This is interesting. I am going through my anger stage. I am too the point where i am telling everyone that has a problem with their spouse to "kick them out, and divorce them".<BR>I am at this "hell with working it out S-H-I-T"<BR>I guess this is normal. I do NOT wish my ex wife a happy life, and I really hope that she experiences even one fraction of the depression that she put me through.<BR>Sorry to sound so negative, But I AM PISSED.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

BioMan Hi there.<P>Im with you, Im going through the Anger stage aswell.<BR>Ironically you now that our spouses will never go through the hell that we’ve gone through, as they are selfish people and they will subdue all their emotions and feelings with lies.They try and affirm their deceptions by blaming us for the break-up. <P>Hang in there <P>We only gain wisdom and strength when we take the unknown journey into life. We face our Dragons and slay them.<BR>

BioMan,<P>Hang in there. Just so you know, we all go through an anger stage when we suffer a loss. It's part of the grieving process. You feel so hurt and betrayed that you just want to SCREAM. You want the other person to hurt too!<P>There really are steps to this recovery process. At first your heart just denies that this could be happening. It can't be true. What happened? This is just a bad dream--I want to wake up and it will all be back to normal? Remember that step? Then you start to realize that it IS true. <P>That's when you start to feel angry--furious really. You are mad at your W who inflicted the hurt, you are mad at the world (or God) for letting it happen, and you are mad at yourself that you didn't see it coming and do something to stop it. The fury inside you just boils and rages and you want to SCREAM. Personally, this is the step that a lot of people get stuck at: the anger stage. They plot revenge and pain for their wounding spouse and never quite move off of this stage. My advice to you would be to ACCEPT that you feel angry (it's okay to be mad--just express it in an acceptable way), to embrace the anger and rage and hate and let your feel it for a while, and to remind yourself now and then that this stage will pass too.<P>The next step is what I call the bargaining step. If I Plan A well enough, she'll come back. If I get rid of all my bad habits, she'll love me again. What can I do to get her back? I can do X, Y, and Z to be loved again. If I do this, will you take away the pain?<P>After that, feel depressed--a deep down sorrow and sadness. Once again, a lot of people get stuck here for a long time, because they feel the grief so intensely...but also because to stop feeling the depression would mean that they are moving on and they don't want to or are not ready to move on yet. During this step, you may need to talk to a counselor or you may need anti-D medication or St. John's Wort.<P>Finally, after you start to come out of the depression, you start to accept it. That's not to say you are happy about it--you just accept that it happened and the loss is real. <P>Throughout this whole thing, you'll feel about a hundred conflicting feelings, and sometimes it will even make you queasy (like a rollercoaster ride). Anger, sorrow, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, guilt...you'll feel all of these things, and I suggest you just let yourself feel it! Don't deny it--if you are lonely, you are lonely. <BR>Surround yourself with friends and family who love you and understand, and take good care of yourself, and it will go more smoothly. Come here to MB and say anything you want or need to say. The beauty is, we have all been there so we understand exactly how you feel. Get some rest. You will feel MORE angry if you are also exhausted. If you can't sleep, lay down and pray or think. Eat. Even if you can't swallow because there's always a lump in your throat, get some soup! Exercise. It will release a whole lot of energy and anger. <P>We are here for ya, BioMan, and you will get through this. Now, may I tell you one final thing I did that was fun and sort of angry? I would never actually DO it, but I did make elaborate revenge plots (the more exaggerated, the more fun it was) and it got to be like a gross soap opera. But, it was one way that I could express my anger and kind of be funny and take care of me. You may want to try it.<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

AHA CJ, that's why you were so good at it the other night....so where's that new thread?<P>Bioman, I think I am at that stage too, but trying to control it to the point of exhaustion!!! Still, I try. I have decided on a course of action that will change my life, and it's a big step, but it has made me feel more in control of things...<P>Just a thought.

From the parenting classes that I had to take as part of my divorce...<P>In almost all cases it is not really anger that we are feeling. If a person looks at the situation and thinks why am I angry, what caused this, they find other emotions at the root. Betrayal, hurt, disappointment, frustration, denial, etc. We have been trained from a very early age to express all these emotions as anger. It's easier.<P>Try to pin point a few of these emotions. Sometimes just that act alone can help to minimize the 'anger'. Figure out what caused that emotions and see if there is another way for you to react to it.<P>I'm sure this is not worth much to you now, it wasn't when I first heard it, but it helps now. To know that I am not really angry at my XW, just hurt. Disappointed. Good Luck and God Bless.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.<p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited August 30, 2001).]

i feel you. i was there the other day myslef. some days i'm pissed, some days i'm sad and some days i'm just depressed to the point of no return (so i think) <P>i feel exactly how you feel. i want my ex to feel the misery i feel only 10 x's over. i want him to suffer and be miserable. but i do beleive one thing. they are not as happy as they seem to be. their conscience has to kick in at some point! <P>they just want to believe themselves and they want you to believe it's all good... i know better. hang in there, tomorrow should be a better day... hopefully <P>Kim...

<P>I is ok to be angry, it is how we use our anger that makes a difference. If we shwo our anger and negativity then we tend to be come toxic and others tend to stay away from us, how ever you can turn all that anger into a possitive energy and do good things for yourself, stay focused on yourself and improving your life, and if you want to really get at her then forgive her and pray for her, that will eat at her more than all the anger in the world.

I do agree with all of the posts above...and most of all it is how you use your anger. I have been angry for a short time and I thought it was better than being sad all of the time. But, I was becoming too bitter and a bad side was showing...I do want my husband to feel the pain that I do of being pregnant and alone but I know that will never happen. He is too selfish to allow himself to feel that pain and since he is a man it is impossible LOL. But, then again in the same sentence I would not wish this upon anyone. So I am back to phase one with just the wondering and coping.<P>But, all in all it is better than wishing bad things to come on him. It is not nice and I do dearly Love the man so I just pray for him that he will one day see his mistakes and forgive himself and become a better and stronger person for it.<P>Take care of yourself and keep posting....I am very new here and I am learning a lot from this board.<P>K