Hi all. I'm ready for you all to tell me exactly what to do and how to do it so my life is perfect (HA). Actually - just hoping for some insight. I've been married for 16 years. About two years ago, I had an affair with my husband's best friend. Imagine the betrayal of a spouse, compounded by loosing your best friend. Anyway - my husband used some unconventional methods and found out and immediately served me with divorce papers. That was this passed December. The affair ended and I told my husband that I would do anything to keep my family together. We have been to several marriage counsellors and have tried to stay together and make things work. A few months ago we separated and things have only gotten worse. I have truly been sorry for what I have done, and I have tried to understand my husband's pain. He continually throws the past in my face and tells me that I'm not sorry about it, that I am only sorry I got caught. He said that he cannot allow this to ever happen again. Every conversation we have eventually gets around to accusations and mean words from us both. He says he still loves me but continually brings things up, and insists that this divorce will happen. He served me with papers almost 7 months ago and hasn't finalized things. He tells me that I am "holding him hostage in our relationship". I don't know if he feels that I can't make it on my own, or if he just isn't sure if divorce is what he wants. We don't have alot of contact with each other. We have three kids, one who is autistic and needs constant care. My attorney has encouraged me to end things and that he is just one of those men who will never be able to forgive. I can understand that, but I need to know. I feel like I'm in limbo and don't have a clue as to what to do. I'm not sure I love him, but I'm willing to try to make things work and do the right thing. My husband says that God is telling him to divorce me - I don't know what to say about that. Any advice? <P>------------------<BR>

I honestly don't know what to tell you except that my ex was like that too. Upon finding out about my affair he too filed for a divorce. He never would have/could have forgiven me either.

LivingInLimbo, I don't know how to help you but I can tell you what helped me and what I have seen work. I have seen women and men apply the principles found in the Word of God to their lives and am witness to God turning the hearts of men back to their wives. I did not know much about scripture so the information on <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> has been extremely helpful.<P>Immediately you should release your attorney. Next time your husband accusses you of not being sorry and only sorry that the affiar was uncovered AGREE WITH HIM!!! This is a biblical principle that will cause EVEN YOUR ENEMY TO BE AT PEACE WITH YOU!! You could say something to the effect <P>"Yes, I agree. It is true I am sorry that I was caught. Look how my foolishness has hurt you and destroyed our marriage and your love for me. I know my sin could not have stayed hidden but I hate that you are hruting so much...I wish I had never done it but since I was so foolish I wish I had not be caught if only to spare my family this awful pain. I hope you will forgive me for feeling like It would have been better if my stupidity had not been uncovered".<P>Please get the Book "How God can and Will Restore Your Marrige" I highly recommend you red it quickly and then get the "Be Encouraged" tape series. <P>Mrs A. <P>

.<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 02, 2001).]

Mrs A. - I, too am working from that standpoint. I have the men's version of that book, and I must say that I have gotten the BEST results since I got that book. Not just with my XW, but with my kids, and myself...even with my mother! Yes, there is nothing like being pleasant, and agreeable to make your point!<P>Yes, you are holding him hostage, let him go! If you make things difficult, you will lose more LB assets! I could say a lot, but Erin Thiele says it better, get the book NOW!<P>Take care, and God bless you.