<BR>It seems that the A$$ is contacting people and trying to take my kids from me. Now, this from a man that hasn't seen his kids since Christmas.<P><BR>Right now I'm thinking that being back in my old life and getting my [censored] kicked by him would be much better than this....<P>

Mitzi, I'm so sorry to hear of this turn of events. Cyber hugs for you to stay strong and fight for what is right.<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}}}}}}<P>trace<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mitzi:<BR><B><BR>It seems that the A$$ is contacting people and trying to take my kids from me. Now, this from a man that hasn't seen his kids since Christmas.<P><BR>Right now I'm thinking that being back in my old life and getting my [censored] kicked by him would be much better than this....<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Could it be that he is bluffing or trying to get your goat? Contacting "people"? Maybe he knew it would get back to you. Any reasonably sane person would know given the circumstances that his chances are slim--that doesn't say much for him however. Such a sudden attempt seems like it is masking another reason for the move. Maybe guilt for not seeing the kids, missing them and you--and that makes him angry and confused. <P>Hang in there; I know you know that getting your a$$ kicked is not a reasonable solution, but I can understand the sentiment behind that statement. The frustration seems so unbearable. <P>(((Mitzi)))<P>

Cheryl,<P>I wish it was that simple.<P>He actually has turned me in saying that I'm an unfit mother. People from DHHR have been in contact with my employer who happens to be my neighbor. <P>I know I'm not an unfit mother. And that's what pisses me off most. <P>And he's only doing this to hurt me. He can't get to me any other way and he knows that by threatening to take my children, it will hurt me most.<P>Mitzi

Hi Mitzi,<P>I'm so sorry to hear your ex is pulling this stunt. I'm kind of wondering how he can pull the "unfit mother" play, with his history.<P>It is at this point that I break with all conventional wisdom and reccommend fighting to win. And that means getting mean and fighting dirty.<P>{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Nick,<P>I'm really not that surprised that he's doing this. He's trying to say that I'm not clean enough (no, my house isn't spotless and gets cluttered. I work 60-70 hours a week, which doesn't leave much time to clean), I don't spend enough time with the boys (Again, I work a lot but spend ALL free time with them). I don't have a bunch of men around them, I rarely drink and I don't do drugs. It's just a way to make me miserable.<P>I plan on contacting my lawyer tomorrow morning and fighting back. He owes me $4000 in back child support and another $800 for his share of some other bills. I'm filing a complaint about that. And anything else I can think of.<P>Mitzi

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by c00ker:<P><BR>It is at this point that I break with all conventional wisdom and reccommend fighting to win. And that means getting mean and fighting dirty.<P>{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I am with c00ker on this one. When the gloves come off, go to town on him. You mustn't let your kids end up with an abusive H.<P>

{{{Mitzi}}}, That's dirty fighting and it sounds like you're handling it in the right way by contacting your lawyer and making a complaint about the back child support. It doesn't sound like he has any grounds, but it's still a scary thing to have to defend yourself against. My H's 1st XW once accused us of sexual molesting their son. The CPS worker who investigated concluded that she (XW) was dangerous and that we should file for full custody! So you never know how these things can work out. Good luck.

Mitzi,<P>My jaw about hit the floor when I saw the subject line of this post. The first thought that went through my mind was "what in the hell is A$$ thinking with this stunt?" I am 100% completely and utterly doubtfounded by this one. <P>I agree with Nick, it's time to take the glvoes off and get nasty!

Oh Mitz,<P>I'm so sorry <P>I can't believe him!!!!!<P>GGGGrrrrrr <P>Hang tight Hon, and yes, call that lawyer tomorrow!<P>Hugs, Sheryl

Oh Mitzi, I am so sorry for your pain.<P>I know that this is not much consolation now but false reporting has a way of backfiring on the reporter.<P>As I tell most people in our situations, you are now in a business relationship. One must divorce (no pun intended) personal feelings from the business of the divorce and custody.<P>Try to relax. I know it is hard.<P>My thoughts are with you.

He hasn't seen his children since December? And hasn't been paying his support? Isn't that abandonment? Wouldn't that make him an unfit father? Seems like that would be a lot easier to prove than you being an unfit mother.<P>My husband is suing me for custody of our child. Here in Florida, the burden is on him to prove I'm an unfit parent, and my bases are covered. Hey, he must have thought I was pretty OK, because he willingly left the child here with me. Also, I have tons of notes, letters, and cards from my husband (in better days) professing my skills at parenting, even one stating the boy is better off with me. Ya got any old Mother's Day cards from your husband just dripping of gooey sentiment? This is a common ploy used by spouses to get back at the other one. Hey, file one on him!<P>Nell

Hey you guys!<P>Thanks for the support!<P>I'm really not concerned about him actually getting the boys but I just don't want to have to defend myself. I'm sure it's gonna be this way for the next 14 years. <P>He thinks that in order to get the kids from me, he has to say I'm unfit. He's gonna have to dig up a lot of "stuff" (that's not there) in order to get them. Here, if a mother is found unfit by DHHR, the children are automatically given to the Non-custodial parent. No matter what. He hasn't filed a complaint with the court, he's turned me in to DHHR as a "concerned" parent. <P>I guess I'm gonna have to being up all the stuff about him in court that I didn't want to in the first place (abuse alcoholism, drug-addiction). My lawyer knows all of this stuff but we decided to be nice and not bring it up in court in October. Now, I'm tired of being nice. Time to be a *****!!!<P>Mitzi

Mitzi,<P>Let's see if I can do the math...your ex hasn't seen the boys since December...he owes you $800 in bills and $4000 in back support...hmmmmmmm....I can think of two things right off the bat - someone is thinking he can get out of paying back support if the boys were to go to him, and/or he's trying to impress some woman by playing "concerned father" all of a sudden.<P>In Washington State, if a parent fails to pay child support, their parental rights can be revoked, along with any state issued license like a driver's license, medical license, etc. Secondly, failure to exercise visitation can create a loss of visitation rights. You might check into either of these avenues to get him to back off.<P>Lastly, I would include asking the judge to order your ex to pay <B>your</B> attorney fees for him bringing about this unfounded nuisance complaint.<P>Get tough and stand strong.<P>Lisa

Lisa,<P>I'm thinking the same things you are. I don't think he's worried about impressing an alcoholic barfly. But I do think that maybe he's trying to get out of the child support. <P>I went back and was looking thru some of our papers from when we went to court and guess what I found?? In one of the papers, he agrees that I "am a fit and proper person to have the sole care, custody and control of the minor children." <P>I am going to kick his A$$ in court!!<P>Mitzi

{{{Mitzi}}}<P>Hang in there... why men feel they can go after a mother in a fit of spite is beyond me. My stbx is doing the same thing and my girls don't want anything to do with him. Fight for your kids, they are what is important!!<P>Lori

Just a quick note. You'll be fine. I've been where you are. My ex tried that too because he didn't want to pay child support and he figured he'd have his girlfriend to take care of his kids. Judges see right through that. I was floored when I saw how well the Judge read my ex. And, I kicked his sorry butt...... It was a long, expensive and painful process but you don't have a choice. Get in there!

Just my point...why in the hell should I have to defend myself?? which is what I'll have to do. And why would he want to be mean and spiteful? Should I be the one who is? I didn't leave him, he left me and the kids for some barfly. He was and still is a piss poor father. He doesn't see his kids and pays child support only occassionally.<P>I have done everything for my children since the day my oldest was born 11 1/2 years ago. I have spent all but a few days with them since he left 18 months ago. I've been with them when they are sick and when there were problems with homework. He spent a total of 14 hours with them last year and none so far this year. Shouldn't I be the one who is angry??<P>Well, I wasn't angry until now. How dare he say that I'm unfit!!! <P>Mitzi

Hey Mitz,<P>Sorry to hear of your problems, I can understand your pain.<P>I have a different take on handling your x. How about Plan Aing him. I can imagine that you can use the money, but how much of it will you keep after paying lawyer?<P>I am suggesting you just ignore x, as much as you can, don't react to his meddling. It sound like he is trying to scare you into gving in on CS payments. <P>By ignoring him, you don;t have to drag yourself down to his level, perhaps save yourself some wear and tear from a court battle, etc.<P>By ignoring him too will drive him crazy, and he will eventually tick some official off with his false allegations and he will not be believed.<P>I don't know if I could do all that if my x decided she wants the kids, but thought you might want to consider that.<P>Hang In!!!<P>Bob

{{{{{{{{{{MITZI}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Gads, what is that man thinking... I still believe in the missing leg of the 2nd X cromosome theory.. <P>If you have to fight him, do it. Don't think about being nice... think about your boys. I'd be fighting down and dirty if the need arises. Do you have anything in writing from the judge who called him a dead-beat dad? I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about, no judge in his right mind would give him custody... but maybe if you fight it hard now, it might put an end to the crap now. (just a thought).<P>When you talk to your lawyer, ask him about contacting A$$'s union hall about the back CS. I don't know what the laws are like there, but it couldn't hurt. If the lawyer doesn't know, contact the CS division there and ask them. <P>You guys are in my thoughts & prayers...<BR>Butterfly <P><BR>PS ~ I'm so glad we finally got to meet!!! It was so much fun! We've definately got to do it again!<P>I've got the papers from VA Beach and Baltimore... I'm going to be sending out more resumes this week! <P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel

Mitzi - I cannot believe this!! Nick is right - it's time for the gloves to come off. I cannot believe he is stupid enough to pull this - I think any judge would laugh your ex right out of the courtroom and dismiss the whole thing.<P>I know how much you care about your kids and that you ARE a good Mom to them - it was so evident, even from the short time that I spent seeing you with them. They are great kids, and don't deserve to be subjected to this.<P>My prayers are with all of you. It was great meeting you and the kids - they are really great!!

Ok, now that I've had time to calm down and think, I've come up with a way to handle this. <P>My lawyer's on vacation so, he's not any help right now. <P>I'm gonna ignore this and go about my days until I hear something official. If/when I do, I will deal with it the best I can. I will answer any questions, show them my home, anything they want. And I will KEEP my sons!<P>Then...when my lawyer is back, I'm going to take [censored] to court over the back child support, other money that he owes me, and about his lack of contact with the kids. I'm going to ask for him to be drug tested, and bring up any lousy thing about him and his barfly that I can. I want to make sure that everything is on record so I don't ever have to go thru this again. <P>Butterfly and Lady M,<P>It was great meeting you guy too!! We're definately gonna have to do it again!! <P>Mitzi

(((((((((((Mitzi)))))))))))))))))<P>Sorry for the late reply but I've been out of town for a week. I can't believe this nonsense. I also can't believe you are working 60-70 hours a week!! I remember when you first came here and you got your job and everything. <P>You have come a long way and you are NOT an unfit mother. Your kids will not be taken from you, perhaps you can work less hours when you get the money owed to you.<P>I'm sorry you are going thru this. But your strong and a fighter and I know you'll be getting thru it. I was just thinking that it was a year ago last weekend that we met , and I passed right thru W Va for my trip.<P>On another note, when we first came here we went thru much similarities with our ex's. I was amazed to see this post because my ex is trying now to take my kids from me too. Again, all started this week, because I chose to go out of town for a vacation with my bf for a week. He refused to watch them, and now I am unfit because I left my kids for one week.<P>Sending you hugs, Dana<BR>

Mitzi<P>UGGH! He can no longer abuse you physically - so he tries to file a frivolous custody case - hurting you financially, and he's trying to keep you from being focused on what you need to do - work - to pay for your kids - because he won't - WHAT AN EVIL person.<P>I've been there in my first marriage. No FUN. Watch your P's and Q's - and get the judge to make HIM pay your attorney fees. He needs to learn NOT to use the justice system (yeah, right... "justice") as a means to continue the abuse. Contact a Women's Crisis Center or Shelter and see what they will help you with.<P>God bless you.<BR>TnT

Well, I saw the great and powerful A$$ yesterday. <P>It seems that in his alcohol-soaked thinking, he thought that if he ended up with the boys, he would also end up with me. I don't think so! <P>What a fool! He's still living with The Thing, is still drinking all the time, still doing his drugs of choice...he hasn't changed ONE BIT!! <P>I just had to say no and walk away from him! How stupid does he think I am???? I've been away from him for 18 months and I'm not about to go back to the way things were. <P>So, as for the unfit mother stuff, I guess I'll still have to deal with that. I haven't heard anything new though and my lawyer is on vacation! <P>Mitzi

{{Mitzi}}<P>He may realize when he talks to his attorney some more that he is in a losing situation and back off. I know that the more my stbx does to me to try and upset my life that the girls and I are pushing him farther into the realms of no contact.<P>Keep your chin up and I hope that things settle down for you soon. Lots of good thoughts going your way.<P>Lori

Lori,<P>Personally, I just think he's smoking WAY too much crack! <P>He did call today. He said he wanted to talk to the kids and the youngest was the only one who would get on the phone. Get this...he asked his daddy what he looked like! Amazing! I told A$$ that he doesn't remember him much anymore. (Which is true.) <P>We've basically been in almost no contact. He only bothers to call on birthdays and holidays. The boys know they can call him anytime they want. They just rarely want to. I figure, he's the parent (supposedly) and he should be making most of the effort to have a relationship with the boys. <P>Oh well! I've got more important things to worry about. <P>Mitzi

Dear Mitzi, <P>Sorry to hear of your pain. H is dumb (putting it mildly). Your boys, are they old enough to write? Let them write or draw a picture about how they feel about their dad. Sign and date this. <P>1. You will know how they feel.<BR>2. If necessary, you can use this in court as evidence. <BR> Not sure, just a suggestion. <BR>3. Your children will be able to know they can express <BR> themselves. <BR>4. Help you as a mom to know their thoughts on you and H. <BR>5. You know where they need help. <P>Wish I had a good solution. Sounds like you are using your head to be logical. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>

Orchid,<P>I know how my kids feel about their dad. We talk about him and the situation a lot. I've always been very close to my sons. <P>My oldest is extremely angry with his dad. (He's 11 1/2) My middle one is 9 and still hurts. He cries sometimes and acts out aggressively at other times. My youngest is 4 and really doesn't remember his dad living here. He asks me to get him a new daddy sometimes. <P>We talk a lot and they ask a lot of questions. I try to be as honest as possible without degrading their father. (Not an easy task! LOL) so far, they're doing well, but it's still not easy.<P>Thanks for the advice<BR>Mitzi