DAY. ALSO OUR SPOUSES ARE NOT HERE TO MAKE US HAPPY, WE GET OUT HAPPINESS FROM GOD!<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? HUSBAND HAS FILED FOR DIVORCE, IN PROCESS.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>READ AN POST, READ AND POST, NO QUESTION OR FEELING IS EVER TOO DUMB, SOMEONE CAN AND WILL RELATE AND HELP YOU. VISIT EVERY DAY AND WHEN YOU ARE FEELING DOWN, VISIT AND READ! PEOPLE ARE GREAT ON HERE!<P><BR>
Posted By: Anonymous Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 02:49 AM
Ok, here goes...<BR>What is your gender?<BR>female<P>How old are you?<BR>46<P>How long were you married?<BR>17 yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>BS, all the way!!!<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>Well, the same woman, but over a period of three years...off and on...<BR>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>17 and `15<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>Emotional needs sometimes<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>"I will survive!!!"<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>"Communication, and watching all.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Divorced, over a yr now, separated for two years.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P>Take care of yourself, it is the only thing you can depend on unconditionally!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Susan
Posted By: HopelessinAZ Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 04:24 AM
Female<BR>37<BR>11 years<BR>BS<BR>Multiple EA's<BR>Daughter 7 Son 6<BR>Post mostly here occasionly in GCII<P>Don't know that I have really learned anything new about myself but I have new found confidence in myself. I have made it through a difficult time and am a better person for it. <P>Marriage needs Honesty, Respect and the Commitment to be a loving person from both parties. <P>Separated, D papers have been filed.<P>Honesty
Posted By: LetSTry Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 04:59 AM
Female<P>50 in 2 weeks.<P>Together for 19 years, married for 8 years.<P>Betrayed spouse.<P>Only one EA/PA that I know of.<P>Only my H's 20 year old step-son and his 17 year old niece and 15 year old nephew who were in our legal custody for the past 4 years.<P>I just started posting in this forum. I used to post in GQ, then moved, obviously prematurely, to Recovery after my H moved back home for a month.<P>The most important thing I've learned about myself? The importance of reaching out to others, both here and in my "real" life.<P>The most important thing I've learned about marriage? That it takes work, it can't be taken for granted, that it takes two.<P>I'm in the process of divorcing with a restraining order against my H .<P>If there are drugs and/or alcohol in the picture, there is no hope of working things out without sobriety.<p>[This message has been edited by LetSTry (edited July 26, 2001).]
Posted By: jabber Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 11:08 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:<BR><B>Following the great example of Nyneve on the Emotional Needs forum, I think it would be a good idea to do a roll call and introduce ourselves to each other. Here are the questions:<P>What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 48<P>How long were you married? 21yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Just one that I know of<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 3 and all on there own.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? General<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? To focus on myself and I will survive<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That it must be maintained it doesn't work unless I work it.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? divorced 2 1/2 months<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Put the focus on yourself and the mistakes that you have made. <P><BR>After a little while, I will jump in with my answers, okay?<P><BR>CJ<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>
Posted By: c00ker Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 11:51 AM
What is your gender? <BR>male<P>How old are you? <BR>41<P>How long were you married? <BR>16 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? <BR>BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <BR>at least 1 maybe more<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>1 son 10<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>here only<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>That this wasn't really about me... <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>Pay attention to your mate and maintain communication<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Separated 10 months waiting for her to file after the mandatory year waiting periond<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?<BR>Ask questions and learn all you can <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again
Posted By: connorsmom Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/08/01 04:53 PM
Female<BR>27<BR>6 years<BR>BS<BR>One A is enough<BR>Daughter...4 mo... wanted a boy...I chose my screen name while I was pregnant.<P>I post mostly here... you guys have been through it or are farther along then people on the other boards <P>The most important thing you've learned about myself is that regardless of my H's actions I am still a strong, wonderful person. <P>The most important thing you've learned about marriage from MB is... if you don't put your marriage first and work on it, then it will wither and die. <P>I am married and in a limbo of some kind. <P>One thing I would suggest to new people here is to talk to your spouse. Share the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is extremely important to say what is on your mind. Be truthful to your spouse about your feelings and emotions.<P>
Posted By: Slag Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/11/01 10:19 AM
What is your gender?<BR>Male<P>How old are you?<BR>23<P>How long were you married?<BR>4 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>Neither<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>none<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>4 Year old son, 2 year old son, and 10 month old daugter<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>Mostly here, being I'll be moving into the divorcing stage soon.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>How to understand why things went wrong, and how they could have been avoided.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>If you truly love someone, nothing is too much to overcome.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Seperated in a type of limbo.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>Patience, trust me I know how hard it is, but good things will come to those who wait.<P><BR>
Posted By: T-L-C Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/12/01 02:54 AM
What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>29 (no, really!)<P>How long were you married?<BR>Since July 1993<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>I had an emotional affair with a far-away old male friend/confidant. He had an emotional and possibly also physical affair with a local stranger he met in a chat room.<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>Could be ... I still get his emails from girls asking about where he's been, etc.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>Yes, six years and three years.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>Just here. Found this site too late in life.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>That I'm not alone. He is a textbook example of an abusive control freak and it isn't only me who had a hard time leaving that kind of guy. You'd think it'd be so easy ...<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>How almost anything can be forgiven IF changes are made.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>He filed in December the day after I moved out. Our trial is supposed to be in August. Couldn't be soon enough in my opinion. Ready to move on.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?<BR>READ. That's mostly all I do anymore. See what others are doing, and what advice they get.<p>[This message has been edited by T-L-C (edited June 11, 2001).]
Posted By: Nell Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/12/01 03:50 AM
<B>What is your gender?</B> Female<P><B>How old are you?</B> 46<P><B>How long were you married?</B> Married almost12, together 14<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> I am so totally betrayed<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> Yes, men and women (you'd think bisexuality would be important information to share...)<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they?</B> One son, the light of my life, age 10 <P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?</B> Emotional needs <P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself?</B> That I'm not responsible for my husband's behavior; that I cannot change him, I can only change myself <P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?</B> Marriage without intimacy makes a fragile bond. If your mate is the most important person in your life, then you'd better act like it. <P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> Have filed for divorce; trying to work through the paperwork mire<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> Nobody has all the answers; nobody knows what's best for you except you; you gotta know when to hold 'em, and you gotta know when to fold 'em<P>
Posted By: betrayed and desperate Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/12/01 09:44 AM
<BR>What is your gender? FEMALE<P>How old are you? 43<P>How long were you married? 19 years, 22 together<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BETRAYED<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? ONLY ONE (I believe H's words)<P>Do you have children? How old are they? TWO DAUGHTERS, 19 AND 11<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I USED TO POST "IN RECOVERY" AND "GQ", WHILE THERE WAS A HOPE, BUT NOW I BELONG HERE<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S SUFFERING BUT THAT I AM THE WORST ONE IN PLAN A-ing<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>THAT I WAS NEVER MEETING MY H'S NEEDS<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>SEPARATED FOR 1,5 YEARS, WILL BE DIVORCED IN A FEW DAYS<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>TO BELIEVE IN DR HARLEY'S WORDS, TO FOLLOW HIS ADVICES, NOT EVER TO LOOSE SELF-CONTROL, THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING IS TO LOVE AND TAKE CARE OF KIDS <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by betrayed and desperate (edited June 12, 2001).]
Posted By: LostHusband Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/12/01 02:35 PM
What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 30<P>How long were you married? 12 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS I think. Wife won’t admit to an affair but there have been a lot of suspicious activities. I got the speech “not in love”, “not happy”, “need to find myself”<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Unknown<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 3 beautiful girls 11, 9, & 6<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I mainly post in this section but every once in a while I’ll post in POEMS.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? In my brief time here I’ve learned that I’m going to make it through this OK. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Divorced, still working out custody.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Faith. Give all your problems THAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL up to God and you work on what you can control, yourself.<P><BR>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-<p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited July 26, 2001).]
Posted By: gsd Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/13/01 05:52 AM
What is your gender? FEMALE<P>How old are you? 28 <P>How long were you married? 3 y<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Not sure, but one EA that I know of<P>Do you have children? How old are they? nope, three dogs only<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I used to post on EN when I was still married. Now and then on other boards.<P>Most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I could be cold and hard to please<P>What is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? that feelings come and go but devotion and committment is what keeps it together. These things are not always connected to each other.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? divorced almost 8 months<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? You can't control another person. And you are not alone. <P><p>[This message has been edited by gsd (edited June 12, 2001).]
Posted By: blindsided123 Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/13/01 01:31 AM
Female <P>34 <P>Just over a year<P>BS<P>At least one. <P>No children <P>Usually just this section. <P>What have I learned?: I will survive, no matter how bad it seems at times. And that I can be happy again. <P>Communication. <P>Married/Almost divorced- No chance for reconciliation. <P>Hang in there. There are better days ahead. And if you have a question?? Ask it! <P>
Posted By: Jax Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/13/01 02:44 AM
Okay, I'll play......<P>What is your gender? Male.<P>How old are you? 36<P>How long were you married? 10 years together thirteen.<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS, she still denies that.<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Not that I know of.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? Yes, one, she's 7 going on 8.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I only post on here when I post but for the most part, I'm a lurker. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I certainly wasn't perfect to any degree and that my marriage certainly needed some first aid although I didn't know it at the time. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? Don't take anything for granted, not even if you think you're communicating everything for chances are you're leaving out something very important.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? I'm divorced physically, but mentally I'm still married and stuck in limbo and haven't fully moved on yet.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Don't let the hurt get the best of you as I've done, it truly isn't worth it and makes climbing back to a semblance of a normal life that much more difficult to acheive.<BR>Jax.<P>
Posted By: Snowwhite Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/13/01 02:58 AM
I wanna play too!<P>I'm female.<P>38 years old.<P>This July we'll be married for 11 years, separated for one.<P>I was Betrayed.<P>I was Betrayed six times that he will admit to. 5PA, 1 night of kissing and groping, 1 EA which he will not admit to. Though people treated THEM as though they were a couple. <P>We have three children 10(d), 8(s) and 4(d).<P>I post all over the place but I think that this is where I finally, sadly, belong.<P>I have learned that I can survive, if I want to. I can get better, but I have to allow myself. Loving is a choice, not a blind uncontrolable mystique. Loving yourself is a good choice to make. <P>About marriage... takes more than one person to make it work. I couldn't fix it alone. <P>We are separated. Have been off/on/in limbo for the past year. He says he still wants to try, though he's still going out with other women. I've decided not to believe his lies anymore. <P>To someone new here," Give it all you've got. Look at yourself first and what you are accountable for. Then look to your spouse to do the same. If you can both be honest with each other, with yourselves, and be forgiving of each other and yourselves, then you're on your way... God Speed."<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Snowwhite (edited June 12, 2001).]
Posted By: TRose Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/13/01 07:13 AM
Female (last I looked)<P>28 (for the fourth year in a row)<P>Too long (okay, 11 years) <P>both a BS and WS/OW<P>there -were-<P>three (11, 10 & 4 going on 20)<P>here, infidelity/other questions<P>That I'm not alone and that I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be.<P>I've learned that marriage is more than a promise of love. It's a living investment like a garden that needs water and sun and weeding and love. At this point marriage is not for me but if I'm lucky enough for someone to love me and want to "invest" in me in the future, I'll be a better gardener.<P>Divorced (ooooh, I can now say that w/o cringing)<P>One word is difficult, hhmmm: patience, forgiveness, truth, tolerance, respect...<P>
Posted By: LostHusband Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/14/01 06:31 PM
Not quite ready to let this slip to page 2. Some of the regulars haven't blessed this thread yet.
Posted By: CincyBrian Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/14/01 07:54 PM
There are probably many like me: long time lurkers. I should probably introduce myself. Hi, I'm Brian:<P><B>What is your gender?</B> male<P><B>How old are you?</B> 28<P><B>How long were you married?</B> 8 y<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> BS<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> A couple in the past I'd label EA, one big EA/PA that destroyed us.<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they?</B> No<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?</B> Never post...Lurk here and infidelity.<P><B>Most important thing you've learned about yourself?</B> No matter what happened, I was partly culpable by building an environment where Kristen looked elsewhere.<P><B>What is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?</B> I love it and miss it. I miss being *known* so fully and intimately. Friendship is close, but not the same.<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> Divorced 4/30/2001<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> You're not alone. <P>I really thought I was. Then, while searching for proof otherwise, I saw a post titled "My wife is in love with another woman." I think it was by someone called ThisAlex. My story is his story. The similarities are haunting. <P>If you're wondering, yes...someone has been there before. And it will be alright.<P>
Posted By: Jayhawk 93 Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/15/01 09:09 PM
What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 31<BR> <BR>How long were you married? 20 months at separation, 25 months at divorce<BR> <BR>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Not that I am aware of to this point<P>Do you have children? How old are they? No children. We had 1 dog and 2 cats. She gained custody of the cats<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Mostly here, but occasionally on the Poetry forum<BR> <BR>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I’ve learned that I really am one of the good guys and that my ex is a damn fool! Seriously though I’ve learned that I can handle life on my own and that my identity was determined by the role I played in marriage.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? I’ve learned that communication is the key to all good relationships.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Legally divorced as of 11/20/00<BR> <BR>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Learn from the other experiences out here in addition to your own. Also, <B>NEVER</B> be afraid to ask for advice or for help.<P><BR>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited June 15, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited June 19, 2001).]
Posted By: alone now Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/15/01 09:22 PM
What is your gender? Female<P>How old are you? 35<P>How long were you married? 4 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? 2 that I know of, probably more<P>Do you have children? How old are they? I have 3, only one with him, they are 3,4 and 11<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? This is the only section i've posted on <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I'm sane [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? Marriage takes love, respect and honesty from both partners, you can't do it alone.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Have filed for divorce<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? There are others here who are going through and understand exactly what you are going through.<P><p>[This message has been edited by alone now (edited June 15, 2001).]
Posted By: jillybean36 Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/18/01 03:09 PM
<P>I am female<P>36 years old<P>married for 16 years 11 months and 18 days<P>Ex H had two affairs<P>3 great kids<BR>d-17<BR>s-15<BR>s-14<P><BR>Started out posting in the infidelity board in july of 99. Now I only post here.<P><BR>The most important thing I have learned about myself is that I am very strong.<P>The most imortant thing I have learned here at MB is that even though it was to late to save my former marriage I have the ground work to make my next relationship much better.<P>My best advice to new comers is to let out their feelings. This board was a savior for me. You have to learn to take some critisism here but just remember alot of us have been here along time and know what we are talking about. Try to be open minded.
Posted By: Butterfly Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/18/01 07:32 PM
Hey Gang.... Ok, even though I'm not around that much anymore (so busy at work that I don't have time)... I'll play this game...<P>Oh, and HI JAX & Jayhawk... long time no see! <BR>*****************<P><BR>What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>32 (ok, so pushing 33 hard & fast) LOL<P>How long were you married?<BR>A few months short of 7 years (to the final decree). Together for over 8.<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>BS MAJOR BS [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <BR>Most likely... One for sure, but I suspect several others.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>No kiddos here.. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] But I still have hope that someday I will.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>I don't post that often anymore, but I usually only come here... I used to post EVERYWHERE... I've been here about 2 1/2 years now.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>That I'm not crazy. That I can't fix everything myself. That I am a GOOD person, and I can make it on my own.<P><BR>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>That no matter how hard one person tries, if the other one doesn't, it won't work. And... that I won't give up on trying agian... now that I know how to communicate and have the skills to make a marriage work!<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Divorced... 2-23-2000... and finally moving on.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>You should know better than to ask me for just ONE word! LOL...<BR>1. You are NOT Alone!<BR>2. Do the best that you can do... as long as you give it your best shot, you are not a failure... even if your marriage doesn't survive. It takes two to make it work.<P><BR>One last parting comment... a quote from my X MIL...<BR>"Just becasue one person stops loving, that doesn't mean the other person does".... <P>Smooches,<BR>B<p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited June 18, 2001).]
Posted By: cinderella Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/18/01 09:53 PM
What is your gender? <B>I'm definitely FEMALE</B><P>How old are you? <B>old enough to know not to tell just anyone although my mental image of myself is "28"</B> <P>How long were you married? <B>if I tell you this you'll have a ballpark idea how old I am. Let's leave it at, long enough to know not to tell just anyone - Let's leave it at, we practiced marriage for 17 years</B><P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? <B>BS</B><P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <B>No PAs but at least 2 EAs - one shortly after we married was with my sister who wanted no part of it.</B><P>Do you have children? How old are they? <B>I have s who is 8, d who is 10, and two cats who are 2</B><P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <B>I get around</B><P>Most important thing you've learned about yourself? <B>That I am stronger than I realized. That I am more beautiful to God than I realized. That I would not be easy to live with. That I am a wonderful person. That I deserve love more abundant than that which I have known before.</B><P>What is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <B>That a good marriage is a wonderful thing requiring two committed people and one person can not keep it all together. That there are worse things than a well-earned divorce. And that what I want next time - if there is one - would be "freedom and support" which are not necessarily at odds with each other and do not preclude dedication to carrying my share of the responsibility. </B><P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? <B>Very happily divorced.</B><P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <B>You can't control another person. And you are not alone.</B> <P>
Posted By: burnedspouse Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/19/01 04:08 AM
female.<P>Age 37<P><BR>I have been married for 17 years come July 7. Together for 19.<P>Two that I know of. One one-nighter early in our marriage(in the 80's.) He told me after discovery of current one. This one is different. It is a "relationship." As he calls it.<P>We have two children. Daughter 12, and Son 8.<P>I only post here now. I asked H for divorce 5 weeks ago. He has left the detail to me. He gave me no fights. He has wanted out since the beginning, actually since he met ow. But he did not want to be the bad guy. <P>Wht i learned about myself is that in the journey to self- friendship has been a long one. I did not know myself any more after years of throwing my self into my "roles." I am a great, loving person with her head squarely on her shoulders and I am going to make it, emotionally as well, through all of this. I am strong because of all of my work at MB and therapy. I can look forward to a new relationship in the future with another. I did not allow myself to be ruined by this unfortunate thing. <P>What I learned about marriage is that it takes work on both sides. It takes honesty about good and bad feelings. It takes forgiveness and it takes openess. Relationship takes two, not one to the other only. Communicate and listen and act to retain marriage. Status: About to file.<P>Advice: Love is not a noun, it is a verb. An action verb. Never have a non-active relationship, play, confide, flirt and deal with problems as they come, later may be too late.<P>
Posted By: OvrCs Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/19/01 04:48 AM
Well, this is interesting and enlightening I might add... okay here goes...<P>What is your gender (and more than you asked for)?<BR><I>I am a mixed race (1/2 Afr American, 1/2 Scandinavian with a splash of Cherokee Indian) "product of an affair" woman. How's THAT for a visual...?</I> <P>How old are you?<BR><I>Yeah, I'm 34 for another couple of months</I><P>How long were you married?<BR><I>9 years and counting for who knows how much longer... up to H</I><P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR><I>BS by three EAs - while living overseas</I><P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR><I>I say 3 - he says none - all friends</I><P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR><I>yeah, three God-sends... Boys, ages 4, 5 & 7</I><P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR><I>mostly here, though I check out others once in a while, like Conflict Resolution, Plan A/B and sometimes Emotional Needs</I><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR><I>I can be in control of me and I am not just a product of circumstances... I can overcome LBing behavior ... still working on it but now have a better idea of what I'm shooting for and the fruits from living like this.</I><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR><I>Time together, communicating honestly, protecting others from my LB's, be willing to be willing...</I><P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR><I>limbo for sure... though he's ready to get on with the D - he said he'll wait until we're through with purchasing the house and get settled. Yeah, we're going to try "nesting" with him living upstairs and me downstairs so the kids don't suffer so much just us adults will go out of our minds I'm afraid... but I'm willing to try. </I><P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR><I>Never say never... think not more highly of yourself than you ought... love your neighbor <B>as yourself</B> so that means love yourself... take care of yourself... be humble... swallow your pride... well that's more than one word!</I><P>Thanks...what an interesting idea. I can be emailed at OvrCsMB@aol.com<P>Cheers!<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17<p>[This message has been edited by OvrCs (edited July 12, 2001).]
Posted By: LilHick Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/19/01 06:54 AM
What is your gender? Female<P>How old are you? 31<P>How long were you married? currently married 14 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? both (unfortunately)<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? one-night-stand on my side, who knows about my H...one <BR>E/P/A that I know of on his.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? Daughter (7) Son (2)<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? In recovery, Plan A/B, General Ques.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I can't tell my H no.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? There is no such thing as trust.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Separated as of today.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Do not trust the WS...check up on them. Heed your gut instincts.<P><BR>Love is blind, trust no one but yourself...<P>Cyn<BR>
Posted By: cbrixius Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/19/01 12:05 PM
What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 26<P>How long were you married? 10 1/2 months, separated for 2.5<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? Logic and intuition tell me I am being betrayed right now, even though she says not.<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? No<BR>Do you have children? How old are they? No<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Prayer request<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I am stronger than the evil now surrounding me and the Lord will bless with good things.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? Forgiveness is the strongest act of love we can demonstrate.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Separated, she has consulted lawyers, other than that I have no idea what's going on. And she doesn't think that's wrong.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? After falling off the edge of everything you have known into the darkness, Faith can teach you one of two things, either your foot will eventually come to rest on a rock, or you will learn to fly.<P>
Posted By: Hearing Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/20/01 03:33 PM
What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>39<P>How long were you married?<BR>19 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS or both?<BR>Betrayed<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? 2 that I know about.<P>Do you have children? 3 How old are they? <P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I found MB today and I only post here.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I was a good wife and I am a good mother<P>In tiem you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That there are other who are hurting from their marriage. <P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? separated and filed, but court date is Friday.<P>What one word of advise would you give someone who is new here? I am new, but my one word is preserver<P>
Posted By: Hose A Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/20/01 07:50 PM
What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 53<P>How long were you married? 30+<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS (I believe) <P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Yes, so I have been told. No outright confession. But that was not the cause of the end of the marriage.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 2 daughters, 28, 25<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Generally here now.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That it is okay to be myself, and to stand up for my needs. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That it is a major commitment. But it is a two-way street, and if your partner does not want to meet your needs, and it continues for several years, then it is okay to take care of yourself.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Divorced, 3/7/01<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Communicate openly with your spouse about everything.
Posted By: White Dove Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 06/20/01 08:08 PM
First I used to be Trs but got scared of OW and exh finding my posts and had them deleted (wish I wouldn't of but oh well) I have been originally posting since November of 2000 when H walked out never to return.<P>Gender: Well I had an H so I guess I'm a female.<BR>Age: 30 years old<BR>Married: For 7 years EXACTLY!!!!<BR>I am the Betrayed Spouse<BR>I believe this was the only affair my ex h had (OW has a record)<BR>No children just 2 wonderful dogs!! Even had them mentioned in my divorce papers!!!<BR>I have posted on Emotional Needs at first than wnet to general questions in infidelity and now I'm in the Divorced area.<BR>I have learned TONS!!! I learned that I am a codependent and that is why I chose my H to marry. I learned that I was task oriented and believed this is how you show and proove love. I am closer to God also-very important!!<P>Marriage takes work and affairs can happen to ANYONE!!!<P>My advice would be if your spouse abruptly walks out without much clues to go right to the noteable posts and threads and read the signs of an affair-I did it 2 months too late because I was in denial. <P>I am divorced as of June 18th, 2001-our 7th Anniversary....<P>Someday I will fall in love agian but first I am learning to Love MYSELF!!
Posted By: LostHusband Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/26/01 06:38 PM
We have a lot of new members around here so I thought I'd shoot this to the top and see if any of you want to tell us a little about yourself.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-
Posted By: Nduli2 Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/26/01 06:49 PM
What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>29<P>How long were you married?<BR>9yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>not completely sure, only one that I know of.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>no<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>yes<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>That I placed to much responsiblity on my stbx to fullfill my needs and that true happiness is something that comes from yourself and no one else<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <P>To always treat each other as you did when you first fell in love and never take your spouse for granted<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<P>Aprox. 3 weeks from the divorce being final.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P>Hang in and never give up on yourself. The pain in the beginning -does- get better, trust me.<P>
Posted By: dabigtrain Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/26/01 07:42 PM
<B>What is your gender?</B><BR>Male<P><B>How old are you?</B><BR>35<P><B>How long were you married?</B><BR>Will be 8 years 9-4-01, if we make it that far.<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B><BR>Sort of a BS. She appears to be in a one-sided EA. It's not the main issue, but it's contributing to her leaving me.<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B><BR>No.<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they? </B><BR>Yes. 6 year old daughter, 3 year old son.<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? </B><BR>yes<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? </B><BR>That my love for my wife is not a bargain ("love me and I'll love you back"). It is part of me. Loving her is both a feeling that can come and go, and a decision that I've made to act whether the feeling is there or not.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? </B><BR>That my problems, or anyone's marital problems, are not unusual. Others have dealt with similar, and sometimes the exact same, issues.<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B><BR>Married. Wife moving out in 10 days. Divorce all but certain. Not giving up.<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? </B><BR>Listen.<BR>
Posted By: Nina too Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/26/01 07:55 PM
Okay, here we go!<P>What is your gender? Female<P>How old are you? 40<P>How long were you married? nearly ten years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Just one that I know of.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 3 kids, 8, 5, and 3<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Only here<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I am stronger than I thought.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That it takes a lot of hard work.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Separated<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Support<P>
Posted By: Bladybug Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/26/01 10:13 PM
What is your gender? <P>Female<P>How old are you?<P>41 (42 in October)<P>How long were you married?<P>Will be 17 years in October<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<P>Wounded Spouse<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<P>Not that I have proof of. (Heart tells me no - but signs say maybe 1)<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <P>B (16 1/2) B (15) G (9)<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?<P>I have only posted here! But I am still new here! <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <P>That I will be ok! May take awhile, but I will survive!<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <P>That it takes 2 to make a marriage! <P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<P>In Limbo (talking to a lawyer tomorrow)<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P>Since I am new here- I would say read a lot of the posts. It helps, and when you are ready - start posting.<P><BR>
Posted By: peoplepleaser Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/27/01 12:08 AM
What is your gender? <P>Female<P>How old are you?<P>35<P>How long were you married?<P>12 years this month, 17 years total relationship<BR>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<P>BS, infidelity suspected but not confirmed<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<P>Not that I have proof of yet ( man that PI is SLOW!!!)<BR> <BR>Do you have children? How old are they? <P>B (5) G(10) 2 dogs, 1 cat<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?<P>I have only posted here! But I am still new here too! <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <P>That I am not as independent or strong as I thought I was.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <P>That is not guaranteed to last without committment, dedication, hard work, openess, sacrifice, love, honesty, time, unselfishness, and lots of prayer by BOTH parties. Even then, there is no guarantee. You cannot take it for granted that just because your spouse says "I do" that He or she always "will" .<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<P>separated but not legally. H moved out 4 months ago yesterday.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P>Read, listen, think, pray, absorb, discuss, support, respond, reflect, and appreciate. (yes, I really can count but one word is never enough for a peoplepleaser! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com])<P>
Posted By: fighting_spirit Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/27/01 12:32 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:<P>What is your gender? female<P>How old are you? 43<P>How long were you married? almost 24 yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? No - just one, but it lasted over 10 years and was with another man<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 13,16,21<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Here and GQII<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I need to listen to my instinct. That we both have a lot of unmet needs.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? It's not always as stable as you think.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? limbo - we're still living together and I'm trying to take it SLOWLY.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? pray <P><BR>After a little while, I will jump in with my answers, okay?<P><BR>CJ<BR>[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>
Posted By: seekingjoy Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/27/01 04:52 AM
Female<P>41<P>11 1/2 years<P>No known infidelities - except that he keeps having emotional relationships - where he relies on others for making decisions (not women - necessarily)<P>yes - 4 - they are 16, 11, 7, and 6<P>EN board mostly before - some here<P>That I CHOOSE my reaction to others - OUCH.<P>That I've been very weak in the area of boundaries - a doormat - persay - but I allowed it.... NOT a good thing.<P>IN process of divorce - Limbo is a good word - HOW LOW CAN HE GET???? (sorry) [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Love yourself - but follow the JOY principle - J = Jesus, O = Others, Y = Yourself Priorities are necessary!!!<P>Was THAT one word???? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P><BR>
Posted By: hopefulheart Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/27/01 05:24 AM
Female<P>Age 40<P>Married 20 years this october.<P>No infidelities on his end, (unless you consider compulsive pornography use infidelity, which I do.) emotional on my end after decision to divorce was solidly made and I filed.<P>Two childrern, ages 19 and 13.<P>Did post on Emotional and Other forums. Now here.<P>I've learned that I am not alone in my feelings and that I am far stronger than I gave myself credit for. I am a survivor!!<P>What I've learned about marriage is that it often erodes over time unless each partner sustains efforts to keep the love alive. Better to maintain the Love Bank and identify emotional needs early, rather than when the marriage is in serious crisis.<P>I am separated by California law (tho still living with my H. Separate rooms) and I filed.<P>Words of advice to someone new here? Give and receive. Stay open to feedback. Take what helps and leave the rest. Often there are differing opinions about the same issue. Some will tend to be harsh in their feedback, others supportive.
Posted By: sballplyr Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/27/01 03:29 PM
What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>32<P>How long were you married?<BR>5 1/2 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>Neither<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>N/A<P>Do you have children? How old are they?<BR>Yes, 3. 11 yo. daughter, 6 yo. daughter, 2 yo. son.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?<BR>Mostly this forum but have posted in EN, Poems and Resolving Conflict.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself?<BR>That I can be the best person I can be with a little work.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?<BR>Communication and not taking your spouse for granted.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Married but feel like I am in limbo.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Honesty.<BR>
Posted By: eyes_wide_shut Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/27/01 03:40 PM
Here we go:<P>I am all woman!<P>33<P>Will be married 8 years on August 14th. Together 10.5.<P>the BS<P>1 woman that I know of<P>no children. Tried for several years, just not in the cards I guess.<P>I post here and have replied to a few on the EN<P>Wow, I have learned so much in such a short time. I guess the most important thing I have learned about myself, is that I can be stronger than I ever thought possible!<P>I have learned that marraige is a two way street. you both have to give 100% to make it work.<P>I am married and it is getting better every day.<P>Advise: slow down and listen to yourself, your spouse, your children and make every second count.<p>[This message has been edited by eyes_wide_shut (edited July 27, 2001).]
Posted By: LA Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/27/01 04:47 PM
FEMALE<P>28<P>3YEARS<P>He accuses me - I accuse him - But there is no Proof! Who Knows--It is almost over and won't make a difference.<P>No Kids, but he has one from a previous girlfriend which he doesn't take care of. So just another reason for me to get the hell out!<P>I post occasionally, but I really enjoy reading others posts more.<P>I have learned that you can't settle on your happiness.<P>You have to realize that problems may come up, but if you both try to work on them-you will have a prosperous marriage. <P>Going through Divorce right now, hopefully over if his attorney will ever reply back.<P>ADVICE: When you find someone, make sure you know who that person is and don't think that you will be able to change them.<P>
Posted By: laura_lee Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/28/01 05:45 AM


<small>[ August 08, 2004, 02:13 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>
Posted By: Jennidy Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/28/01 12:46 AM
What is your gender?
FEMALE<p>How old are you?
29 YEARS OLD<p>How long were you married?
MARRIED FOR 7 YEARS -- WE HAVE BEEN DIVORCED FOR 1 YEAR AND 8 MONTHS -- NOW, WE HAVE BEEN ENGAGED TO GET REMARRIED FOR 9 MONTHS.<p>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?
BOTH. HE WAS SECRETLY TWO-TIMING, WHILE WE WERE DATING AGAIN AFTER THE DIVORCE IN 2000. I BECAME THE WS IN 2001.<p>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?
HIS WAS JUST ONE LONG PA/EA FOR 9 MONTHS. MINE WAS A EA/PA (NO SEX) FOR 2 MONTHS.<p>Do you have children? How old are they?
NO. HOWEVER, THE OW DID GET PREGNANT, BUT SHE DECIDED TO HAVE AN ABORTION.<p>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?
NO, I ALSO POST ON IN RECOVERY AND SOMETIMES EN.<p>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself?
I WILL BE HAPPY WITH HIM AND I WILL BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM.<p>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?
DON'T GIVE UP TOO EASILY. EMOTIONAL NEEDS/LOVE BUSTERS. AND, FROM A BOOK THAT WAS RECOMMEND .... I LEARNED THAT WE SPEAK DIFFERENT LOVE LANGUAGES.<p>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated and filed, or divorced?
DIVORCED AND ENGAGED TO GET REMARRIED<p>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?
TIME.<p>[ January 16, 2002: Message edited by: Jennidy ]</p>
Posted By: professorg Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/28/01 01:31 AM
What is your gender? <B>Male</B><P>How old are you?<B>38, 39 on 29 Dec</B><P>How long were you married? <B>still married, 16 years on 5 Oct</B><P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? <B>BS</B><P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <B>9 maybe 10</B><P>Do you have children? How old are they? <B>B 14, B 12</B><P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <B> where ever I feel I need to reply to someone or when I need to vent. I don't post a lot now.</B><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <B>I love God more with each new day!</B><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <B>That most people live in the fantasy world that Satan whispers in all of our ears.</B><P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? <B>Married until she leaves or I or she dies whichever comes first.</B><P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <B>Trust God for everything.</B> <P><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net
Posted By: ANB3 Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/28/01 02:09 AM
39 year old Martian coupled 14 years and counting (for now, at least), no infidelity, 2 kids 8 and 10, only posted here.<P>I have learned that the only thing I can control, change, improve is me.<P>As for marriage, I think that I have learned that people are lazy and do not focus on what is truly important until it is too late.<P>My one word is two words-seek peace.<P>Currently separated, hoping to reconcile with S who feels otherwise.<P>
Posted By: CAGNEY Re: Roll Call--Who are YOU? - 07/29/01 08:04 PM
What is your gender? Female<P>How old are you? 40<P>How long were you married? 17 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? Both. H had an A last year. I died inside, but tried again. I asked for divorce 6 weeks ago, signed seperation agreement then I had an EA - still going on. Never thought I would go there.<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? H says only 1, don't know for sure. Me - this one.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? No kids, 3 horses and a dog. <P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Mostly lurk, but GQ and DD. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I count. I don't have to walk on egg-shells. That I married an alcoholic who is controlling and has always been verbally abusive and that I can't change him, but I can protect and change myself. That I am co-dependent and need to work on that.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That it takes two working at it. Not 50/50, but 100/100. Don't take each other for granted.<BR> <BR>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Divorce was final on my birthday 7/12/01. I'm happy. A big weight has been lifted. Should have done it years ago.<BR> <BR>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Read all you can and learn from others experiences. Ask questions and pray for guidance.
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